I almost died two times within this one month. No, I am not being a drama-queen. It’s only now that I am processing the seriousness of it all. And no, I am not afraid of dying. Death is a given anyway for all humans; as the Bible says in Hebrews 9:27, it is appointed for man to die once and after that comes judgment. I learnt long ago I don’t need to fear either death or judgement because my God has saved me from judgement and granted me eternal life by His grace and mercy. But those two occasions did cause me to ponder on the frailty of human life on earth…
I recall lying flat-out on the cold hard cement that morning, with a badly-twisted ankle. The pain was excruciating and fleetingly I wandered what if nobody found me. The stairs where I had fallen had some 15 steps and if I had tumbled right down to the bottom, there was no doubt I would have ended up with a broken back, head or simply died there. There was no one around at that time, as it was still early. The playground was my regular haunt for morning exercise. As I stared up at the sky, a silent prayer went up from my heart – Thank You Jesus, for sending angels to break my fall. After what seemed a very long time, I managed to get up. As I hobbled on my good leg, a thin black grass snake writhed its way across my path. I was laid up for about 3 weeks with a swollen left foot.
The very next day, I received tragic news that a pastor had passed away suddenly in a most horrible accident. An oncoming vehicle from the opposite direction had smashed head-on into his. He had just dropped off his wife and 2 year old daughter in their kampong. He died on the spot. I didn’t know him very well. But I remembered him as most accommodating when I had approached him to lead worship at a national level prayer-meeting via Zoom last year. He had a thriving active ministry in the villages together with the rest of his family. My heart ached for them all.
Much as the Christian in me accepts the inevitability of death, questions linger as to why it had to happen like this. I dare say if we could, we all want to “die easy” like just sleep and never wake up one day. We don’t relish the thought of suffering sickness for years, or die in violent circumstances that hit our loved ones like a ton of bricks. I am sure all Christians, at one time or another, have wondered is God not able to prevent accidents if as my Bible tells me, He can raise the dead, heal the sick, cast out demons? Deep inside I know and believe He is more than able. I guess it’s a natural human reaction that finds it most difficult to accept bad things do happen, all the time, although God is still and always good….
As He reminded me, a day after the Pastor’s funeral. I was scheduled to preach at a children’s home-service. Most of them knew the Pastor. As the children sang the old familiar song “Saya mahu cinta Yesus selama-lamanya,” I was taken up to heaven in a vision. I sensed angels all around; the whole of heaven was silent, listening to the children’s off-beat voices. There was Abba Father God sitting on His throne. And just beside was this Pastor, playing his guitar and singing the same song. It was God’s way of telling me those of us who know Jesus will be singing that song, whether on earth or in heaven, forever. Death cannot take away our life in Christ. I cried, sharing the vision with those present. Yes, Pastor was “gone,” but we know we will meet him again when our turn comes. What a glorious confirmation of the hope that every Christian can find comfort in - a good ending for us who have believed, which death can never ever steal nor destroy.
A week later after my leg had healed somewhat, I drove my son’s car to the wet market nearby. As I was driving back along the main road, I spotted this huge vehicle speeding out from a side lane on my right. I couldn’t even brake as it crashed into my side. Amidst the crunch of metal kissing metal, I realized if I had just been a few seconds early, the monster (well, that’s what it was compared to my little old junk ) would have slammed right into me instead of hitting the front lamp portion of my car. I didn’t thank my lucky stars. Stars are just stars, and my life isn’t preserved by luck. At that moment, I knew I am alive purely because my God says it’s not time for me to go home to Him, yet.
We moved our vehicles to the side, so as to clear the jam that was building up at the junction. As I got out to survey the damage, the other driver was insisting very loudly his was a straight road, and questioning why I didn’t stop for him to pass. Amazing, how loud people defend themselves when they are wrong. I wasn’t interested in arguing the obvious. I was still thanking Jesus for once again sending angels to divert the point of impact away from me. I was praying hard the tyre would hold up as I drove back home. It was very wobbly and there was a weird noise emanating from the engine. But I made it back in 1 piece. Both car and driver survived.
As I look back over the events of just this 1 month in my life, I realize truly we could be alive and well today and yet be gone in just the blinking of an eye tomorrow. Whether it’s through covid, accident, cancer, floods, landslide, war or whatever that can kill, the truth is all life is held in the palm of an Almighty God, the One who creates, sustains and preserves all according to His good purpose. Life has become very simple for me. If it’s not time to “go home” to my Maker, nothing whatsoever can kill me. But if my time on earth is up, nothing can prevent my “balik kampong.” Actually I would be more than happy to leave this messy earth, since I know where I am going is so much more beautiful, and I will meet my beloved husband who’s been there for the past 20 years already. But the call isn’t mine or anyone else’s to make. Only my Creator has the right to make that call.
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