Something good out of something lousy

 

 

 

 

And it all started with cendol pulut.. what was supposed to be a short drive to Penang took us 10 hours...... well, actually it started when a local budget airline (supposedly the best in the world) messed up our family annual holiday trip. We were booked to go to Manado, Sulawesi for 3 days, but discovered to our shock, only on the way to the airport that the plane had left w/out us, becoz of a reschedule which wasnt informed to us beforehand. So, there we were, with all our bags packed and nowhere to go for the next 3 days..... but i guess God has a way of turning something good out of something lousy... the family council decided finally to head up to Penang instead. (the younger 2 had to be 'bribed' with a promise of shopping tho!) Truth be told i wasn't that eager to go, but no. 1 princess insisted we go somewhere, anywhere... and i m glad she did... coz we all had an unexpectedly grand time... thanks to a handy little thing called GPS....
Which my bro was fiddling with... i was most impressed by the gadget... his was a hi-tech version, got ultra sultry voice to alert which way to go ..plus listings of food and places of interest... so it was that Ms GPS directed us to cendol pulut somewhere in a little kampung called Simpang Pulai off the NS h'way..
It was really littel, and really way out; actually on the road to Camerons. Just a nondescript hut, literally by the road side. Makes you wonder how on earth it got listed on a sophisticated GPS!! But it was gooood. And so started our free-n-easy drive... guided by Ms GPS who directed us next along a bumpy, dusty earth trail to an off-the-track hot springs enclave in the middle of nowhere...
This wasn't the well-known tourist spot which charged a fee for entry. This was absolutely wild, free and all for us only (since it was a week-day).. we had such a fun time dipping alternately in the hot pools and the cold rushing waters of the river... beats any man-made jacuzzi.... and the weather was just perfect even tho it was mid-day, the clouds provided nice shade. Only ting missing was the eggs, we could have had some hard boiled on the spot, if only we had brot them... but then, none of us anticipated a hot springs adventure anyway!
By the time we had enuf of hot/cold waters, our stomachs were ready to receive solids... so since we were near Ipoh, Ipoh it was... this time Ms GPS failed us; but there's always friendly human GPSs at petrol stations to direct us to the famous eating places in Ipoh town. Unfortunately by the time we ronda here and there, it was past lunch time 2 pm. These Ipoh-ites not like KL-ites, got food anytime of the day. At 2 pm, most of the shops tutup already. Still there was enuf to fill empty stomachs... the irony of it is my boy ended up taking Pg asam laksa in Ipoh!!Since we were in no hurry, we turned off at Bkt Merah Laketown to look-see look-see before rolling onto Penang. Nothing impressive, except gawking at ducks on the water!
Finally arriving in Pg late evening, we checked into the hotel. Come dinner time, the rain put a damper on our plans to blitz the open-air hawker-food stalls. So we had to be content to drive out to a nearby mall, and after going round and round in circles arguing over what to eat, instead of good ole Penang food, we had to settle for .... of all things.. Manhattan Fishmarket. Imagine, going all the way to Pg to eat Western food, which can be got in KL... bleh. Not that the fish-meal wasn't good; it was. But as i kept grumbling... I wanted PENANG food! Then it was a drive about at nite downtown... its been so long since i was in Penang; but the memories of my early childhood remained, and so i turned tourist guide for the kids, entertaining (or rather boring) them with grandma stories...
Next morning i insisted rain or no rain, we would hv Pg food..so finally at Pulau Tikus market, i got to indulge in chee cheong fun, assam laksa, char koay teow, curry mee, thick kopi-tiam coffee, etc etc. Quite happy, we decided to take a trip up to Pg Hill, since the kids had never been, and the last time i went was like... gee, umpteen umpteen years ago. So behaving like typical tourists lugging cameras in hand, we went up, gulped some fresh mountain air, ooh and ahh-ed over the views from the top, and came down satisfied we had done 'something' in Pg. Of coz no trip to Pg would be complete w/out a stop-over at Lorong Selamat for food (wat else!!)...more hokkien mee, char koay teow, rojak, ice kacang, to fill the stomach... Final stop was shopping, since we had promised the kids... not that there was much to shop at Bayan Baru centre. So by the time we hit the home road, it was late afternoon. Near dinner time Ms GPS directed us to clay pot chicken rice in Bidor. It wasn't great, but it filled the need. We ordered noodles - ying yeong - expecting the normal KL Cantonese version of wet hor fun. Instead turned out Bidor version consisted of totally different and opposite variety - dry fried mee hoon/ mee. Lesson of the day: Don't assume all things called by 1 name are the same 1 kind!
So ended the great adventure which should have been in Manado, but happened in Pg instead. Considering that this was the 2nd flight re-schedule, we choose to believe we were just not meant to go to Manado - who knows, there are enuf real-life stories out there that sometimes delays, cancellations, changes are forced on us for very good reason, even tho we can't see it then. I rmbr tales of survivors of disasters telling how they were saved becoz of a last minute change of plan. Well, in any case, God more than made up with an unexpectedly nice and easy trip for the family, so we are indeed much blessed...

" And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose "... Romans 8:28

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As baby birds grow...

 

My eldest princess turned 23 today. Over the w/end we had a family dinner to celebrate together with fave uncle (he's fave, becoz he always foots the bill, ha ha) and boyfren. I hv trouble keeping tabs on how old the kids get every b-day that rolls along(that shows how old i am!!). Slightly ashamed to say i still haven't gotten her a present - i left it to no. 2 princess, since she's the shopaholic in the family. But the prob with shopaholics is they never make up their minds!! Anyway, no. 1 is gracious; she knows she is much loved, with or without a present, and not just on her b-day.
She threw me a bomber the other day; she's not really 'into' her current job; and that's less than a year's work put in only. Her passion is writing and she wants to do it full-time. I can't help but think how my genes have rubbed off on her; i m still dreaming that dream after donkey years... here she is, at 23, actually tinking of living it. I shake my head at youth's restlessness and gung-ho.I dunno if she's tinking she's gonna be the next JK Rowling or watshisname who wrote Da Vinci Code...but I guess at 23, anything and everything seems good to try out; the world is your oyster, as the saying goes.
But i, looking from the vantage point of 50, see all sorts of road-blocks. Still i dont have the heart to be a wet blanket to remind her of the practical difficulties of such a choice , esp when i myself am not sure at this stage wat to make out of it. Besides if it's really God's will for her life to launch out into a different road, i don't wanna stand in the way. I've seen this 'kid' grow into a confident young woman thru 23 years. In my mind's eye, i recall those scenes on TV how a mother bird by instinct knows when to push the baby birds out of their nest after a while. I used to shudder at the images of little balls of feathers falling out, wobbling on their feet, flexing teeny wings trying to get lift-off; and there is the apparently unconcerned mother bird, just watching from the sidelines. And i fall to musing, I should be more like a mother-bird; otherwise my babies will never learn to fly.

Yet i harbour a human mother's natural concern for her child's well-being; how will she survive if she doesn't hold a full-time job, wat about her plans to get married, esp since the boy also aint interested in a 'regular' job but is tinking of going into full-time church ministry... gee, how will they set up family like this lah ?! All the how's, and no answers.
But at least i am consoled by her declaration that she wants to use the talent God has blessed her with according to His way. So i shld be happy she won't be writing her stuff, but His stuff - that's already a prayer answered to thank God for. And i guess 23 is as good a time to start living out a dream as any age, so long as it's of God, His time is always the perfect time.
So against all natural fleshly inclinations to whack some good old cow (i mean mother)-sense into her head and to keep her 'safe' in a cozy secure job (nest) , i shut up; and go down on my knees once again... to pray God's will be revealed and done in her life; that He will show her the how's and the where's...
Hrrmph, guess this mother will just go back to doing what she knows best to do... pray, trusting in God's Word....

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.... Jer 29:11

When the storms come..

The past month has been heart-rending. 4 cancer cases. It started with one of my church sisters, very active lady, always reaching out to share her faith; we were all shocked when told it had spread into her spine, lungs, and most of her organs at stage 3. After that in quick succession, 3 cases from within my own kindy; 2 of our staff's family members - a husband was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer,and the other a relapse of daughter's leukemia, even after a successful bone marrow transplant and last week, 1 of our very own staff had a breast removed. We pray constantly for them, for healing and that their faith not only remains steady, but will be strengthened even in such difficult to understand circumstances.

Its times like these that make people question the existence of God. If there is a God, He must be good, if He is good, why does He let such lousy tings happen to 'good' people?? And wats so great about this God they call Jesus?? ... see, Christians also suffer the same things other people suffer, Christians also get cancer, they also die wat. Yeah, sure they hold these great healing encounters now and then, and yeah, sure, there miracles of people who get cured, but wat about those who don't?? Wats the big deal about Jesus??

I guess it all depends on what you tink God is there for. If like most, you only want a God who caters to your every whim, fancy and wish, i m afraid Jesus is bound to disappoint. Problem is we tink God 'owes' us - that if we worship Him, He is supposed to give us health, wealth, prosperity and happiness in our lives. So when He doesn't, we shrug and say, heck, i dont wanna God who can't gimme a forever happy life without any problems. But the truth is God doesn't owe us a single thing, we owe Him everything...from each breath that we are breathing now, right down to the tiniest cell in our body. It's all by His grace that we are alive this moment in time. So, big deal? No, being alive is no big deal really, unless you recognize how big a deal it is being dead instead.

That's why we are a big deal to God, becoz He sees how dead in sin many of us really are tho our bodies are alive breathing. That's why His priority is not our physical self; unlike us, He doesn't bother how many white hairs or wrinkles we get, He's doesn't care how much money we have in our bank a/cs, how many degrees we have to our name. Doesn't He care about about our problems? Coz He does, He sees them all; the tears, grief, suffering, anger, despair...in fact He's known it all; when Jesus walked on earth as a man, He went thru all that Himself. Of coz He cares that we hurt, we are struggling, but He's more interested in getting our spirit right with and alive in Him. Becoz even if our body is being wrecked with cancer, even when our world is in a mess, so long as our spirit believes Jesus is the Way, the Life and the Truth, tho we may be crying our hearts out as our boat gets caught up in the storms of this earthly existence, He commands the winds and the waves to be still; He calls fearful hearts to rest in Him who is the Prince of Peace. He who created the heavens and the earth comes with a grand promise; that those who believe in Him shall never perish but have eternal life.

That's the big deal about Jesus. He's bigger than cancer, bigger than tsunamis, bigger than any and all the giants in our lives that we call 'problems'. No, Christians are not exempt from suffering; the only special thing is we have a very real, very beeg God who walks with us thru every trial and leads us all the way to heaven, such that even thru the valley of the shadow of death, we shall not fear. Becoz after all we go thru on earth, we know we shall stand in the presence of God Himself, secure in our heavenly home that is guaranteed to those who would just believe. When we live everyday with the reality of that kind of hope, nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can take us down.

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want..." Psalm 23

Unexpected Blessings

 
 

It started off as just another company trip; a short 1 day overnite stay at Port Dickson with some 70+ people, all staff from the various church dept and ministries on our annual get-away to 'ber-bonding-bonding'. Mighty Kids (MK) had a record attendance of 23 out of 24 staff attending (and the odd one out was only becoz she had committed to earlier booked travel plans). As usual, when MK ladies get together, they are the noisiest, busiest, sporting-iest, brashiest group around.
It was a pretty fun time, filled with eating, putting up hilarious performances,competing in telematches, a spell of nite swimming, rounded up by a bit of shopping for Seremban siew pau...

As per the normal practise, the rooming arrangements were picked at random, and some of us ended up being paired with staff from other depts/centers. Of coz the natural reaction was to try to exchange places by mutual consent to room with someone familiar. I was paired with one of our church pastors (who has been known to just put in an appearance during the day) . Up to the last moment, i was wondering whether i would even have a room mate and waiting to just rope in some MK staff to fill the gap in case she wasn't overniting... But she did call and graciously asked if i would be more comfy sleeping alone, since she knew i was a light sleeper and was afraid of disturbing me. I told her it wasn't a problem, as i happen to be one of those who find it difficult to sleep away from home anyway. So we ended up together.

And it turned out to be a real blessing, unexpected as it was . Becoz as like all mums, i told her my concerns abt what was happening in my children's lives, and the good pastor that she is, she ended up praying with me for them... nothing like a pastor's prayer to add extra wings to mine own.... and on the very last day, i was doubly blessed when she released God's vision and anointing for me personally. I didn't even know i needed to be ministered to, but as her words and prayers flowed, my tears flowed, as i recognized God's goodness in giving me something i never even asked for or thot about at all.... such is His faithfulness; He knows what i need even tho i may not. And i came back with a wonderfully refreshed heart, confident of the way ahead for my own ministry and assured that my children will turn out ok, becoz He holds their lives in His mighty hands and will not let them slip...

So I was testifying to the rest of the teachers...the lesson is obvious - don't try to change God's plans...we are put into people's lives and people are put into our lives for good reason, tho our eyes can't see it, and our naturally selfish inclination is to manipulate our circumstances to be more comfortable. God doesn't just want us to have a good time in life , He's more interested in making His presence real to us every time everywhere - that is the highest blessing.

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Just Do It

I finally did it. After weeks of dithering ,postponing and just plain forgetting, I got down to giving away permanently a part of my savings to a total stranger. Not easy, as it meant having to make do with less for family and self but ever since God spoke so clearly to me about releasing the blessings He's blessed me with, i knew it had to be done and i already knew the target recipient - World Vision. So it was i managed to get their contact from a fellow colleague who has herself been a World Vision supporter sponsoring a Mongolian kid for the past 7 years, logged into their website and pledged my little contribution to an unknown child somewhere in the world. I purposely didn't wanna specify any preferences, coz i wanted God to lead all the way...

And lo and behold, He sent me a child from.... India. Of all the children in the whole wide world, He sends me an Indian kid....ha ha, back to the land He originally placed a burden in my heart for... how appropriate!! and so now everyday i got somebody new to pray for... they sent me the child's profile, with her name, photo and family particulars...I showed her off to my kids; they pretended horror... oh no, we got an Indian 'god-sister'?!! My boy wryly comments, there goes watever little inheritance we gonna get from mom ; we prob gotta entertain a whole Indian village for Christmas now ...my no. 2 says when she tells her frens i m off to India on another trip, they always ask her whether her mom got an Indian kid stashed away somewhere...now she can tell dem, i actually do have an Indian kid!!...funneeee these children of mine , how i love them!!

Do i need another kid? Coz not. Can i afford to commit $$ that would/should be spent first on my own family needs?? After all, they say charity shld begin at home. Why take on other people's problems when we can't even handle our own?! Well, if we all thot this way, the world would be a terrible place to live in. Besides years of walking with a faithful God has taught me, when i take care of His business (and His business is simply the lost, sick, needy, unsaved of this world) , He will take care of mine. If we waited till we solved all the problems in our life, we would never get round to helping others who are in so much more need. Its like saying sure, i will donate my $$ when i hv put away enuf of my own,(which will never be enuf, we know),i will donate my time at the orphanage when i retire from my job (by then, we are either already too old to be of much use, or first need to go round the world, play golf, take care of own grand-kids, etc etc...so, the time is now or never.

But why World V? Surely there are lots of equally needy local homes, causes i can contribute to? True. Jesus says we will always have the poor with us.8 years ago, when i was down and out, God already put a burden in my heart specifically for kids. Every day i look at the kids in my kindy, my heart bursts. Every time i go for overseas missions, its the kids that tug at my heart strings. Its kids that will carry the future to come, for better or for worse ; not just in this land but in the world. So I put my $$ where God has put my heart in.... a 'world' kid.

Its a great feeling, not becoz i m doing something great, but becoz in letting go of 'my' money, i m set free from being controlled by it. It's a great feeling becoz in obeying His will, i experience the truth that it is so much more blessed to give than to receive...

" He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God...." Mic 6:8

Letting Go

Ah blessed holidays... but how fast they fly... 1 week and its down to last few days already... it'll be back to school next week... and another 3 months of teaching. Tho i resumed full-time teaching a class in July, it still feels 'new'; thank God its turned out so far so good, despite some initial hiccups taking over from a teacher who resigned mid-term. There was some "noise" over my taking 1 week off for India missions, but the more serious concern over the H1N1 threat overshadowed everything else, as worried parents kept their kids at home. My class closed for a week directly the day after i came back from India , not becoz there were any cases amongst our kids, but becoz of kids' siblings who caught the virus from some other schools. I thot i would be given extra 1 week off, but no way... ha ha, boss said the class can close, but me teacher must come, since i wasn't even in M'sia for past duration! And then some of the teachers 'kena' quarantine, becoz of their own kids getting infected, so attendance has been yo-yo-ing... so its a good thing the hols started...
I caught up on my reading, prepared for upcoming preaching assignments and finally used up my bday gift certificate (given by the kids 6 months ago!) at the spa. (very relaxing experience it was, coming complete with scrub, jacuzzi and 1 full hr massage with infra-red heat all; i was suitably impressed enuf to buy up another voucher, thinking to use it for someone's bday) But what i really valued was the luxury of spending unhurried time with God, esp in the mornings. No need to keep an eye on the clock, no hurrying thru prayers, unlimited time for just worshipping and being still before Him... getting to know Him and myself more.
After 8 years of walking with my Shepherd, I hv come to recognize how He just will not leave me stagnant in self-satisfied complacency.. every now and then it seems as if He deliberately shakes the boat of my life and forces me to re-examine who I am and where I am in His eyes. And i come away humbled, as i see that there are still many areas in my heart that need to be 100% surrendered.
How easily it is to be self-deceived; i honestly thot i had surrendered all to Him. Its easy to think that when we seem to be doing all the right things; going to church, reading Bible, doing good works, praying... all the things a Christian should do. And then wham, i realise in spite of my professions of trust in God, i am still hanging onto certain things closest to my heart - kids and money. Indeed ask any parent, and those 2 areas are bound to be the strings that tug the hardest at us.

I pray for my children all the time , but lately it seems my prayer is out of desperation, not faith. Daily to God I moan that they dont seem to experience the reality of Christ in their lives, i deplore the way they let the world influence them in their thinking and attitudes , i despair as i hear them confess the same sins at family devotion time over and over again, i cry over how they enter into questionable relationships, make unwise decisions... i enlist the help of prayer partners to pray with me , for me, that God grant me the wisdom to handle them. And then it struck me when a sister reminded me gently that God knows best, that i really have not let God take charge after all . If i have, why do i get so worked up that at times i can't sleep tho i hv prayed committing difficult issues over them to the Lord?

And i dare claim smugly that everything i have i hv given over to Him. But again that's not true. By the time i finished reading a book on Freedom of Simplicity, i realised i was merely paying God lip-service, becoz if i really cared about how billions of people in the world are literally dying both physically and spiritually, i wouldn't be hoarding a financial contingent 'safety nest', beyond the basic resources that God has already blessed me with. I justify it as provision for 'the kids' - which parent after all doesn't want their children to have the best possible head-start to a 'good' life , so i skimp and i save to give them an inheritance .... but that again shows just how little i trust that God will bless and provide beyond the necessities for them.
Ahh, how true it is that the human heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure, so says the Word of God. And as i recognize this truth, i stand convicted and repentant before a God who knows me more than i know myself... as my heart lies exposed before Him , once again I fall at His feet to ask for grace and mercy, clinging onto His promise that as i confess my sins, He is just and faithful to forgive and cleanse me of all unrighteousness.
Moving beyond that, i know what should be done must be done - and that is really to mean what i pray - that i let go of my kids, my money and put them all on His altar, becoz actually they are 100% His; they are just 'on loan' to me for a season of time. I am just a steward of these blessings; and I better let the real Boss take charge, coz He really does know best...

Search me O God and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts,
See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.. Psalm 139:23-24

The Mystery of Prayer

I am digesting one of my fave authors Philip Yancey's book on Prayer- Does it make any difference?? .... its i call an 'honest' book; ie it dares to ask questions and doesn't pretend to give perfect, fairy tale answers... just like my all-time fave book - the Bible. Many smart people have questioned why there are inconsistencies in the Bible, if it's supposedly God's word. I hv myself asked the same questions (tho i don't consider myself in the smart category , but i aint exactly dumb either). But i hv come to a point where i m convinced Truth is truth; the existence of Truth doesn't depend on our belief . As someone argued; an atheist actually needs to exercise greater faith to believe in the non-existence of God, than a theist who by faith believes there is a God. Our finite mind thinks something is inconsistent if it doesn't add up the way to the way we expect things to add up, like we expect 2 + 2 = 4. But God doesn't exist as an equation to be added up and made sense of. He puts it quite simply "My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts are higher than your thoughts". He's revealed enuf to enable us to believe and to be saved - He sent Jesus into our world. What else He doesn't choose to reveal or explain is His prerogative as God.

But i digress... i was meaning to talk about prayer, becoz i could relate to Yancey's frank discourses on the subject. He asked questions i hv often asked myself. Why pray? What good does prayer do, when we all know some prayers don't seem to get any answers? Can we change God's mind through prayer, if we can, then wldn't that make God 'wishy-washy'?? What if someone prays for rain in 1 area, and another prays dont rain for the same area, how is God gonna answer?? Someone wisely replied, God will answer His way lah, ie effectively 1 person gets a yes, the other gets a no answer!! Is that how prayer works/don't work?

Everyone who professes some religion prays. As a kid, i was taught to pray by my parents... we went to temples, we had a lot of altars in the house..i can still see the walls smoked black by all the joss-sticks she lighted up twice daily. When i married ,my husband and i continued to pray to the family idols. When he was diagnosed of cancer, i prayed like crazy... any god, all gods, no matter... and then the miracle happened - Jesus captured me, my husband and my kids, and so the focus of my prayers changed. Not only that, i notice, even the content of my prayers changed, ever so subtly... my prayer-time used to simply a whole list of things I wanted God to do for me and mine,and oh, of coz i add the obligatory Thank You, God at the beginning and the end. This took like... 5/10 mins at most. That was my prayer life. And then i went to India..... and saw people PRAY...

Not short little prayers... these folks hold 2 hr prayer sessions, some starting as early as 5/6 am. (and that's not even counting attending church service which takes up at least another 2 hours)Plus these folks are not very 'polite' pray-ers... they make so much 'noise'- its like a whole babble of voices rising up to heaven. Not to mention they got very strong knees.... they can kneel on a thin mat covering cement floor very long (for me, anything above 5 mins on my knees is long, ok). So, after India, i took a serious look at my own very limited prayer-life then. I started reading books on prayer; without any exception, i found that every Christian saint worth his salt spent hours in prayer. I guess i shldn't be surprised by this, after all, that's exactly what Jesus taught and modelled in His days on earth. And there is no excuse of no time. Like the rest of us humans, Jesus had 24 hrs a day, He worked full-time (even over-time) , yet prayer was a non-negotiable with Him. So what excuse do we have? I especially have none, since i hv been so blessed with a job that gives me the luxury of free afternoons. Conviction started me on the road to discovering prayer....

8 yrs down the line, i m still discovering new facets about this journey called prayer...expanding from self/family to relatives to frens to strangers, from things to life issues, from people to nations, from 5 mins to 30, to 60 and beyond.. it's like a drop of ink on blotting paper; the prayers just kept on spreading... and i found, hey, there is no lack of stuff to pray for; if we only cared enuf to look around our broken and messed-up world. Truly God Himself puts burdens upon our hearts to pray for.. At one stage tho, i got stumped becoz i ran out of words to pray; but thanks be to God who already provided for this lack - He assures us His Spirit helps us pray with groanings and moanings which He alone understands. Becoz ultimately prayer is birthed in the Spirit, and the spirit doesn't need expression in human language, we need never be stumped over words. At times, its just silence when I come before the Lord in prayer ;those are truly very precious times of refreshing, of simply 'waiting upon the Lord', spirit-to-spirit. Other times i sing my prayers out with a joyful heart, remembering His goodness to me. And many times, its only tears that come out of my eyes instead.

Even tho i may get no answer for a long time, or at all, even tho the answer may not be what i prayed for.. i keep praying anyway, becoz that's what God tells me to do; and that's what Jesus did ....for i hv discovered its not about God answering my prayers really; of coz I want Him to. But i've come to realise praying changes me instead, esp when i dont get what i want the way i want it when i want it . Its the No, Later-not now answers that God deals me , that teaches me so much more than the blessings He does give , such that i finally understand His will is all wise, all knowing, all perfect, and I can trust that He will give me what i need, all that i need, over and beyond anything i could ever ask for.

For no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart can conceive what God hath prepared for those who love Him... Isa 64:4