There Goes Another

 

So another little birdie has left the nest. This one literally flew very very far away, practically to the other side of the world. I told myself I wouldn't be a cry-baby (again), like it was with no. 1 princess more than a year ago. But the tear-ducts went into auto-gear anyway as I prayed a mama's blessing over my no. 2 princess a couple of days before she walked out of my life. Ok, ok, I know, it's not like it's forever. Sure, she will come back now and then (more like then, I am sure; as good intentions don't necessarily translate into action). Anyway for what it's worth, the emotion feels like forever. 

About two weeks earlier, I had "invited" all 3 of my very grown-up children for a home-cooked dinner and requested for a heart-to-heart talk with them. Yes, I do make appointments to see them. Weird, right. Well, I  recognize it's a totally different generation from mine. Besides just because they are my children doesn't mean I shouldn't accord them the respect due to them as adults in their own right. After all, they have got their own lives to live, choices to make,  their own time to manage, their own things to do.  

It wasn't an easy conversation, at least not for me. The last time I had this kind of talk was years ago when no 1 princess told me off for "lecturing" her about heaven and hell. I still remember her very words, "If I choose to go to hell, it's my right." I knew straight away then it was no point talking about it anymore. I am sure God Himself would agree with her view; even though He is much grieved about her stand, as I am too. But now, some 10 years down the line, I had felt the burden to speak out to all 3, for I knew in my spirit there was no more time or opportunity; I had to do it now or never. 

So as is my lawyer-style of doing things, I prepared what I wanted to say. But as usual, God intervened and had better plans...like reducing me to tears even at the start, when I told them straight off this would be the last time I would talk with them on the issue. Instead of a nice, orderly flow of eloquent words,  I sniffled my way through with some Bible verses and a simple declaration from a mother's heart - I love you all, and I don't want to lose any of you. 

No, I didn't quote from Genesis to Revelation. No, I didn't re-hash what they already knew from their younger years spent in  Sunday school/church about Jesus, the only God who saves all who choose to come to Him. I just told them the world is coming to an end, according to the Word of God, that is the Truth. And that divine judgement is a certainty. Even if people don't believe. God and Truth doesn't depend on anyone's belief.  Any Christian worth his salt doesn't need any pastor or prophet to tell him the signs written in the Bible thousands of years ago by long-ago people totally unconnected with our modern world are evident and are being manifested in this season all over the earth. Heck, you don't even need to be a Christian to know something is seriously wrong with our world. And I am not talking about climate change - that's the least of them all. 

"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty, For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. " Sounds very much like our world, right. No, that's not my description. Those words were spoken 2000+ years ago by a man named Paul, an ex-murderer turned lover of God and people, preserved in writing for posterity to read in 2 Timothy 3:1-5. And that's not even going to the pestilences, earthquakes, famines, wars, rumors of wars and persecution already mentioned by Jesus as the "beginning of sorrows" (Matthew 24) 

No, I didn't bore my children with all that "jazz." I simply told them Jesus is coming back very soon, so please repent while there's still time. Otherwise I will lose them, for unless they do,  they will not be able to make it to where I will be, waiting for them with their father, my husband and the little brother they never knew they had. I told them their mother hasn't gone mad reading too much Bible, praying too long or doing all that "holy-moly" stuff. In fact I told them their mother is definitely no saint; quite the opposite. If only they knew what their mother had done in her pre-Christian days. Even now, after walking 20 years down the road of faith, I am far from perfect. If Paul the great apostle acknowledged himself as the worst of sinners, then I don't know where to hide my face. But by the love of God and the grace of Jesus Christ, their mother (and father) is saved to glory. To dwell in a much much better world than this one. And I want all my children to be there with us both, forever. 

I know they know I love them very much. As a mother, my only desire is for them to experience the breadth, length, height and depth of the love of a God who is Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows, a love that surpasses all human love and knowledge. 

I don't know what my children thought of our tete-a-tete. That was it. Short, definitely not sweet, and definitely not a normal family conversation. But these are not normal times we live in. We are never going back to the good, old, normal days of life. Covid is but the starting point, and if even that we can't take, what more the worse that's to come. When all humans will have to stand to account for his life before a holy, righteous God, Judge of the living and the dead. A depressing future indeed, unless we choose to call upon Jesus, the name that's above every other name, the only name under heaven given to men by which we can be saved. The One who has declared that He has plans to prosper, not to harm, to give us a future and a hope, that's grounded on who He is, not on what humans can do (and will keep on trying to do.)

There was a lump in my throat as I hugged my no.2 goodbye at 4 am in the morning today. I couldn't sleep after that. I went into her room, sat awhile on her bed. Peered into the half-empty cupboards that used to overflow with her clothes. Poked in her bathroom a bit. The house seems too big now for my son and I. Who knows when that last little birdie will fly out the door too one of these days. I wipe away the tears that have started to fall again, and tell myself I better get used to talking to our 2 cats now. 

 

 

HERE TODAY GONE TOMORROW

 

 I almost died two times within this one month. No, I am not being a drama-queen. It’s only now that I am processing the seriousness of it all. And no,  I am not afraid of dying. Death is a given anyway for all humans; as the Bible says in Hebrews 9:27,  it is appointed for man to die once and after that comes judgment. I learnt long ago I don’t need to fear either death or judgement because my God has saved me from judgement and granted me eternal life by His grace and mercy. But those two occasions did cause me to ponder on the frailty of human life on earth… 

I recall lying flat-out on the cold hard cement that morning, with a badly-twisted ankle. The pain was excruciating and fleetingly I wandered what if nobody found me. The stairs where I had fallen had some 15 steps and if I had tumbled right down to the bottom, there was no doubt I would have ended up with a broken back, head or simply died there.  There was no one around at that time, as it was still early. The playground was my regular haunt for morning exercise. As I stared up at the sky, a silent prayer went up from my heart – Thank You Jesus, for sending angels to break my fall. After what seemed a very long time, I managed to get up. As I hobbled on my good leg, a thin black grass snake writhed its way across my path. I was laid up for about 3 weeks with a swollen left foot. 

The very next day, I received tragic news that a pastor had passed away suddenly in a most horrible accident. An oncoming vehicle from the opposite direction had smashed head-on into his. He had just dropped off his wife and 2 year old daughter in their kampong. He died on the spot. I didn’t know him very well. But I remembered him as most accommodating when I had approached him to lead worship at a national level prayer-meeting via Zoom last year. He had a thriving active ministry in the villages together with the rest of his family.  My heart ached for them all. 

Much as the Christian in me accepts the inevitability of death, questions linger as to why it had to happen like this. I dare say if we could, we all want to “die easy” like just sleep and never wake up one day. We don’t relish the thought of suffering sickness for years, or die in violent circumstances that hit our loved ones like a ton of bricks. I am sure all Christians, at one time or another, have wondered is God not able to prevent accidents if as my Bible tells me, He can raise the dead, heal the sick, cast out demons? Deep inside  I know and believe He is more than able. I guess it’s a natural human reaction that finds it most difficult to accept bad things do happen, all the time, although God is still and always good….  

As He reminded me, a day after the Pastor’s funeral. I was scheduled to preach at a children’s home-service. Most of them knew the Pastor. As the children sang the old familiar song “Saya mahu cinta Yesus selama-lamanya,” I was taken up to heaven in a vision. I sensed angels all around; the whole of heaven was silent,  listening to the children’s off-beat voices. There was Abba Father God sitting on His throne. And just beside was this Pastor, playing his guitar and singing the same song. It was God’s way of telling me those of us who know Jesus will be singing that song, whether on earth or in heaven, forever. Death cannot take away our life in Christ. I cried, sharing the vision with those present. Yes, Pastor was “gone,” but we know we will meet him again when our turn comes. What a glorious confirmation of the hope that every Christian can find comfort in - a good ending for us who have believed, which death can never ever steal nor destroy. 

A week later after my leg had healed somewhat, I drove my son’s car to the wet market nearby. As I was driving back along the main road, I spotted this huge vehicle speeding out from a side lane on my right. I couldn’t even brake as it crashed into my side. Amidst the crunch of metal kissing metal, I realized if I had just been a few seconds early, the monster (well, that’s what it was compared to my little old junk ) would have slammed right into me instead of hitting the front lamp portion of my car.  I didn’t thank my lucky stars. Stars are just stars, and my life isn’t preserved by luck. At that moment, I knew I am alive purely because my God says it’s not time for me to go home to Him, yet. 

We moved our vehicles to the side, so as to clear the jam that was building up at the junction. As I got out to survey the damage, the other driver was insisting very loudly his was a straight road, and questioning why I didn’t stop for him to pass. Amazing, how loud people defend themselves when they are wrong. I wasn’t interested in arguing the obvious. I was still thanking Jesus for once again sending angels to divert the point of impact away from me. I was praying hard the tyre would hold up as I drove back home. It was very wobbly and there was a weird noise emanating from the engine. But I made it back in 1 piece. Both car and driver survived. 

As I look back over the events of just this 1 month in my life, I realize truly we could be alive and well today and yet be gone in just the blinking of an eye tomorrow. Whether it’s through covid, accident, cancer, floods, landslide, war or whatever that can kill, the truth is all life is held in the palm of an Almighty God, the One who creates, sustains and preserves all according to His good purpose. Life has become very simple for me. If it’s not time to “go home” to my Maker, nothing whatsoever can kill me. But if my time on earth is up, nothing can prevent my “balik kampong.”  Actually I would be more than happy to leave this messy earth, since I know where I am going is so much more beautiful, and I will meet my beloved husband who’s been there for the past 20 years already. But the call isn’t mine or anyone else’s to make. Only my Creator has the right to make that call. 

How true the Bible puts it in James 4:14…What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  That’s putting earthly life into perspective. None of us can control how long the mist lasts.  Yet, no matter how many or how few the days of my life, at the end of it all, may I be like the mist that spreads its moisture to water the land for as long as it does last.