The Seen and the Unseen

There are no words to describe it. For the past 3 days, it's been a feast for my sore eyes and jaded 
spirit. Yet I wasn't keen to make this last-minute trip to KK. After all I had just been there last month. And being last-minute, the flight tickets cost a lot; for the price I paid, I could have gone all the way to Taiwan or China. The invit came out of the blue from someone outstation whom I have not spoken to or seen for many months, who issued it via another person. Talk about convoluted connections, though it's really not all that surprising, as sooner or later, I find those involved in prayer circles somehow know each other - it's indeed a small world. It's God's work, joining those with like-minded hearts, like putting together myriad pieces of a jigsaw puzzle to make one big beautiful picture.

So it was I found myself  in the company of about 100 others gathered for 3 days in Kundasang, a town some 2 1/2 hours drive from KK.  We were put up in a small 'resort' . Nothing fancy, but decent. The best thing was the view. Every morning I would wake up early to catch the spectacular scenery. Nothing had changed - the mountains, the valley, the grass, trees and flowers were all the same everyday, but the environment which surrounded them changed daily, presenting awesome pictures of heaven and earth, enveloped in clouds and mist. The air was sharp and cold. I would sit on a tree stump and watch the sun change hues as it gradually spread its fingers to touch Mt Kinabalu, bringing it out from the shadows into light. And then the clouds would come down again, covering it completely. It was as if the mountain had disappeared or was never there in the first place. Yet surely it was still there, had always been there and would always be there. Seen or unseen. 

As I sat there watching its disappearing act so many times, I felt as if God was playing hide-n-seek with me. I am sure many have felt that way before. As recent as last month, I was chatting with an old 'kaki' from the street; he had just come out from prison. I asked how he was, he stared at me with his good eye (his other eye was diseased, deformed and almost blind), shrugged and said he had given up on his life and his god. 
What do you say to someone whose struggles we have never gone through and can't ever hope to understand, no matter how much we can empathize. How do you deal with a broken heart? What future can there be for those who have hit rock bottom, reached a dead end, find nothing worth living for? Doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor, what color your skin, young or old, beggar or king. Doesn't matter if you have been doing all the 'right' or 'wrong' things.We all wake up one day and wonder why is it we are doing what we are doing; what's the point of it all ? If there is really a God, where is He? Does God even matter, anyway? Everyone comes to that stage sooner or later in life. Some even keep going round and round that stage, locked in a cycle that seems to go on forever, so much so that we simply stop asking the hard questions after awhile, and just drift along, not caring and not knowing how much we are missing. 

It's pretty depressing if we can't answer or find somehow all the answers turn out unsatisfactory at some point or other, sooner or later. I call it the crisis of faith. Something which brings us to the cross-road of decision. Many times it comes when some big drama happens in our personal lives, when we get hit by the death of a beloved, a debilitating sickness, or the break-up of a relationship. Or it can come at most unexpected, even mundane moments, like being stuck in a traffic jam,  coming back after a hard day's work to an empty house, washing the dishes. Perhaps it strikes when the news capture photos of buildings collapsed by an earthquake, or flood waters submerging homes, or beached whales.

Solomon, supposedly the wisest king around in his days, came to such a point in his life, looking around at all the treasures he had accumulated, all the good he had executed,  all the wisdom he had gained and concluded: Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. ...What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? (Ecclesiastes 2:11, 22).

It's a futile exercise chasing the wind, even for a king. Just like me expecting Mt Kinabalu to always be visible in front of my eyes every time I look out into the distance. The mountain doesn't answer to my whims and fancies, it's not there to please my desire to see it, up close and personal. That's the problem with man; we set ourselves up to be disappointed because of our own unrealistic expectations. We don't really want god, we just want a Santa Claus who will come with presents (preferably daily, not just once a year) like good health, lots of money, all questions answered, no suffering, no evil, no wars, perfect love, unbiased justice, freedom to live and do as we please,  a happily-ever-after life; because we can't dish such stuff up ourselves, no matter how hard we strive, how smart we are or how many good works we do. And if he doesn't show up to prove himself real and able to bless us as we demand, he is no god. Actually, it's a foregone conclusion there is no such god.

That realization will bring us to the cross-road that divides into two. Robert Frost spoke of "Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Jesus Christ was even more precise, when He said “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:13-14)

Which road we choose to walk on, which gate we choose to enter does make a difference here and hereafter (even if we don't want to believe there is one). It's so easy to give up on God, just because He doesn't answer our questions and demands when and how we want them answered. That's what I told my street-friend. Then I told him the best news is God doesn't give up on us, for no other reason than that He loves us, not because we are worthy but because He is gracious and merciful. When we choose to give up on ourselves finally, admitting our own helplessness and hopelessness, that's when He can work, for real, so that we can truly know what's the point of living in this real world of today and not just waste it away, chasing the wind. How sad to end up like king Solomon, who had so much in life, yet missed the point of it all.

I asked my street-friend how he felt inside. He replied with just 1 word "empty". So I told him that's actually a very good place to be at, since it's only when we are really empty of ourselves, that God can come in to fill the emptiness, indeed He promised to fill us to overflowing - with abundant life. My friend kept quiet a long time when I asked him if he wanted to stay empty, or choose to let his heart be filled with what man and this world could never give him. Finally, as we were about to part ways, my friend declared his choice, and under an open heaven, I asked God to honor his little faith.

As I stare at the clouds and mist enveloping Mt Kinabalu, my head knows fully well the mountain is standing there all the time, even when it's blanketed completely. God isn't a 'head' thing that's to be rationalized, explained or justified. He simply is, meant to be loved and trusted. That's a heart thing. 

And that's the vital difference between a god we call religion and a relationship with the real, living God. My heart knows fully well I have a God who stands with me all the time, even when there are obstructions to my faith. I remember my street-friend who chose to move beyond the seen circumstances of his life, to step into the realm of the unseen, to walk the much more difficult road of faith that God has guaranteed will lead him to true freedom of his entire being, where no prison could ever hold him down anymore.

I said goodbye to Mt Kinabalu with a grateful heart, as I understand God's game of hide-n-seek is meant not to discourage or frustrate me. But meant to draw me closer, take me deeper, fly me higher, stretch me wider to experience His great power that overcomes even death, so that especially, when I can't see, I will still believe, trusting in the unseen hand of a faithful God who loves me. Oh, I met up with my street-friend lately, he says his heart is being filled with new songs now. 

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.." Romans 8:35, 37-39

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