All That Matters

It's just another soppy story, meant to milk human emotions for the price of a movie ticket. So it is, so what? Before We Forget, the sequel to The Kid from Big Apple, was all about things that tug at the heart-strings. Building on a simple premise about an aging grandpa and his family coming to terms with his progressive dementia, its pathos lies in the fleshing out of the characters involved. Yes, it's  so cliche, nevertheless it's all very real in the world of human relationship, for surely all of us can relate to fears and broken hearts.

There are indeed many stirring scenes. When grandpa went around looking for an old folks' home, I found myself praying silently that I would never come to a stage where my kids would have to make that kind of decision. I recalled the years my own father and later my husband's god-ma spent in such places after sickness incapacitated them. The old folks up on screen were not exaggerated caricatures - they really are like that - some already 'lost' to the world, mumbling to themselves, those who can't move sit/lie around listlessly, there is nothing to do except stare at a TV that's switched on the whole day. I know such places may be considered a necessity these days when it's so much easier to just 'put away' our aged parents whom we can't (or won't) take care of. Indeed it can be the cleanest, most professionally-run facility but I would walk away after every visit to my god-ma with a heavy heart

And so when Ah Meng, the neighbor who is accompanying the hero of the show, cries remembering how he left his mother at an old folk's home to die alone, because of other commitments, I can so relate to the regret and pain. We all have to make choices, often tough ones, in life regarding our loved ones, as they grow old and their bodies break down. Nobody likes  to be reminded how mortal we are and the inescapable fact that one day we will die. Often what's worse is the suffering that some have to endure before the end comes. So when Sarah the young girl talks to her teddy-bear of her fear that grandpa will forget her one day due to the disease that's eating him up, I understand and I cry with her. I remember my fear of a husband dying of cancer, watching him grow more emaciated every day over 2 years. I recall the helplessness as I see him suffer; I am unable to do anything, so at one point, I find myself praying let me be the one with the cancer instead of him.

The truth of the matter is our lives are really not our own, despite all the heroic posturing we kid ourselves with. Science cannot produce an elixir pill that guarantees eternal youth. No matter how many vitamins we swallow, no matter how careful we are about food intake and healthy living, people get sick and die all the time - physically, emotionally, mentally.  That doesn't stop humans from trying to stop or at the very least delay the process as much as we can. I think that's because God Himself  'put eternity into the hearts of man' (Ecclesiastes 3:11) - deep inside, we want to live forever. Actually that was how God designed human life to be, originally in the beginning. We were indeed created beautifully for eternity, not for sickness or death to claim us. The good news is there really is a happily-ever-after for those who would believe the God who has done everything needed to defeat the ultimate enemy of death. The hope for the human race lies not in science, but in a wooden cross that was hoisted up at Calvary two thousand years ago, for it was there that Jesus defeated death  forevermore for all mankind.

And hope is what saves the movie from being a depressing tragic tale of an old grandfather losing his mind,  a woman rejected, literally dumped, by the father of her child, and a man, living in regret for a love lost through his own cowardice. In spite of all these 'negatives', it's what the movie celebrates that so poignantly puts things into a meaningful perspective.

What captured my heart most of all was a very simple scene that didn't even feature the stars of the show. It was the wedding of a woman who apparently appeared in the first movie. Actually I can't remember her character at all. But there she is, the beautiful bride, who instead of taking the first dance with the man in her life - her husband - as a matter of tradition, she calls for her stepfather (a white foreigner, married to her Chinese mom) instead, thanking him for giving her a place called home.

For me, it was this moment - as the pair danced, looking at each other with eyes of love, that encapsulated the meaning of human life - home is what the heart longs for, home is where the heart is. All that really and truly matters at the end of the day is a place which we can call home. It's not even a physical thing. After all, a grand palace can be just a building of stone with many empty rooms. It's not about personal achievements or money in the bank, and it goes beyond race or nation. It's about family, not just our own immediate kin, but all humans who inhabit the earth. The Creator God didn't make any distinctions, He designed the human family to be bound together by chains of love that shouldn't be broken, no matter what. That was how it was meant to be, in the beginning...for every man, every woman, every tribe, every nation. At least that's what my bible tells me, when God created humankind, He had a beautiful plan for them - together. Love and family is God's idea. If only we would learn the lesson, there would be no wars.

That's what the movie successfully and touchingly conveyed. So yes, I cried when Sarah's estranged parents reconciled in each other's arms. And the final scenes of family photos lined up on the wall, pasted in the journals ending in  grandpa's back as they all gather around him tells us it's still ok, even if he no longer remembers them...they remember him. Even if his mind is gone, the space in his heart is filled with love. 

And where love is, that's home.

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.... There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear..." I John 4:10,18