A Different Christmas

We didn't put up the Christmas tree this year; I think it will no longer make an appearance in our living room anymore. Much as a green tree with lights and all sets a very nice atmosphere for Christmas and is commonly perceived as a 'must' for the season, the fact is it really has absolutely nothing to do with the birth of my Savior, the Savior of the world.  Back when I was younger, I didn't know the facts or the truth about the commonly accepted Christmas stuff, so I just did what I thought all Christians did when Dec 25th rolled around every year. Only much later did I learn  there's actually another side of Christmas that I never knew, like Dec 25th isn't even the birthday of Jesus Christ. What's more I discovered there were Christians who don't even celebrate Christmas at all. Strictly speaking, it is true there's actually nothing in the Bible about Christmas. 

There was however an EVENT. Prophesied hundreds of years before it came to pass, the birth of a baby in Bethlehem went pretty much unnoticed by the world except for those shepherds in the field and animals in the stable where "it" happened. Yet THE event was so momentous the whole of heaven rejoiced as an angel came down to announce"good tidings of great joy, that shall be for all people" ..that "unto you, is born this day.. a Savior... Christ the Lord" (Luke 2: 10,11).  And the world was never the same again. Apparently there were multitudes of angels celebrating. So if heaven sees fit to celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world, I see no problem in earth celebrating too. 

However I don't think I need to dress up a tree with all sorts of lights and stuff  to remind me that Jesus came into the world to shine His light of truth and salvation into mankind's darkened hearts. Christmas trees are just to look pretty - to delight the human senses and to stand as props for taking selfies and we-fies. Likewise I really don't have the stomach to step into any shopping mall to join the mad mad crowd in a last-minute frenzy of buying things to give to people, which most of the time, will end up on their shelves or will be exchanged away at the next Christmas in church. But since it's as good a time as any to give, and I am not a Scrooge to deny my children the blessing, so as has been my practice for many years, the children got hard cash and they went to the malls to get what they wanted, not what their mother would have chosen (inappropriately, probably). That's freedom, for me and for them. And think of all the wrapping paper not used - that's zero waste living, right.  

Don't I miss the "Christmas" atmosphere, the songs, the decor, the lights..? Nope. Actually I find some of the jingles a most irritating torture. The birth of Christ has got nothing to do with reindeers or a certain pot-bellied man dressed in red and white, whose name is being sung as if his coming is the reason for celebrating. In fact some of the modern (even Christian) tunes don't even mention the One who is actually supposed to be celebrated. Instead people sing all sorts of things about life, about themselves, and simply tag on "Christmas" as part of the lyrics. 

Why am I being such a grouch about Christmas? I am not. By all means put up a tree, go shopping, exchange gifts, listen to whatever song, if that's your cup of tea. It's just no longer mine, not because I am holier-than-thou, but simply because to me, celebrating the birth of the Savior of the world isn't about those "must do" things - tree, jingles, gifts. So no point indulging in them. Surely we don't need a 'date' to celebrate the most earth-shaking, literally heaven-rending, event of all time, when God chose to come down into the world of man, to be with us, to bless us with the truth about love, joy, hope and peace. I shouldn't have to wait for Christmas to tell people everywhere the good news that Jesus was born one day 2000 years ago, that He lived, died and rose again to save them. That's the full message, not just that Jesus was born, but that He lived to die on the cross for mankind's sin, and resurrected alive forever more, so that all who believe will not perish but have eternal life.  It's not simply the celebration of a special birthday. Maybe that's why God never bothered to record Jesus' exact birth-date, so we don't get hung up with all the Merry Christmas greetings on just one out of 365 days, and lest we forget the birth of Christ isn't about gifts; it's about Him being the gift. 

So do I celebrate Christmas? Well, there was no tree. I didn't go to any mall. But there were presents. And we did get together for a family dinner. My eldest princess took on the traditional role of family chef; she even played classic hymns in the kitchen as we worked side by side, cooking up a storm. And yes, I still wish people who wish me a Merry Christmas.  Though it's very much on the tip of my tongue to return the greeting by saying instead, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men" -  that's the beautiful proclamation of the angels, which to me is so much more meaningful than Merry Christmas, which can mean anything or nothing. 


The other day, I volunteered at a pre-Christmas 8-course lunch hosted by a church for the homeless 'street' people in the city. As I sat down beside an old aunty and squinted at her name-tag, I was reminded that when Jesus was born, He was surrounded more by strangers than family - shepherds who were the 'low class' of society in those days, who were only there because they had been told by the angel of the birth of the Christ child. So I told this stranger the story of the great I AM who was born, who loved her so much He died to give her a new life, an everlasting hope and a peace that transcends all human understanding.  I think she understood that's what the day's celebration was about.

Take away all the 'trappings' of Christmas - the tree, the food, the parties, the presents, the church, ban Christmas altogether... I can still be thankful and rejoice. So to answer accurately, no, I don't celebrate Christmas, a man-chosen date - I celebrate Christ the Lord,  and not just on Dec 25th, but everyday.

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

All That Matters

It's just another soppy story, meant to milk human emotions for the price of a movie ticket. So it is, so what? Before We Forget, the sequel to The Kid from Big Apple, was all about things that tug at the heart-strings. Building on a simple premise about an aging grandpa and his family coming to terms with his progressive dementia, its pathos lies in the fleshing out of the characters involved. Yes, it's  so cliche, nevertheless it's all very real in the world of human relationship, for surely all of us can relate to fears and broken hearts.

There are indeed many stirring scenes. When grandpa went around looking for an old folks' home, I found myself praying silently that I would never come to a stage where my kids would have to make that kind of decision. I recalled the years my own father and later my husband's god-ma spent in such places after sickness incapacitated them. The old folks up on screen were not exaggerated caricatures - they really are like that - some already 'lost' to the world, mumbling to themselves, those who can't move sit/lie around listlessly, there is nothing to do except stare at a TV that's switched on the whole day. I know such places may be considered a necessity these days when it's so much easier to just 'put away' our aged parents whom we can't (or won't) take care of. Indeed it can be the cleanest, most professionally-run facility but I would walk away after every visit to my god-ma with a heavy heart

And so when Ah Meng, the neighbor who is accompanying the hero of the show, cries remembering how he left his mother at an old folk's home to die alone, because of other commitments, I can so relate to the regret and pain. We all have to make choices, often tough ones, in life regarding our loved ones, as they grow old and their bodies break down. Nobody likes  to be reminded how mortal we are and the inescapable fact that one day we will die. Often what's worse is the suffering that some have to endure before the end comes. So when Sarah the young girl talks to her teddy-bear of her fear that grandpa will forget her one day due to the disease that's eating him up, I understand and I cry with her. I remember my fear of a husband dying of cancer, watching him grow more emaciated every day over 2 years. I recall the helplessness as I see him suffer; I am unable to do anything, so at one point, I find myself praying let me be the one with the cancer instead of him.

The truth of the matter is our lives are really not our own, despite all the heroic posturing we kid ourselves with. Science cannot produce an elixir pill that guarantees eternal youth. No matter how many vitamins we swallow, no matter how careful we are about food intake and healthy living, people get sick and die all the time - physically, emotionally, mentally.  That doesn't stop humans from trying to stop or at the very least delay the process as much as we can. I think that's because God Himself  'put eternity into the hearts of man' (Ecclesiastes 3:11) - deep inside, we want to live forever. Actually that was how God designed human life to be, originally in the beginning. We were indeed created beautifully for eternity, not for sickness or death to claim us. The good news is there really is a happily-ever-after for those who would believe the God who has done everything needed to defeat the ultimate enemy of death. The hope for the human race lies not in science, but in a wooden cross that was hoisted up at Calvary two thousand years ago, for it was there that Jesus defeated death  forevermore for all mankind.

And hope is what saves the movie from being a depressing tragic tale of an old grandfather losing his mind,  a woman rejected, literally dumped, by the father of her child, and a man, living in regret for a love lost through his own cowardice. In spite of all these 'negatives', it's what the movie celebrates that so poignantly puts things into a meaningful perspective.

What captured my heart most of all was a very simple scene that didn't even feature the stars of the show. It was the wedding of a woman who apparently appeared in the first movie. Actually I can't remember her character at all. But there she is, the beautiful bride, who instead of taking the first dance with the man in her life - her husband - as a matter of tradition, she calls for her stepfather (a white foreigner, married to her Chinese mom) instead, thanking him for giving her a place called home.

For me, it was this moment - as the pair danced, looking at each other with eyes of love, that encapsulated the meaning of human life - home is what the heart longs for, home is where the heart is. All that really and truly matters at the end of the day is a place which we can call home. It's not even a physical thing. After all, a grand palace can be just a building of stone with many empty rooms. It's not about personal achievements or money in the bank, and it goes beyond race or nation. It's about family, not just our own immediate kin, but all humans who inhabit the earth. The Creator God didn't make any distinctions, He designed the human family to be bound together by chains of love that shouldn't be broken, no matter what. That was how it was meant to be, in the beginning...for every man, every woman, every tribe, every nation. At least that's what my bible tells me, when God created humankind, He had a beautiful plan for them - together. Love and family is God's idea. If only we would learn the lesson, there would be no wars.

That's what the movie successfully and touchingly conveyed. So yes, I cried when Sarah's estranged parents reconciled in each other's arms. And the final scenes of family photos lined up on the wall, pasted in the journals ending in  grandpa's back as they all gather around him tells us it's still ok, even if he no longer remembers them...they remember him. Even if his mind is gone, the space in his heart is filled with love. 

And where love is, that's home.

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.... There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear..." I John 4:10,18 

The Seen and the Unseen

There are no words to describe it. For the past 3 days, it's been a feast for my sore eyes and jaded 
spirit. Yet I wasn't keen to make this last-minute trip to KK. After all I had just been there last month. And being last-minute, the flight tickets cost a lot; for the price I paid, I could have gone all the way to Taiwan or China. The invit came out of the blue from someone outstation whom I have not spoken to or seen for many months, who issued it via another person. Talk about convoluted connections, though it's really not all that surprising, as sooner or later, I find those involved in prayer circles somehow know each other - it's indeed a small world. It's God's work, joining those with like-minded hearts, like putting together myriad pieces of a jigsaw puzzle to make one big beautiful picture.

So it was I found myself  in the company of about 100 others gathered for 3 days in Kundasang, a town some 2 1/2 hours drive from KK.  We were put up in a small 'resort' . Nothing fancy, but decent. The best thing was the view. Every morning I would wake up early to catch the spectacular scenery. Nothing had changed - the mountains, the valley, the grass, trees and flowers were all the same everyday, but the environment which surrounded them changed daily, presenting awesome pictures of heaven and earth, enveloped in clouds and mist. The air was sharp and cold. I would sit on a tree stump and watch the sun change hues as it gradually spread its fingers to touch Mt Kinabalu, bringing it out from the shadows into light. And then the clouds would come down again, covering it completely. It was as if the mountain had disappeared or was never there in the first place. Yet surely it was still there, had always been there and would always be there. Seen or unseen. 

As I sat there watching its disappearing act so many times, I felt as if God was playing hide-n-seek with me. I am sure many have felt that way before. As recent as last month, I was chatting with an old 'kaki' from the street; he had just come out from prison. I asked how he was, he stared at me with his good eye (his other eye was diseased, deformed and almost blind), shrugged and said he had given up on his life and his god. 
What do you say to someone whose struggles we have never gone through and can't ever hope to understand, no matter how much we can empathize. How do you deal with a broken heart? What future can there be for those who have hit rock bottom, reached a dead end, find nothing worth living for? Doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor, what color your skin, young or old, beggar or king. Doesn't matter if you have been doing all the 'right' or 'wrong' things.We all wake up one day and wonder why is it we are doing what we are doing; what's the point of it all ? If there is really a God, where is He? Does God even matter, anyway? Everyone comes to that stage sooner or later in life. Some even keep going round and round that stage, locked in a cycle that seems to go on forever, so much so that we simply stop asking the hard questions after awhile, and just drift along, not caring and not knowing how much we are missing. 

It's pretty depressing if we can't answer or find somehow all the answers turn out unsatisfactory at some point or other, sooner or later. I call it the crisis of faith. Something which brings us to the cross-road of decision. Many times it comes when some big drama happens in our personal lives, when we get hit by the death of a beloved, a debilitating sickness, or the break-up of a relationship. Or it can come at most unexpected, even mundane moments, like being stuck in a traffic jam,  coming back after a hard day's work to an empty house, washing the dishes. Perhaps it strikes when the news capture photos of buildings collapsed by an earthquake, or flood waters submerging homes, or beached whales.

Solomon, supposedly the wisest king around in his days, came to such a point in his life, looking around at all the treasures he had accumulated, all the good he had executed,  all the wisdom he had gained and concluded: Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. ...What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? (Ecclesiastes 2:11, 22).

It's a futile exercise chasing the wind, even for a king. Just like me expecting Mt Kinabalu to always be visible in front of my eyes every time I look out into the distance. The mountain doesn't answer to my whims and fancies, it's not there to please my desire to see it, up close and personal. That's the problem with man; we set ourselves up to be disappointed because of our own unrealistic expectations. We don't really want god, we just want a Santa Claus who will come with presents (preferably daily, not just once a year) like good health, lots of money, all questions answered, no suffering, no evil, no wars, perfect love, unbiased justice, freedom to live and do as we please,  a happily-ever-after life; because we can't dish such stuff up ourselves, no matter how hard we strive, how smart we are or how many good works we do. And if he doesn't show up to prove himself real and able to bless us as we demand, he is no god. Actually, it's a foregone conclusion there is no such god.

That realization will bring us to the cross-road that divides into two. Robert Frost spoke of "Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Jesus Christ was even more precise, when He said “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:13-14)

Which road we choose to walk on, which gate we choose to enter does make a difference here and hereafter (even if we don't want to believe there is one). It's so easy to give up on God, just because He doesn't answer our questions and demands when and how we want them answered. That's what I told my street-friend. Then I told him the best news is God doesn't give up on us, for no other reason than that He loves us, not because we are worthy but because He is gracious and merciful. When we choose to give up on ourselves finally, admitting our own helplessness and hopelessness, that's when He can work, for real, so that we can truly know what's the point of living in this real world of today and not just waste it away, chasing the wind. How sad to end up like king Solomon, who had so much in life, yet missed the point of it all.

I asked my street-friend how he felt inside. He replied with just 1 word "empty". So I told him that's actually a very good place to be at, since it's only when we are really empty of ourselves, that God can come in to fill the emptiness, indeed He promised to fill us to overflowing - with abundant life. My friend kept quiet a long time when I asked him if he wanted to stay empty, or choose to let his heart be filled with what man and this world could never give him. Finally, as we were about to part ways, my friend declared his choice, and under an open heaven, I asked God to honor his little faith.

As I stare at the clouds and mist enveloping Mt Kinabalu, my head knows fully well the mountain is standing there all the time, even when it's blanketed completely. God isn't a 'head' thing that's to be rationalized, explained or justified. He simply is, meant to be loved and trusted. That's a heart thing. 

And that's the vital difference between a god we call religion and a relationship with the real, living God. My heart knows fully well I have a God who stands with me all the time, even when there are obstructions to my faith. I remember my street-friend who chose to move beyond the seen circumstances of his life, to step into the realm of the unseen, to walk the much more difficult road of faith that God has guaranteed will lead him to true freedom of his entire being, where no prison could ever hold him down anymore.

I said goodbye to Mt Kinabalu with a grateful heart, as I understand God's game of hide-n-seek is meant not to discourage or frustrate me. But meant to draw me closer, take me deeper, fly me higher, stretch me wider to experience His great power that overcomes even death, so that especially, when I can't see, I will still believe, trusting in the unseen hand of a faithful God who loves me. Oh, I met up with my street-friend lately, he says his heart is being filled with new songs now. 

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.." Romans 8:35, 37-39

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