So 2009 has officially begun... again i marvel..gee, so fast, one more year gone.... at the stroke of midnite Dec 31st 2008 just passed into history. I was in church, as has been my usual practice these past 8 years, counting down the seconds with a huge bunch of people in God's house. No, we didnt have any fancy fireworks, no fierce parties of revelry, but a celebration no less... remembering God's faithfulness in bringing us thru another 366 days of life and singing out praises unto Him who is worthy. Amongst the crowd was a group of Iranians and another group of Africans to give us some 'international' flavour! We sang our hearts out, we listened for about 2 hours,as individuals trooped up to give public testimony of how God had blessed , protected and provided for specific needs and answered specific prayers. There were touching accounts of miracles of healing, of lives transformed, of souls saved by God's grace and power. To me, there's no better way to usher in a new year than to remember God's goodness throughout the old year and be thankful to Him in all things that has come to past. Becoz as at 12.01, Jan 1st 2009, i m still alive, and well.. and my heart is at peace, filled with hope for the 365 days ahead, becoz He is walking me thru.. again!
Yet I know some people dont bother much about Dec 31st; they cant see wat's the fuss; its just another date in the calendar to mark off. I guess that's true. After all thanking God shld be a daily affair; we dont hv to wait till Dec 31st to be grateful! Still to me, Dec 31st evokes a stirring in the heart somehow, not becoz there's anything special abt the day itself , but more like it's a symbol, a water-shed that represents the passing of the old into the new; there's something final final about it.
Before leaving for church, we had sat down as a family to a simple dinner. For once,both my 2 daughters' boy frens were with us. To me, it was a rare occassion, as we dont get everyone this close all together at one time. And i was moved to gather everybody around after dinner to read from God's word : "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24)
When i first read this verse a long time ago, i thot how odd it is that God shld require us to go and reconcile with someone who has something against us; not the other way round. I wld hv thot it more logical that i go and ask forgiveness from someone against whom i hv harboured ill feeling or wronged. Yet here it was clearly, God said go reconcile with the person who has something agst me, not me against him/her. Which means if i m aware someone begrudges me, rightly or wrongly, i m to make the 1st move!! Wah, not easy leh, but that's what He said, and that's wat i hv to do, even as I acknowledge He is God...
Thus, much as i was all ready to go to church to thank God and worship Him, yet I m reminded to first make amends. Repentance must come before rejoicing, mourning comes before dancing. So it was that when i checked my heart, i knew before i could come before God, i had to make right with my own family first. I was sure there were things i had said and done to my beloved kids which had hurt them, things which they were keeping hidden in their hearts against me. And I wanted a full release of forgiveness. Again it doesn't mean i wait until Dec 31st to do this. Like thanksgiving, confession should be a daily habit and it is with our family; whenever we gather for family devotion (which is at least 2x weekly) to study the Bible, we freely confess our sins as we pray together.
But this Dec 31st it seemed appropriate for me to make public confession. So I did. It wasn't easy; i had to swallow every bit of my adult pride; saying sorry in public is very humbling. But i thank God I did it; becoz now the past is truly buried.. and i can go to church with a light heart, for i hv done the right thing before God and before man, standing on the guarantee of His promise :
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new" - 2 Cor 5:17
"If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteouness" - 1 John 1:8-9
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