Where heaven meets earth...

Taipei was a blast, tho a rather short one. I never knew Taiwan had so much to offer the tourist; now thanks to a dear fren who palmed off her unused ticket on me, I got to spend 3 1/2 days in the land where heaven meets earth (or so she tells me ). Now i know why she likes going back.. Taiwan's got everything for everyone - shopping, sights, food... wat else can a gawky-eyed tourist ask for?! I actually nearly missed my flight.. thanks to an express bus which wasn't quite express enuf, the gates had closed 10 mins before i rushed up to the counter... but thank God the man behind it was in good mood and let me thru, just in time to present myself at boarding gate.

My first impression of Taipei after hopping on board their city bus shuttle on arrival was bleh, how drab and drabby it is.. because  the buildings were old, and gray, and flat, and it was drizzling, cold and cloudy.. But first impressions are deceiving (should have learnt that by now) By the time I checked into the budget hotel, my eye balls were glazed over trying to take in the crowds of people, shops, sounds, etc etc.


God was really good to me; He kept the worst of the rains till my last day. The rest of the time was refreshingly cold cold cold. I was ill-prepared for the freeze though, so had to don 2 T-shirts out, ha ha, never believe everything you read on the Net; it said 19 degrees, I thought that was tolerable .. instead it plunged down to 15!!. I did the mandatory city tour on my own, hopping aboard bus and MRT, only got lost once , going in the wrong direction. Taipei transport is super efficient and so clean; people actually Q to board and bus drivers announce approaching destinations; though of coz it made little sense to a white banana like me... still with a smattering of broken Mandarin, Hokkien and sign language, I managed to find my way around. There was so much variety, so much stuff I ended up not knowing what to buy, so I decided to forget about the shopping, and concentrate on the seeing...

And the seeing was best, especially in the country side.. I registered for 2 out-of-Taipei tours, and enjoyed them thoroughly; it was well worth the money. Spending 1 day ooo-n-aah-ing the fantastic Taroko gorge (supposedly one of the wonders of Asia) where at one spot, looking up at the sky, it appears as if heaven really does meet earth! The other tour was to the coast and up to Chiufen, a hill village which used to be an old gold/coal mine . I thought I have seen sea in M'sia, but you ain't seen nothing until you see the real ocean.. I saw a 'small' sample of the Pacific ocean, and its...

 mindblowing. Unfortunately my camera ran out of battery just at that point, so I didn't get many shots.
What struck me as we wound our way up the hill were, of all things, the cemeteries. Cut into the side of the hill were little 'houses', not the drab tomb stones of our M'sian Chinese graves, but really elaborate and quite sizable structures , with colorfully painted designs on their roof tops and walls. My tour guide commented must make sure the dearly departed have a nice house even in death. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him there's a much much more beautiful house in heaven waiting for those who know how to get hold of the keys to enter!

Tho a part of me wished I could explore more, but by the end of the 3rd day, honestly, I was already home-sick. People say I shld have gone with some company instead of alone, but its not really that. I have no problems travelling alone; though I am surprised everybody seems to think me weird for doing that. The only disadvantage is I have to foot all the bills myself and I can't eat all the food I wanna eat since there is no one to share with me. It's just that after 3 days away, I was so happy to be greeted with a welcome home greeting in Engleesh as we landed, and I never knew I could appreciate hot air so much as I stepped out of the LCCT terminal!... Simple things that jolts you into recognizing that home is still home.
As I settle back into the old familiar routine of life, my heart is full of gratitude, remembering I have a home which God Himself has prepared waiting for me, one which surpasses any and all earthly homes, and therein I shall dwell, secure in His goodness and His mercy...

....Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands... 2 Cor 5:1

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Something good out of something lousy

 

 

 

 

And it all started with cendol pulut.. what was supposed to be a short drive to Penang took us 10 hours...... well, actually it started when a local budget airline (supposedly the best in the world) messed up our family annual holiday trip. We were booked to go to Manado, Sulawesi for 3 days, but discovered to our shock, only on the way to the airport that the plane had left w/out us, becoz of a reschedule which wasnt informed to us beforehand. So, there we were, with all our bags packed and nowhere to go for the next 3 days..... but i guess God has a way of turning something good out of something lousy... the family council decided finally to head up to Penang instead. (the younger 2 had to be 'bribed' with a promise of shopping tho!) Truth be told i wasn't that eager to go, but no. 1 princess insisted we go somewhere, anywhere... and i m glad she did... coz we all had an unexpectedly grand time... thanks to a handy little thing called GPS....
Which my bro was fiddling with... i was most impressed by the gadget... his was a hi-tech version, got ultra sultry voice to alert which way to go ..plus listings of food and places of interest... so it was that Ms GPS directed us to cendol pulut somewhere in a little kampung called Simpang Pulai off the NS h'way..
It was really littel, and really way out; actually on the road to Camerons. Just a nondescript hut, literally by the road side. Makes you wonder how on earth it got listed on a sophisticated GPS!! But it was gooood. And so started our free-n-easy drive... guided by Ms GPS who directed us next along a bumpy, dusty earth trail to an off-the-track hot springs enclave in the middle of nowhere...
This wasn't the well-known tourist spot which charged a fee for entry. This was absolutely wild, free and all for us only (since it was a week-day).. we had such a fun time dipping alternately in the hot pools and the cold rushing waters of the river... beats any man-made jacuzzi.... and the weather was just perfect even tho it was mid-day, the clouds provided nice shade. Only ting missing was the eggs, we could have had some hard boiled on the spot, if only we had brot them... but then, none of us anticipated a hot springs adventure anyway!
By the time we had enuf of hot/cold waters, our stomachs were ready to receive solids... so since we were near Ipoh, Ipoh it was... this time Ms GPS failed us; but there's always friendly human GPSs at petrol stations to direct us to the famous eating places in Ipoh town. Unfortunately by the time we ronda here and there, it was past lunch time 2 pm. These Ipoh-ites not like KL-ites, got food anytime of the day. At 2 pm, most of the shops tutup already. Still there was enuf to fill empty stomachs... the irony of it is my boy ended up taking Pg asam laksa in Ipoh!!Since we were in no hurry, we turned off at Bkt Merah Laketown to look-see look-see before rolling onto Penang. Nothing impressive, except gawking at ducks on the water!
Finally arriving in Pg late evening, we checked into the hotel. Come dinner time, the rain put a damper on our plans to blitz the open-air hawker-food stalls. So we had to be content to drive out to a nearby mall, and after going round and round in circles arguing over what to eat, instead of good ole Penang food, we had to settle for .... of all things.. Manhattan Fishmarket. Imagine, going all the way to Pg to eat Western food, which can be got in KL... bleh. Not that the fish-meal wasn't good; it was. But as i kept grumbling... I wanted PENANG food! Then it was a drive about at nite downtown... its been so long since i was in Penang; but the memories of my early childhood remained, and so i turned tourist guide for the kids, entertaining (or rather boring) them with grandma stories...
Next morning i insisted rain or no rain, we would hv Pg food..so finally at Pulau Tikus market, i got to indulge in chee cheong fun, assam laksa, char koay teow, curry mee, thick kopi-tiam coffee, etc etc. Quite happy, we decided to take a trip up to Pg Hill, since the kids had never been, and the last time i went was like... gee, umpteen umpteen years ago. So behaving like typical tourists lugging cameras in hand, we went up, gulped some fresh mountain air, ooh and ahh-ed over the views from the top, and came down satisfied we had done 'something' in Pg. Of coz no trip to Pg would be complete w/out a stop-over at Lorong Selamat for food (wat else!!)...more hokkien mee, char koay teow, rojak, ice kacang, to fill the stomach... Final stop was shopping, since we had promised the kids... not that there was much to shop at Bayan Baru centre. So by the time we hit the home road, it was late afternoon. Near dinner time Ms GPS directed us to clay pot chicken rice in Bidor. It wasn't great, but it filled the need. We ordered noodles - ying yeong - expecting the normal KL Cantonese version of wet hor fun. Instead turned out Bidor version consisted of totally different and opposite variety - dry fried mee hoon/ mee. Lesson of the day: Don't assume all things called by 1 name are the same 1 kind!
So ended the great adventure which should have been in Manado, but happened in Pg instead. Considering that this was the 2nd flight re-schedule, we choose to believe we were just not meant to go to Manado - who knows, there are enuf real-life stories out there that sometimes delays, cancellations, changes are forced on us for very good reason, even tho we can't see it then. I rmbr tales of survivors of disasters telling how they were saved becoz of a last minute change of plan. Well, in any case, God more than made up with an unexpectedly nice and easy trip for the family, so we are indeed much blessed...

" And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose "... Romans 8:28

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As baby birds grow...

 

My eldest princess turned 23 today. Over the w/end we had a family dinner to celebrate together with fave uncle (he's fave, becoz he always foots the bill, ha ha) and boyfren. I hv trouble keeping tabs on how old the kids get every b-day that rolls along(that shows how old i am!!). Slightly ashamed to say i still haven't gotten her a present - i left it to no. 2 princess, since she's the shopaholic in the family. But the prob with shopaholics is they never make up their minds!! Anyway, no. 1 is gracious; she knows she is much loved, with or without a present, and not just on her b-day.
She threw me a bomber the other day; she's not really 'into' her current job; and that's less than a year's work put in only. Her passion is writing and she wants to do it full-time. I can't help but think how my genes have rubbed off on her; i m still dreaming that dream after donkey years... here she is, at 23, actually tinking of living it. I shake my head at youth's restlessness and gung-ho.I dunno if she's tinking she's gonna be the next JK Rowling or watshisname who wrote Da Vinci Code...but I guess at 23, anything and everything seems good to try out; the world is your oyster, as the saying goes.
But i, looking from the vantage point of 50, see all sorts of road-blocks. Still i dont have the heart to be a wet blanket to remind her of the practical difficulties of such a choice , esp when i myself am not sure at this stage wat to make out of it. Besides if it's really God's will for her life to launch out into a different road, i don't wanna stand in the way. I've seen this 'kid' grow into a confident young woman thru 23 years. In my mind's eye, i recall those scenes on TV how a mother bird by instinct knows when to push the baby birds out of their nest after a while. I used to shudder at the images of little balls of feathers falling out, wobbling on their feet, flexing teeny wings trying to get lift-off; and there is the apparently unconcerned mother bird, just watching from the sidelines. And i fall to musing, I should be more like a mother-bird; otherwise my babies will never learn to fly.

Yet i harbour a human mother's natural concern for her child's well-being; how will she survive if she doesn't hold a full-time job, wat about her plans to get married, esp since the boy also aint interested in a 'regular' job but is tinking of going into full-time church ministry... gee, how will they set up family like this lah ?! All the how's, and no answers.
But at least i am consoled by her declaration that she wants to use the talent God has blessed her with according to His way. So i shld be happy she won't be writing her stuff, but His stuff - that's already a prayer answered to thank God for. And i guess 23 is as good a time to start living out a dream as any age, so long as it's of God, His time is always the perfect time.
So against all natural fleshly inclinations to whack some good old cow (i mean mother)-sense into her head and to keep her 'safe' in a cozy secure job (nest) , i shut up; and go down on my knees once again... to pray God's will be revealed and done in her life; that He will show her the how's and the where's...
Hrrmph, guess this mother will just go back to doing what she knows best to do... pray, trusting in God's Word....

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.... Jer 29:11

When the storms come..

The past month has been heart-rending. 4 cancer cases. It started with one of my church sisters, very active lady, always reaching out to share her faith; we were all shocked when told it had spread into her spine, lungs, and most of her organs at stage 3. After that in quick succession, 3 cases from within my own kindy; 2 of our staff's family members - a husband was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer,and the other a relapse of daughter's leukemia, even after a successful bone marrow transplant and last week, 1 of our very own staff had a breast removed. We pray constantly for them, for healing and that their faith not only remains steady, but will be strengthened even in such difficult to understand circumstances.

Its times like these that make people question the existence of God. If there is a God, He must be good, if He is good, why does He let such lousy tings happen to 'good' people?? And wats so great about this God they call Jesus?? ... see, Christians also suffer the same things other people suffer, Christians also get cancer, they also die wat. Yeah, sure they hold these great healing encounters now and then, and yeah, sure, there miracles of people who get cured, but wat about those who don't?? Wats the big deal about Jesus??

I guess it all depends on what you tink God is there for. If like most, you only want a God who caters to your every whim, fancy and wish, i m afraid Jesus is bound to disappoint. Problem is we tink God 'owes' us - that if we worship Him, He is supposed to give us health, wealth, prosperity and happiness in our lives. So when He doesn't, we shrug and say, heck, i dont wanna God who can't gimme a forever happy life without any problems. But the truth is God doesn't owe us a single thing, we owe Him everything...from each breath that we are breathing now, right down to the tiniest cell in our body. It's all by His grace that we are alive this moment in time. So, big deal? No, being alive is no big deal really, unless you recognize how big a deal it is being dead instead.

That's why we are a big deal to God, becoz He sees how dead in sin many of us really are tho our bodies are alive breathing. That's why His priority is not our physical self; unlike us, He doesn't bother how many white hairs or wrinkles we get, He's doesn't care how much money we have in our bank a/cs, how many degrees we have to our name. Doesn't He care about about our problems? Coz He does, He sees them all; the tears, grief, suffering, anger, despair...in fact He's known it all; when Jesus walked on earth as a man, He went thru all that Himself. Of coz He cares that we hurt, we are struggling, but He's more interested in getting our spirit right with and alive in Him. Becoz even if our body is being wrecked with cancer, even when our world is in a mess, so long as our spirit believes Jesus is the Way, the Life and the Truth, tho we may be crying our hearts out as our boat gets caught up in the storms of this earthly existence, He commands the winds and the waves to be still; He calls fearful hearts to rest in Him who is the Prince of Peace. He who created the heavens and the earth comes with a grand promise; that those who believe in Him shall never perish but have eternal life.

That's the big deal about Jesus. He's bigger than cancer, bigger than tsunamis, bigger than any and all the giants in our lives that we call 'problems'. No, Christians are not exempt from suffering; the only special thing is we have a very real, very beeg God who walks with us thru every trial and leads us all the way to heaven, such that even thru the valley of the shadow of death, we shall not fear. Becoz after all we go thru on earth, we know we shall stand in the presence of God Himself, secure in our heavenly home that is guaranteed to those who would just believe. When we live everyday with the reality of that kind of hope, nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can take us down.

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want..." Psalm 23

Unexpected Blessings

 
 

It started off as just another company trip; a short 1 day overnite stay at Port Dickson with some 70+ people, all staff from the various church dept and ministries on our annual get-away to 'ber-bonding-bonding'. Mighty Kids (MK) had a record attendance of 23 out of 24 staff attending (and the odd one out was only becoz she had committed to earlier booked travel plans). As usual, when MK ladies get together, they are the noisiest, busiest, sporting-iest, brashiest group around.
It was a pretty fun time, filled with eating, putting up hilarious performances,competing in telematches, a spell of nite swimming, rounded up by a bit of shopping for Seremban siew pau...

As per the normal practise, the rooming arrangements were picked at random, and some of us ended up being paired with staff from other depts/centers. Of coz the natural reaction was to try to exchange places by mutual consent to room with someone familiar. I was paired with one of our church pastors (who has been known to just put in an appearance during the day) . Up to the last moment, i was wondering whether i would even have a room mate and waiting to just rope in some MK staff to fill the gap in case she wasn't overniting... But she did call and graciously asked if i would be more comfy sleeping alone, since she knew i was a light sleeper and was afraid of disturbing me. I told her it wasn't a problem, as i happen to be one of those who find it difficult to sleep away from home anyway. So we ended up together.

And it turned out to be a real blessing, unexpected as it was . Becoz as like all mums, i told her my concerns abt what was happening in my children's lives, and the good pastor that she is, she ended up praying with me for them... nothing like a pastor's prayer to add extra wings to mine own.... and on the very last day, i was doubly blessed when she released God's vision and anointing for me personally. I didn't even know i needed to be ministered to, but as her words and prayers flowed, my tears flowed, as i recognized God's goodness in giving me something i never even asked for or thot about at all.... such is His faithfulness; He knows what i need even tho i may not. And i came back with a wonderfully refreshed heart, confident of the way ahead for my own ministry and assured that my children will turn out ok, becoz He holds their lives in His mighty hands and will not let them slip...

So I was testifying to the rest of the teachers...the lesson is obvious - don't try to change God's plans...we are put into people's lives and people are put into our lives for good reason, tho our eyes can't see it, and our naturally selfish inclination is to manipulate our circumstances to be more comfortable. God doesn't just want us to have a good time in life , He's more interested in making His presence real to us every time everywhere - that is the highest blessing.

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Just Do It

I finally did it. After weeks of dithering ,postponing and just plain forgetting, I got down to giving away permanently a part of my savings to a total stranger. Not easy, as it meant having to make do with less for family and self but ever since God spoke so clearly to me about releasing the blessings He's blessed me with, i knew it had to be done and i already knew the target recipient - World Vision. So it was i managed to get their contact from a fellow colleague who has herself been a World Vision supporter sponsoring a Mongolian kid for the past 7 years, logged into their website and pledged my little contribution to an unknown child somewhere in the world. I purposely didn't wanna specify any preferences, coz i wanted God to lead all the way...

And lo and behold, He sent me a child from.... India. Of all the children in the whole wide world, He sends me an Indian kid....ha ha, back to the land He originally placed a burden in my heart for... how appropriate!! and so now everyday i got somebody new to pray for... they sent me the child's profile, with her name, photo and family particulars...I showed her off to my kids; they pretended horror... oh no, we got an Indian 'god-sister'?!! My boy wryly comments, there goes watever little inheritance we gonna get from mom ; we prob gotta entertain a whole Indian village for Christmas now ...my no. 2 says when she tells her frens i m off to India on another trip, they always ask her whether her mom got an Indian kid stashed away somewhere...now she can tell dem, i actually do have an Indian kid!!...funneeee these children of mine , how i love them!!

Do i need another kid? Coz not. Can i afford to commit $$ that would/should be spent first on my own family needs?? After all, they say charity shld begin at home. Why take on other people's problems when we can't even handle our own?! Well, if we all thot this way, the world would be a terrible place to live in. Besides years of walking with a faithful God has taught me, when i take care of His business (and His business is simply the lost, sick, needy, unsaved of this world) , He will take care of mine. If we waited till we solved all the problems in our life, we would never get round to helping others who are in so much more need. Its like saying sure, i will donate my $$ when i hv put away enuf of my own,(which will never be enuf, we know),i will donate my time at the orphanage when i retire from my job (by then, we are either already too old to be of much use, or first need to go round the world, play golf, take care of own grand-kids, etc etc...so, the time is now or never.

But why World V? Surely there are lots of equally needy local homes, causes i can contribute to? True. Jesus says we will always have the poor with us.8 years ago, when i was down and out, God already put a burden in my heart specifically for kids. Every day i look at the kids in my kindy, my heart bursts. Every time i go for overseas missions, its the kids that tug at my heart strings. Its kids that will carry the future to come, for better or for worse ; not just in this land but in the world. So I put my $$ where God has put my heart in.... a 'world' kid.

Its a great feeling, not becoz i m doing something great, but becoz in letting go of 'my' money, i m set free from being controlled by it. It's a great feeling becoz in obeying His will, i experience the truth that it is so much more blessed to give than to receive...

" He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God...." Mic 6:8

Letting Go

Ah blessed holidays... but how fast they fly... 1 week and its down to last few days already... it'll be back to school next week... and another 3 months of teaching. Tho i resumed full-time teaching a class in July, it still feels 'new'; thank God its turned out so far so good, despite some initial hiccups taking over from a teacher who resigned mid-term. There was some "noise" over my taking 1 week off for India missions, but the more serious concern over the H1N1 threat overshadowed everything else, as worried parents kept their kids at home. My class closed for a week directly the day after i came back from India , not becoz there were any cases amongst our kids, but becoz of kids' siblings who caught the virus from some other schools. I thot i would be given extra 1 week off, but no way... ha ha, boss said the class can close, but me teacher must come, since i wasn't even in M'sia for past duration! And then some of the teachers 'kena' quarantine, becoz of their own kids getting infected, so attendance has been yo-yo-ing... so its a good thing the hols started...
I caught up on my reading, prepared for upcoming preaching assignments and finally used up my bday gift certificate (given by the kids 6 months ago!) at the spa. (very relaxing experience it was, coming complete with scrub, jacuzzi and 1 full hr massage with infra-red heat all; i was suitably impressed enuf to buy up another voucher, thinking to use it for someone's bday) But what i really valued was the luxury of spending unhurried time with God, esp in the mornings. No need to keep an eye on the clock, no hurrying thru prayers, unlimited time for just worshipping and being still before Him... getting to know Him and myself more.
After 8 years of walking with my Shepherd, I hv come to recognize how He just will not leave me stagnant in self-satisfied complacency.. every now and then it seems as if He deliberately shakes the boat of my life and forces me to re-examine who I am and where I am in His eyes. And i come away humbled, as i see that there are still many areas in my heart that need to be 100% surrendered.
How easily it is to be self-deceived; i honestly thot i had surrendered all to Him. Its easy to think that when we seem to be doing all the right things; going to church, reading Bible, doing good works, praying... all the things a Christian should do. And then wham, i realise in spite of my professions of trust in God, i am still hanging onto certain things closest to my heart - kids and money. Indeed ask any parent, and those 2 areas are bound to be the strings that tug the hardest at us.

I pray for my children all the time , but lately it seems my prayer is out of desperation, not faith. Daily to God I moan that they dont seem to experience the reality of Christ in their lives, i deplore the way they let the world influence them in their thinking and attitudes , i despair as i hear them confess the same sins at family devotion time over and over again, i cry over how they enter into questionable relationships, make unwise decisions... i enlist the help of prayer partners to pray with me , for me, that God grant me the wisdom to handle them. And then it struck me when a sister reminded me gently that God knows best, that i really have not let God take charge after all . If i have, why do i get so worked up that at times i can't sleep tho i hv prayed committing difficult issues over them to the Lord?

And i dare claim smugly that everything i have i hv given over to Him. But again that's not true. By the time i finished reading a book on Freedom of Simplicity, i realised i was merely paying God lip-service, becoz if i really cared about how billions of people in the world are literally dying both physically and spiritually, i wouldn't be hoarding a financial contingent 'safety nest', beyond the basic resources that God has already blessed me with. I justify it as provision for 'the kids' - which parent after all doesn't want their children to have the best possible head-start to a 'good' life , so i skimp and i save to give them an inheritance .... but that again shows just how little i trust that God will bless and provide beyond the necessities for them.
Ahh, how true it is that the human heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure, so says the Word of God. And as i recognize this truth, i stand convicted and repentant before a God who knows me more than i know myself... as my heart lies exposed before Him , once again I fall at His feet to ask for grace and mercy, clinging onto His promise that as i confess my sins, He is just and faithful to forgive and cleanse me of all unrighteousness.
Moving beyond that, i know what should be done must be done - and that is really to mean what i pray - that i let go of my kids, my money and put them all on His altar, becoz actually they are 100% His; they are just 'on loan' to me for a season of time. I am just a steward of these blessings; and I better let the real Boss take charge, coz He really does know best...

Search me O God and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts,
See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.. Psalm 139:23-24

The Mystery of Prayer

I am digesting one of my fave authors Philip Yancey's book on Prayer- Does it make any difference?? .... its i call an 'honest' book; ie it dares to ask questions and doesn't pretend to give perfect, fairy tale answers... just like my all-time fave book - the Bible. Many smart people have questioned why there are inconsistencies in the Bible, if it's supposedly God's word. I hv myself asked the same questions (tho i don't consider myself in the smart category , but i aint exactly dumb either). But i hv come to a point where i m convinced Truth is truth; the existence of Truth doesn't depend on our belief . As someone argued; an atheist actually needs to exercise greater faith to believe in the non-existence of God, than a theist who by faith believes there is a God. Our finite mind thinks something is inconsistent if it doesn't add up the way to the way we expect things to add up, like we expect 2 + 2 = 4. But God doesn't exist as an equation to be added up and made sense of. He puts it quite simply "My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts are higher than your thoughts". He's revealed enuf to enable us to believe and to be saved - He sent Jesus into our world. What else He doesn't choose to reveal or explain is His prerogative as God.

But i digress... i was meaning to talk about prayer, becoz i could relate to Yancey's frank discourses on the subject. He asked questions i hv often asked myself. Why pray? What good does prayer do, when we all know some prayers don't seem to get any answers? Can we change God's mind through prayer, if we can, then wldn't that make God 'wishy-washy'?? What if someone prays for rain in 1 area, and another prays dont rain for the same area, how is God gonna answer?? Someone wisely replied, God will answer His way lah, ie effectively 1 person gets a yes, the other gets a no answer!! Is that how prayer works/don't work?

Everyone who professes some religion prays. As a kid, i was taught to pray by my parents... we went to temples, we had a lot of altars in the house..i can still see the walls smoked black by all the joss-sticks she lighted up twice daily. When i married ,my husband and i continued to pray to the family idols. When he was diagnosed of cancer, i prayed like crazy... any god, all gods, no matter... and then the miracle happened - Jesus captured me, my husband and my kids, and so the focus of my prayers changed. Not only that, i notice, even the content of my prayers changed, ever so subtly... my prayer-time used to simply a whole list of things I wanted God to do for me and mine,and oh, of coz i add the obligatory Thank You, God at the beginning and the end. This took like... 5/10 mins at most. That was my prayer life. And then i went to India..... and saw people PRAY...

Not short little prayers... these folks hold 2 hr prayer sessions, some starting as early as 5/6 am. (and that's not even counting attending church service which takes up at least another 2 hours)Plus these folks are not very 'polite' pray-ers... they make so much 'noise'- its like a whole babble of voices rising up to heaven. Not to mention they got very strong knees.... they can kneel on a thin mat covering cement floor very long (for me, anything above 5 mins on my knees is long, ok). So, after India, i took a serious look at my own very limited prayer-life then. I started reading books on prayer; without any exception, i found that every Christian saint worth his salt spent hours in prayer. I guess i shldn't be surprised by this, after all, that's exactly what Jesus taught and modelled in His days on earth. And there is no excuse of no time. Like the rest of us humans, Jesus had 24 hrs a day, He worked full-time (even over-time) , yet prayer was a non-negotiable with Him. So what excuse do we have? I especially have none, since i hv been so blessed with a job that gives me the luxury of free afternoons. Conviction started me on the road to discovering prayer....

8 yrs down the line, i m still discovering new facets about this journey called prayer...expanding from self/family to relatives to frens to strangers, from things to life issues, from people to nations, from 5 mins to 30, to 60 and beyond.. it's like a drop of ink on blotting paper; the prayers just kept on spreading... and i found, hey, there is no lack of stuff to pray for; if we only cared enuf to look around our broken and messed-up world. Truly God Himself puts burdens upon our hearts to pray for.. At one stage tho, i got stumped becoz i ran out of words to pray; but thanks be to God who already provided for this lack - He assures us His Spirit helps us pray with groanings and moanings which He alone understands. Becoz ultimately prayer is birthed in the Spirit, and the spirit doesn't need expression in human language, we need never be stumped over words. At times, its just silence when I come before the Lord in prayer ;those are truly very precious times of refreshing, of simply 'waiting upon the Lord', spirit-to-spirit. Other times i sing my prayers out with a joyful heart, remembering His goodness to me. And many times, its only tears that come out of my eyes instead.

Even tho i may get no answer for a long time, or at all, even tho the answer may not be what i prayed for.. i keep praying anyway, becoz that's what God tells me to do; and that's what Jesus did ....for i hv discovered its not about God answering my prayers really; of coz I want Him to. But i've come to realise praying changes me instead, esp when i dont get what i want the way i want it when i want it . Its the No, Later-not now answers that God deals me , that teaches me so much more than the blessings He does give , such that i finally understand His will is all wise, all knowing, all perfect, and I can trust that He will give me what i need, all that i need, over and beyond anything i could ever ask for.

For no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart can conceive what God hath prepared for those who love Him... Isa 64:4

The Wonder of Worship

Something happens to my soul when I worship. Bible says when we draw nigh unto God, He draws nigh unto us... what an awesome wonder that is.. that the Almighty God of the universe, my Creator, would deign to draw me into His presence...that the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the One who stretched out the heavens, laid the foundations of the earth, put every star into place, calms the winds and the waves... knows me by name and lifts me up into His throne-room in the heavenly realms, to sit at His feet and gaze upon the beauty of His holiness.

Such that as the song goes, when i turn my eyes upon Jesus,and look full into His wonderful face, when i turn my heart unto Jesus and worship His glorious name, the things of the earth grow strangely dim...Such is the wonder of worship that goes beyond language,words or tune...

India taught me 2 things - how to worship and how to pray. The first time i set foot in a church service in a small church in an Indian village 8 years ago, i was floored by their worship, even tho i didn't understand a word or know any of the tunes or the songs they sang. Becoz they didn't just sing, they worshippped... gloriously, unreservedly, totally,.. and watching the people before me raising their hands and voices high, a miracle happened inside me ... i knew w/out a doubt i stood in the very presence of a holy God. It wasn't an emo high, it was just a 'knowing' in mind and heart; so overwhelming that the tears simply flowed.... and I hv never been quite the same since then...

I came back to M'sia with a hunger for worship beyond singing pretty songs; that was 8 yrs ago; now i m even more hungry; its like tasting my fave char koay teow - starts with a wee mouthful that simply whets the appetite for a full plate. Best part is unlike fleshly pleasures, the law of diminishing returns doesn't apply to worship... the more i worship, the more i want to worship, until i am all lost in God. He has taken me from English to Chinese and Malay worship, each move drawing me deeper, closer than before into His presence; that truly its no longer about me or anyone else in the service... its totally all about Jesus; my Lord, my God, my Master, Savior, Lover and Beloved of my soul. The more i hunger, the more God feeds me; He Himself puts new songs into my heart that do not even need words anymore. The highest praise I hv received is not that i can preach power sermons or write well or is so active in ministry or watever, but that i am a worshipper of the one true God.
Does God need my worship? I dont tink so. He is God, He doesn't need a human that He created to tell Him how glorious, fantastic, awesome, holy He is... on the contrary, i am the one who is so so blessed when i worship Him for who He is, all that He is..glorious, fantastic, awesome, holy .... oh, the wonder of worship!

"Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name; worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness "... Psalm 29:2

India Again

 
 
 
 

Yes, its India again, after the last trip in March,i almost didn't get to make it this time, coz i hv just taken over a 6 years old class upon resignation of a teacher. But God is good; boss said ok, so i was freed to go again to this land that's always on my heart and in my prayers... 10 days doing God's business there...
This time involved a lot of travelling ... my old bones got jolted hard on loooong trips, 5/6 hrs at a stretch over hundreds of kilometers of roads.. the 11 of us had split into 3 teams, ministering in old and new territories. The first two days was spent in the hot hot hot south....trying to sleep in enclosed quarters was like steaming in a sauna. Besides nitely preaching at open-air rallies, we put in some time at a drug rehab centre and a home for old folks and unmarried single mothers; my heart was pierced to the core by the sight of babies and kids of these abandoned young females rejected by family and society. In the face of such hopelessness, I can only bring them a message of the God of hope who loves them even if no one else does...

Moving up to Bangalore,the weather thankfully improved a lot, as it is some 3,000 ft above sea level, thus accounting for refreshing cool breezes thru out the day. It was my first in this large mod and relatively clean city; even the slums were quite decent compared to the one i saw in Mumbai. I was assigned last minute to preach to a class of young bible school students... wondering wat on earth to say to a bunch of people who knew much more than me about theology, doctrine and all that stuff.. but God showed me that its not what i know that matters ; its wat He puts in my mouth that can move even the most seasoned student to tears ..i simply shared with them the vision i had gotten in one of the earlier church services i had preached at,of a bloody cross over India.. the message was clear that God was calling forth His people in India to sacrifice as Jesus sacrificed and died for India. It was a sobering message, but one which assured victory for the blood of Christ is the good news of salvation to all. As the pastor told me later, it was a most appropriate message, in the face of growing persecution of the church in many parts of the nation..

Another day of travelling after leaving Bangalore for a small town in Dharmapuri really taxed the body. On the lighter side, we had time to spare for a short (if you call 2 hrs short) trip to the famous Hogenakkal waterfalls outside the town. It was quite an experience, not just admiring the vast expanse of falling waters, but also ogling the male species who were publicly being massaged with shiny oil all over the place. The oil massages are apparently available for ladies as well, which obviously, none of us were keen to try!!

Workwise, we had to contend with rain at the nite rallies. During 1 session, the small crowd squeezed into an empty lorry parked near the rally grounds; as the rain drizzled on, the men ingenously rigged up a make-shift tent with a plastic sheet stretched over 4 poles, and everyone simply gathered under it ; even in the rain, there were people with open ears and open hearts... But the session that really amazed me was when some of the people who came forward to receive Jesus,after hearing the Word of God preached, simply started crying... and i knew, indeed, i could feel, the very presence of God's Holy Spirit in our midst... it was totally awesome,i myself ended up in tears as i prayed over them. Some would be quick to dismiss it as mass hysteria, or emotional hype, but i know it is not. The team had prayed daily for God to move, and in that rally, He had answered in a very real, tangible and mighty way.... i m so so blessed to be at the receiving end...

This is the 2nd time i hv seen people - non Christians - reduced to tears, for no apparent reason. The first had happened just last month, when i was ministering at the KL street-feeding one Sat. We had spent some 20 minutes just worshiping God with songs of praise, when a young man, who had been enthusiastically dancing away at the beginning, suddenly sat down and started weeping; and to my own surprise (and i would add,embarassment) ,i found myself crying along in full public view , tho we had not exchanged 1 word even...
i knew then the overwhelming touch of God on the human heart is very very real, i understood then what i had only been reading about in books that detailed how people can just come running out of pubs in England or supermarts in America,leaving everything undone, and heading for churches where services were being held, to fall down on their knees at the altar and cry out to God. I had wondered, did it really happen that way? And can it happen in these days? I hv prayed ever so desperately God, won't You move once again to touch hurting hearts in our world today... Well, God answered me very definitely... Yes, it did,yes, it can, and yes, He will..again. Praise God He does not give up on humankind, tho many choose to give up on Him..for such is His promise...
"Through the Lord's mercies, we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness... The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.." Lam. 3:22-25

Chk out http://picasaweb.goggle.com/laisaikhoon for more pix

Celebrating Love

Sunday June 21st we had a sumptous dinner for the 'men'( = my son, my brother and my eldest girl's boy fren) in our lives, since it was Father's day. Well, it was supposed to be the gals cooking for the guys, but ended up the boyfren gallantly helped out the only chef in the house - my eldest princess !! The rest of us only pitched in when it was apparent dinner was gonna be late if we sat around expecting the 2 love-birds to do it all!
Actually I m not much for Father/Mother's day or any of those over-commercialised occasions like Valentine. Surely it shld be obvious we dont hv to wait around for dat 1 day out of 365 days in a year to tell our beloveds that we love them... not that i hv anything against special celebs on those assigned days, i like celebs; which for me means just having a nice feast with those dear to my heart....

But now that i m classified in the singles again category, i can empathize with those who have no 'special other' or father/mother around or worse dont find their earthly parents worthy of being celebrated on such occasions. I m sure there are many who tink such things are over-rated; in fact i know of people who would actually find an excuse not to attend church on those days, becoz they feel 'out' and cant relate to the often mushy-mushy sentiments expressed then.

But mushy-ness aside, I myself confess every father's/valentine's day brings abt a tinge of sadness in my heart, becoz it's inevitable to recall past celebrations when my husband, the kids' father, was still with us. Sometimes after all the festivity of the day is over, and i m alone with my thots in the silence of my own room, the old familiar pain of a lost love sweeps over the soul, like a prickly thorn pressing into the soft layers of buried memories . Sometimes it comes even during the climax of the evening when everyone is smiling happily enjoying each other's company, i would catch myself stealing glances at the kids, who were no longer kids really, and wonder wistfully... wasn't it just yesterday ; why couldn't it be ....

But God is always quick to pull me out of these moments before they degenerate into self-pity and regret... He reminds me of the greatest love of all which He has showered upon my entire family as our Abba Father in heaven; the ever faithful One who watches over us all the time 24/7 x 365 days a year... for all the years to come; He call us the apple of His eye. Man, that's priceless, to know that the almighty God who created and sustains all things in the universe, thinks of me as so precious. Not only does He think of me , but He proved His fantastic love by sending His own Son Jesus 2000 years ago to die for my sin and set me free, today, everyday for all eternity. Wow! what a Father....

"Blessed [be] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort"... 2 Cor 1:13
"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God"... 1 John 3:1

"Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done as in heaven, so on earth ..."

50s bash

 
 
 

It was some b-day bash... finally the plan to gather for a reunion-cum-50th bday bash came to pass on 6/6/09 in Bkt Mertajam. 2 tables of 'lau ee' gathered in Shelaiton Restaurant to oooh and aaah over each other, esp me, since it has been 32 years since i last stepped foot in BM; and some faces i really couldn't place, tho i remembered names. I took the weekend off, taking a break from my street ministry, to travel up north on Saturday morning together with 2 other 'KL-ites' for company, put up at an old class mate's house and returned home on Monday morning.
It was an eating spree all the way from the time we touched down in BM till we left; very bad for the waistline indeed. It started with laksa and popiah, continued into 9 course grand dinner, Penang chee cheong fun, otak2, fried quail, baby octupus, ice kacang, curry mee, steam-boat, hokkien mee, nyonya kueh... where my stomach found the space to accommodate all that, i wonder!!
After the nite's grand banquet, the troupe adjourned to exercise their lungs in a K-OK joint nearby. What a sight to behold 50 year old lau ee macarena-ing and limbo rock-ing under the wires!! Who says only young people have all the fun??
On the serious side, I had prayed before i came that God would find me a church to attend on Sunday, since i really didn't wanna miss going to the Lord's house. Tho i had absolutely no idea where to go, my host was most kind to drop me off early at a methodist church, which service however only started at 11 am. But the kind aunty there directed me to a baptist church further down the road. Still i was way too early by some 1 1/2 hrs for their service; but the young caretaker was most gracious to open the gate for me and let me sit in the sanctuary. I was made to feel most welcome as many were the brothers and sisters in Christ who came up to greet me personally, as obviously i was a new face. They even announced the names of all the newcomers over the pulpit.. truly it felt so good to be part of God's big family.
I was invited after the service to join in the fellowship lunch, but had to excuse myself since my frens had other plans... we went to this place in Bg Lallang deep in some kampung area, which served fantastically cheap and yummy seafood - imagine steam fish head for only $27!! It was open air eating, and despite the heat, so many people were waiting to be seated. The visible cooking area was a hive of activity, so efficient were the chefs, each specialising in their own dish only.. food was being rolled out practically like an assembly line..
As i blog this back in KL, i am remembering the happy faces, the laughter, the jokes, the catching-up of years past; memories of who did what when, updates of where so-n-so is now, wat happened to this/that person... 32 years ago we were all fresh-faced girls in pig tails and school uniforms. Now most of us are mothers with grown/growing kids, some divorced, some widowed, some still swinging single, a handful have passed away from this earth... to have lived 50 years is a long time, half a century. And a question came to my mind - could we ever have imagined then how our lives would turn out as it did?
I for one can't. I remember at age 12, I took on an english-fied name, Christine for the fun of it since it was the fashion then...I remember dreaming about getting married, having kids and living happily ever after...i remember i fell in (puppy) love with my BM tuition teacher and worked so hard at the subject; both of us were so disappointed i got only a C3 for my Form 5 exam....all these things i remember, but...
How could i have known that i would be a widow at age 42? How could i hv known the name i took then would actually define who i am now, as i found out years down the line that Christine actually means a follower of Christ. How could i hv known that the skills in BM i had acquired then would now help me minister to the non-Chinese speaking groups of street people i meet every Saturday?
No, there was no way i could have known all these, but God knew. When i first read in the bible that God already knew me even before I was formed in my mother's womb, that He had plans to prosper and never to harm me, i was totally floored. How could this be; that God already knows me; when i wasnt even made,much less born? And yet looking back over the years of my life, that's exactly the truth... i am not an 'accident', i wasn't 'evoluted' from some ape ancestor; i am 'fearfully and wonderfully made' by the Lord who loves me so much He has planned to save me all along, calling me back to be His very own daughter of the Most High God. Ya, it took me 40 years to return to Him; i hv wandered off the wrong paths, but He is ever the good Shepherd who goes all out to bring back even 1 lost sheep - like me. There's nothing like having the certain knowledge that my life is held in the palm of His mighty hands, for Him the Potter to shape into something beautiful; not becoz of what i can do (which ain't much really) , not becoz i deserve it (i m just another sinner, saved by grace after all ) but becoz of what He can do, and wants to do to me, for me, through me. That's the ultimate meaning of life on earth that gives peace beyond understanding, joy unspeakable, grown out of a love divine... available to all through Jesus Christ, the One who proved through His death and resurrection that He is truly the One and only Way, the Life, and the Truth. Becoz no other man, be they teachers, prophets, gurus, healers, no matter how good their ways, no matter how saintly their character, no matter how noble their lives, has ever died to take the punishment of mankind's sin and rise alive in glory.

So,as i reflect on how gracious God has been and continues to be to me, i know its not how long we live; none of us will be around to greet the next 50 years. God says the length of our days is 70 years, or 80 if we have the strength. But however many/few days i have been given on this earth, i thank God that i can live each one of them knowing, loving, and serving Him who pulled me out of the mediocrity of "my-self" life, and blessed me with the fantastic new life that Jesus has promised to all who would believe His promise:

" I am the gate, whoever enters thru me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full".... John 10:9-10



p/s for more pix of the gathering, chk out http://picasaweb.google.com/laisaikhoon

The party continues

 
 
 
 

There's a song ringing in my head..I am so blessed, so blessed, so blessed...first my own fleshnblood family started the ball rolling on my b-day , then 4 days later on Sunday (which coincidentally was mother's day ) , my Christ-family joined in and continued the celebration. My eldest princess and boyfren slaved over their speciality cored apple dessert, my 'kaki-kaki' all came to bless with pots of food...my brother got the cake... and i made the only dish i know to do well (jiu hoo char )... and tra la... wat a spread it was for the dinner table. What better way to grow old than being surrounded by people whom i love and who loves me! And all this is possible only becoz the God who is Himself love taught me all about love..

I remember how i used to be, all caught up, wrapped up in my own family. After i married, it was basically just me, the hubby and the kids.I lived my life secure in this little cocoon i had created around us. Sure i had frens, but they were not family. Heck, back then, i didn't even visit my own bros n sis back in Alor Star during Chinese New Year. And it wasnt bad, not an unhappy life for i told myself that's all that mattered;so there was a measure of selfcontentment that came out of a self-contained, self centered lifestyle. It kept me going 20 odd years after all.

And if not for my husband's cancer, i guess i wld hv continued living like that to the end of my days ; unaware that life is meant to be more than a self drawn circle. It is meant to be so much much more; I found the meaning of a full, abundant life only at age 40, when my world was turned upside-down literally... then only could my eyes see right-side up. What an irony. How i thank God each day, He pulled the comfy rug from under my feet and opened up a wonderful fabulous world that i never knew existed, becoz i was too busy caught up in one that was my own creation.

I hv bn asked if my God is so good, why didn't He let my husband live. Hey, i asked the same question myself then, but how true it is that God is not here to grant our wants;we didn't create God, we are created by Him for Him. His aim is to make saints out of sinners; to bring us back to Him, for He is the greatest blessing. So just becoz bad things happen doesn't mean God is bad. If not for the bad things that happened in my life, I wouldn't know my God is so really really good. If there was no agony, we wouldn't know the meaning of ecstasy. If there was no darkness, we wouldn't appreciate light.

8 years ago, God called me out of my darkness into His light. He took my husband home, but gave me another much extended family to love and be loved by. He took my job, and gave me a calling. He took my money and gave me treasure that can't be bought. He broke me, and then He healed me, restored me and gave me a meaning to live beyond myself, beyond my kids, beyond causes and things. He has put songs in my heart i never knew to sing, and now 8 years down the line, as i celebrate another b-day, another mother's day, i am so thankful to be so so so blessed...

We love because He first loved us... 1 John 4:19
This is love; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.. I John 4:10

My cup overflows

 
 
 
 

I turned 49 yesterday. Wow, that's just 1 year short of half a century old. Its...mind boggling to say the least. How did the 49 years pass so fast, can it be my eldest is already a 23 year old woman herself ? Gee, what happened to all my 'babies'?
Ya, ya, i know, they grew up and i grew... old? Where got. I grew, yes, in terms of years older, but in terms of heart, i grew up too. Thanks to a God who opened up my eyes to the Truth of life and love - was it just 8 years ago...

When i came down on the morning of my b-day, i found such a beautiful surprise waiting for me. The kids had taken the trouble to do up the chairs with cutesy balloons, there were 2 stalks of roses beside the greeting card and the gift voucher for spa treatment on the table. Bearing in mind i only got back abt 10.30 pm after a prayer meeting the nite before, they must have 'pa-kat' and waited till after i had gone to bed to do up the tingy together... how sweet, but wat brot tears to my eyes were the words in the card; which i m so proud to reproduce here:
From my no 1: Dear Mama, happy b-day. Thank you so much for loving us (despite how difficult it can be sometimes) and sticking it thru the years. You really are the best, no 1 mom in the world! Hugs. I pray that God will grant you ALL the desires of your heart and overflow you with blessings!
From my no 2: an unexpected poem - Happy B'day.. a million apologies, a thousand hugs, a hundred praises, tens of gratitude, one heart, unlimited love. A mother knows best, a mother wants the best, you know God knows best, you know God wants the best; that's what makes you different, that's what makes you special.. May God honor your sacrifices and grant you your hearts desires. Amen.
From my no 3: Dear mama, Happy 50th b-day (Trust a guy to get the age wrong, duh!i warned him he better not do this to his wife!) thanks for everything you did for us. I really appreciate it alot. i hope God will bless you mightyly (ya, still need to work on his spelling!) for all your good works on earth here! Have a blessed b-day.

Wow, reading this was all the present i needed. It made all the tears, all the sweat, all the prayers , all the heartaches, and yes all the white hairs worthwhile... i am assured if they can write these things, it means they know how to appreciate love, they know how to pray blessing for others, and their hearts are in the right place - with God.

What more can i ask ? So all i do is whisper thank You, Lord, for blessing me with these kids, thank You for helping me train them up in the way that they should go, so that they may remain in the ways of Your righteousness and never depart from them. Thank You, Lord for filling my cup so much it overflows..

Not Just Another Easter

 

 
 

After India, there was really no breather for me, as i had a lot of catching up on Easter drama rehearsals. 2 days before i was to leave for India, Pastor had caught me by surprise asking if i would like to try out for this year's Easter presentation in church. Despite my telling her i wouldn't be around for much of the rehearsals, she said no problem. So no more excuses not to say Yes! I had only a couple of prelim trial runs before i left for India, lugging the script with me... not that i did much with it, since it stayed in my file almost untouched when i was on missions!!. So by the time i came back, i had to express-track learning lines, positions and fitting in with the rest of the cast and crew.
It was a pretty simple drama; husband and wife grieving over their only son, who was brain-dead kept on ventilator due to road accident. The son who had just become a Christian had signed to donate away his organs and the parents were in a dilemma whether to honor his wish. Thru an interpolation of songs and excerpts from the Passion of Christ video, as well as a re-enactment of Jesus' crucifixation on the cross, the parents are led to understand the purpose of suffering, and the promise that God gave to the world in Jesus who came, died on Good Friday and resurrected on Easter Sunday to guarantee hope beyond tears, life beyond death. I was to play the part of the wife's Christian sister who brings them to the point of realisation to let go of their son to God, and in the process themselves come into the saving grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus.
It was a real tear-jerker, 'emo' all the way as my kids said after they saw the performance. I had thot it would be 'just acting'; after all it's 'just another story ' for 'another Easter'. But somehow as i went thru the rehearsals, God took me along a spiritual journey and gave me an experience which moved me to real tears even as i mouthed my lines. It was no longer 'just acting'. One Pastor who watched our final rehearsal commented... "you people actually cry real tears.."... it was as much a question as it was a comment.
And it was true, we cried real tears. I don’t know about the rest of the cast, indeed I don’t even know anything about acting a part. But somehow the right words just came, the tears just flowed, because God took me into the heart of my stage character who was tasked to speak a very simple message - that beyond death, there is life; beyond despair, there is hope; beyond tears, there is joy.
On the stage, I was taken back along a spiritual road, remembering Easter.. as I reminisced about my stage-nephew receiving Jesus, my mind flashed back to the time I uttered the prayer that changed my life. And I remember the pain of grieving for a husband then dying of cancer, mixed with the peace of God that flooded my soul, and so my tears flowed...
As the desperate father belted out the song lyrics to a silent God , 'can You hear me? Am i getting thru tonite?", i remember the many times i had fallen to my knees in tears of anguish over things i couldn't understand that were happening in my life, asking God the same questions, so my tears flowed again...
As the screening of the Passion of Christ synchronised with the song of Mary, mother of Jesus ..."Mary, did you know when you kissed the face of your baby, you were kissing the face of God?" i remember the amazing love of Jesus for me, me, who didn't even exist 2000 years ago, that He - the King of Glory - should become a wee little baby for my sake, forsaking heaven, and so my tears flowed afresh...
As the King of Glory hung on a cross, His body beaten, tortured and all bloody, i remember here is One who suffered for me, bearing not just my, but the world's sins, and so my tears flowed some more...
As finally He breathed out His last words "It is finished" ,familiar words memorized and sealed in the mind’s vault twisted in my heart once again , and I remember the price He paid for my life - with His own, as the Savior who died for me , and so my tears continued to flow..

Many Good Fridays and Easters have come and gone. Christians all know the blessed message of Christ coming to die on the cross, taking our sins, and being raised alive on the third day to give everlasting life to those who believe. We can get so familiar with this 'old' story we lose the wonder of it all.. that God so loved the world He sent His Son Jesus to die for us, so that whomsoever believes in Him shall never perish but have eternal life...

As i 'acted', my heart knew it wasn't 2000 years ago, it's today, everyday, the cross is before me, so that i may remember it's not just another story, it's not just another Easter...
and so my tears flowed for

Greater love hath no one than this that He lay down His life... John 15:13

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Hyderabad

 
 
 
 

How fast time flies, each day blurring into the next.. 10 days in India and here i am back on home ground once again, breathing in the M'sian heat (not as bad as India tho... there in the afternoon, its sooo hot i do believe we can cook an egg outside...in May it apparently reaches up to 40 degrees... pheew!), feasting my eyes on clean even roads (something we don't appreciate often enuf, unless you are bumping along in India, trying to avoid cows, people, buses, motorbikes who all have their own rules..!); this morning when i was being driven home, we saw the most beautifuul sun rise greeting us.. fluffy blankets of gold, yellow, orange clouds blended in a wonderful burst of colors across the sky... what a fantastic painter God is..!

The team spent 5 days in Hyderabad, supposedly one of the most mod cities of India, it being the IT capital and all...but the only ting we saw mod was the brandnew airport, just opened to public, very spanky nice even by international stds. We didn't go into the city proper, but the small hotel we stayed in was decent enuf, and slap in the middle of a suburb town, so there was chance to do a little shopping on the side, after our ministry in the nearby villages. The thing that struck me most abt Hyderabad were the rocks everywhere ... it's really tough ground, they literally dig out mountains of rocks for building; homes are square little brick boxes, the poorest ones are just a small dining room in size - go figure out how a whole family sleep, eat, and live in an area as small as 500-600 sq. ft. Kitchens and toilets are of coz outside (with just enuf standing or rather squatting room). It always amazes me that despite such conditions, the people take great pains to bless us by the only way they know how... preparing simple yet simply sumptious food to feed us... and its like a kenduri... the host household cooks by the pots to cater to the whole community of people who gather to hear us. Such is the warmth of the brotherhood of believers in Christ Jesus; which goes beyond our different skin colour.
The highlight of the ministry was a visit to the Lambadi tribe, this particular gypsy group, their women folk distinguished by big ornamental rings in their hair, nose and on their arms, was a semi-permanent cluster scattered over wide fields...so we drove field-hoppping, distributing soaps and bread. Tho they accepted our gifts, they were very vocal, indeed some of the women were even agressive, and resistant to our sharing of the gospel. But even in the midst of opposition, the word of God got thru, to the children and to the few adults who were willing to listen. So it was that for the first time in their lives, some of them got to hear about a God who loves them so much He died for their sins to give them life, for the first time, they heard the name of Jesus, in their language YesuPrebu. And for me, that was enuf... my job is done, God will do the rest in His good time.

And talking about good time, we witnessed the baptism of 2 indian men in one of the outreach churches. One was a totally paralysed old man who had to be lifted out of a chair and into the baptism pool. The other was a miracle case, a younger man who had been totally paralysed but after much prayer had recovered to the extent of being able to hobble around, since his 2 feet remained swollen. The next day we were off to some other village, word came that the guy with the swollen feet had passed away. All of us had thot it would be the older guy who actually looked more sick than this one... Much as we share the grief of the bereaved wife, but looking at it from God's perspective, it was such perfect timing, as we managed to give this brother a grand send-off from earth by baptising him before his passing... wat better way to go off in style; at the height of his faith publicly declared through water baptism!

Last time i was in Mumbai, didn't get a chance to looksee or shop at all. This time, God is good; we managed to slip in a bit of sight-seeing into an old fort in Hyderabad - fort Golconda is apparently only 1 of 2 places in the world which boast a remarkable open air acoustic system, where if you stand and clap at certain places at the bottom of the fort, way up high at the top it can be heard. And in one little enclosure, someone whispering in one corner can actually be heard very clearly in the opposite corner - truly a case of walls have ears! Such technology already available in ancient days, even before modern acoustics were ever invented. There was even an underground 8 km tunnel which served as an escape route for the king in case of invasion, big enuf for a horse to be ridden thru (King not supposed to walk mah!) It was quite worth the 3 km walk up the hill just to hear the sound effects. And we ladies marvelled at the huge dressing room of the queen and concubines all... it's as big as 1 1/2 bedrooms! How quaint that in those days there were no mirrors, so there was a reflecting pool for the ladies of the court to check their make-up!

Well, that was a good break from all the preaching and praying, which in itself we did only by God's power anyway. I was really blessed; beyond the satisfaction of proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ, seeing souls respond to receive Jesus into their lives, and praying for the people, God gave me beautiful visions at almost every rally I ministered at... esp at the very first meeting, i looked at 100s of empty chairs and my heart was going down, down, down, having so little faith and asking God, how can all these chairs be filled...i was dreading that i would hv to end up preaching to empty chairs; already once i had to preach to cows!! .... but God is faithful, even when i m faithless... the chairs were filled somehow.. and He let me see the most fantastic vision of angels lined up before Jesus on His throne, scepter in hand, crown on His head, hovering over the rally grounds... my heart was just lifted up and soo encouraged... i saw God's holy fire in a burning bush spreading into a huge cross, i saw crystal drops of Holy Spirit rain falling down and living waters gush out of bellies of people, i saw this church unveiled in all glory as a bride of Christ, pillars held up by living saints joining hands and shoulders upward.. and all i can say is thank You, to an awesome awesome God who allows me to see such wonders of heaven, with these earthly eyes of mine! How true is God's promise...

Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not... Jeremiah 33:3

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