Many are blessed to grow up in "happy" families - we read glowing reports of wonderful dads (and moms of coz) , displaying family photos of smiling faces, blue skies and everything nice. Those are indeed great stories. But me, I don't have particularly fond memories of my early childhood, and I am sure I am not unique in that. In fact there are probably many other stories which are not so great. I hasten to add I don't begrudge other people's blessing, and I am sure even those "picture-perfect" families have gone through seasons of rain and storms. But honestly, sometimes it's a bit hard to relate to all the celebration of this or that category of people, when our personal experiences have been less than happy or normal. Be that as it may, I am ever grateful my adopted parents have loved me and taken care of me the best way they knew how. Otherwise I wouldn't even be able to write this in the first place.
It's especially on Father's day that I miss my husband, the father of my children. Recently out on church missions in an Orang Asli village, I was sharing with some of the women how I used to find it difficult sleeping without my husband by my side. One of them looked me in the eye and said "Cari lain la". (Find someone else la). To her, that was the obvious solution to a simple problem. But I had never thought of it that way; I think one husband is quite enough to handle in a life-time. It's been 15 years since he passed on to what I am assured (in the Bible and by our then 8 year old daughter's dream) is a far better place where there's no pain, no suffering, no disease, no tears, only joy and peace. Our lives have moved on in the absence of a much beloved spouse/father in the house. When my time comes to depart this earth, my children will no doubt also carry on with their own lives. But I hope at the very least, the memories of their father and mother will be more good than bad.
Actually I find we humans tend to remember the bad more than the good. Don't have to look far, just read the daily news reports. Bad news appear to sell better than good anytime. Everybody prefers to read about a certain sex video instead of 'boring' stuff like the reduction of household debt to GDP ratio. So it is with our memory-banks. I only vaguely remember the rare treats my father gave me when I was a child, but up to now, even after so many years down the line, I cannot forget how I climbed over the neighbor's wall, trying to escape my mom's "rotan", though I forget what naughty deed I was guilty of (ok, there were many, I admit) . And I still recall how heavy was my father's hand on my cheek when he got fed-up with my (forever) bad maths results . These days someone would have screamed child abuse. But those days were different; I suspect parents then had no qualms about not sparing the rod in raising their young children.
I never knew there were things like birthday parties, until I was well into my teens. I never got any hugs from my parents; the first (and only) time I tried to hug my father, it was so awkward - for both of us. My parents never celebrated anniversaries. As it is, I remember the beatings more than the loving. So I am not particularly surprised when my now very grown-up children tell me they remember vividly their punishment for doing wrong when they were young; whether it was I, their father, or elder sibling who "administered" it (the difference being there wasn't any 'rotan' in our home).
If that's the case with our own family members, I guess it's also not surprising that's how people react to God as well - many regard Him as just a distant, angry father, always out to 'catch' us in 'sin' (which usually translates as rules and regulations restricting our freedom and spoiling our fun to live as we like) and punish us with hell-fire. 2 of my very grown-up children objected strongly when I told them what the Bible said about who goes to hell. We were talking about homosexuality over dinner (that's how a mere sex video can generate so much discourse, when normally our dinners are pretty quiet affairs) .
I am afraid I didn't explain it very well though, and may have ended up giving them the impression God is some big guy up there who's just waiting to zap people who don't agree with Him into this place called hell to burn forever more. I neglected to clarify actually it's not about morals or sex (the 2 things that seem to occupy idle human minds a lot.) It's about human pride which causes us to think we know what's best for us, and therefore are entitled as of right to do what we want, how we want, as we want, instead of doing what God wants. That was what tripped up Adam and Eve in the garden, and it's still tripping up all humankind everywhere - this thing God calls sin.
So no, it's not about how moral, smart, rich, good (or otherwise) we happen to be. It's about who we are basically; according to His perfect standards, all - and that means all - have sinned and fall short of His glory. I should have told my children the truth is God doesn't send anybody to hell. Actually we send ourselves to hell, by the choices we make in life. (Worse some make life on earth itself a hell for themselves and for others). If we would stop to think about it, God has given to man the highest freedom of all - the ability and the choice to reject Him, to not believe or follow Him. The only snag is with that freedom comes great and eternal consequences - what we decide to do with God is literally the difference between heaven and hell.
No one can accuse God of being unclear about this; we can't say we were not warned. Some would think, duh, that's like no choice really, it's manipulation using fear . Well, no one is exactly forcing it down our throats. It's a very mature democratic system - if we want to live our way, then be prepared to face what's further up at the end of the road of this earthly life.
Sad to say, it's easier to blame God for hell ; I guess then we don't need to own up that it's our own fault. In truth, my God isn't about hell. The one prayer every Christian would have memorized by heart begins... "Our Father, who art in heaven...". Earthly fathers (and mothers, spouses, sisters, brothers, bosses, best friends, leaders, anybody and everybody) may fail us all too often, but not this Father...
For His word says plainly He 'takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live.." (Ezekiel 33:11), in fact He is "not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9) . My God is not the god of death, but the God of life; Jesus came that all may "have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10) . And He wasn't talking about just heaven, but life on earth, right here, right now. The closed tomb of death and hell's doors couldn't hold Him back - He simply walked out alive and kicking after 3 days. Wherever He went, the sick got healed, demons fled, the dead got resurrected, mourning turned into joy, people heard good news preached. Now that's abundant glorious life indeed.
When Father's Day rolls around, we rack our brains for what present to give the human fathers we love . Yet it is Our Father in heaven who first loved us so much who has already prepared the best gift for us instead - His total, unconditional, liberating Love, so we can experience Life in all its fullness. And we don't have to wait for Father's Day or any special day to receive it. We just need empty hands and open hearts."For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord " ...Romans 8:38-39
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