Yet it's probably one of, if not, the hardest word
for anyone to utter. Applies to all races, ages and social background. Even this morning over radio, there was a debate going on about the word, who should say it first and why.
Some said it doesn't matter who or why, if you cared enough about people, you would be the first to say it. This is irrespective of which party is right or wrong. Some insisted only the one in the wrong should say it; after all why should I say sorry if I am right about a particular situation or issue? Especially if the person who is wrong is someone I don't particularly like or even actively dislike.
Which recalls for me a recent movie which I managed to catch before the end of its run, thanks to a dear friend's timely alert. Amidst all the hype of Batman vs Superman, it's easy to miss/dismiss this Mandarin flick The Kid from the Big Apple as another feel-good family drama playing on emotions. As it turned out, this simple movie about the obvious conflicts between a precocious 11 year old Chinese kid raised in New York, suddenly forced to live temporarily with a typical Asian grandfather in M'sia, was a heart-warming gem of a tale. No wonder it walked away with 4 awards at an International Movie Festival, beating even heavy-weights like Ip Man 3. Of course the fact that it was shot entirely in M'sia ( most of it in a taman in Cheras), was written and directed by a M'sian woman and featured M'sian child actors made it all the more relatable. Plus it starred famous Hong Kong veteran Ti Lung, whose old 1-armed Swordsman series I never missed as a kid.
A write-up blurp described the movie as being born from anger, more specifically director Jess Teong's rage against smartphone culture and erosion of tradition in M'sia. The movie does a fine job of juxtaposing the new vs the old, seen through the eyes of the ultra-modern Sarah and her conservative grandfather. But what really caught me was the understated background estrangement between Sarah's typical rebellious (then still young) mom and the strict father who slapped her for insisting on going her own independent way to New York, chasing a lover who as good old Dad predicted correctly, turned out so lousy he ditched her in the end, alone in a 'kwailo' land with child. So who's right, who's wrong? At the movie's climax, there was just a shot of father and daughter eye-ball to eye-ball, both muttering that word - Sorry - at the same time. And then both repeated to each other - I am sorry. What brought about reconciliation was the realization of death striking the one they still loved, in spite of all the years of buried resentment, bitterness and regret. The daughter received a video record of what was effectively the father's last will and testament to her, in anticipation of his death. The father thought the daughter was missing, likely killed, in an earthquake in her foreign office, unaware that the child had used his name to message the mom to return to M'sia for Chinese New Year.
Some said it doesn't matter who or why, if you cared enough about people, you would be the first to say it. This is irrespective of which party is right or wrong. Some insisted only the one in the wrong should say it; after all why should I say sorry if I am right about a particular situation or issue? Especially if the person who is wrong is someone I don't particularly like or even actively dislike.
Which recalls for me a recent movie which I managed to catch before the end of its run, thanks to a dear friend's timely alert. Amidst all the hype of Batman vs Superman, it's easy to miss/dismiss this Mandarin flick The Kid from the Big Apple as another feel-good family drama playing on emotions. As it turned out, this simple movie about the obvious conflicts between a precocious 11 year old Chinese kid raised in New York, suddenly forced to live temporarily with a typical Asian grandfather in M'sia, was a heart-warming gem of a tale. No wonder it walked away with 4 awards at an International Movie Festival, beating even heavy-weights like Ip Man 3. Of course the fact that it was shot entirely in M'sia ( most of it in a taman in Cheras), was written and directed by a M'sian woman and featured M'sian child actors made it all the more relatable. Plus it starred famous Hong Kong veteran Ti Lung, whose old 1-armed Swordsman series I never missed as a kid.
A write-up blurp described the movie as being born from anger, more specifically director Jess Teong's rage against smartphone culture and erosion of tradition in M'sia. The movie does a fine job of juxtaposing the new vs the old, seen through the eyes of the ultra-modern Sarah and her conservative grandfather. But what really caught me was the understated background estrangement between Sarah's typical rebellious (then still young) mom and the strict father who slapped her for insisting on going her own independent way to New York, chasing a lover who as good old Dad predicted correctly, turned out so lousy he ditched her in the end, alone in a 'kwailo' land with child. So who's right, who's wrong? At the movie's climax, there was just a shot of father and daughter eye-ball to eye-ball, both muttering that word - Sorry - at the same time. And then both repeated to each other - I am sorry. What brought about reconciliation was the realization of death striking the one they still loved, in spite of all the years of buried resentment, bitterness and regret. The daughter received a video record of what was effectively the father's last will and testament to her, in anticipation of his death. The father thought the daughter was missing, likely killed, in an earthquake in her foreign office, unaware that the child had used his name to message the mom to return to M'sia for Chinese New Year.
So what's the big deal about that word? It's a big deal, because something breaks the 'bad air' when that word is uttered. Sorry opens the door to forgiveness and release. Of course whether we want to walk through that door is another issue. It takes great humility, a really big heart, to be the first to say sorry, especially when we know we are right. Our human ego tells us it's stupid to apologize when we are not at fault, and demands our 'pound of flesh' from the one in (obvious) error. Likewise pride stands in the way of the one who is wrong, because it's humiliating and shameful to admit we are wrong. So both parties keep quiet in a cold war that can last years, even generations.
But the truth is sooner or later, all of us have to come to grips with the 'bigger picture' - that who is right or wrong really counts for little at the end of our life's journey on earth. Refusing to make the first move to make amends hurts not just others, but ourselves, for all the years wasted bearing the grudge of unresolved pain. Saying sorry isn't about weakness; it's about recognizing that we have hurt someone, intentionally, unintentionally, rightly or wrongly, by our action, inaction, or attitudes. Sorry isn't confined to personal matters between private individuals; it extends to communal groups, genders, even nations. We all have a lot to be and say sorry for, even if we are not the ones who actually committed wrong. Japan apologized for its war atrocities, as a country. Innocent white Americans apologized for the way Red Indians were treated over the centuries. Courageous leaders show they are sorry by resigning from corporate or political office, to take responsibility for wrongs done under their charge even if they aren't guilty in their personal capacities. One righteous man can stand up and say sorry for the wrongs that men perpetrate on womankind through rape, abuse, prostitution and misogyny.
My husband was the one who taught me the power of the word Sorry, way before Jesus Christ taught me about repentance and forgiveness. Inevitably my old man would be the first to apologize after a quarrel, even when he was right. I was the ever arrogant sulky ice-queen who waited to be 'pujuk'. When he passed on, I finally understood the reason why he was so quick to say it was simply because he loved me -enough to give up his right to be right....
A point proven to its utmost when Jesus Christ surrendered his very life to murderers who called for his blood, in spite of being judged by man to have done no wrong. In fact He went even further; with His dying breath, He said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34), choosing to forgive those who did Him wrong, even when they never said sorry.
When I am inclined to get too smug about my self-righteousness, I remember this - that Jesus sacrificially gave up all His rights, for all my wrongs, for no other reason than that He loves me. In doing so, He set me free to love others as He does, without any condition. Ultimately we are all the
same - sinners in the eyes of a most holy God. Then it becomes easier for me to take that first step to say sorry.. to God and to others.
Published MMO 3/3/16
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