The Hardest Word

It's such a simple word, only 5-letters. S-O-R-R-Y.

Yet it's probably one of, if not, the hardest word

for anyone to utter. Applies to all races, ages and social background. Even this morning over radio, there was a debate going on about the word, who should say it first and why.

Some said it doesn't matter who or why, if you cared enough about people, you would be the first to say it. This is irrespective of which party is right or wrong. Some insisted only the one in the wrong should say it; after all why should I say sorry if I am right about a particular situation or issue? Especially if the person who is wrong is someone I don't particularly like or even actively dislike.

Which recalls for me a recent movie which I managed to catch before the end of its run, thanks to a dear friend's timely alert. Amidst all the hype of Batman vs Superman, it's easy to miss/dismiss this Mandarin flick The Kid from the Big Apple as another feel-good family drama playing on emotions. As it turned out, this simple movie about the obvious conflicts between a precocious 11 year old Chinese kid raised in New York, suddenly forced to live temporarily with a typical Asian grandfather in M'sia, was a heart-warming gem of a tale. No wonder it walked away with 4 awards at an International Movie Festival, beating even heavy-weights like Ip Man 3. Of course the fact that it was shot entirely in M'sia ( most of it in a taman in Cheras), was written and directed by a M'sian woman and featured M'sian child actors made it all the more relatable. Plus it starred famous Hong Kong veteran Ti Lung, whose old 1-armed Swordsman series I never missed as a kid.

A write-up blurp described the movie as being born from anger, more specifically director Jess Teong's rage against smartphone culture and erosion of tradition in M'sia. The movie does a fine job of juxtaposing the new vs the old, seen through the eyes of the ultra-modern Sarah and her conservative grandfather. But what really caught me was the understated background estrangement between Sarah's typical rebellious (then still young) mom and the strict father who slapped her for insisting on going her own independent way to New York, chasing a lover who as good old Dad predicted correctly, turned out so lousy he ditched her in the end, alone in a 'kwailo' land with child. So who's right, who's wrong? At the movie's climax, there was just a shot of  father and daughter eye-ball to eye-ball, both muttering that word - Sorry - at the same time. And then both repeated to each other - I am sorry. What brought about reconciliation was the realization of death striking the one they still loved, in spite of all the years of buried resentment, bitterness and regret. The daughter received a video record of what was effectively the father's last will and testament to her, in anticipation of his death. The father thought the daughter was missing, likely killed, in an earthquake in her foreign office, unaware that the child had used his name to message the mom to return to M'sia for Chinese New Year.  

So what's the big deal about that word? It's a big deal, because something breaks the 'bad air' when that word is uttered. Sorry opens the door to forgiveness and release. Of course whether we want to walk through that door is another issue.  It takes great humility, a really big heart, to be the first to say sorry, especially when we know we are right. Our human ego tells us it's stupid to apologize when we are not at fault, and demands our 'pound of flesh' from the one in (obvious) error. Likewise pride stands in the way of the one who is wrong, because it's humiliating and shameful to admit we are wrong. So both parties keep quiet in a cold war that can last years, even generations.

But the truth is sooner or later, all of us have to come to grips with the 'bigger picture' - that who is right or wrong really counts for little at the end of our life's journey on earth. Refusing to make the first move to make amends hurts not just others, but ourselves, for all the years wasted bearing the grudge of unresolved pain. Saying sorry isn't about weakness; it's about recognizing that we have hurt someone, intentionally, unintentionally, rightly or wrongly, by our action, inaction, or attitudes. Sorry isn't confined to personal matters between private individuals; it extends to communal groups, genders, even nations. We all have a lot to be and say sorry for, even if we are not the ones who actually committed wrong. Japan apologized for its war atrocities, as a country. Innocent white Americans apologized for the way Red Indians were treated over the centuries. Courageous leaders show they are sorry by resigning from corporate or political office, to take responsibility for wrongs done under their charge even if they aren't guilty in their personal capacities.  One righteous man can stand up and say sorry for the wrongs that men perpetrate on womankind through rape, abuse, prostitution and misogyny. 

My husband was the one who taught me the power of the word Sorry, way before Jesus Christ taught me about repentance and forgiveness.  Inevitably my old man would be the first to apologize after a quarrel, even when he was right. I was the ever arrogant sulky ice-queen who waited to be 'pujuk'. When he passed on, I finally understood  the reason why he was so quick to say it was simply because he loved me -enough to give up his right to be right....

A point proven to its utmost when Jesus Christ surrendered his very life to murderers who called for his blood, in spite of being judged by man to have done no wrong. In fact He went even further; with His dying breath, He said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34), choosing to forgive those who did Him wrong, even when they never said sorry.

When I am inclined to get too smug about my self-righteousness, I remember this - that Jesus sacrificially gave up all His rights, for all my wrongs, for no other reason than that He loves me. In doing so, He set me free to love others  as He does, without any condition. Ultimately we are all the 

same - sinners in the eyes of a most holy God. Then it becomes easier for me to take that first step to say sorry.. to God and to others. 

"...as Christ Jesus Who, being in very nature  God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!" - Philippians 2:5-8

Published MMO 3/3/16

Every Woman

India has been on my heart for 15 years, ever since the first time I stepped foot on the land. I don't bother to count the number of times I have traipsed up and down the length and breadth of India, south, north, east and west, venturing into her crowded cities or villages deep in the interior. Every trip I make causes me to appreciate so much more God's blessings in my life when I see the enormity of the needs of others who have so little. Jesus tells us, the poor we will always have with us. And that's so true. Whilst I admire the palatial mansions of the super-rich opposite the city hotel where we stayed, I cringe at the sight of dirty homeless children sitting on the side-walks of the roads just beyond. It humbles me, being made aware that really I can do nothing to help except to tell and keep telling, wherever I go, about a living Hope in One who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ever ask or even think, even and especially in the midst of suffering.

This latest trip was a sobering experience. It's one thing to hear about horror stories, but quite another to see real people involved in it. Real lives literally imprisoned by a culture and tradition so deeply engrained into a society that objectifies women. Actually of course it doesn't just happen in India, it happens all over the world, even in our own back-yard. Still it's sickening to know there are baby girls being 'traded off' at birth to be 'groomed' as prostitutes as they mature into womanhood.

We are told the girls are 'passed around' to so many men, they don't even know who are the fathers of the children they give birth to in the process. Of course they end up infected, abused and eventually abandoned. It's not just some random practice affecting a few girls ; it's deliberate, decreed as the 'destiny' of an entire community of females to satisfy the sexual lust of men, who actually believe young virgins will bring them prosperity in life. So the twisted cycle continues.  And there is no way out once the girls are roped into the trade, for they are told they will be cursed for generations by god if they ever dare leave. Oh, the insidious evil lies perpetrated on those who have never had the chance to know the true God who is all love, whose plan for all womenkind is to prosper and never harm them.

But thank God there are men who will not stand for such cruelty and go all out to rescue such women from the darkness, hopelessness and helplessness of a life of slavery.  We were taken to a remote village where by God's grace, the local church had started a centre to train a community of these  exploited women to fashion jewellery, weave coasters, plait cloth pieces, or sew baby blankets. They are paid piece-rate for everything they produce with their own hands.

Providing them job opportunities is necessary as a stepping stone to an alternative way of life, but that's only the externals. True empowerment doesn't come from just economic, political or social improvement or gender equality programmes, no matter how good and necessary these are . It comes from knowing what our God (not man)-designed destiny is all about. When they know the truth that they are created for a good purpose by a good God who loves them, who would never leave nor forsake them, unlike the men who used them, then they have something solid to hold on to and something higher to live for, beyond themselves. No money, no so-called independence can heal hurting hearts. Only the hand of a loving Almighty God can soothe the pain of deep wounds and erase the past to re-write a totally brand-new story of abundant life on earth and eternal life in the hereafter. The name of the village means Hope in English, and that surely speaks a lot about what it represents for these women.

There is no need for heavy theology. I just let God's perfectly-designed love story speak for itself. How He didn't create Eve from a bone in Adam's head, because women aren't meant to climb on top of and over men. Nor did God create her from Adam's foot bone, because he isn't meant to trample on her. Instead , Eve was created out of  a bone from Adam's side, so that they can walk and work together, for both are called and empowered  to exercise dominion over the earth in their own distinctive strengths according to the good will of God. Eden was created to be paradise on earth for both man and woman. We all love a good love story, and who can top His-tory?  God didn't mean for there to be any 'battle of the sexes'; that was our own doing when tragically, both man and woman disobeyed and distrusted God, thereby losing their original blessings, and condemning all humankind to suffer the consequences of a dysfunctional society to this day.

As I watch the women at work, some of them with young kids in tow, I feel a gamut of emotions, from anger to sorrow at how they have been so viciously exploited, and have had so much stolen from them. For I am a woman too, and though my circumstances may be vastly different from theirs, I too have known rejection, loss, pain, suffering... which human being hasn't? So I  tell them of my own experience of life before and after knowing Christ, and what a real difference it makes to know and to live out the liberating truth of God's original intent for women. Now they have a chance to reclaim all they have lost by taking the first step of faith to believe in  Him who alone can restore unto them the dignity and destiny of being a woman, beautiful and much beloved. That's the truth that sets every woman truly free.


"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." - John 8:36



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