What Else is New

Someone sent me a Christmas greeting thru a Celine Dion song with some thought-provoking lyrics which went "....And so this is Christmas...what have you done ? ...another year over, a new 1 just begun..."  Life and death marches on in seemingly never-ending circles of time. So what else is new?

For so many years Christmas for me means going to a crowded church (the only time churches are  overflowing besides on Good Friday and Easter Sunday), singing nice Christmas songs, watching some nice feel-good drama about how Jesus turned someone's (usually miserable crisis-stricken) life around, and listening to another take about the old story of how Jesus Christ is the real reason for Christmas. Helping the Christmas chef - the eldest princess - cook her special brand of mushroom soup and ratatouille. Tucking into the roast turkey which comes courtesy of the generosity and love of a dear sister-in-Christ of mine. Looking over presents under the Christmas tree.  Nowadays add in the flood of Merry Christmas and Happy New Year greetings complete with obligatory postings of food and selfies over social media. 

I sit in church this Christmas day and as I steal glances at my kids, there's an ache in my heart. I remember how different it was when they were younger. In an old posting back in 2011 (here ) I talked about how I hoped they would carry the torch for their generations to come and my most constant prayer for them "isn't for riches or job security or a good life. Its just 1 thing, that they know, love and follow after Jesus Christ, the Lord their God" because that is the highest blessing, the most precious treasure. To this day I am still praying that prayer, and I figure I will still be praying it till my last breath on earth. 

I wonder what happened. I guess they grew up and grew out of God in the process of getting along in life in this world. Now I am just thankful they even deign to accompany their mom to church at all for just twice a year on Easter and Christmas day. Forget the rest of the God-stuff. This year I didn't even bother to put up the Christmas tree - in fact I wanted to donate it away - until no.2 princess asked about it, wanting it up just for the sake of having a place to put the presents. We have long stopped family devotions, sitting together after dinner reading and exploring the Bible and the only prayer I hear is a perfunctory grace said over the food if/when I am around (Even that needs to be reminded sometimes). This year I even forgot to take the traditional family photo gathered around that old tree. Well, at least we are still into presents.

Indeed so much has changed. Yet some things are still the same old same old.  Maybe that's why  we can get so blasé after a while. Let's be honest.  It must be tiresome for some people to keep hearing about Jesus Christ all the time, especially for those who have 'dropped out' of spiritual stuff and 'graduated' into the 'real' world. Especially since Jesus Christ could very well be just a humanly- exaggerated hero in some book written by some (fanatical, probably delusional) men,  since logically speaking, Jesus Christ is (admittedly) way too incredible to believe ...when it actually doesn't seem to matter whether or not there is a god in the first place, since whatever will happen will happen anyway....when we really don't need god or religion to live well....who's got time to get spiritual when we can do fine by, of and for ourselves.

Why bother with a god who's just going to put limits on my freedom to be 'me' - I am all that matters, to me. Sounds suspiciously like that old line sold to the first woman on earth, which has gotten the entire human race into endless trouble ever since- 'You will be like god' (Genesis 3:5) We don't even realize we have ended up worshiping ourselves.  Even if we do, so what's the big deal? Nothing wrong with crediting myself for the great job I have done on myself, for myself by myself . God has nothing to do with it or anything for that matter. The old mantra 'I don't need God' has been uttered ever since Eden. It still resounds ever louder in every generation as we grow smarter and life is so much better/easier/safer without the complication of having to deal with (mostly troublesome, unanswerable and quite useless) questions about god.

Let's get real - just look at what a mess the world is in. Actually we don't even need to look that far. Back in our own backyard, early in the year, Selangor was deep in the throes of a water crisis with near-empty dams affecting some 2 million folks in 300,00 households. Now the pendulum has swung to the other extreme with some 120,000 people (and still counting) forced out of their flooded homes because of unprecedented rainfall in 5 states. Then there was the dengue outbreak scare which recorded 600 cases in over just half a year. In my own family, 2 out of my 3 kids got infected. And surely no one can forget the horrible catastrophes of the 2 MAS planes. As if natural disasters, disease epidemics and national tragedies aren't enough, every other day we have some people of certain race or religion raising issues about some other people's race or religion. Not to mention violent crime is or seems to be increasing even as those who can afford it barricade themselves in  gated and guarded communities, and still many walk, drive or live in fear of getting mugged, robbed, raped, kidnapped or worse killed.

So what is the Almighty God doing about all this, that and the other evil, the wars  here, there, everywhere? Where is He in the midst of the homeless, destitute and dying? What's He doing about social injustice and sickos like suicide bombers or child paedophiles? Nothing, seemingly, for all the fervent prayers of the 'religious' winging up to heaven. Everything just goes to show there is no god, or at least no god worth believing in at any rate. He's totally irrelevant, no point wasting time even talking about Him, much less seeking Him.  I can well understand that point of view. Heck, sometimes even now after being thoroughly humbled by God 12 years ago, such thoughts still creep into my oh-so-clever analytical mind. And yes, I confess sometimes I wonder why I still keep on believing. It would be so easy (and sooo glib-Christian) to say 'You just need faith'. If only it were that easy or that simple. 

This Christmas Pastor was talking about how Jesus is Wonderful. As he spoke, I found myself asking, "Really"? Oh, sure I know all that (Christian) 'jazz' about heaven, hell, eternal life, love, joy and peace, and yes, I am very thankful and grateful I have all that through Him. But really really? Is Jesus just a feel-good tingling every now and then when I worship,  a certain hope that things will, must, get better in my life, in the world? Is He just that 'something' in my heart that 'simply knows' He can be trusted because He is (supposedly) good all the time every time and He knows best?

The answer came right in the middle of the service, as my 2nd princess was fiddling with her hand-phone. I was getting annoyed until she told me her bag which had been snatched from her 4 nites ago had been found in some bush by a stranger who had posted the whole thing up on our neighborhood fb page.  That night, she had taken a short-cut through a dark alley, as she walked back  alone from the shops near the house. Anything, in fact terrible things could have happened to her then when the motorcyclists attacked, but they only took her bag. She was physically unharmed apart from the shock of it all. That's already reason enough for me to thank God for protecting her from the worst things. Certainly none of us entertained any hope whatsoever that her bag would ever be found - much less with almost everything intact  - IC, driving license, cards, down to house key were all there; only the little cash she had in it was gone.

Just 'one of those things', coincidence, chance, fate, luck?  If it's so easy to accept such facile explanations , why is it so difficult to believe God?  Humanly speaking the odds of recovery were quite impossible. But God speaks a different language. I guess it's only when something happens out of the ordinary and expected, that I am once again jolted to remember there really is an extraordinary God.  As my brother prayed over Christmas dinner - how true it is - He is good, even when we don't realize or acknowledge Him. That's the wonder of Jesus, my God; He still works out good in spite of evil. He still loves us, in spite of our unloveliness, arrogance and unbelief. He still is in charge because He still is God.

And I guess that's why I still believe.

"The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in, From this time forth, and even forevermore" - Psalm 121:8