But just in case anyone thinks its 'oh-so-exciting-n-glamorous' to be volunteering, being ever so charitable feeding the poor, homeless and marginalized of society, I am sorry to burst the 'feel good' bubble because that's a totally false notion. There isn't anything noble or particularly uplifting in seeing lives destroyed through wrong choices made, and worse, knowing the destruction is not just confined to an earthly time-line, but goes on for all eternity, if they don't turn around.
In fact it makes my heart ache every Saturday coming face to face with humanity gone haywire. It goes beyond pity, sympathy or empathy even; for how could I ever understand how it feels to be in their shoes since I have never experienced their life. Some days I get angry inside, because I know they could have a much better life; the abundant life that our Creator destined for every single human being. Some days I despair that they would ever respond to the message of hope that we bring to the streets; a hope not dependent on man or hand-outs, but a hope reaching out and grasping the hand of an Almighty God who came down to seek and save man. Most days I feel thoroughly helpless at doing anything except listen quietly to the sob-stories of their lives and pray over and for them. Many days I wonder, Lord, why am I here, really? I know it's not just about handing them a plate of chicken curry rice; I used to think it's about sharing with them the good news of the gospel that God so loved the world, He sent Jesus so that whomsoever believes shall never perish but have eternal life. But now I have come to realize that's only half the picture. The other half is about God growing me up....
And He sent me a most unruly, fierce-looking guy to teach me a lesson of the heart. The first time I saw the man, he came right up in front of me and spat onto the ground at my feet. Well, I should be thankful it wasn't into my face. So here he is, a dirty, smelly character, barefoot in tattered clothes; obviously an angry man. It wasn't the first time I have faced people who get angry with my message, though I don't understand why they should angry when I talk about a God who loves us so. Maybe it's the sin part they can't stomach; for I, too, don't mince my words. Nobody likes being confronted with the truth that we are all sinners in the eyes of a holy God. And of coz many people can't stomach Jesus Christ anyway. So yes, I have been told point-blank in my face to shut up. A guy once warned that if I weren't a woman, he would have punched me. (Thank God I am a woman!) But this was the first time someone literally went the 'extra mile' to walk up to where I stood, spit and shout obscenities at me in public - whilst I am right in the middle of sharing my message. Well, there's always a first time for everything, I guess.
But though i ignored him and carried on speaking, it shook me up inside, for the first time I saw and felt hate. I might have been able to take it easier if he was drunk, but nope, he was very sober and very deliberate in his insults. And he repeated his 'performance' over the next few Saturdays every time I took the mike. Of coz i prayed about how or if I should respond. And then the answer came - get him a cup of tea. Inside my head, I went 'Huh??' and the next thought was 'What if he throws the tea into my face? I am sure he is very liable to; he doesn't like me, You know'. Again the instruction came, get him a cup of tea. I chose to ignore the man for a couple of weeks; but I knew I had to do it some how, some day. So one fine Saturday, I went in early, saw him sitting by himself and decided it was now or never. I screwed up my courage, threw away all my pride, walked past him to the drinks stand, got a cup of tea and double-backed to hand it to him with both hands without a word. For a moment he stared at me, I half-expected cold tea flung in my face or at least a noisy rejection, more spit on the ground perhaps. But instead he took it and drank, also without a word.
As I walked away, I was rejoicing inside - the ice had been broken. Love had conquered hate. That's always been Jesus' way. When the whole world questioned, mocked and rejected Him (which is still the case today), He responded with love. When His own kind couldn't understand, even betrayed Him and had Him crucified, He still responded with love. I talk so much about a God who is love, yet I really can't live up to that kind of love; heck, I can't even give tea to a man who doesn't like me. I have since relived that first moment of change many times in my mind, and come to understand what God wants me to learn about real serving. That it's not about me doing good, or feeling good doing good. It's about what Apostle Paul counsels that as a believer and follower, I am to "have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:5-8)
Put those words into pictures - it's like a King who comes down from his glorious throne to wash the dirty feet of his subjects...the Creator and Master of the universe descended from on high to cleanse the souls of dirty man. What kind of God puts Himself to such ignominy as to literally strip Himself of His Godhead to turn into a mere man, and not just any man, but the lowest of man - a servant (the word in context actually means slave) to serve His creation, to the extent of dying for them?? A God who made Himself nothing (literally zero), so that we can be everything He made us to be. That's how much He loves us. If Jesus can die on a cross for me when I was still a sinner, surely giving a cup of tea to someone who doesn't like me is but a very very small thing on my part; the only 'sacrifice' (it really doesn't deserve to be termed as such) involved was my pride. And I guess that's what God wanted to teach me really; to put to death all that makes me so puffed up about myself being so so 'good', to kill all that pride in me so that I can learn what it really means to love and serve - even an enemy. The world's way is to be no.1, God's way is to become zero first. It's about putting myself aside totally to let the goodness of God shine through me, so that people do not see Christine Lai anymore, but Jesus Christ thru my words, my actions and my life, such that they themselves will want to welcome, receive and experience this all empowering, overpowering super-duper love that knows no bounds. A love that promises forgiveness of all sin, perfect freedom and a chance to start over, to live a new life that's made right with man and with God.
Ever since that Saturday, I have made it a point to serve that man a cup of tea. I still haven't spoken a word to him personally , but I don't see any more hate in his eyes. Plus he's stopped the spitting and insults. One day he handed me a flyer in Chinese, which I couldn't understand ('banana' that I am) and he smiled. Which gives me hope that maybe one of these days, real soon, I can finally talk to him about Jesus, the God who commanded me to serve him tea.
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone... On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head....Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" - Romans 12:17, 20-21
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