I learnt a new word the other day - 'ghosting' which actually has absolutely nothing to do with ghosts or things that go bump in the nite. It simply refers to the practice of leaving a party without informing the host. The writer of the article suggested guests should just quietly exit the door when they want to go, instead of the socially-accepted norm of searching out the host of the event to say goodbye. I can appreciate the arguments for flitting out of sight unobtrusively like a ghost, since I am really not much of a social animal at heart. I fidget at dinners (once the food is done with) and I am not much good at small talk, especially at occasions where it's one huge mass of people you hardly know and all you do is smile, say hallo, fritter away the hours with mundane chit-chat that in essence means nothing and then say bye. Goodbyes, like the writer opined, can be pretty awkward especially if, like me, you are usually the first one itching to get out of the place (and the company) early. Becoz you risk being the spoil-sport to start a mass exodus of like-minded people who, in their hearts, are also secretly dying to go home but dare not be the first jackass to stand up and announce their departure. Ghosting takes all the pressure off since you simply slip away without anyone noticing. Truth is like the author said, most of the time, nobody cares about you leaving anyhow. You are just a dispensable statistic in the invitation list. That's all well and good for social occasions. But some goodbyes are awfully hard to make and to take; I call these goodbyes of the heart. I remember my father when he sent me off at the express bus station on my first trip that would take me 300km away from home in the kampung to the 'big city' university, where I would have to learn to survive on my own for the first time in my 20 odd years of life. My old man was never the emo type; no hugs or kisses, no tender "I love you"; just a wave of the hand, but he stood there till I could no longer see him through my own somewhat misty eyes. My first 'real' goodbye. I never got to say goodbye to either of my parents at the end of their lives. My mom died in my second year at uni, even before I could make the journey back to my hometown. Years later my dad breathed his last on a cold operating table in hospital after suffering a heart aneurysm; he was wheeled out dead. They were my adopted parents; the ones who took me in when my biological mom died giving birth to me. My father already then burdened with 5 other elder kids 'gave' me away to my aunt and uncle. Obviously I never ever knew my 'real' parents and merely attended my biological dad's funeral when he passed on. Some goodbyes never get said.
Some hurt too much to say even; I couldn't bid my husband goodbye; I just held his hand listening to his brother sing 'Amazing Grace'. I couldn't even cry, at least not at that stage. I guess I had what is termed as delayed reaction. It was only after the funeral; at nite as I was trying to get used to the fact that I would never have him by my side in bed anymore that the tears came. But looking back I am glad I didn't say goodbye. Knowing our God is able to deliver from death, goodbye really shouldn't be in a Christian's vocab. Rather it should be 'See you again, soon, dear'.
It took me awhile to digest and believe what Jesus meant when He said, 'I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die" (John 11:25-26). It's an incredible guarantee that once internalized as the unshakeable truth opens up a whole new paradigm of thinking about and seeing life and death from a totally different perspective. A Spanish saying goes "If you do not raise your eyes, you will think that you are the highest point." I guess those whose eyes are focused only on what they can see in this world will have nothing to say except goodbye life, hallo death when the Grim Reaper comes a-calling. And grim indeed it would be for those who step into his realm, in accordance to what has already been revealed in Scripture.
But the followers of Jesus need never say goodbye to one another. We don't need to 'ghost' out of life's door either. Indeed I don't want to 'just slip away' quietly. I want everyone to know I live and leave in dignity and in hope. The party may end on earth but for those who believe and trust in Christ Jesus, the party carries on in heaven on a much grander scale than anyone can ever imagine. That's why Jesus came, lived, died and rose again to show Himself as the way, the truth and the life abundant - the hope of all mankind. As far as I am concerned, when my time on earth has run its course, I am going out with a bang, shouting goodbye death, hallo life forever more. And though I know that those left behind who love me will grief, hey man, it's ok; dry your tears and rejoice for me, as I will be dancing once again with my husband in heaven, safe in the presence of the Lord, our God.
"....we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope" - 1 Thessalonians 4:13
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