Why So Hung Up?

Our 84 year old cat Uggy got what I would call the very first 'cat spa' of her life just after recovering from a serious bout of cat flu some months back. The kids footed the bill (mom already almost fainted after paying for a 10 minute visit to the vet for medical treatment) to have her 'professionally' fussed over, shampooed, fluffed, perfumed and oh yes, de-flea-ed. She was apparently praised for being sooo docile - well, I would be docile too if I had someone to primp over me, especially if I am not the one paying for it !! Anyway I must admit she did smell fantastic (at least for a couple hours whilst it lasted) and she was flea-free, which was good, since that meant I didn't have to contend with flea dirt and blood-sucking creepy-crawlies on  my bed, rocking chair or wherever she fancied snoozing in. 

It got me thinking.  Apparently cat fleas are fantastic breeders, the females lay eggs everyday. So if there is just 1 flea on the cat, it means there's a latent flea invasion in the house already. Now that's pretty nasty, and what's more, these parasites are extremely tough to kill - I speak from personal experience. If one lands on your skin, you wouldn't even know it until you start itching. And with old aunty eye-sight like mine, its difficult to even spot them, coz they are like tiny pin-heads. If at first squeeze you don't get it right and squash them, they are so quick to take off and land somewhere else. Man, they are bothersome alright. I don't know how the cats feel though. They don't seem particularly upset by the fleas, and merely keep scratching and licking away. I guess animals grow so accustomed to fleas it really doesn't bother them much anymore.

So is something that I call the Sin parasite which is peculiar to human creatures. No one likes to think, much less bother, about it. In fact a great many don't even realize its ingrained itself so deeply into the human psyche and precious few care to know the consequence of sin infestation in a human life. Like cats, we scratch at the surface and think it's nothing serious. The attacks come so often we grow immune to them, and just take it as part and parcel of normal life. After all everybody is prone to it at one time or another, in one degree or another, so it becomes ok, something that we just live with. Besides what's the big deal so long as we don't sin  'big-time'  like murder, rape or rob. Thus it's perfectly excusable to tell a half-truth or a white lie for convenience (doesn't  matter whose convenience). It's quite acceptable to 'take' some little stuff from the office, what's a pen or two every now and then, its not like I am stealing million $$ .

Someone once asked me, why are Christians always so hung up on sin, even the 'minor' stuff that doesn't really hurt anyone? You mean, God gets angry if I run the red lights at 3 am in the morning when there's no other traffic on the road? Gee, your God must be a pretty nit-picky God then. Can't He bend the rules a bit, after all He makes the rules, He can change them anytime what. Well, I am sure He can, but then He wouldn't be a very consistent God, would He? How could anyone trust a God who suka-suka 'moves the goal-posts' whenever just to let some people off the hook some of the time for some cases? We wouldn't even respect a human judge like that. I have also been questioned, "Why doesn't God bother to do something about all the evil and suffering that's going on in this whole wide world instead? Surely if He is ever so good, so just, so powerful, He should end wars, suffering, poverty and make this earth a happy happy place. To that, I say, don't change the subject - God who created the universe surely will take care of the universe His way His time. Right now, He's bothered about individuals like you and me. He's bothered by the attitudes of our hearts that aren't really bothered about Him. That's the bottom line about sin; not so much the mere wrongness of an 'act', but the underlying posture that says, "I will do things my way, anyway". Indeed we can be 'religious', obey all the rules and do all the right things, and still get it all wrong. I can sit the whole day in church and yet sin in God's eyes, if my heart isn't right with Him. In effect, being a Christian doesn't make me holier-than-anyone-else. It just means I am a saved sinner, all by the grace of Jesus Christ and the love of God. Many don't really care at all, "Who's got time for this sin, heaven and hell business, I am too busy living life on earth; as the Beatles sang, Let it be, let it be...I will cross the bridge when I get to it"...unfortunately by the time we realize there is no bridge connecting heaven and hell, it would be too late).

And so the spin about Sin goes on to this day. There's nothing new about it really; as was the case with Adam and Eve , we the present Tom, Dick and Harry, Sue, Ann and Mary, can easily find 1001 questions and reasons to doubt, disbelieve and disregard God. We are all apt to think - sin can't be that bad. Unfortunately the truth of the matter is not what we think, but what God has declared about it - that the wages of sin is death (Rom. 6:23)No 2, 3 or 50 shades of grey about it, no glossing-over, no cover-up. God pulls no punches and no wool over our eyes. I can hear the protests 'Oh, that is soo unloving, so unkind. What kind of God is this?' - A God who is all Justice. My parents love me, but they have never spared the rod when I did wrong; and I have grown up the better for it. I have also never doubted their love in spite of their strictness, because deep in my heart, I know they were right punishing my wrongs. So why should we begrudge God His right to decree death as the consequence of all sin? In fact if we accept the fact that God is all holy, we should understand why He gets so hung up on sin. As the Bible puts it, what does righteousness have in common with wickedness; what fellowship can light have with darkness? If we choose to stay in the darkness of sin, automatically we are separated out of the light. If we are not with God, by default we are cut off from Him. Death after all is but separation from life, hell is but the absence of God; the anti-thesis of heaven. Death and hell are not God's original intention for mankind, His most magnificent creation. That's why He gets all hung up on Sin, because Sin separates us from Him and His blessings. Which parent wants to be separated from the kids they love? If as human parents, we want to give the best to our children, can we not understand how much more our heavenly Father longs and loves to keep us with Him, so that we can enjoy each other's fellowship together forever? Yet like my cats who don't realize how much blood the fleas suck out of them, we don't realize how much we lose when we choose to live without and apart from God - we die, though it may seem we are living fine.It's like serious flea infestation which apparently can lead to some pretty dangerous health issues eg skin allergies, anemia and transmission of tape worms. Fleas have even been suspected of being carriers of plagues. Looks like they aren't as innocuous as they seem after all, just like Sin.

My kids paid the groomers to get the cats completely cleansed of their flea problem.I guess cat shampoo works fine for cat fleas. But no way any human-concocted shampoo can cleanse humanity's sin. If all are sinners, then none of us can 'rescue' the other. That's why we need a Savior - Some One without sin to save all sinners. And there was only One sinless - He who came from God Himself - Jesus Christ, Son of God, made Son of Man to die for sinful man, so that all may live, released from the consequential punishment of death we were destined to suffer. But just as my cat
had to submit to and receive the cleansing from the groomer's hand, man must first want to put himself into the hands of Almighty God. That is man's problem, so let's stop blaming God or the devil; for God doesn't send us to hell, the devil doesn't have to drag us screaming into it either. We choose it, out of the freedom God gives to us, when we choose to ignore, excuse or reason away the Sin that pervades every human heart and reject the hand of Jesus Christ, God's given solution to sin.

My cats have gotten it good now. Unfortunately 1 session wasn't enough for them, since the fleas kept coming back. It's like facials I gather - once you start, you can't stop going for them. So now we gotta keep parting with our money bringing the cats back to the shop for regular 'overhaul'. Unlike my cats, the price for our cleansing was already settled in full ; 2012 years ago by Jesus Christ who
got hung up (literally) on the cross - His very blood provided the cleansing for the sin of all mankind. That's how really hung-up God gets on sin, for the simple reason He's all hung up on us.

"God made Him who had no sin to be sin  for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness 
of God".. 2 Corinthians 5:21 
"This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins"....1 John 4:20

Knowing Whom I have Believed

God is love - therefore I am loved
God is good - therefore I am safe
God is faithful - therefore it's going to be okay.
For God is incapable of doing anything less than marvelous things...
(Excerpt from "Lazarus Awakening" by Joanna Weaver)

We cannot always trace God's hand, but we can always trust God's heart - Charles Spurgeon


And that as the saying goes, is the way the cookie crumbles.  I  thought I had seen it all, experienced it all, been there, done that after 53 years of living. What else is there to learn when I have even walked through the valley of the shadow of death, watching a dearly beloved husband suffer the pain of cancer eating up his insides for 2 years, and finally slipping away peacefully into the waiting arms of Jesus, as his brother sang 'Amazing Grace' by his bedside? After all, what can be harder than death?? Well, I am discovering there is something harder than death. Actually come to think of it , for a Christian, death isn't hard at all, since it isn't quite 'The End' but the beginning of another even more fantastic life than the one just passed away! Indeed I am apt to think that comparatively speaking living a Christian life on this earth is harder than dying.

When I am a Christian, it means I am supposed to surrender my life (and that means my body, mind, spirit and soul) into God's hands. For a control-freak like me, that's a tough call. I dunno about other Christians, but for me to pray 'Not my will, but Thy will be done' wrings out many anguished tears from a heart that tends to want God to do things my way. Jesus told His disciples point-blank 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me' (Luke 9:23) No wonder Bible tells us many of His followers turned away and walked with Him no more because of His "hard teaching" (John 6:60) 

To deny self goes against all the most basic instincts of self-preservation and self-interest that we inherited from Adam since he walked the earth. As if saying No to myself isn't bad enough, Jesus expects me to take up my cross, not just once but daily. According to 1 study, the weight of the cross on Jesus' shoulders could have been anything from 95-200 lbs. The route that Jesus took carrying the cross to His crucifixion apparently stretched for about 2000 ft and  is known as the Via Dolorosa - Latin for Way of Suffering, Way of Grief, or simply Painful Way - terms which are obviously self-explanatory. The idea conveyed is clear; anyone who tells you the Christian life is a 'piece of cake' is bluffing or has misunderstood what it's all about.

Suffering goes against every human grain, for obviously no one wants to suffer. Indeed everybody wants to be Numero Uno, many don't care if it's at the expense of others. We want to be head of the pack. But Jesus tells us to "take the lowest place" (Luke 14:10). We love our friends/those who love us and hate our enemies (if not outwardly, at least inwardly we want nothing to do with them) , but Jesus commands, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" (Luke 6:27-28). It's impossible to be this way, unless the God who is Love enables us.

Honestly if even those who had seen, heard and touched Jesus in His days couldn't take this kind of teaching, what more people like us who have never beheld Him?? Who would want to follow such a God?  But the message of the cross has never changed throughout the ages.  If this had been presented to me 11 years ago, I doubt very much I would have chosen to become a Christian! It's natural to want a God who blesses us with the desires of our heart, since it's an underlying assumption that if I worship God, He is supposed to make me happy. God should want to make all things nice and easy.  He should stop evil, since He is supposed to be good. So man goes around, making god/s in his image, forgetting the truth is actually the other way round - that  God created man in His image, and He isn't here to be our personal Santa Claus; He is here to save us from our sin and change us to be more like Him, which actually was how He created mankind originally anyway.

It has taken me years to relate to a God whom I can't 'control'. Indeed as someone pointed out, Why should I even bother to pray to a God who is simply gonna do what He's gonna do anyway? Yet thru all my unanswered and yet-to-be-answered prayers, I have come to realize my praying doesn't change God, it changes me - therein lies the power of prayer. The nearest I can come to accepting this unfathomable mystery is to remember how as a typical kid, I used to pester my parents for this,that or the other thing that if not granted, I was sure I would absolutely die. As typical parents, my father (it was always my father) would say no, I can't have it. By the way, in those days, a parent's No meant NO, full stop; end of story. It was only later when I grew up (finally) and in hind-sight, that I could admit to myself some of my father's No's were in truth pretty well justified, though it made no-nsense to me at that particular moment. However some of my earthly father's decisions against me were arbitrarily made, simply because I caught him in a bad mood; in fact in some instances, he made totally wrong decisions, but that's because he was human.

And I guess that's why it's so difficult for people to relate to God as our heavenly Father, since all our views about Him are inevitably clouded by the impressions of our earthly fathers, who never were or could be perfect. In fact some of us don't even have any earthly fathers we can relate to. So we don't or can't trust that God isn't like any earthly father. But Abba Father God is different. It's taken me ages to 'relax' with my heavenly Father, and it's only now after years getting to know Him, that I can say with some confidence I think I 'get it' - somewhat, sometimes. But many times I could have turned away from God when He didn't do what I wanted. Still like Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, to whom shall we go?You have the words of eternal life" (John 6:68). Someone questioned the 'lovingness' of a God who would 'use' suffering like the death of my beloved to 'teach' me a lesson - He can't be a very 'nice' or good God, can He? Well, there is such a thing as being  cruel  to be kind. My mom did that all the time; chasing me round the house with her cane in hand (it was always my mom who wielded the cane). I knew very well she loved me in spite of all the caning. That's the reality of love; its not always sugar and spice and all things nice. It hurts, and sometimes it hurts an awful lot. But ultimately pain teaches us precious lessons about life.

And so it is with God. All things in life happen for a reason; it's only whether we want to dig deeper for the hidden lessons or take the easy way out, get angry with and blame God. Doesn't mean I will never be sick or get into accidents when I pray for His protection.Doesn't mean He isn't bothered with the evil in the world just because He doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Doesn't mean He is any less good when He refuses to answer my prayers. I have found when He takes away something, He always gives something better. A god who obeys me and gives me everything I want can't really be god, for surely Godhead implies He is higher and greater than puny little me, He knows best and He calls the shots. There was only 1 way I made it through every dark tunnel (and there have been many, as I am sure there are more ahead) of my life - I clung on to the promises of God's Word, even when I couldn't understand or agree with how He was handling my life. I know 1 thing although I don't know all things - I find peace beyond all understanding and joy unspeakable when I call upon the name of Jesus, anytime everytime, good time, bad time. It doesn't matter that I may not know much else.

No wonder Bible says that faith as small as a mustard seed is enough. All I had 11 years ago was that little bit of faith based on an experiential 'knowing' that this God is different, and that was enough for Him to work on. After all if He can turn something as bad as death into the greatest good - saving both my husband's and my soul - I can surely trust Him for all things. Since then, I have come to know Him so much more, and the more I know, the more I choose to trust some more, for time and time again, He has proven these things true - He loves me, He is good, and He is faithful. And that is all I need to know to continue to believe whom I have believed.

"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed" ... 2 Timothy 1:12

This Is It- I am So Proud to be a Malaysian

How do you describe the feeling of being part of a historic moment in time? You can't, you just have to be there. You can ooh and ahh over all the Instantgram and Utube downloads, but nothing absolutely nothing beats being there in person, to be counted as one of the thousands upon thousands who turned up for KL 112 Himpunan Kebangkitan Rakyat rally.
 By the time my gang of 3 not-so-young aunties alighted from the LRT station at Pasar Seni at about 11 plus, the streets were already packed with people of all races and ages clad mostly in yellow and green, with bright splashes of some in orange and red. To their credit, police personnel stood around unobstrusively though watchfully. Kudos also to the Unit Amal folks who managed crowd control as best they could. As we finished lunch, the crowd had swelled noticeably, all moving steadily towards Stadium Merdeka. Mercifully the sky was overcast with clouds, offering some welcome shade from the heat of the afternoon sun. It even drizzled a little but the heavens held up as people streamed into the open-air stadium.

I thought we were early but by the time we got in, the stands were already 3/4 full with a huge crowd gathered on the centre field itself. The whole thing was like some mammoth family carnival, with colorful teams waving flags, banners and placards; the atmosphere noisy with the loud intermittent blaring of vuvuzelas ....And the crowd simply grew and grew and grew. It was an amazing sight from where we were seated on the stands - a vast colorful ocean of people as far and beyond what the eye could see. Apparently there was another sea of people milling about outside the stadium grounds. Doesn’t matter what's the final count - even that one picture on a main-line newpaper's front-page said it all...

When the MC called for us to stand, my heart swelled with pride as I joined in with thousands of voices to sing Negara-Ku. This was different from all the previous Bersih rallies I had attended. Then it was about 1 issue. Now I was part of something so much bigger....truly a people's movement, gathered as we were by choice, pulled by the same desire to see a better Malaysia. Not only were the numbers unprecedented; I think this must go down as a first in Malaysian history that the people themselves willingly 'paid' to participate in a rally! Just 1 appeal through the loud-speakers was enough to have ordinary folks digging into pockets and wallets to contribute their hard-earned cash for the rally expenses. Talk about generosity of spirit..as I hear it, in some quarters, it's the other way round - people have to be 'paid' to make up the crowd!

Even as each representative took the mike to pitch about their particular cause, what struck me weren't the polemics or politics, but the shared sentiment that there are many who care enough to make and take a stand as concerned citizens of this land. The grievances may differ but the message was clear - after more than half a century, ordinary people are no longer willing to take things lying down but are risen to take back the power to determine the destiny of our future. I liked what 1 speaker said- that today is the day we no longer see the person in front, beside or behind us as Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan or any particular race, today we see each other as Malaysian.

But the speeches weren't the things that touched me. After all, everyone and anyone can mouth nice platitudes about unity and 1Malaysia (that goes for both government and opposition politicians). What affected me most was the totally unexpected, unrehearsed gesture of the entire crowd playing the 'wave' when a local celebrity rapped out a song as an entertainment break. It started with 1 section of the crowd standing up and waving their hands, then as they sat back down, the section next to them stood up, waved and sat down, and it continued all the way round the whole stadium. Section by section, people stood up automatically by turn, as one huge continuous moving 'wave' - it was an awesome sight to behold. And it didn't matter that even when this old, rather easily tired aunty could no longer keep up after a few rounds of sitting, standing and waving, there were others still game enough to 'carry the wave' - this was totally spontaneous, straight from the heart. To me, just this simple 'game' spoke volumes about the spirit of unity behind this rally; and all it took was a song to start it going. Watching the 'waves' cascade across the stadium, my heart was filled with hope, that this be the beginning move of healing, restoration and blessing upon this beloved land of my birth, where justice, righteousness and good governance will not just be touted as political slogans but be applied to each and every Malaysian.

Was all that 5 hours sweating in the heat, sitting on hard stone, listening to (same old same old) political speeches worth it?? As one on-line commentator asked, “What's the point of all these noisy disruptive gatherings ? Isn't it enough that we just do our duty and vote when the time comes?" Well, it may be enough for some people, I guess, and indeed coming out to vote is mandatory. But for me personally, it's not about the noise or the disruption of 1 day out of 365 days in a year. It's simply demonstrating collectively that enough really is enough, that this the 'IT moment - a time to create and be part of Malaysia's history. There may not have been 1 million people out there on the streets of KL on 12th January 2013, but all it takes is 1 stone to cause a ripple in the ocean. So yes, it was worth it , for now I can look back to this date in history and say with great satisfaction “I was there, and I was (am) so proud to be a Malaysian!" That's what Himpunan Kebangkitan Rakyat KL 112 was about - 1 'rainbow' people taking the first step, arising in peace  to build our nation together towards a better tomorrow for all. 

God bless Malaysia. 

Before and After, Then and Now

I was running late. As I slipped into the back of the church, I saw her on stage. Like the rest who were all lined up in a row across, she was wearing a loose white robe. She looked a bit forlorn as if not quite sure what was going on. Then our eyes met, she saw me and smiled a tentative smile of recognition and relief. I waved back at her like crazy, my heart was practically bursting with joy, seeing her take this public step of faith; I now fully understand why the Bible tells us that the angels rejoice in heaven over even 1 saved soul.  She gestured at the front-most rows, and I caught sight of her daughter seated there together with my cell-mate, the man who had been instrumental in connecting this recently-bereaved widow with me. Like me, she had lost her husband to cancer. Like me, out of that crisis, both she and her husband came to Jesus and found peace and meaning in the face of death.  As one by one the line inched forward towards the baptismal pool, I moved forward to say hi to them. Finally it was her turn. We all approached the pool and as I watched Pastor dip her into the water, my mind flew back to my own baptism 11 years ago....

Like her, then I was a very new 'baby in Christ'; having just 'accepted' Jesus into my heart. To me all those strange-sounding terms simply meant I had become a 'Christian'. As far as I was concerned, all this baptism tingy was just something I was supposed to do as a 'Christian', so I did it. That nite my brother arranged a dinner for the entire family and some church people. But I couldn't understand much why or what the big deal was all about. It was only later as I got down to studying the Bible in depth that  the full significance of what baptism meant hit me.

Nobody talked me 'into' Jesus Christ. I wasn't 'cornered' into becoming a Christian. I spent 11 of my growing-up years in a Convent school, run by 'real' missionary nuns, who walked around in flowy habits and head veils. I dutifully joined in uttering Hail Mary, full of grace during our morning assemblies even tho I had absolutely no idea who Mary was back then. I remember most vividly the chapel in my secondary school; sometimes I would follow my Catholic classmate there and religiously bend my knee, dip my finger in holy water and cross myself as I stepped into the cool serenity of the place. I loved the atmosphere; there was something most 'holy' that demanded reverence even from one as ignorant as I was about Christianity. I went there not to pray (I didn't know how or who to pray to!) - I just liked 'soaking' in the silence, sitting on the pews.  Later on, as a curious teenager, I 'dabbled' in religion, reading the Bible and bits of other Holy Scriptures. Of coz being the fiercely independent thinker I was , I decided then all gods were the same anyway. Besides by that time, caught in the throes of a career making money, and living out a marriage making babies, I had no need for or of god, by whatever name....

Until the day Jesus called me, very distinctly I 'heard' His name in my mind, as I was standing in front of our (Chinese) family altar, overwhelmed by tears as I struggled with the fact that my husband had cancer. The rest as they say is history. 2 years and several buckets of tears down the line, I found myself dressed in a loose white robe and being dunked in water. Did I feel anything? Ya, wet, for sure. Honestly, no; I didn't hear voices or see angels, I didn't get all tingly, I didn't float on air, nor did I faint.... so much for what is supposedly the  most significant act of a Christian. But that was then, before I was blind. Now, years after, I see....

Amazing grace that set me free, amazing love that never fails, from a God like no other, without compare; I can say I am truly a new creation in Christ Jesus. Not becoz I have read the whole Bible umpteen times, not becoz I pray, not becoz I do charitable deeds , not becoz I give money to God or go to church regularly, not becoz I have changed inside, nor even becoz  my heart knows this God is different. But simply becoz of what Jesus has done 2012 years ago, when He gave up His life on the cross in exchange for mine, and rose again as living proof of all that He claims to be. It reminds me of the Aladdin fable,  where the old lamp is traded in for new, and he gets 3 wishes from a genie. But way better by far is the truth of a God who so loved the world that He gave...Jesus Christ, so that whoever believes gets the highest blessing of eternal life in heaven and abundant life on earth, which is infinitely more precious than anything any man could ever wish for, even in his wildest dreams.

Before when I 'became' a Christian then, I thought I had changed religion. Now, after 11 years, I find God, and He isn't a religion. And that is a big deal.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come"... 
2 Corinthians 5:17