Another take on Christmas

All in the family

It fits, kind-of

Orr, so nice, matches my outfit

What's a celebration without food!

And then the volcano erupted. I should have seen it coming of coz; the signs were all there ; the underlying resentment, challenging provocations, curt answers. But we never do expect the unexpected, it's like we always declare so confidently this or that will never happen. Whats the saying - never say never. A mole hill can become a mountain, a quarrel can explode over a seemingly small thing. But sometimes eruptions are good, it clears the air, lays a new foundation for another beginning, hopefully surely a better one. When we are honest with each other, we can have mutual release. We can face the reality that the ones closest and dearest to us will hurt us the most.  After all, that's what happened to Jesus Himself, misunderstood by His very own, deserted by all at the end of the day, forsaken even by God and yet showed us the example by crying in the midst of dying on the cross  "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do". Of coz they knew what they were doing; how can you not know you are murdering someone, the only thing was they didn't know who they were murdering - the very One who loved them and came to save them. So, why should humans expect to be treated any differently? Yes, we hurt people and people hurt us, but we can forgive and love  again.  Most of all we can really finally let go of  those who hurt us and commit them to the Almighty God who created us all, knows us all and loves us all in spite of our human ugliness. We can trust that He knows what to do, when to do and how to do all things well.

I know a lot of doctrine. That's not a boast, just a fact, after all you should know a lot if you have walked 10 years with God, reading His word, praying and doing all the 'right' things a Christian should do. But when it comes to the crunch, doctrine doesn't help really. Doctrine without the experiential application of it is simply dead, like faith without works is simply dead faith. I already know I should surrender and indeed I can even pray conscientiously  'surrendering' to God, and believe that i am, but actually God looks down and sees my hands still manipulating the scenes. It's like the puppeteer who pretends the puppet is talking but all the time he's pulling the strings. How many times we Christians pray that God's will be done (that's correct doctrine) and then ask God to bless our plans (that's reality check). Well, when God has enuf of my wheeling and dealing, I guess He sends an explosion, to shock me up good and proper, so that once and for all, I am  forced to see myself  as God sees me, pathetic creature that i am, who think I know it all and can do it all my way.

I am so glad I don't know it all, indeed I don't have to know it all. And I don't have to do it all. I just have to know the God who created the whole universe and holds it in the palm of His mighty hands. When I truly let go of the ball, God can handle the game way better than I. So it was that I spent the days before Christmas in repentance, tears and fasting. I was so sorry I had gotten into His way, what a blind donkey I was. (I think the donkeys in the Bible were all smarter than me!) True to His word, He cleanses, restores and heals; a broken and contrite heart He will not despise (Psalm 51:17 ) And now I am free, really totally free. I am no longer bound by me. I am struck once again by the truth that Christianity is really all about understanding the paradox of God. Doctrine that teaches to be really free, you gotta surrender, and the 1st thing you have to surrender is yourself, or that to really live, you have to die first yourself is pretty hard to accept. But I guess that's the price . Everything in life has a price after all. It's just whether we are prepared to buy or pay it. Its like the coin i hold in my hand. On one side is surrender, flip it over and it becomes freedom.

The church staged a drama aptly entitled 'Freedom', summarily a story of a family gone wrong; a wife who deserted her overly-suspicious husband, dumping their new-born daughter on him, and then reappearing years later when the now-grown child is rebelling against the father's paranoid control. Someone commented it didn't make sense. My reply was simply a lot of movies don't make sense too but that doesn't stop us from enjoying or gleaning some lessons from them. Life and God for that matter doesn't make sense many times. But things like love, forgiveness and reconciliation should. To be able to give and receive love and forgiveness from man and from God is the highest freedom of all - that's true reconciliation. I think the day that finally happens, there will be no more wars in the world.

I rose early on Christmas day for my usual morning jaunt. I had hoped for a fabulous sun-rise, to sort-of lift up my spirits. But it wasn't to be. Heaven was overcast with clouds. There was just a sliver of light breaking thru one tiny patch of sky, and it was slow in coming out full strength. But it was a brilliant shaft all the same. I guess life with God is like that, it isn't always about bright sunshiny skies;  there will be times, many times in fact, that there seems to be no dawn to dispel the darkness of nite. But actually the light is there all the while, it may be pretty slow in coming out, and we may only catch glimpses of it every now and then.

That pretty much sums up the past year for me. Lots of things, "bad" things in fact if I had to categorize them, have happened which have stretched my faith. And to be honest, many times I can't even see any light on my path. I dunno how some people can go around ever cheery and upbeat as if nothing bad ever happens to them - i guess maybe they hide/manage it better than I do, or maybe really nothing bad ever happens to them (wow, good for them then). But me, I am just an ordinary sinful mortal, a mom trying to do the best she can with the kids, the job, this life that God has saved. I scream in frustration at God when I don't understand why He lets things happen which I don't want to happen, which I am so sure He doesn't (or shouldn't) want to happen. And then I catch myself, or rather God catches me and says ever so gently, "There you go again, child, telling Me, God what to do" Sometimes when I am too deaf to hear him, becoz I am too busy hearing myself, He sends an eruption my way, to remind me who's in charge of the universe. That kinda puts things into perspective and that's how good and  great my Abba Father is.

Its taken me awhile but I re-learnt a few things about Christmas (and life) this year. That it isn't just about joy and peace, it's not simply singing we wish you a merry Christmas and happy new year. Christmas isn't just celebrating the birthday of Someone special, presents and the warm goodwill, fuzzy lovey-dovey stuff. All that is well and good. Even Pastor's message confirmed actually the truth about Christmas is that in spite of all that is well and good with Jesus Christ being born, yet it was into a world and a time of mayhem, chaos and evil. That's not a very 'nice' or traditional Christmas story, but that's also the truth about life - it isn't 'nice' for a lot of folks, Christian or not. Christmas and life actually can get pretty cloudy. As I sit watching the sun rise, I noticed the clouds didn't go away. God could have blown or swept them all off, but He didn't. Instead the sun simply shines right through them and the shafts slowly but surely expand to fill and brighten up the whole sky...and then presto, another new day is born.

That's the whole picture, if we are patient to wait for it to unfold. The truth is the reason for Christmas - Jesus Christ - the Light of the world, can still break through into every situation every time into every life that opens to receive Him. For in the midst of ugliness, there still can be found beauty. In the midst of despair, there still is hope. In the midst of evil, there is still God, and He is still good. And it's not just at Christmas time.

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, "I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life"... John 8:12