This Crazy Thing Called Love

I went to the wedding of a good friend’s son the other day. It was a grand affair, and like all weddings, a beautiful one. Held in a posh hotel, complete with all sorts of things from fancy little bites of cocktail tidbits to petals on the floor (fake, thankfully, for I crinch at how many white roses would have to be ‘sacrificed’ if real ones were used!) and diamonds (again fake, but these I wish were real!) sprinkled on the dining tables. But of coz all these paled in comparison to the bridal couple, who both looked resplendent as befitting their status. The handsome groom in his tux was grinning from ear to ear, and as for the bride, well, no words can ever describe a radiant bride. As is now the norm for this century’s weddings, there was the mandatory screening of video clips showing the childhood/early days of the happy couple and presentation of their friends. Nowadays it seems even the proposal of marriage must be one of a kind. I remember the news of 1 man who ‘tayang’ the question all over a highway bill-board at the cost of some $40k, not to mention those who pop ‘it’ under the sea, on the mountains or in the sky. 

So different from my days.. that’s some 30 years ago. My husband proposed to me with a card after a ‘chap-fun’ dinner. (Gee, how romantic can that be?!) Back then I remember the craze was mass-weddings. So I had my wedding dinner at a typical (ie noisy) Chinese restaurant together with 4 other couples’ parties. There were no fancy video clips on hi-tech screens. Instead we had a video-man (my husband’s own cousin) who went around the tables carrying this huge, brightly-lit contraption on his shoulders to ‘shoot’ the event. And since I wasn’t a Christian then, there was no soul-tugging exchange of vows in church; we merely trooped to the PJ (nearest) IC department, sat down in front of an officer and signed our lives away to each other on a piece of paper. After that I went back to work. We had our (belated) honeymoon some 2 years down the line, since that was when we could afford it – and even then it was just a weekend trip to Genting Highlands... 

How love has evolved thru the ages... or has it? I should be more precise; it's not love that has evolved, but the cultural norms of expressing love that's evolved. Love remains...love. As I 'worked' my way thru the yummy-licious courses (it is work, you know... for the stomach), I couldn't help but wonder, what is it that makes a man and a woman 'click' together to the point where they know they  want to build a life as 2-in-1? What exactly is this 'thing' called love that ties 2 souls to unite as 1 for life? Speaking from personal experience, I know for sure it's more than a heart that goes boody-boom, boody-bum everytime you hear the beloved's voice. It's more than the shine in the eyes, the 'feeeeliiing' of being 'in love'. When the dust of romance settles down in the aftermath of a fairy-tale wedding, and you see each other's worst faults in the reality and humdrum of many many ordinary days, what is this thing called love that enables you to still hang on to the relationship and weather the storms through the years? When you can come to a point of contemplating divorce and yet decide against it, surely it is becoz you know deep inside somewhere in time, there was (some) love; and you are willing to give love a chance again. 

We can't see love, can't touch love, sometimes don't even feel love. But we know it's there, it's real, and it has meaning.  Scientists have reduced love to a 'cocktail of chemicals and hormones' produced in the brain; (they even have a cuddle hormone) Apparently there are 12 areas of the brain working together to produce and sustain that 'magical moment' when you 'fall in love'. Yet honestly how many of us care about how our brain waves are reacting or what chemical reaction is taking place when we are beholding the one we love? Try telling that to a mother cradling her new-born babe in her arms, or the father walking his toddler in the park or the boyfren gazing into his sweetheart's eyes. Brain activity is the furthest thing from our brains when we look on a spouse dying of cancer or when we spend a lonely nite in bed after a big quarrel. All we know is that there is this crazy thing called love that binds hearts together; that can bring great joy and great sorrow as well. I don't pretend to understand love. I don't need to check my brain activity or heart beat to know it exists. I don't need faith to believe in it, but I do need faith to trust in its power to give meaning to my life.

And I guess that's how it is with God. The good apostle John said very simply "God is love" (1 John 4:8). Yet as so many great minds have asked, how can an unseen, unknown, unproven God love; put it the other way round - how can we love such a God? Is He for real - as real as my father, mother, husband, wife, kids - whom I can know, can see, can love and who can love me back?...

This fren of mine will tell you, Yes, God is for real. I tell her story here becoz it demonstrates the reality not just of God, but of His love in the life of someone who has struggled with physical, emotional, financial and spiritual difficulties for many years, even as of now (so what else is new, who hasn't?). It's not that she doesn't believe or have faith in God. It's not that she hasn't prayed. But in her own words, she just can't seem to get the 'break-through' she wants. She knows the Bible, she knows she shouldn't worry or fear. But somehow when life keeps knocking us down, even the most faithful and most prayerful believer can come to a point where in all honesty we aren't so sure of the reality of God or His love anymore. Who hasn't cried out in moments of doubt, "Is there really a God? If yes, then why...how....when...what...who....where??" So really, it's not only journalists who ask these questions.

One time my fren was in my car and really down in the dumps. I honestly didn't know how to help or what to say. A Malay song was playing from the CD and I guess the words must have comforted her a lot as she asked for the lyrics, but I didn't have them. I was thinking to get it for her later, but as usual, what with one thing or another, I quite forgot all about it. A few days later, one nite, I was reading in bed and taking notes. As I was reaching out for a pile of recycled paper, a little folded page fell out. Straight away I noticed the lyrics of that very song she wanted neatly typed on the page:

Allah Mengerti  (God Understands)


Banyak perkara yang tak dapat ku mengerti, (Many things I cannot understand)
Mengapakah harus terjadi di dalam kehidupan ini (Why certain things happen in this life)
Satu perkara yang ku simpan dalam hati (One thing I keep in my heart)
Tiada sesuatu ‘kan terjadi tanpa Allah peduli, (Nothing happens without God caring)

Allah mengerti, Allah peduli, (God understands, God cares)
Segala persoalan yang kita hadapi (All the questions we face)
Tak akan pernah dibiarkan ku bergumul sendiri (He will not let me struggle alone)
Sebab Allah mengerti (Because God understands)

It wasn't even mine. It was typed out on the underside of a church bulletin programme; I must have grabbed it as a book-mark (which is my usual habit of 'tagging' books I may have occasion to read before service), and somehow it ended up in my box of recycled paper. I knew straight away why it landed before me just as it did.... I had forgotten my fren, but God didn't. I love my fren, yet I couldn't help her much beyond praying; but the God who loves her even more could and did help her. Out of a random pile of rubbish papers, out of tens of thousands of song lyrics, the one that she needed literally flew out into my hands. Science may be able to calculate the chances and probability, but it can never explain why it happened at that precise moment, nor can it ever explain how God can answer a person's need in such a personal and real way.

I don't call this coincidence, I call it a miracle - my fren received a love-letter from God. That's how real God is, and that's how awesome His love is. No matter that we can't or don't even want to 'love' God, He loves us, with a love that doesn't depend on how 'good' or perfect we are, but is grounded on how good and perfect He is. A love that doesn't depend on our belief of His existence, but on His faithfulness and compassion for us. A love of the Creator for His masterpiece - us, His creation. If we can choose to love and be loved by 1 human being so much to the point of committing to marriage, why do we find it difficult to believe enuf to love and be loved by a God whose very nature is Love? Chemicals and hormones aside, Apostle John said, "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

Why can't we accept that the reality of God is manifested not in human terms, as in love between 2 physical bodies who can see, hear, touch and feel for each other, but in equal if not even more compellingly real-life experiences of what can only be evidence of His love. Humans can decide to divorce one another when they 'fall out of love'. God is never the one to 'divorce' us; it's always man who walks away from Him first. Who can comprehend this love of God for man who choose to reject, disbelieve, distrust, and rebel against Him? It's crazy that He would love so much, for Him to literally die for sinners, even unbeknown to and unappreciated by us. I never asked Jesus to die for me. But He's done it anyway and not just for me, but for all the world, believe it or not - all because of this crazy thing called love.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us..... 1 John 4:10