This Crazy Thing Called Love

I went to the wedding of a good friend’s son the other day. It was a grand affair, and like all weddings, a beautiful one. Held in a posh hotel, complete with all sorts of things from fancy little bites of cocktail tidbits to petals on the floor (fake, thankfully, for I crinch at how many white roses would have to be ‘sacrificed’ if real ones were used!) and diamonds (again fake, but these I wish were real!) sprinkled on the dining tables. But of coz all these paled in comparison to the bridal couple, who both looked resplendent as befitting their status. The handsome groom in his tux was grinning from ear to ear, and as for the bride, well, no words can ever describe a radiant bride. As is now the norm for this century’s weddings, there was the mandatory screening of video clips showing the childhood/early days of the happy couple and presentation of their friends. Nowadays it seems even the proposal of marriage must be one of a kind. I remember the news of 1 man who ‘tayang’ the question all over a highway bill-board at the cost of some $40k, not to mention those who pop ‘it’ under the sea, on the mountains or in the sky. 

So different from my days.. that’s some 30 years ago. My husband proposed to me with a card after a ‘chap-fun’ dinner. (Gee, how romantic can that be?!) Back then I remember the craze was mass-weddings. So I had my wedding dinner at a typical (ie noisy) Chinese restaurant together with 4 other couples’ parties. There were no fancy video clips on hi-tech screens. Instead we had a video-man (my husband’s own cousin) who went around the tables carrying this huge, brightly-lit contraption on his shoulders to ‘shoot’ the event. And since I wasn’t a Christian then, there was no soul-tugging exchange of vows in church; we merely trooped to the PJ (nearest) IC department, sat down in front of an officer and signed our lives away to each other on a piece of paper. After that I went back to work. We had our (belated) honeymoon some 2 years down the line, since that was when we could afford it – and even then it was just a weekend trip to Genting Highlands... 

How love has evolved thru the ages... or has it? I should be more precise; it's not love that has evolved, but the cultural norms of expressing love that's evolved. Love remains...love. As I 'worked' my way thru the yummy-licious courses (it is work, you know... for the stomach), I couldn't help but wonder, what is it that makes a man and a woman 'click' together to the point where they know they  want to build a life as 2-in-1? What exactly is this 'thing' called love that ties 2 souls to unite as 1 for life? Speaking from personal experience, I know for sure it's more than a heart that goes boody-boom, boody-bum everytime you hear the beloved's voice. It's more than the shine in the eyes, the 'feeeeliiing' of being 'in love'. When the dust of romance settles down in the aftermath of a fairy-tale wedding, and you see each other's worst faults in the reality and humdrum of many many ordinary days, what is this thing called love that enables you to still hang on to the relationship and weather the storms through the years? When you can come to a point of contemplating divorce and yet decide against it, surely it is becoz you know deep inside somewhere in time, there was (some) love; and you are willing to give love a chance again. 

We can't see love, can't touch love, sometimes don't even feel love. But we know it's there, it's real, and it has meaning.  Scientists have reduced love to a 'cocktail of chemicals and hormones' produced in the brain; (they even have a cuddle hormone) Apparently there are 12 areas of the brain working together to produce and sustain that 'magical moment' when you 'fall in love'. Yet honestly how many of us care about how our brain waves are reacting or what chemical reaction is taking place when we are beholding the one we love? Try telling that to a mother cradling her new-born babe in her arms, or the father walking his toddler in the park or the boyfren gazing into his sweetheart's eyes. Brain activity is the furthest thing from our brains when we look on a spouse dying of cancer or when we spend a lonely nite in bed after a big quarrel. All we know is that there is this crazy thing called love that binds hearts together; that can bring great joy and great sorrow as well. I don't pretend to understand love. I don't need to check my brain activity or heart beat to know it exists. I don't need faith to believe in it, but I do need faith to trust in its power to give meaning to my life.

And I guess that's how it is with God. The good apostle John said very simply "God is love" (1 John 4:8). Yet as so many great minds have asked, how can an unseen, unknown, unproven God love; put it the other way round - how can we love such a God? Is He for real - as real as my father, mother, husband, wife, kids - whom I can know, can see, can love and who can love me back?...

This fren of mine will tell you, Yes, God is for real. I tell her story here becoz it demonstrates the reality not just of God, but of His love in the life of someone who has struggled with physical, emotional, financial and spiritual difficulties for many years, even as of now (so what else is new, who hasn't?). It's not that she doesn't believe or have faith in God. It's not that she hasn't prayed. But in her own words, she just can't seem to get the 'break-through' she wants. She knows the Bible, she knows she shouldn't worry or fear. But somehow when life keeps knocking us down, even the most faithful and most prayerful believer can come to a point where in all honesty we aren't so sure of the reality of God or His love anymore. Who hasn't cried out in moments of doubt, "Is there really a God? If yes, then why...how....when...what...who....where??" So really, it's not only journalists who ask these questions.

One time my fren was in my car and really down in the dumps. I honestly didn't know how to help or what to say. A Malay song was playing from the CD and I guess the words must have comforted her a lot as she asked for the lyrics, but I didn't have them. I was thinking to get it for her later, but as usual, what with one thing or another, I quite forgot all about it. A few days later, one nite, I was reading in bed and taking notes. As I was reaching out for a pile of recycled paper, a little folded page fell out. Straight away I noticed the lyrics of that very song she wanted neatly typed on the page:

Allah Mengerti  (God Understands)


Banyak perkara yang tak dapat ku mengerti, (Many things I cannot understand)
Mengapakah harus terjadi di dalam kehidupan ini (Why certain things happen in this life)
Satu perkara yang ku simpan dalam hati (One thing I keep in my heart)
Tiada sesuatu ‘kan terjadi tanpa Allah peduli, (Nothing happens without God caring)

Allah mengerti, Allah peduli, (God understands, God cares)
Segala persoalan yang kita hadapi (All the questions we face)
Tak akan pernah dibiarkan ku bergumul sendiri (He will not let me struggle alone)
Sebab Allah mengerti (Because God understands)

It wasn't even mine. It was typed out on the underside of a church bulletin programme; I must have grabbed it as a book-mark (which is my usual habit of 'tagging' books I may have occasion to read before service), and somehow it ended up in my box of recycled paper. I knew straight away why it landed before me just as it did.... I had forgotten my fren, but God didn't. I love my fren, yet I couldn't help her much beyond praying; but the God who loves her even more could and did help her. Out of a random pile of rubbish papers, out of tens of thousands of song lyrics, the one that she needed literally flew out into my hands. Science may be able to calculate the chances and probability, but it can never explain why it happened at that precise moment, nor can it ever explain how God can answer a person's need in such a personal and real way.

I don't call this coincidence, I call it a miracle - my fren received a love-letter from God. That's how real God is, and that's how awesome His love is. No matter that we can't or don't even want to 'love' God, He loves us, with a love that doesn't depend on how 'good' or perfect we are, but is grounded on how good and perfect He is. A love that doesn't depend on our belief of His existence, but on His faithfulness and compassion for us. A love of the Creator for His masterpiece - us, His creation. If we can choose to love and be loved by 1 human being so much to the point of committing to marriage, why do we find it difficult to believe enuf to love and be loved by a God whose very nature is Love? Chemicals and hormones aside, Apostle John said, "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

Why can't we accept that the reality of God is manifested not in human terms, as in love between 2 physical bodies who can see, hear, touch and feel for each other, but in equal if not even more compellingly real-life experiences of what can only be evidence of His love. Humans can decide to divorce one another when they 'fall out of love'. God is never the one to 'divorce' us; it's always man who walks away from Him first. Who can comprehend this love of God for man who choose to reject, disbelieve, distrust, and rebel against Him? It's crazy that He would love so much, for Him to literally die for sinners, even unbeknown to and unappreciated by us. I never asked Jesus to die for me. But He's done it anyway and not just for me, but for all the world, believe it or not - all because of this crazy thing called love.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us..... 1 John 4:10

Missing The Most Magnificent

It wasn’t easy starting out. Some 2 years ago, I had determined to start an early morning exercise regime after years of letting my body go its own way. I figured I had better do something more than just huffing and puffing up the house stairs every day if I am supposed to take care of this ‘old shell’ of a body properly, as God meant me to. And that was how the morning walks started. Nothing complicated, you understand – no fancy exercise machines, no nice jogging track in some beautifully-landscaped park. Just a short 20 minute round of alternate walking and jogging round a small school field-cum-playground near my house 3x a week. It took some getting used to. But it’s so true that discipline builds a habit. I guess when we know we should do something, we will do something about it. So for the past 2 years, I have been faithfully getting up and out of the house into the darkness of pre-dawn mornings to do my thing. It has to be pre-dawn as school-days  mean work begins early. I call it my morning walk with God,as it was only natural that I incorporate my previous routine of seeking His face before I start off each day. As I step out of the house every time and head out to the field, I am reminded  this was how God meant it to be, for right from the beginning, after He created Adam and Eve, He actually walked with them daily. So what I had meant to be  a mere exercise regime to keep this old body healthy has evolved into such a blessing...

The minute I round the corner that leads to the field, I am greeted by the deafening crescendo of chirping birds and cawing crows. Their song rises up like a greeting prelude to welcoming a new day's birth. It's as if I have stepped into another world, for but a moment ago, the air was still embalmed in the silence of darkness. I wonder how these creatures seem to know instinctively that dawn is coming even as the world slumbers on. Interestingly I have noticed  at precisely the same hour each time a flock of crows would be flying across the field heading towards a clump of trees near the houses. It's like a "fly-past" instead of march-past. Somehow they always nest in the same trees. It's as if they know this is their hour, their home. Gets me wondering how is it humans seem to have lost their "homing" instinct for their Creator-God??

And as I breathe in the cool morning air trudging the wet grass under my feet, I realize it’s impossible not to praise God for each new day that I wake up to. In the beginning, the darkness was uncomfortable, scary in fact. Running in circles with just a couple of street lamps casting dim shadows around you is not much fun. But it was in the semi-darkness that I discovered the reality and nearness of God. When I couldn’t see much beyond my own shoes as I plodded along the grass slippery with dew , I understood that in life, when I am groping around in the dark, not knowing what's ahead, wondering if it's safe,  I can just put one leg in front of the other, in confidence that although I don't know many things, God knows all things  and is in control. I am comforted that "He who watches over me will not slumber...He is my shade at my right hand; the sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night... for the  Lord will keep me from all harm...He will watch over my life; the Lord will watch over my coming and going both now and forevermore"(Psalm 121:3-8). And  the words of that old hymn ‘Morning by morning new mercies I see…Great is Thy faithfulness’ take on fresh meaning. Alone with my Maker, no matter that darkness surrounds me all about,  I bring Him my songs of thanksgiving and gratefulness for another day of life, held as I am in the safety of His arms..

It got even better during these past weeks, as I can afford the luxury of coming out slightly later since it’s school holidays. I have learnt to time my morning walks to catch the sun rise. And it’s opened up a whole new experience of God’s presence with me. I don't have to climb any mountains to be awe-struck at the coming of the dawn. All I have to do is look over the roof-tops beyond to the hills in the distance.  It's amazing how wide the vista before one's eyes when one looks up instead of down or straight ahead.  No wonder there are so many verses in God's Word calling us to "lift up your eyes" or "look up". Things look so different when our eyes are focused correctly - on the God of the universe, instead of on ourselves or on the world. How much we miss when we choose to simply  look anywhere and everywhere but up; no wonder we mess up our lives.  C.S.Lewis the atheist-turned-Christian apologist had this to say "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else".  Jesus taught that "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Mat. 6:22-23). How terrible to go around living with a pair of 'bad' eyes, looking at all the wrong things....


And as I cast my eyes over to the distant hills, it is as if an invisible painter is at work, splashing hues of colors across the palette of heaven in an ever-changing daily kaleidoscope. One time the sky could be brilliant orange, and within moments it would transform into the softest of pink blushes. Another time the blues just blow the mind, whilst on cloudy days, greys certainly exceed a mere 50 shades. I am reminded my God is as dependable as the sun rise, even though sometimes the clouds of life mar my view of Him. I don't need to 'see' Him to know He is there all the time every time. The most fascinating thing that never fails to amaze me is that no 2 sunrises are ever the same. I could come out at the same hour and find a brand new dawn unfolding before my eyes every time. And my spirit gets lifted up knowing I have got such an awesome God who is able to take the same old life, same old problems, same old whatever and make it all new and
beautiful. No wonder the apostle Paul cried out, "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!" (Rom.11:33).

 
Human beings complicate life so much. We debate, dispute and doubt God because of this, that or the other happening or not happening, as if God's a theory to be proved or disproved. Yet how easy it is to miss  the most magnificent "God-moments" in life when we no longer bother enuf to make time and space for  the simplest of everyday things ....like a sun-rise.  


"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"........... 
2 Corinthians 5:17

For fotos of just 2 days sun-rise in TTDI , click here

What do you do with rubbish?

For the past 5 days break at home, I had every good intention to spring-clean the house for Christmas. Well, the 5th day has come and gone, and apart from wiping 2 kitchen shelves, the spring cleaning hasn't gotten on much.  I did get started by poking around, and what I saw I certainly didn't like. I was shifting the plates  around the other day when a baby something scuttled out. I am not frightened by or of creepy-crawlies, be it baby or adult kind, but that obviously meant I really should do more than just poke around. Then I peeped into my wardrobe, and tried to figure out when was the last time I wore that green tingy in the corner. Honestly...I really dunno. The fashion people say if there's anything hanging in your wardrobe that hasn't seen the light of day for more than 3 years , it shouldn't be hanging there in the first place. Actually I got things hanging there for more than 10 years, but I console myself it's ok, I am not into fashion anyway. Like I said, humans tune out....
So now that my 5 days break is over, it looks like my good intention will remain just that... A good intention. Whats the saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions....dusty shelves hiding baby somethings are definite evidence of good intentions which never got translated into action. 

Guess it can get that way with life too. All politicians intend good, if you believe them. We all wanna be good, sincerely from the bottom of our hearts. Watzat other saying...we can be sincerely wrong. We all know what rubbish is and where it belongs. Or do we, really? It's amazing how the human mind can tune out certain things we don't wanna see. Perhaps that accounts for the way the kids always answer 'where got?' when I complain of the rubbish in their rooms. How is it we can both be looking at the same pile of stuff, and I see rubbish whilst they don't see anything? I think they call it perspective. 

Perhaps that's why we are so sure God is wrong when He calls us sinners. Sinners are terrible people, we aren't terrible people, we are people who have every good intention and in fact are good and do good as much as we can, (most of the time anyway) and that makes us pretty decent, not terrible, people. Ahh, the irrefutable argument of perspective, which colors truth into mere variables of individual  interpretation. 

Guess that's why it's hard to understand what's so wrong about Adam and Eve eating 1 miserable fruit, which so happen to be the only 1 God expressly forbade them to eat. Why make such a big deal of 1 fruit, 1 little wrong, no harm done to anyone else, so what's the big fuss, man? I have a sneaky suspicion Adam and Eve must have questioned (even if it was only in their hearts) God for being so 'heavy-handed', especially since He is supposed to be loving and forgiving and all the other 'nice' stuff. For man, it was simply a first-time disobedience, a small error, but for God, it was as good as rebellion, punishable with exile from Paradise.  That's how it was then, and that's still how it is now. 

Long after Adam and Eve, we still can't agree with God that swerving a little bit off His way is a big deal. We don't agree that all sin deserves death. That's why we choose the easy way out- just reject Him and His (narrow-minded, to us) ways. We don't want to be held accountable to such a strict judge. After all, its a matter of ...perspective. So the created questions the Creator's standards and think we know better. We decide we don't need (ie don't want) to live by His standards. It's easier to simply push God out of our lives, and live it merrily the way we see it, want it and excuse it. After all that's our  individual right to freedom that no one, least of all God, can touch. So we cease to discern  the 'rubbish' we allow to accumulate in our lives, in fact we can get so used to the rubbish we don't smell its stink anymore, becoz it's become so much a part of us. Much like my kids don't see what I see in their rooms becoz they are living in it every day. 

What we don't get is no matter how 'free' we think we are, wallowing  in rubbish still stinks, actually. After all rubbish  is rubbish, by any other name. Sin is sin, to a most holy God. But the good news is grace is still grace, no matter how undeserved. That's what we still don't get... a God who in His righteous holiness loves us enuf to save us from stinking sin and consequential death  - all at His own expense. He threw man out of an earthly Eden, but opened up the way to a heavenly eternity by dumping our 'rubbish-sin' on SomeOne else. 

Rubbish is supposed to be thrown away, carted off to the dump. I may not have cleared the rubbish in my house. But at least I know my sin has all been cleared away, ever since I let Jesus Christ carry it all the way to the cross and let Himself be nailed there, bearing it for me. That's not only goodness manifested, that's love -perfected.


"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord"... 
Romans 6:23

A Life More Than Death

Our cat's sick. Uggy is all of 84 (cat) years old. She's been with us even before my husband passed on - that's 12 years ago. The kids practically grew up with her. If I remember correctly, she was part of a litter of our previous cat. I named her Uggy, becoz she was well, sorta ugly...all a mass of brown/black patches. But what she lacks in looks, she certainly makes up for in personality...she's the family favourite, becoz she's the most docile and gentle of creatures (read lazy if you like). Give her food and she's happy (sounds like me, sometimes). She spends her days snoozing in the sun or wherever tickles her fancy, eating, and snoozing again (honestly there are days I would trade my life for hers). She very rarely gets sick at all, and she's never disappeared from the house, unlike Zaza who's prone to wander off every now and then, or worse Simba the temporary intruder who has now totally deserted our camp . But some days ago, Uggy simply vanished. Last I saw of her she was in the back garden amongst the ferns. We missed her mews at chow-time. Zaza got all the crumbs under the dinner table instead. We prayed. The next morning, I found her lying at the back, very weak and refusing food. Now that's a cause for concern, coz Uggy never refuses food. A quick trip to the vet set me back 5x more than what it would have caused me to see the doctor - I could have sworn cat flu and human flu seems to be pretty much the same, since when I catch the flu bug, I also get diarrhea, am listless and don't care much for eating - which are Uggy's exact symptoms, as I see it anyway... gee, at this rate, my kids should have studied to become animal doctors! Anyway, thankfully it wasn't like she was dying of old age, though the thot did cross our minds....

Death. A thought that creeps up on all of us at one time or another of our lives.All of us will get hit by what i call the 'tsunami' moment, when we stare at the death of something/ someone in the face, and we wonder, is this all there is to life? A journey into death? We try all sorts of things to avoid, delay or overcome its inevitability. Superstition doesn't wanna talk about it, arrogance attempts to deny or condemn it, fear trembles and hides from it. Why? Could it be that deep in every human heart, we refuse to die, becoz we know instinctively we are meant to live? A long time ago, the wisest king on earth penned these words, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end (Ecc.3:11)...

Eternity in the heart.... could that be why humankind has always hungered after immortality? We see it daily in advertisements to smooth out wrinkles on our faces, we pop wonder pills, even as science tinkles with cells and what-not in the never-ending quest to extend the human life span.

That's why we all root for heroes like Victor, the young nerd in Tim Burton's latest offering Frankenweenie, who can't quite let go of his dead pet, digs up the corpse, sews it up and literally zaps it back to life thru megawatts of lightning power. And we cheer James Bond on in Skyfall when he turns up kicking after he's supposed to have died, and dead-pans to the enemy that his hobby is resurrection. Reel life plays on real life after all.

2000 years ago, in real life, a man did die, and did get resurrected. Not by man's ingenuity, not by nature's might but by the power of God.Yet the human mind cannot fathom the impossible made possible. So till today the doubts remain, the denial and unbelief continues regarding the life, death and resurrection of a man called Jesus Christ. We prefer to keep resurrection in the realm of reel life instead; in so doing, we rule out the only answer to death in real life. We can commiserate and identify with fictitious movie screen heroes, but we can't believe a man who hung dead on a cross and then came back alive, proving that death can and was conquered when He declared, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live" (John 11.25)

We consign ourselves to being merely mortal, even tho our hearts know we were made for more, so much more than death...



 "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it"
 ....Matthew 10:39

A stirring of discontent

 

The blurb on fb was catchy - "Come experience the Ubah Dream Machine" There were some interesting names bandied about, tho no big-time personalities apparently. That suited me fine actually, becoz I didn't fancy stomaching political ra-ra-ra speeches. I wanted to hear from ordinary folks like myself. So for,the first time in my 52 years of being a M'sian citizen, I attended a 'ceramah umum'.

It was awful timing actually. Saturday nites are for enjoying with family and frens, partying, R-n-R stuff. Who would wanna come and hang out at  a car-park listening to more of the same-same things that have been said umpteen times already?  Add to that the unkind weather which literally washed out the whole idea of an open air gathering, and any smart event organizer will conclude its bound to be a PR disaster on your hands. But I went anyway,  more out of curiosity than anything else, since personally i am not a die-hard for any political party. I didn't expect any crowd as the rain was a real dampener, and indeed as I looked across to the car park grounds, it was miserably empty. The lauded 'dream machine' was actually the huge back end of a trailer emblazoned with a big caption 'Ubah sekarang, bersihkan Malaysia' and pix of a hornbill bearing the M'sian flag. (Pardon me ignorance, but it's only now I found out the bird named Ubah has been 'adopted' as DAP mascot.)
Apart from a handful of people milling about the covered entrance to the civic centre hall, who were obviously party workers, there didn't seem to be any action going on. I was about to go home, when a man approached me with a smile and asking if I had come for the talk, pointed to one of the rooms inside. I walked in to behold the small place totally packed. People were already sitting on the side steps. I parked myself into an empty spot there. More people kept trooping in till there was only standing room at the 2 doors. I ain't too good with estimates, but I figure there must be some 100-150 pax in the gathering.
I hadn't known what to expect really, since I have never attended this sorta thing before. Obviously some in the audience were there to support their party of choice. But I am equally sure there were some like me who were just there to listen for themselves from the horses' mouths, so to speak, what all the clamor call for change is all about. For a moment I thot it was going to be a wasted effort when one of the speakers mentioned  that the session was actually the concluding part of a series of clarification about 'Talam-gate'. Man, my heart was saying , i am not interested in that. I came to hear the 'heart-beat' of fellow M'sians for Malaysia, to check if  their dream of a better Malaysia for all M'sians is the same as mine. I was debating whether to walk out. But since I was wedged up in a tight spot high up on the stairs and the doorway was already blocked, I sat put. And I am glad I did. Becoz as the evening wore on, as different speakers took the mike, it went beyond Talam. And it got even better when the rain abated and we could all adjourn into the open air car park where the speakers finally got to use the big stage on the trailer. Yes, there were the usual references to cows, condos, submarines, Hummers and AES... All old fodder for the mill, already readily available for everyone and anyone who can read and has access to the world wide web. 
But behind the  re-hash of scandals and exposes, I heard passion in their voices, I saw fire in their eyes. These were young (well, compared to aunties like me, they are young) men and women, coming from different backgrounds, different races, speaking different mother-tongues, but they displayed the same commitment.  One over-riding sentiment resonated from all the speeches made over the 3 hours  - it isn't about PKR or UMNO; it isn't about winning or losing power. It's about Malaysia...it doesn't matter which party gets to sit in Putrajaya, what matters is good governance translated visibly into transparency, responsibility and accountability to the people, by the people and for the people. Who will not agree these are the correct  ideals of society-living to be upheld in this nation, which calls itself a democracy?

The problem isn't with the rhetoric or the theory, the problem is with the implementation, or lack thereof. And that's what's bugging me. I have voted dutifully in every election as a concerned citizen. For years I have not questioned the status quo, becoz being a stereotype Chinese, (which i hasten to add, isn't to say all Chinese conform to the stereotype), I was content for myself and my family since I live a pretty decent life. Isn't that enuf? It is, if it's all about me. But the truth is it isn't all about me. 

It's about writing down Malaysian next to the race column on a form, its about hearing the kids in the kindy where I work singing Negara-Ku every Monday morning. Don't the words mean anything anymore ? Perhaps I am getting more sentimental as the years roll by. Whatever, something is stirring in my heart these days, for I have begun to 'ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'. These words were part of the inspiring inaugural speech spoken by President John F Kennedy in 1961, I was just a 1 year old baby then. Now I am already past the half-century milestone...

I may not be able to do great things or many things, but I can make the right choice as a Malaysian who cares about this beloved land we call our own. I can with others in the same boat pull together to steer it in the right direction, so that ultimately all generations of this rainbow nation can rest well and enjoy its abundant blessings. Surely the fruits of this land are not reserved for just some of thepeople some of the time. After 55 years of independence, where are the fruits gone? It's patently obvious some baskets are disproportionately fuller than others, and that through rather questionable harvesting. That is very simply not fair to all Malaysians.

So that's how i found myself amongst this small group of people. We stood for some 2 1/2 hours on a wet Saturday nite listening attentively to ordinary folks voice a common dream for this land. A dream that stirs the heart to a restless discontent. Some say discontent is bad; because it raises needless questions and foments rebellion. I will be the first to agree we should be thankful grateful people, but I would think discontent over things that are not what they should or can be is the first step to change for the better. If people can retire from active employment at 55, why can't governments 'retire' also and take a backseat to allow other 'drivers' to rise up...who knows that they may prove more competent? American jazz musician and Pulitzer Prize winner Wynton Marsalis said, " I have absolutely no idea what my generation did to enrich our democracy. We dropped the ball. We entered a period of complacency and closed our eyes to the public corruption of our democracy"

I don't want to stand indicted as a Malaysian with closed eyes. I'll take my chances with a little discontent.

Cats do it too

The story goes about a guy who found a feline curled up on his door-step one fine morning. She looked up with pathetic eyes that bored into his soul, and the man was hooked....he took the cat in as his own, gave her a basket to sleep in, fed her the best cat-food daily, and let her climb onto his lap for neck rubs. He loved the cat, and thought the cat loved him. Every day the cat would disappear sometime in the evening, but she would always be back for the nite. The man didn't think too much of this disappearing act, thinking perhaps she was into meeting up with the neighborhood 'cat-gang'... till one day, he had to go out in the evening to get something from the nearby sundry shop. As he walked down the street, he was shocked to see 'his' cat in another house. An old lady was feeding kitty. Swiftly he walked up to the gate, and trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice, he called out, 'excuse me, ma'am, that's my cat you are feeding, " to which the lady promptly shot back, "I beg your pardon, she is my cat. She always comes by this time of the day to eat and sleep in her basket." The man started to protest until he saw 'his' cat saunter over and curl herself up most comfortably in a basket in the house. That night he shooed the cat away when she strided confidently back to his house. They say that unlike dogs who are man's best frens, you can never own a cat, its the cat that owns you...a cat will set herself up as queen of your house, and contrary to human assumption, a cat is the boss of your household, not your pet.

I should know, we have 3 cats, the latest literally 'adopted' us when she waltzed into the house one day. We initially named him Marmalade, but changed it into Simba, coz Marmalade was quite a mouthful. Well, Simba has wormed his way into the household with his manja-ness. He knows his position at the bottom of the feline hierarchy, and is wise enuf to back off from Zaza, our little tigress-puss, who's been known to chase the neighbors dog instead of the other way round, as would be the natural order of things. Zaza is quite the bad-tempered mistress, she hisses and bares her claws whenever they all gather for chow- time around their 3 separate bowls. The old matriarch of the house Uggy simply ignores the young upstart and behaves as if Simba is non-existent, literally 'no eye c' him.

Well, we figured they would sort themselves out somehow in acceptable, if not exactly peaceful, co existence. Simba promptly 'booked' his fave snooze spots, on top of the ironing board or in an old flower basket in the living room. When the whole family left for our annual holiday for 5 days, our neighbor graciously agreed to feed the cats. Upon our return, Simba wasn't around to greet us. He failed to turn up at chow-time even after 3, 4 days. In a way, I was glad coz it meant 1 less mouth to feed (hallo, feeding 3 cats 3x daily is no joking matter!). My neighbor told the kids Simba had gone off to 'adopt' another household down the road. Well, good riddance, I thought, if that's how flippant and temporary his loyalty is to the hands that fed him. But the next day, Simba was back and behaving as if we were his heart's one and only true love, sidling up the side of my leg, purring repeatedly to be petted and reclaiming his snooze-spots in the house. I was quite outraged at his audacity. This was unabashed 'adultery', and he wasn't even ashamed, how could he? I felt cheated, betrayed. Ok, ok, he's a cat, and cats don't 'commit adultery', they are just instinctively self preserving creatures that will do what they need to do in order to survive.

But it got me thinking. What animals may be at liberty to do to survive, humans do it too, but for much less compelling reason. And I understood how God must view man's spiritual adultery, running away after all sorts of other than Him. God created man to love and for love, joined with and to Him in the most ideal intimacy of a living relationship. But instead of being content to remain within the confines of His safe arms, we chose to look outside of Him. Eve looked at the forbidden fruit dangling in front of her eyes, and promptly took a bite. A right royal king David fell becoz he looked ...at what he wasn't supposed to be looking at - another man' wife bathing. Another king, Solomon, wisest man in the world then, got his kingdom torn away becoz he chose to love 700 wives and 300 concubines, instead of sticking to 1 wife and God. And so it has been throughout history...lust starts with a look, unfortunately it never stops with just 1 look.

We look away from God and see what we perceive as greener grass on the other side of the field.. I dunno what was in the other house that attracted Simba away. Maybe their basket was bigger, maybe they played ball with him more, maybe their cat-food was more expensive and nicer-tasting. But it wasn't like we neglected him, even tho we went away for awhile, we made sure someone would take care of his needs. Still he wandered off... I guess humans too are so prone to wander off from God at the slightest excuse. After all, there are so many other things more exciting, attractive and self-satisfying than an absentee God, who can't (or rather won't) even prove His own existence.
But wait a minute, why should God get upset if the alternatives we seek aren't bad things by themselves? What's so wrong about wanting other loves, success, money, power, fame, career, family, even sex for that matter? Didnt God create all things good? Why is He so hung-up on Himself, that He must be número uno- maybe God's got a serious ego problem. I did wonder about that, and I finally figured it out that it's not so much God needs us to put Him first. It's the other way round, we need to get the priority of our life right, if we want to live to our max potential on this earth. The greatest self deception is to believe life is all about doing what we want or love, that we can find fulfillment in what we can achieve, out of our own effort, that we only need to climb and conquer our particular 'Everest', whatever it may be at any particular stage of our life, like old Frank Sinatra crooned, "I did it my way..." That's not to demean the human capacity for achieving great and mighty works. Conquering the 'Everests' of our life is well and good, dreaming impossible dreams is a great motivation. But if in the process we lose sight of the God who has already planned the best destiny of our life, all the everests we conquer are really just never-ending mountains of our own making to satisfy our own egos for that moment in time. Well, is that so bad?

Logically it shouldn't matter , after all Simba got fed and loved in the other house as well, and I am sure he' s quite happy there. What difference does it make, this, that or the other house he parks himself in? All the same. But he should know my neck-rub is different from the other house-owner, my love is different. Is mine the best? Well, I dunno much about loving cats besides giving them neck-rubs. But I do know nothing beats God's love for me; nothing compares. I have experienced it first-hand, I have tasted and know that the Lord is good. I know becoz of the price paid to prove that love - the life of One who chose to die for me, tho I never saw Him in the flesh.
And that's the wonder of God's love story with man; there can be no other love quite like the love of God, there can be no higher blessing than His blessing. There can be no other way than His way. For the simple reason His is always the best, most perfect, excellent and ultimate completion of the circle of life. He is the Beginning and the End.Why else would I want to settle for less?

Simba chose to wander, yet he also chose to come back, for whatever reason was in his catty mind. My first impulse was to deny him entry, like the guy in the story. Adultery is a serious betrayal of sworn affection. What does he take me for - a doddlehead to play around with?? What, he thinks he can just waltz in and out of the house, and expect to be accepted back into the family circle just like that ? Would a husband or wife simply welcome back a philandering spouse who reappears after having broken his/her heart into a zillion pieces, not once but time and again? In ancient cultures, adulterers are stoned to death. Will God simply take us back, when it is we who deliberately choose to turn away from Him repeatedly to run after the desires of our own hearts, chasing myriad 'toys' of the world, tuning and shutting Him out of our life? The amazing truth is He will, and it ain't got anything to do with us. He takes us back any time every time, becoz Jesus already paid the price for our 'spiritual adultery', out of an amazing incomprehensible totally outrageous love. How can I say no to such a Lover?
Simba has again done his disappearing act; its been almost a week now we haven't seen even a shadow of him.. Ahh, the fickleness of cats.... and man.... when will we ever learn? Yet God is  infinitely more gracious than I... whilst I hesitate to take back an 'unfaithful' cat, God's arms are ever open to any and every prodigal son/daughter who is ready to come home...

"...The Lord appeared... saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness'.... Jeremiah 31:3