Is it worth it?

Every Sat afternoon for the past 6 years (with a few exceptions when I wasn't around in town), I spend some 3 hrs in a dirty smelly back-alley in the Petaling Street area. Nope, I am not into anything sinister or secret. In fact there's nothing secret about the place or the activity - its been going on there since more than 10 years ago apparently. Almost all homeless vagabonds who live off the streets of KL will know this place, and if they are newbies in town, they will somehow get to know it sooner or later, as the place which serves "Yesoh funn" ('Jesus' rice, literally translated)

You have to walk past a stinky rubbish dump to get into the alley proper which is a rather narrow stretch of 'street'. Running along 1 side of it are the back walls of buildings; the other is a public carpark along which is erected a wire-mesh fence. The alley activities always raise the eyebrows of patrons who park their cars there. They are curious what goes on under the plastic-wrap awning that is stretched out across the fence to the back walls along the alleyway. They stare at the 100, sometimes 200 odd specimens of humanity gathered thereunder, seated on plastic stools arranged in 2 lines facing each other - old, young, male, female, even 'in-betweens' (sometimes), of all races; almost all are unkempt, most lug around worn-looking or tattered plastic bags , some look suspiciously drunk, others look positively like gangsters with fierce tatoos on their bare arms and rings in their ears....... surely they wonder what on earth is this motley bunch of people waiting for? They may see plates of rice or cups of Chinese tea/teh tarik being passed along by what looks like an assembly line of 'workers' to those seated. Sometimes they will get to hear people sing songs or talk about God thru a loudspeaker, and mayhap again they wonder, what is this - a religious thingy ?? But its too 'odd' to be that.... welcome to the world of street-feeding...

A world so far removed from the 'normal' fabric of society that some of us, truth to say, would rather not get involved with, becoz they represent the dirty dregs that don't 'fit' into our nice comfy world. Oh, of coz we know they exist; every so often papers would highlight the plight of the homeless or vagrants who for one reason or another end up on the streets. And its not in KL alone; anywhere everywhere they are there... under the town bridge, in the abandoned shop-house, along the road-shoulders. It's just that our eyes sort-of glaze over them, we see them and we don't see them; simply becoz we don't want to know..their story.

It can't be a good story anyway. What can you expect from a drug addict who's been in and out of rehab and/or prison the umpteenth time? A prostitute who sells her body for as cheap as $15 when 'business' is low? Who wants to listen to an old woman crap about how she hates being cooped up with a family who yells at each other and at her all the time even if she aint deaf? What can you say to a guy who shrugs when asked why don't you get a proper job? Or the one who nonchalantly rolls his cheap tobacco onto a torn square of old newspaper and proceeds to blow smoke-rings into your face, as if daring you to stop him? See the pregnant woman in the corner - that's her second baby she's bearing on the streets in 2 years; I guess people can make babies anywhere, even in the open parks, especially if they got nothing else better to do . And that man with yellow-tinged eyes - sheepishly he says he only drink leeetle bit, and its just becoz he can't forget his wife who died. You know, that crazy dude who will not let go of your hand and says he loves you - his family are all doctors staying in big bungalows. And that guy with the freaky cap who can talk till the cows come home about the differences between Jesus Christ and other prophets, and along the way, he will cerita about all the overseas countries that he has visited before - he's got a Masters' degree under his belt. Oh, but that one sitting there with the sad look on his face, better to avoid, becoz he will use every sob-story in the book to get you to part with $10 for the bus fare home to see his dying....(whoever); when you don't give, he will reduce the need to $5 or $2, just to get his fix for the day.

That's their world, not ours. Often people have (properly) queried, why on earth do you wanna feed these vagabonds? They are 'bad' to the core, there is no hope of redemption in or for them. Got hands, got legs, don't wanna work! Got work, don't seem to be able to hold the job for long. See, they never even say thank you for that plate of chicken curry rice you offer them every week. Ungrateful wretches that they are, some even have the gall to complain why they don't get drumstick! Some eat the meat, and throw half the rice away. Others surreptitiously try to 'ta pau' becoz they just came from another place which already fed them, and so they wanna keep this one for 'later on'. Oh, they all know where to get fed every day of the week; most certainly we don't have to worry that they will die of hunger - they can't; there are just so many 'good' folks waiting to feed them. And so actually they can survive quite well, aside from having to sleep under the sky (consider it the free "multi-star hotel" open to all) and suffering certain inconveniences like outwitting the RELA raiders who swoop in every now and then to cart them off . But after awhile, they will be released anyway, since our prisons are already overflowing . What good does all this charity do besides just encourage them to live a life of indolence and laziness?
Valid question; once upon a time I have asked myself this too. The other day a sister-in-Christ asked me further, so do you think after all these years, it's worth it, where's the fruit of all your labor?? Well, i guess if we count by the world's reckoning, this is really a 'losing business' with zero returns. But God's work isn't appraised by man's accounting. Yet even by spiritual standards, it seems there is no result worth talking about. Every Sat, we feed the crowd not just physical food; we serve not just plates of rice but the Word of life, we pass out not just tea, but the living waters of divine kindness, grace and mercy from on high. But even whilst we are doing all this , I see some nodding off to slumberland (tho they automatically perk up when the food is served), some busy talking amongst themselves, some in a world of their own, some stroll in at the very end of the programme, just in time for the food. Not many are listening or interested in the songs or speeches... they have heard it all a zillion times every Sat for umpteen years...they will take the rice, tea and bananas, but they will not take the highest blessing of salvation and freedom. They who are rejected of man, would reject the God who loves them.

My heart aches over this tragedy, not just for them, but for all who have heard, and yet still refuse to believe. Most aptly Jesus had foreseen the rejection of people who would not believe . Yet He still went all the way to the cross to bear the sins of all humankind, whether or not they believed Him. That was the measure of His great love for the world; He sacrificed Himself - He did it anyway. And I remember this poem that's been attributed to Mother Theresa:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

So I have learnt to just do what God has assigned as my portion, and let Him determine the results; I don't need to waste my time wondering if any of my blood, sweat and tears poured over this, that or any other service that I do for God is bearing fruit. If I start counting, I will end up frustrated, angry and all burnt-out; becoz many times i just can't 'see' anything happening . So I just accept the truth that only God can love people, and only God can save them. My job is just to tell those whom He brings into my life that there is this God - He loves me, He set me free, He gives me new life and He can do the same for you, if you would just believe. And so every Sat, we tell the same thing over, again and again. We proclaim the most fantastic come-back story of all time - the story of Jesus Christ, who came, died and rose again; the greatest news, the biggest deal of His-story: that everyone who calls on His name shall be saved. And becoz I am the bearer of glad tidings, I can do it with joy by the grace of Him who gave me the job.

Is it worth it? If ever my flesh is so weakened that I start questioning myself, I only need to recall this 'special' kid (well, he's not exactly a kid, but a huge grown man who's somewhat intellectually challenged) who comes to the street-feeding with his old mother. He doesn't know my name, no matter how many times I tell him. But always when i kneel beside him, he will greet me, in Cantonese "Yesoh che che" and that makes my day becoz it's the highest compliment that anyone can ever pay me, becoz for me it simply means he identifies me with Jesus; doesn't matter he knows not my name, but he knows the Name above every other name! I ask him further "who loves you, boy boy?" He answers, "Ma-ma, Yesoh che che, Yesoh" and he will clap his hands and hi5 me. He may not understand much, but if this much he has understood, I am already very very blessed, becoz he has understood the greatest truth of all; that Jesus loves him. If such a simple-minded 'child' can understand this, why is it that others can't, or is that people just don't want to??
Still, if its only just 1 person out of the whole crowd there that I serve every Sat who catches this and takes Jesus to heart, that is sufficient reward for me... to keep doing it anyway, for as long as there are Saturdays to come. If God doesn't give up on them, on everyone who doesn't yet call on His name, how can I??...

"I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." Luke 15:10

So What's Coming Besides GE13?

GE 13 ... looks like the whole of M'sia is talking of nothing else. I am bemused - nowadays I open up the Star (ya i know, i know, my kid keeps telling me to cancel the subscription since its common knowledge it prints only 1 type of news, but hey, old aunty still like holding a solid newspaper in hand when drinking my coffee , and besides i only take seriously the cartoons page anyway. For 'real' news, I talk to my kids - heh heh, they sometimes more informed than me! ). Every morning I expect news of another generous hand-out of (tax payers ie includes my ) money to this, that or the other person deemed old, needy, poor by some arbitrary limit of age or income . I kicked myself the other day reading about EPF dividend being the highest declared in 10 yrs, coz i was silly enuf to have recently withdrawn a portion, due to some rather alarming news that they might use my hard-earned lifetime savings to lend to some poor folks in need of houses. I got nothing against helping others, but I'd rather I do it myself according to how God leads me to do it. I also expect another 1 M'sia this and 1 M'sia that announcement every other day. I ain't much of an economist, but the little that i do read seems to indicate M'sia is doing pretty well esp in the light of tough times elsewhere. And that's precisely where the 'disconnect' makes me a little uneasy considering the world as it is today...
Does anyone bother that European Union is on the brink of collapse? Well, why we worry, that's them, we're Asians, nothing to do with us la - totally different continent... Greece bankrupt? Where's that again? Italy, Spain, huh? Does that mean it will be cheaper for us to go holiday in those places - so Matta Fair got special offer to bankrupt or soon-to-be-bankrupt countries arr? No la, but you can still get some cheap Air Asia flights to Tokyo, people still scared of that radiation leak tingy and of coz never can tell when another tsunami might hit Japan... hey, Christchurch also good deal, except you won't get to see much, since its been practically wiped out by at least 2 major earthquakes over the past 2 years and still counting after-shocks. And that's just New Zealand. Who got time to bother about all the other countries of the world... where famine eats up people everyday, where kids become beggars, prostitutes, or child-soldiers lugging guns bigger than their frail bodies or child-brides to old men? Does anyone care that Iran and Israel are playing war-games with each other? (latest reports indicate real war could happen anytime as early as April this year) Incidentally I just learnt that scientists have developed a lethal mutant strain of the bird flu H5N1 virus (which kills about 50% of those who contract it and is more contagious than the original) - how clever of humans, to create something that can destroy humans ....it seems now they are concerned about bio-terrorism in case it ends up in the 'wrong hands'. Gee, that's a new word I learnt - i thot terrorists were those mad fellas who wear masks and shoot people at random. So now we will just suddenly roll around on the floor popping ghastly boils all over our skin and then die without even knowing what killed us ( looks like horror-movies will become real life after all).

My kids tell me i am just a dooms-day prophet, when i alert them to these (and other equally or more terrible) things happening around them. I tell them pls look beyond M'sia, pls look beyond your smug, relatively comfortable, easy-going world, look beyond Facebook, Twitter, Iphone, Ipad, I-watever, pls look beyond your concerns about studies, movies, boyfren, job, politics, economics, or social causes .... I warn them its gonna get worse not becoz I am a pessimist, but becoz that's God's word already given to us . I try to prepare them for the inevitable - that sad to say, the world is not going to get better despite our best (read human) efforts, tho certainly that shouldn't stop us from doing all we can anyway, out of the love that God placed in our hearts that's shed abroad to all.

I can understand why God isn't interested in preserving ugliness; He created all things beautiful and fantastic, but thanks to man's poor choices, it got all messed up and so here we are, let's face it, the world is already getting uglier all the time. It used to be only those who live in big bungalows need to park security guards outside their gates; now entire neighborhoods are gated and guarded, and yet, people still get robbed in their houses, not only that, they also now risk having limbs chopped off. If you are driving alone, you better open eyes big big when you park or even just stop at a traffic light momentarily. Values have lost all meaning becoz everything is relative; we all suffer from the "I, me and mine" disease . Anything goes as long as I am happy with it, I can do what I want, what I like so long as I don't 'hurt' people or don't get caught (like one adulterous politician's famous line - I am sorry, I was caught!). Let's just live and let live la, we just try to make our little corner of the world as comfy as possible. So we do whatever good we can, hoping it will sort of 'balance' out whatever bad we have done and that somehow will suffice when we ultimately face our Maker (if only we recognize the ill-logic of that argument - since when can 99 correct answers cancel out 1 wrong answer? wrong remains wrong duh), we try to find 'inner peace' thru this, that or the other self-help technique. Yet if we would stop a moment to examine ourselves.... if we don't first make peace with our Creator, how can we have peace with ourselves, much less with another human being?? Thank God He sent One called the Prince of Peace to give peace that transcends all human understanding, a peace that this world can never give...

Yet we think we are doing well, ok, wat , not so bad ...The truth is we aren't really. The tragedy is we don't realise it. I tell my kids (ya, i tell them a lot of heart-stuff that i have learnt thru 10 years of knowing a God who has revealed all that man ever needs to know - the important things about life, death and the hereafter) that they better wise up to the times we are living in, to redeem the days that God has given to each of us who are saved by His grace and mercy. No, not to get all dreary, groaning and moaning about the inevitable end of the world that must come, but to live each day as if it was our last - loving God and loving others - not just saying it with our mouths or silently believing it in our hearts but truly living love in action - in accordance to His way (not our own way), becoz our lives have been redeemed by the One Almighty God who created us and first loved us . No, not in despair or desperation that this world is passing away, but in joy and hope as we not only believe, but know there is a new heaven and a new earth coming, just as sure as I know my Jesus is coming again! How do I know? Becoz God's Word is Truth.

I know God's prepared the best for everyone who chooses to receive His truth and not any other. Truth cannot have many shades; its not a favourite color that one can pick off from a shelf of 'pretty dresses' that are termed variously as 'concepts, philosophies, religion, meditation, world views, theories, idealogies, etc, etc... no matter how good they sound or look. If in a court of law, there can only be 1 truth, the whole truth and nothing but THE Truth, all the more we can expect the same law to operate in God's Kingdom; how can there be more than 1/different versions of truth?? It's only an issue of which is THE Truth, out of the many that are open and presented to each one of us in this world. And that is the human dilemma of free choice.

Ahh, but how difficult it is to see beyond the end of our noses, for we who live in this generation, when there are soooo many things that distract and detract us from the 'big picture'. So we major on the minor things in life, getting all worked up over everything except God. I was watching a row of tiny ants crawling along my kitchen wall the other day. Did you ever notice, ants all follow the same path...so all i had to do was squirt ant-icide into the hole where all of them were heading and so they simply dropped off quite dead. It struck me sometimes humans are like ants - we simply follow the line of least resistance, maybe its a kind of 'mob mentality' thingy....we think we are headed somewhere safe, but we never stop to ask ourselves, is this really the right way?? Like ants, we march on , quite happily ignorant in the 'now' moments of our days on earth. We can't see or worse, don't want to see what's coming. Yet if only we would pause awhile to seriously consider The Truth of our life's direction , perhaps our eyes will be able to catch a glimpse of the world that Jesus has promised as a lasting inheritance and then we will believe:

"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Revelation 21:3-4