As the years roll by...

I was squinting my eyes and racking my brains when i viewed the 1976 batch of HSBM 'brats' on their 2008 video clip....trying to put names to faces from the long ago's of yesteryears... remembering the 'good ole days' when life was but a song, and we all dreamt of knights in shining armour (come on be honest, girls, you did too then, right? )sweeping us off into the beautiful sunset.. of course comes complete with fancy car, big house, highpower career...hmm wat else?? Dunno what the guys dreamt of, but must be pretty much along the same line, what else is new, eh! Now 30+ years down the line, much water under the bridge, many dreams later... what do we have now that we didn't have then? and what have we lost that we had then?

I turned 48 a month ago. I m really not much into birthdays, anniversaries and stuff like that. It used to matter a lot to me; but not any more; coz I figured why should we make such a big deal of 'special' days in our/others lives? Shouldn't every day be a special day to love somebody, to make somebody happy, to wish another well? Why wait for a birthday, Valentine, or Mother's day or father's day or teacher's day or whatever day to celebrate someone's life? But I digress, so anyway, my eldest princess, all of 21, sprang a last-minute surprise by arranging a dinner with my brother, and a small group of my dearest sisters and brothers in Christ. ..I felt so blessed.. and in my heart,I was telling God, thank You for bringing me through all this 48 years.. I look back and I am so grateful He found me 6 years ago, in the midst of my darkest hours, Jesus shone His light into my life, and I have never been the same....

I thought I had it all then... husband, kids, house, car, career... but isn't it so true , we have eyes but do not see, we have ears but do not hear, we have hearts but do not understand... its only when we lose the things we love, that we gain what is immeasurable treasure. Or like the Bible puts it, those who would lose their lives will gain it, those who would gain their lives will lose it... it takes loss to make us realise what true gain is. For it was when I lost what I thought was the great love of my life - my husband - that Ii gained the greatest love of all - in Christ Jesus.

When all else passes away, as it must, one day... we all know we can never take with us the things of the world that we accummulate thru the years of our lives on this earth, so why do we focus so much on them? A writer put it this way; there are 2 ways to get enough, one is to accumulate more and more, the other is to desire less. Do we stop in the midst of all our activities and ponder when we stand before God, what are we going to say to Him when He asks what have you done with the life that I gave you? Becoz He's not going to look at how many houses, cars, shares, gold, degrees you have to your name , how many times you donated food or money to the poor, how 'good' you have been... He'll just ask you does your heart know Me; do you know the One who is the Way, the Life and the Truth ?

So, so what if I don't have the fancy car, the big house or the high powered career - I already have the most wonderful priceless treasure that no money can buy, that no one can give except the Holy One who created the heavens and the earth... And to think, its free for all who would just believe and receive the blessing God wants everyone to have!!

Seasons

The Bible says there's a season and a time for every activity under heaven... how true God's word is. I had thot now that i've found my calling doing street work, i dont ever wanna stop; i had big plans, big dreams as i helped out in the ministry... yet 2 yrs down the line, it was taken away by circumstances beyond my control.. how i struggled letting go of something that had come to mean so much to me. I argued with God.. surely You don't mean to destroy such a good work that has been carrying on for so long, surely You didn't bring me in just to kick me out again.. oh, how i struggled, refusing to believe God can actually choose to tear down even a beautiful thing.

But finally, thru much crying and praying, i got wat God was trying to teach me... He's in charge of all things, and He's got every right to do wat He wants however He wants, whenever He wants. If He builds up, He can tear down...yes, even precious things. But His Word reassures me, that in all things He works for good for those who love Him according to His purpose, and that applies in all circumstances, even and esp. when things look bad. Somehow good will come out of it, in His perfect timing and way. After all that's wat my faith is based on... faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things yet unseen... I've since given up a major part of the street work; cutting it down to once a week Sat feeding.

So for once in my life, i got so much free time on my hands... it's a difficult adjustment for me, coz i m always the do-ing type, can't sit still . And i guess that's one more lesson i gotta learn - to just wait upon God for Him to lead me further. Frankly i'd rather be doing, doing, doing, rather than praying, praying, praying! Come to think of it, aren't most of us like that? We get so busssyy doing stuff, we lose track of the most impt thing we shld be doing -sitting still and listening to God. Instead we get involved in all sorts of things, even good things for that matter.

Looking back, i shld hv seen it coming.. during my last trip in India, for the 1st time in my life, i found myself preaching to more cows than people! Never happened to me... such a blow to my pride.. and i guess that's the problem... i was getting too proud, involved in so many 'good' things i was in danger of forgetting the One behind the good things, i hd come to tink i was pretty indispensable, after all hadn't God blessed me with so many talents, so many skills, surely He wants to use me to the max?? Surely He doesn't mean to put me on the shelf fiddling my thumbs! But He does, He whams me on the head to remind me - hey, kiddo, remember who you are; nothing but clay which I moulded into something worthy, I can use you, but I can also NOT use you....

Ahh, how gracious God is - He pulls me back when i m in danger of straying off the cliff...I know its time for me to let go of all other things - good and bad - and just sit at His feet and enjoy God for who He is, not for wat I can do for Him. The yester-years were terrific summers and the experience was fantastic. But now that my winter's come, i m learning hey, it's not so bad, esp. when He's around. I may not be as comfy as the sleeping bears (since i dont fancy zzzzzzz that much) but winter's cold forces me to snuggle up into the warmth of His everlasting loving arms, and rest in His peace that transcends all human understanding - and that's a truly terrific place to be in!

The legacy of a mother

Its Mother's Day again...add another year, another few more white hairs on the head... i woke early in pensive mood today to prepare for church. And as the kids all piled into the car, i looked at them, and said a silent prayer of thanks to the God who has guided me all these years into bringing up children who know Him as their Father in heaven, a father to the fatherless and a defender of widows.
Over the past 2 days I hd attended a prayer seminar, which really cut me to the heart, hearing the pastors talk about the days to come; when surely God's judgment shall come to pass upon all mankind. The Bible tells it, we know it, but we don't like to dwell on it, becoz it speaks of things we wld rather put off, like getting our lives right with God, becoz... we prefer to think..hey, man, don't be so morbid, things are fine, we are pretty "good" people, we do good, we try not to harm others, we don't kill, murder or steal, all we are interested in is to get a comfy life for ourselves, our kids, our families, we just wanna do our own thing... is that so wrong?
Guess not, but where is God in all this? I was trying to warn my kids over family time with them yesterday life is not all fun and games... if you know the world and all the things of the world shall pass away, how are we supposed to live today? We see so many 'unheard' of things happening this year alone ; Myanmmar never had a cyclone, Indonesia has been so torn apart by disaster after disaster, in M'sia, crime stats show 41% increase over just 3 months, 1 out of every 5 M'sian youths hv mental problems, (China apparently has 30 million of such people ), there are 60 new drug addicts every day.. we moan wats the world coming to? No place is safe, not the car park, the shopping mall, even outside our gates we get robbed!
I look at my kids, and i wonder wat kind of world they are gonna inherit... wat can i give them as a mother who loves them, wants to protect them and give them the best?
And again i m driven back to acknowledge in my heart that there is nothing i can give them that wld stand them in such troubling times as these, except that they have a Father God who they can turn to; not a human mother who is herself imperfect and so limited in what she can do for them .
So all i can do this Mother's Day is mouth a prayer that come what may, my kids will recognize and cling onto the only treasure, the only legacy their mom can ever give them - the knowledge that when everything is gone, when the world is all upside down, when storms blow, they can stand firm in Christ Jesus, becoz He is the rock of their salvation, and they will never be shaken..
I pray that they will look unto the things of God, that their eyes of their hearts will be opened to see the eternal stuff of the soul , and not be distracted by the temporary attractions of the flesh of this world, and that becoz they carry the light and the love of Jesus with them, they will make a difference to the lives around them, for as they have freely received; may they freely give....

Who cares?

For the past 2 years, i had never been busier or felt more content with my life. Every Tues, Thur and Sat i wld travel down to KL to be with the street people. On top of the Sat feeding, i was ministering at this drop-in-centre which opens Mon-Sat which functions as a place for them to eat (3x daily - nothing fancy, just plain stuff like bread, biscuits, maggi mee) rest, bathe, get their clothes washed, play carrom, watch some tv and free movies-cum-supper (on Thursday nites) . I wld drop by after work for a couple of hours to sit and listen to their stories, counsel those i can, share the message of God's love with those who are open to listen. We do wat we can to help as far as we can. Like arranging for those willing to go into drug/substance or prison rehab, old folks/women's homes, buying bus tickets for those who wanna balik kampung after finding out how tough life on the streets can be...
You will be surprised how many people just walk into the centre from all over M'sia, as far as East M'sia and even foreign lands - some are sooo young, just teenager drop outs and runaways... They all come with a common dream - to get a job, make big $$ in the big city of KL... and then after 1/2/3/4/5 days out on the streets, with no job, no home, no food.... God only knows how many are sucked into criminal activities and bad habits and end up totally lost ... society frowns upon them, rejects them; no one gives them a chance. They can't get jobs - who wants to hire them?! So, they are stuck... My heart breaks over some of the stories i hv heard... but by God's grace and mercy , a few, a very few handful i hv seen break thru the vicious cycle... proof that even in the midst of such darkness, God's light shines thru, becoz really God is the only One who cares abt them.
There is really little that i can do for them , but i know i can pray. So i pray with them, for them, and thank God when some break free... for all the sweat i poured into this work, there's no greater reward than to see this happen... when lives which are all broken up get mended and turned around, transformed by God's grace and love...
2 yrs spent in this ministry hv given me so much joy, so much meaning... and i was tinking i dont wanna do anything else...but as usual, God has some surprises up His sleeve for me...

Soooo looong, tooo looong, man!

Phew, i thot i wld never be able to get back into this blog... after being 'poked' by our faithful 'social secretary' Hong, i visited it, and my, my, discovered i really hv bn away much too long - my last posting was 2006!! Goodness gracious, that's like 2 years, man... and then started a really frus time of trying to log back inside... thks Hong, for hanging on wit me in there past few days and doing watever it is you did ... and thk God He answers even the silliest of prayers i send up - like pls God, help me get back into the blog!
So, hey, its good to be back on line yakkety yak yak... you know God has a funny way of stirring things up in my life. 2 years hv zipped past, 2 very fulfilling years. Which saw me so buzzzy i didn't bother keeping up with this blog. Not that that's an excuse, but aiyah... always got other things to do....
I was enjoying myself so much actually coz I finally found God's calling for my life. 2 yrs ago, He touched my heart to serve in street work, ministering to the homeless in the heart of KL Chinatown in Petaling Street. Somehow things just fell in place; one thing led to another, and before i knew it, i was joining in this street programme , which was run by a group of churches working together to feed and minister to this particular group of people.

First time i helped out at the weekly feeding, i was amazed... we closed off a whole back alley with canopy, food was carted in to feed a crowd of at least 100 people, made up of all races, all genders (ya, even those 'in-between' sex), all ages, all religions... my eyes popped out literally... you name it, we have it... the drug addicts, alcoholics, exconvicts, HIVs, unemployed.. the whole array of society's outcasts , in short. My heart was like... God, there is so much need here... wat i saw was truly the love of God manifested in the team of volunteers chipping in to pack and distribute the food/drinks, the doctor and nurses tending to the sick, others sitting down to talk and listen to their stories... who else could love these unlovables, unloved and unloving??

I've since been going back to that back alley every Sat. except when really can't. Some people question why on earth would we spend our weekends feeding a bunch of no-gooders. Some people even condemn the practise becoz as rightly put, it's a rugi business - We spend time, money and effort on seemingly useless (even dangerous) characters. Worse such charity only makes them even more lazy. It's a valid point, i guess, if we want to count in terms of "good, useful" people, this group would never qualify. That's the way the rational human mind thinks, but thank God there is a God who values each and every human life as worthy to be saved, no matter how sinful, dirty or horrid that life is. This i guess is what love is all about. Whenever i look at them, i m reminded of what the bible says - If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? That's not difficult; the difficult part is to love those whom you'd rather not love... like dirty, smelly street folks who got 'questionable' habits and live goodness-knows-wat type of life. It's a world far far removed from what we know....