A HOUSE TOO BIG

It's the very first day of the new year 2024. And I am all alone at home. Just- officially-married no 2 daughter has been shuttling between houses, understandably to be with hubby at the in-laws, since he will go back to work overseas very soon.  No 3 son is out gym-ing, as is his almost daily routine. That means the usual Maggi mee dinner for just me. Some days I dish up some spaghetti or yee mee, but Maggie mee is as always still the easiest, ever "cepat di masak, sedap dimakan." Even Maffin the house-cat is nowhere to be found. 

Times like this, I understand fully what my opposite neighbor means when she tells me repeatedly her house is too big. She's a widow (like me), very rich (unlike me).  Her house is a double-storey corner lot, with a very spacious garden. Most of her life  was spent together with her husband at home, looking after a disabled son, totally paralysed from birth from neck down due to a hospital botch-up. The boy lived till his early twenties - that's a long time of care-giving. Then later the husband passed on. She has 2 other sons; one already migrated to US and the other living nearby, both busy with their own lives, having their own families. So she stays in her very big house with only a Filipino maid. They come and go according to the tenure of their service contract. 

She used to call me every evening. But it was never for long chats. She would just say hi and bye within 2 minutes, unless I chatted more. She said she just wanted to hear my voice, because she's got nobody else to talk to who understands. I tell her to call Jesus, she says she does, but it's not the same as talking to a human me. Nowadays I notice she's calling me less. I hope it's because she knows for a fact that no human can comfort her better than the Comforter, the Holy Spirit of Jesus Himself. 

Singles, widows/widowers, old/aging folks - we all go through this stage of life, when the places we stay in seem empty. Especially those with big houses. My double-storey house has got 3 rooms upstairs, 1 room downstairs, 3 toilets, a kitchen, hall, dining place, front and back yards. Most days I am the only one in it, apart from the cat who only knows how to eat and sleep, sleep and eat; and (naturally) grow fat. 

That would be a most easy life, but that's not for me. Much as I like to eat, I can't eat much these days. Maybe it's true that the human stomach grows smaller as we age. As for sleep, I am not the blessed kind who can sleep anywhere anytime. I really envy those who can just knock off into dreamland on buses, ferries, airplanes, who are not the least bit bothered with unfamiliar beds, new places. I can't even get 100%  good shut-eye every night on my own bed at home. But I shouldn't complain. At least I am not out on the streets this new year, like the street folks I serve.  At least I don't have floods, diseases, debts and a million cares (just some) to deal with. 

At least my children will always be...somewhere around. 3 years ago my eldest princess moved out.  Strange, it feels so much longer.  Her room downstairs is still pretty much untouched, except that it's empty of her personal stuff.  Then 2 years ago , it was my no 2 daughter's turn to leave the nest, even though it was just for 6 months overseas. But this time round it will be for good as once she gets her spouse visa, she leaves to join her hubby. Which is as it should be of course. I still have no 3 , but even when he's in the house,  it feels like he's not (Only moms will understand this.) Since he's doing his own thing, keeping his own times. Which of course is to be expected. After all, he's no boy but a grown man 30 years old already. 

Some 4 years ago, as I contemplated impending retirement, I told myself I would  travel round the world, go the places I have never been, do things I have never done. Thanks to Covid, I never got round to that. And by now the idea of travelling to exotic destinations no longer fires me up.  I haven't gone anywhere much, besides the nearby wet market and mall for groceries, places I have been going to for umpteen years. I think of the garden that needs watering and the cat that needs feeding, the hassles of packing/unpacking, hopping on/off planes, and the lazy me says, forget it. I stay entertained with online comics, laughing at Snoopy and frens, Calvin and Hobbes.  My son asked me once why I seem to be forever scrolling through Fb comics.  I answer because we all should have something to laugh about everyday, since the world can be such a sad place filled as it is with wars, floods, famines, violence, crimes and such like. 

So on the first day of 2024, I sit on my chair staring out at  the front garden, admiring the flowers blooming wild, as is my normal routine since retirement. I am reflecting on my own sermon preached the day before on the last day of 2023. I had been led to share on why God stopped the miracle of dropping manna from heaven on His people as they reached the end of their 40 years desert-wandering, having just stepped foot into the Promised Land. Christians grow up on a diet of miracles; our whole Bible is filled with miracles. And miracles are wonderful awesome inspirational manifestations of hope that keep us going, especially during tough times. That's all fine and good. But we can get stuck on wanting our own (pet) miracle, when God is wanting to do an absolutely new one that's way beyond what we can ever imagine, dream or even pray about. 

Many people, organizations, businesses would have made plans for 2024. Nothing wrong with planning of coz. Christians would have prayed for break-throughs, answers to long-standing prayers. Absolutely nothing wrong with that too; I do that all the time.  

Yet when I was preparing the sermon, the word I got was simply Re- Align. And I was led to a picture of car wheels being realigned; certainly an apt 

picture of what God's telling me for the year ahead. As Joshua had first to face  the Commander of the Lord's army, before facing the enemy, I am reminded it's not about my agenda, my wishes, my plans for 2024. Joshua questioned whose side the man with the sword standing in front of him was on.   

But as I learnt, the issue is never about whose side God is on; the issue is whether I am on God's side. I am the one who needs to get onto God's agenda, His wishes, His plans for me in 2024. It's  like my car. With all my driving around, without me realizing it, its wheels would have gotten mis-aligned, or maybe it's totally out of whack even. Likewise with me, I need to get back on track; to be re-aligned with the Master of my life, so I can journey on correctly and safely because He really has a fantastic destiny all mapped out for me in 2024 and even beyond.  

This morning I was up early for my normal exercise routine at the neighborhood park. Just as I stepped out of the house, I remembered I had to bring along my phone because I wanted to take a shot of the beautiful moon I saw the day before. So I had to get back into the house, grab the phone and with much anticipation as I reached the park,  I looked up, but lo, there was no moon. I was disappointed until

 I turned and suddenly saw the moon at a different spot altogether. Though it was clouded over, but it was there, nicely framed. And as I clicked the phone camera, it clicked in my head: things don't remain in the same old place all the time. I gotta shift when it's time to shift so I can see differently. Which also means I don't keep on doing the same  old thing the same old way. Like normally I don't take my phone with me when I go for my morning exercise, because I think it's such a bother. But I guess sometimes it's worth the effort to change routines...never know what new things are lying in wait for us to discover when we do it differently.        

 So, so what if I am all alone in a big house on the first day of a brand new year, when everybody else is celebrating (or not)?  The fact is that's the way it will be, not just on the first day of 2024, but likely on many days for as many years ahead as the good Lord preserves my life on this earth.  But the glorious happy truth is that it's just the house that feels empty. I need to shift paradigm to know it's not me who's empty, thank God. His word says it in Colossians 2:9-10  For in Christ all the fullness of God lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness.... so I am complete-ly full.... Here's to a very full-of-God 2024.