My 75 year old cousin called for an ambulance and got herself admitted into hospital about a month ago. I was overseas at the time, and there was no one else who could help then. She had been experiencing acute leg pain for awhile.
I visited her after I got back. She was immobile and still in much pain, although they had run tests on her, suspecting a spine infection. But it being a public hospital, things had to wait out their own course of time. Meanwhile she was on morphine to ease the pain. Only after about a week did they put her on intravenous antibiotics for the infection. But her leg was still painful, and she was still immobile.
I try to visit twice a week, getting her stuff that she needs. One time I even had to get her prescribed meds from the hospital pharmacy; a procedure we couldn't understand nor appreciate, since she's an inpatient. Surely they could just easily bill her for the meds instead of requiring her to physically get the meds herself. So I complained to my daughter who runs an online health news portal who promptly posted it. And to the hospital's credit, they acknowledged their short-coming and promised to revise and improve the procedure.
The hospital ward is almost always full. And I notice many old patients. To my query on my first visit if she could sleep well, my cousin said not really, not only because of the pain but also because the old lady next to her was prone to shouting every so often, as apparently she has dementia. Kesian. My cousin told me the hospital had already told the relatives to get her admitted into a nursing home, as there was nothing else they could do for her. So after a while, she was gone, but replaced by yet another old lady. who had some contraption strapped to her chest; I can imagine her discomfort. The next time I visited, my cousin told me the old lady had passed away quietly without anyone even noticing till her son came to visit in the afternoon and found her unconscious and very cold. Opposite my cousin is yet another elderly patient. My cousin's own elder brother and wife are also suffering from serious health issues.
And I just got to know my sister-in-law had a fall some 8 months ago which is still affecting her leg. Her husband's nerve problem is also worsening, compounded by diabetes/high blood pressure, causing him much leg pain. Meanwhile a friend of mine is suffering from prolonged soreness in her mouth, despite repeated visits to the public hospital and trying all sorts of oral medication.
Aging humans are not junk-cars, destined to be discarded. All humans are fearfully wonderfully made in the image of our Creator. But the reality is when I find myself forgetting where I put this or that thing I was just holding in my hand a couple of minutes ago, when my sleep is always disrupted by a constantly dry mouth, stiff fingers or multiple trips to the toilet, I am reminded of the frailty of all human lives. There's no immortal pill that we can swallow, no treatment or exercise regime that can keep our bodies forever beautiful, strong and fit as a fiddle. Sure we can delay the ageing process. We can and should eat well, take care of our physical, emotional and spiritual health , so as to keep the "old engine" running even if it's not at full speed, at least it's still running. But actually the truth is we all live on borrowed time.
Recently I received news of a friend's passing barely 3 weeks after our last watsapp, when she asked if I could help with some legal work she was involved in. She was in her early 50s, a cancer survivor for many years even without conventional treatment, a strong woman of faith. Daily news report fatal accidents/disasters/catastrophes involving the young, the old, male, female, irrespective of race or background, not only in Msia, but all over the world. I am sure no one, in normal circumstances, wake up expecting today would be the last day of their life on earth. I know, I know, death is such a morbid subject. Conservative traditional Chinese avoid talking about it altogether; Hokkiens consider it "suay" , which according to my limited understanding means taboo or bad luck.
But whether or not we talk about it, we know it's there, waiting in the shadows of darkness. At times we may even think it's a welcome end to a life of seemingly endless pain or suffering. Like my cousin, who once got so depressed she said she doesn't want to live anymore. She is a new Christian, having only recently opened her heart to Jesus. But she can't understand why God is (seemingly) not doing anything to heal her; in fact she thinks God's the cause of her condition. I tell her that's not true; but I know it's hard to understand and accept that God is good even when bad things happen to us. Christians are not exempt from trials and tribulation in what the bible tells us is a fallen world. But that's hardly any comfort to my cousin or anyone else for that matter.
So I let her rant and cry. After all I have gone through that stage myself, years ago faced with the death of a husband, and even thereafter, because it's not a one-time experience. Disappointment is a natural reaction when we don't get what we want, whether it's from loved ones, friends, strangers or God Himself. We feel hurt, we despair; we get "heart-sick." It's what the bible calls the "desert experience" of the soul, when we are apt to think God has forsaken/ forgotten us at best, or there's no God at worst. Unfortunately some of us never get out of the desert mentality, because we don't get it that God is God who works not according to our expectations.
I can't do much to help my cousin come out of her desert. I can only pray that in this journey that she has to go through, she may know she is not alone, that God is with her, holding her up, every step of the way. Though she can't see or feel it, in spite of all the contra-indications, she can choose to believe it, and come out having a deeper revelation of the Jesus she called upon - He who is alive, good, faithful and true....
As I discovered and am still discovering 25 years down the line, through thick and thin, sunshine and storm, uphill and in the valley, living on borrowed time need not be depressing, when I have a God who is walking with me through it all. Quite the opposite. It stirs a passion in my heart to be all that my God calls me to be, to do as much as I can, what He tells me to do, whilst I still have breath, whilst I have today to live in, as Jesus said, "...night is coming, when no one can work" (John 9:4) . Though it may be so much simpler to just do my own thing, live my own way.
Numerous times, the word of God reminds me that our suffering on earth in this present time is but "a little while...a light momentary affliction," that can't compare with the glory that's coming for those who believe. For those who believe have been born again into a living hope in a living God raised from the dead. So we can hang on to our confession of faith, though in this borrowed time we are grieved by various trials. So we can, like apostle Paul exhorts, rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom 5:3-5)
Not rejoice as in a masochistic desire for pain, but in the confidence that in all things - tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, or sword - we are more than conquerors in and through Christ Jesus, who loved us (Rom 8:37) For God's love has never and will never fail us.
43:2
