FAR FROM PERFECT

A fren who "balik kampung" to her Penang hometown tells me the mall there was packed during CNY. Expected I guess. Personally I avoid shopping malls just before and during festive periods. I have long stopped buying new clothes for myself since years ago. I am still wearing stuff that's been in my wardrobe for more than 15 years. I count that as a compliment to myself, still being able to fit into them. So come every CNY, I just take out some "oldie" that still looks fine, fits fine and will do me fine. No, I am not superstitious about wearing old clothes, and no, I don't buy into the "must get new  things for new year" tradition.  As I don't fancy collecting more clothes which are just gonna pile up in the wardrobe anyway. Nor do I fancy "pusing-ing" round in the car, trying to find a parking spot in the mall.  Not to mention the Q's for (expensive) food, and lots of people everywhere I walk. That's not my idea of a good time.   

I had thought the mall wouldn't be so crowded after the official CNY holidays ended. So I decided to catch a movie on the 4th (working) day, to escape the heat of the house for a couple of hours . Well, I assumed wrong. Who would have 

thought there would be so many people in so many cars rounding the car park at such a late (230 pm) hour, looking for a spot. And for a weekday, the cinema hall which would normally be empty was actually quite full.  But I still managed to get a nice seat at the usual senior citizen discount to watch Rain Town. 

It's a Chinese language movie featuring a Chinese family living in Taiping,  well-known as the town with the highest rainfall in Msia. There was lots of Cantonese spoken, but there's the typical Msian "rojak" mix of English, Malay, and Tamil thrown in. Actually, with translated subtitles, the original language of a film doesn't really matter much to me. I remember my younger days I used to sit enraptured for hours by those handsome and beautiful Bollywood actors/actresses dancing around coconut trees and wat-not, to songs in Hindi. What caught my attention about Rain Town was that it's a Malaysian film, featuring Msian actors of all races, is written by Malays, produced and directed by Malays, and a woman at that. What do Malays know about Chinese stuff like feng shui, lanterns, rain-betting, bad luck, or mooncakes? Apparently quite a fair bit. I am suitably impressed. 

And it's not just films. On CNY eve I got a really nice clip of Sudirman's old-time fave Balik Kampung song sung in Mandarin, by a ....Malay guy. Add to that on CNY day itself, I got another clip of yet another Malay (this time lady) singing the very Chinese-y Gong Xi Gong Xi Nee song in perfect Mandarin. Woww, it's so koool... put me to shame, me Chinese dunno Chinese, and they Malay, so fluent. Like I told my Malay frens, I should be taking Chinese lessons from these folks.. 

Anyway back to the movie... the blip on Rain Town said to bring tissues. I did, and I did use them. The plot may be a bit simplistic and quite predictable. You just know what's gonna happen as it plays up the tense relationship between a very controlling father, his long-suffering Eurasian wife and 3 grown children. There's the (outwardly) obedient eldest son, the rebellious middle one and the insecure youngest girl. I think every family has one or other or all of the above, irrespective of racial or social background. 

And that's where the strength of the movie lies. The actors, both  main and peripheral as well as the young and old , drew out the pathos of family and societal relationships intertwined within tradition and culture of a "then" generation that carries over into the "now." The cinematography captured so well the  way of life in a small town - the scenes of a typical kopi-tiam, of men bringing out small stools to sit, gathering around to bet on when the rain would fall, apparently a fave past-time for those, like old man Choo, who has nothing better to do in Taiping. 

I dare say many parents have a way of imposing their expectations on their kids..all for their own good of course, as the patriarchal head of the Choo family keeps repeating the mantra to his brood. Like all oldies, he demands respect and obedience which are hall-marks of filial piety - a big thing in every culture I am sure. 

It's so typical that the father wants and insists the eldest son Isaac  be "the best doctor in Taiping", refusing to give rein to the young man's own desire to make music. I really liked the theme song revealing his inner turmoil; "..waiting for the skies to clear, but they never do...I'm just a droplet in an ocean full of expectations, here I'll drown in this rain town...." Indeed the poor soul was drowning in the stress of housemanship in a govt hospital. (Which is a real fact as reported in recent news media.) The scene where Isaac bursts out all his pent-up frustration in the car was so evocative, as he screams "I don't want to be a doctor", even as the younger brother confronts him about his lethal drug addiction. 

I like the handsome rebel Alex the most out of the 3 young characters. His portrayal of the black sheep of the family is complete with long hair,  lounging in the house as an unemployed "good-for-nothing" who rudely calls his father the old man. Rebellious to the extreme, he leaves home even in the face of his mom's and brother's crises. Yet it's his voice that speaks truth as he rails at his father, "You only care about your betting, your trophy family." As he tells his elder brother off.. "our life is ours, we have the power to make choices." Rightly, or wrongly, as turns out in his own case.

Likewise Ruby ,the youngest only daughter bottles up all her  resentment and anger against a father who derails her marriage plans, considering it his guardian duty to "vet" the prospective groom and finding him lacking, because he "has no money in his bank account...has no plans for the future." O, how typically Chinese, tho I dare say it's not confined to just Chinese. 

So many underlying currents of tension in a family that actually started out fine. As the mom says, "Life was so good then," evident from the old family photos on the wall.  She a beauty queen settled for a lantern-maker, because she was attracted to and wanted to be part of a family built on good solid culture and tradition which she lacked in her own. But it was that very culture/tradition that caused her husband to give up lanterns for a steady bank job. It's another of those very "Chinese" thinking of my days - if you can't be a doctor, engineer or accountant, get a bank job. Don't ever be a.... musician, (much less) a baker or whatever else you dream about.  It's to Mrs Aileen Choo's credit that she tries to talk sense into her "degil" husband to stop imposing his dreams onto their children, and be more accommodating to the family.  

But even the most patient saint has limits; so it is she explodes when he refuses to accompany her to hospital, on the grounds that such places bring bad luck. Ya, that's really what some people actually think. She explodes again when he calls in a feng-shui master, beautifully dressed in high heels and cheongsam, who straightaway suggests building this/that thing in this/that corner to balance out the negative energy. Well, at least the "expert" got that part spot on - who can't sense all that anger oozing out in every member of the family  must be dumb. I almost wanted to clap when dear old wifey literally shouted out the intruder. But I also wanted to cry when the old man tried to explain  he was just trying to help by warding off the bad luck of her cancer since he didn't know what else to do. For I too remember the shock and helplessness that overwhelmed me when I was informed of my husband's cancer. Fear makes people do (usually stupid) things. So much for following (usually useless??) culture and tradition.  

Yet I felt sorry for old man Choo; it wasn't that he didn't love his family. But he had allowed himself to become so shaped by traditional ways that he no longer knew how to think or respond with love. How tragic that we can become so blinded. I guess that's why crises happen in life. We all don't want "bad things" to happen, but it could be those very bad things that push us to be open to change what needs to be changed in our lives. So it is we see a broken husband at his wit's end entering the very hospital he is so superstitious to avoid, and just kneeling at a very sick wife's bedside, head bent low.  A position of love and surrender. We see a broken father as he faces a double-whammy of horrible consequences - his eldest son, the pride of the family, being wheeled into the same hospital, unconscious from a drug overdose. 

But there is always redemption, there's always hope. The one word that spoke volumes to me was Aileen's whisper "Forgive" to her husband from the hospital bed. That was all she could manage. Isn't it so true...Many things we need to forgive and be forgiven of. Many things we think we do right, we do good, but end up wrong, hurting and offending instead. And others also behave the same way towards us. 

But that 1 simple word opens up a different path. So we see old man Choo return to tinkering with his old lanterns. We see the reconciliation and healing of a dysfunctional family, coming back to love and be loved by each other. How fitting the finale song; which as I recall, went something like this ... "I am far from perfect, how could you love me... "  

Indeed, how could God Himself, the Most Holy and Perfect One, love such as us humans, full of imperfections... yet He does .. 

" but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) "... in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins" (Colossians 1:14)

THE BEST OF CHINESE NEW YEAR 2024

Whilst most Chinese would be sitting down to a hearty meal with family gathered around the table, it was just me and my one and only son eating left-overs on the eve of Chinese New Year 2024. I didn't even bother to cook rice, since he didn't want any. Straight after that, he was off to gym. Well, at least he stayed long enough to help wash up the dishes first; for which I am thankful. Even Maffin our cat has disappeared. So what's there left for an "old aunty" to do? Go to bed early of coz (and be woken up by loud fire-crackers at midnite.) 

Actually we had had our reunion dinner earlier - the night before the eve, as No 2 daughter was flying off overseas to join her husband for close to 3 weeks. This year we didn't join the typical  'balik kampung' exodus, since the relatives had met up at her wedding just about 2 months ago. Honestly, it can be  a real (literal) drag, braving the Chinese New Year traffic jam (which, as with all festivals in Msia,  isn't confined to any particular race) across highways to return to Kedah, where I was born. And I am very sure my now so-grown up children are more than happy to stay in KL; free to do their own thing. 

Somehow my family has never been the "jolly get-together" type. Maybe it comes from me growing up being the only adopted child of my uncle and aunt, raised up  alone and away from my other siblings. When I left my adopted parents in Penang to pursue university and stayed on in KL to work, I rarely went back. It's not for lack of love; I can only put it down to an independent spirit. I only started  my regular  "balik kampung" trips when I became a Christian. And even then it was after my husband's passing that I heard God's call to go back and say sorry to my family, for neglecting them all those years. I think my sisters must have been so surprised when I did precisely that. But praise God that broke the (unspoken) distance. I remember those days "lugging" my (then very young) family back together with my brother from KL, staying over in Alor Star for a couple of days. We would all troop to the local Chinese church there for CNY morning service and then do the usual rounds of visiting relatives, whom to this day I confess I don't know how to address properly. So to keep things simple, everybody was just aunty and uncle to my children. 

Well, now we no longer balik kampung every year and the children get to have their say. So it was, this year, it was just the 4 of us, their fave uncle and a fren, totaling 6, just nice to fit the dinner table in my house. I am not the traditional Chinese aunty. You won't find me putting up the usual decor of the season. I hasten to add that goes for Christmas as well. I don't bother much with the traditional "must do this, can't do that" customs, since I myself don't know much, being the "white banana" that I am.  Or as some term it OCBC - Orang Cina Bukan Cina. I don't take it as derogatory, just a fact that's true of me at least. 

This year, I  thought I would try out some new recipes for a change. Whilst it didn't turn out disastrous, it wasn't exactly up to mark . The fish was over-done because I was trying to multi-task, juggling between the wok, the oven and the thermal pot. The oven decided to act up after not being used for quite awhile; it took double the time to roast the chicken, which turned out quite bland. The prawns were much too salty; not the recipe's fault, but mine, as I discovered too late I hadn't put in enough liquid to cook. Well, at least the old-time fave - jiu hoo char - turned out ok. I had actually cooked it the day before, as I knew it would be too tiring for me to handle at the same time with the other stuff.  Anyway, this veg dish always tastes better after a day or two . Heck, I even forgot to get cordial drinks. Age is really catching up on me. But everyone was so gracious. They were ok with plain water. And actually most of the dishes got polished off in the end. So that was our small pre-reunion dinner. 

The next morning as I was going out for my usual cycle round the neighborhood, I accidentally hit the orchid pot placed near the house pillar.  It fell and broke. I went like, oh no, this was part of my no 2 daughter's engagement gift from the in-laws, given almost a year ago. But as I sat down later to re-pot the plant, it struck me actually it's a good thing. For now out of 1 big pot, I got to multiply the plant into 3 small pots. And I discovered why it wasn't growing much in the big pot...because for some peculiar reason, the individual plants were  wrapped in plastic, maybe  to fit into the confined space. I would never have known that if the pot didn't break. Now I could "free" the plants by cutting off the plastic wrap, and letting them "breathe" properly. The cost - a big and really rather pretty pot had to be broken.  

Therein lies the spiritual lesson -  it's not just orchid plants, but really humans also need to be "broken " so as to be set totally free to grow properly. But the problem is no one wants to pay the price - to go through the pain of being broken, for we all want to be happy happy all the time. We run after blessings and miracles instead of chasing the God who blesses, Jesus Christ, the Miracle-Worker. Or we choose to remain in our own "pretty pot" of self accomplishment, wrapped tight in the cocoon of our own clever presumptions about the meaning of life and death, the relevance or irrelevance of God.  

The lesson was driven home even deeper for me when we visited my sister and brother in law in KL on the first day of Chinese New Year morning. They invited us to stay for lunch. Much as I wanted to, I couldn't as I was scheduled to share at the weekly KL street-work I am involved in. Indeed I missed a very good lunch and family fellowship. But it turned out very worthwhile. 

Apparently many of our street frens had gone to other places which gave out angpows, so contrary to expectations, there wasn't any crowd at this street-feeding session. (I guess money talks louder than God??) But for me, it didn't matter how many or how few turned up. At least for the 7 who came, who may not have a home, or who can't/don't want to balik kampung to family for whatever reason, they now know there's a very special place where we can all find rest, peace and freedom on earth and in heaven, now and forever more. And it's not in any family house or religious institution. It's a safe place where I know I stand forgiven of all my sin thru the death of Christ. It's a safe place in the midst of this often chaotic and dangerous world we live in. It's a  place that's already been promised and prepared by Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, the Lover and Savior of our souls, for all who would just believe and receive. Nothing beats that. 

I think that's the best part of CNY 2024 for me -  Knowing without the shadow of a doubt, God has given me awesome blessings more valuable  than any angpow, more satisfying than any fancy fantastic meal, more wonderful than any great family reunion, (which is all well and good)  and being able to tell others they can have it all too. Indeed I can never lose with God, as I found out when I got back to an empty house. My son messages me to say his girl-fren's mom had given lots of food for our dinner. So I don't even need to wonder what to cook for just two of us. Such is the faithfulness of a God who says those who seek Him lack no good thing.  

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also."...John 14:1-3 

SOMETHING OLD SOMETHING NEW

 It used to be something we would do as a family every year, thanks to the generosity of a loving uncle as the kids were growing up. We would pack up and venture off to somewhere in South East Asia (cheap-cheap compared to other far-away foreign shores) for some days just to chill together. Then the kids grew up, naturally, and the trips stopped naturally; they had their own work, took their own vacations. Then came covid. Then the second princess got married, and knowing very soon, she would be following her husband overseas (probably) for good, well, of course we had to have another family vacation.  We wanted to do Philippines, but were put off by the long flight hours. So where’s a place that doesn’t require hours of travel and yet has enough sun, sea and sand to please everyone, plus won’t burn a big hole in the pocket? Indonesia of course. 

We had visited Lombok way back 9 years ago, and from my old fotos, we had enjoyed it. So Lombok it was again, this time in January 2024. Although that’s supposed to be the rainy season, we took our chances. And yes, it rained, but thankfully only late nights whilst we were there. Despite it being low peak season, there were a fair number of tourists on Gili Trawangan, the island we decided on. We arrived pretty late at night. The first time we had gone to Gili Air, the quieter of the 3 islands that stood off Lombok. Gili T was the “happening” place, full of resorts, drinking-holes, makan joints, lots of sea-based activities etc etc stuff that make tourists happy, spending their money. We had left the planning to my no 2 sweetheart. If it had been my choice, I would have chosen a “cheapo” 3star AirBnB, but since my  so-grown-up kids had offered to bless their “old” mom and uncle, we let them call the shots.   

                

And indeed I am glad for once, for my Sha-Lyn’s excellent taste. She booked us into a fancy resort called Pearl of Trawangan. Inwardly I was amused; coz I am in the process of translating my BM devotional book titled Precious Pearls . But Pearl of Trawangan was indeed very nice, with a very good location…just outside was the beach front. Every morning I would be up early to sit on the deck-chair and watch the sun rise.  

No vehicles except bicycles and horse-drawn carriages  were allowed on the island. We walked (a lot) on our first day to scout out the activities for hire. On the way back, we pampered our tired bodies and tired legs with a good massage.

  
In the evening, we 3 ladies took another long walk in the opposite direction to catch the famous sun-set. There were many people who had “booked” seats on the beach for the event. Unfortunately the sun decided to play hide-n-seek behind a huge cloud. It was the same the next day. It’s pretty hit-n-miss according to the locals during this time of the year.

So the girls decided might as well try out horse-riding along the beach instead. The locals are most enterprising; the price of a horse-ride included nice video and foto shots. 

Actually, there’s always beautiful sun-sets anywhere (even in my own taman back home), if we just stop to take a breather and look up. I am reminded the sun is always there even it’s hidden behind some huge dark cloud. Like God, ever present, in my life. No matter whether I can see, hear, feel Him or not. And He's always beautiful, always  wonderful, always awesome.  

    

It was another long walk back to dinner at the local open-air food court near our hotel. A food-court with a difference - featuring fresh seafood BBQ and local 

dishes. The place was hot, without any fans to blow

away the smoke from all the bbq fires. But what it lacked in ambience, it made up for in the prices. We rented bicycles for the next day, which made life (for me especially) a lot easier.        

This time round, we were on a free-n-easy programme, which meant there was no programme. Each could do whatever he/she liked. So on the second day, eldest princess and I decided to do what every tourist to Gili islands does…

go snorkeling, whilst my one and only son signed up for his first (real) dive since he got his diving cert. Our boat would take us to 4 popular must-do sites. It’s like a well-timed circus. To avoid overcrowding, the operators all ran on a schedule, so at

any one time, there wouldn’t be too many tourists gawking at each other and getting into each other’s way under water. Actually it was pretty crowded. I am sure my flippers slapped into several people jostling for a glimpse of corals, turtles and statues under the sea.                    

My girl had a great time free-diving into the deeper depths.  Old mama couldn’t quite get the hang of trying to hold my breath behind a snorkel mask. So I gave up, and was content to just paddle around on the surface. Our captain cancelled the highlight of the trip to an underwater wreck because of murky waters and strong currents, substituting it instead with a peek at more corals. Honestly, it seemed to me, there were less fish, the corals were less colorful, and the turtles were kinda small. Things have certainly changed from our first trip 9 years ago. Blame it on…whatever. Well, at least they took good shots of my princess underwater. 

2nd daughter decided to try out surfing, and roped in the 2 guys as well. There was an all-night party at the other end of the island. I was (pleasantly) surprised my young man and young ladies didn’t venture out to that or indeed to any of the many watering-holes along the one main road of the island. Hmm, maybe they aren’t that young anymore, or maybe they have passed the phase of boozing and noisy parties. Or we were all just plain tired after a full day at the beach and in the sea. Instead they just treated themselves to another relaxing massage. 

We checked out early the next morning to cross back to Lombok as dear uncle was scheduled to preach at a church in Mataram district, which was about an hour’s drive from the jetty. There was no time to drop the kids at the booked  homestay, so we all trooped into church, luggage and all. As family of the visiting pastor,  we were given seats right at the front as most honored guests. My brother  had told me I could say a brief greeting, but instead I felt led to release a Word I had gotten on the way to church itself. It’s indeed my honor to speak blessing to God’s people. We took a group photo under the stained glass panel at the entrance. Only later I realized how prophetic it was, being a picture of tongues of Holy Spirit fire. 

I rate Indonesian church hospitality as 10-star love. After the service a husband-wife couple whisked us off to a very nice restaurant for lunch. Not enough with that, we were driven to a beautiful resort out of town for dessert/early tea. On top of all that they arranged 2 of their workers to pick us up and drive us around in their own SUV the next morning, making our final day in Lombok truly enjoyable and memorable. Indeed we are so so blessed. For we got to see and do things which we would never have managed to do on our own. 

We had no idea where to go or what to do to fill up the hours before our late evening return flight, so we simply left it to our 2 local guides to take us wherever. For starters it was about an hour plus drive out of Mataram in the morning,

heading out to Kuta in south Lombok. We were driven past villages to a traditional songket weaving centre, where my eldest and I had a go on the loom; a  job reserved only for women. We ladies couldn’t resist buying some of the woven products on sale. Then it was onto a winding narrow uphill stretch of road to Bukit Merese in the district of Mandalika. 

There were several viewing spots on the hill which wasn't difficult to climb, as the area was fairly flat and open. The highest points of course offered the most fabulous sea and land view of the whole of Lombok; a veritable 360 degrees all round feast for the eyes. We could even hear the sea waves from the hill top. I can imagine how beautiful the view would be from such a vantage point, had we arrived at sunrise or sunset time.                                                                                                  

“Our” driver made the perfect final stopover at Selong Balanak, a beach for surfers. So it was I got to do something I have never done in my 63 years of living.

I surfed. Or at least I tried to surf. Together with my no 1 princess, we were given the drill over 2 hours with our “teachers.”  The beach is perfect for surfing; there’s a section for beginners, intermediate and experienced surfers. The waves are amazing and the sand (not just on the beach but) in the waters are fine and soft, so there’s minimal risk of injury when one falls. My young teacher was very patient and kind to me. I didn’t have to paddle on my board; I just dragged it along after each fall, and when I got tired, he did it for me. And fall I did, many many times. But he was so encouraging, urging me to “semangat, mama.” I just had to lie down positioned on the board, listen for his shout of “berdiri” and do what I am supposed to do – get up, legs apart, squat a bit and balance.  Easier said than done. But in spite of all the falls, I did manage to ride the waves sometimes, like 5 out of 20 tries…for some seconds. So the record is “gagal” but still, it was pretty fun. My eldest did a little better than I. No 2 and 3 tried out on their own at the other end of the beach, since they had already learnt the ropes the day before. For a fee  we got some very nice (and hilarious) shots of our attempts. Uncle just chilled under the shade, until it was time to get up and go.

     Our guides took care of us right to the very end, tapau-ing us a nice lunch before driving to the airport in good time for our return flight.  

As I sat in my window-seat on board, watching the sun set over passing clouds, I thought how life is so like riding the waves. We are all at different stages at 

different times. It can get scary, especially in the beginning when we don’t know what to do, when to do or how to do. We can have the best teachers – books, TikTok, experts in science, philosophy, religion even.

But we can still get it all wrong, and life flips and throws us off into what can seem pretty scary waters. We can get hurt… a little or even a lot (think sunburn, aching muscles, tired arms and getting salt water up your nose or into your throat). Sometimes it gets so bad we don’t or can’t get up anymore after the umpteenth attempt. Then along comes someone who not only says you can get it right but actually helps you up to do it right, if you pay attention, listen and just do as he says.  Sure, you may fall some more, but you know you are gonna “graduate” to ride the next level of (higher and bigger) waves some time, any time, sooner or later.  The human surf-instructor comes and then goes, when you/he thinks it’s time you go independent. That’s fine with surfing. 

But it’s different with real life. I am so glad I’ve got SomeOne who’s there for me, bigger, greater, so much smarter than I, showing me the only right way to live, to love, and to face even death-waves anytime. I don’t need, I don’t want, to be independent of God.  I’ve wandered that way before; and for a while it seemed good, but the truth is it sucks. I may have failed the surfing test, but I know for a fact, I have passed the real life-n-death test....because I am a follower of Christ, as He conquered and as He promised, so will I. 

Rom 8:37-39  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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