IT IS DONE

I didn't expect I would cry. I didn't expect the bride would cry. But there we were, mother and daughter no.2, crying. Not excessive, but the tears were slipping quietly down. 

The signing ceremony was simple straight-forward and short. It was held in the church sanctuary with just immediate family of both parties. How small the world is; the groom's mom and I were called to the Bar on the same day many years ago. And now we were meeting again, this time as in-laws. I sat opposite the groom's father as we witnessed his son and my daughter sign on the dotted line. No one bothered to read the standard print on the pages. We just checked our names and ICs. The bride and groom put rings on each other's fingers and  that was it - marriage registered in the eyes of God and man.  Everything had gone so well. There was no lack...all was provided - the premises, the Pastor, even down to the professional photographer who happened to be a relative. So 3/3/23 would forever be filed into our memories  as a very good day, culminating in a sit-down dinner at night in a Chinese restaurant. 

About a week earlier, the groom's family had brought over a whole roasted pig and 2 gift-baskets in a simplified "Guo Dai Lai," the traditional Chinese betrothal ceremony. Being the "white banana" Chinese that I am, I had absolutely no idea what it was all about when my daughter first told me they would be coming over to the house. I was just to prepare lunch with certain dishes. Google and my eldest sister gave me further info and advice what to take and what to give back as the obligatory "wui lai" (return gift).

But it was Holy Spirit who gave me inspiration on what extra items to pack, even leading me to the right shop which had (almost) everything I was looking for. The shop owner was so nice; explaining to me the different types of honey, olive oil and dates imported from Yemen, his native country. All I had to add to those were  grapes and milk, arrange everything in a nice basket, dress it up with some pretty ribbons, and viola. Being Christian, the in-laws immediately caught the symbolic meaning  - the biblical promises of abundance, fertility,  sweetness and longevity. The mom even jokingly asked, what about figs? That was the 1 item I couldn't find. 

I have never seen a whole roasted pig chopped up before. Now I know why it had to be done by an expert. The man had come early but refused to step into my house; he said he had to wait for the groom's family...another of those Chinese rituals. As it turned out, they also thought he would just drop by, cut up the pig and go off. But no, he waited for them to arrive...outside in his car. Chopping up a whole pig was certainly not an easy task. It took him close to an hour, and obviously he knew what he was doing. He came equipped with lots of plastic plates and even a portable stand-fan for himself. Now I know why it had to be done outside on my porch. There was oil spewing forth with each swing of his very sharp chopper-knife, and he was sweating by the time he finished the job. 

A week later, as I look at the bridal couple, I am shedding happy tears. For me, it is done, finally. Years of praying specifically for this middle child I call "sweet-heart" because she's close to my heart, and everybody always says she's very sweet. It seems just like yesterday when she left for America and stayed for some 6 months . And now she's married. I am looking forward to the big "do" of exchange of vows, tea ceremony and the grand dinner scheduled for year-end. I don't know about her, but I am sure I will cry again as I walk her up the aisle then. 

But it's tears of joy, that spring out of a grateful heart for a God who hears the prayers of His people. I like to think He hears especially a widow's prayers for  her fatherless children, since  widows are recognized as a distinct group deserving utmost compassion in the Bible. Indeed He is ever my faithful God and good Father.  Now as 1 get promoted to MIL (mother-in-law) and the wedded couple enter  into their  new position and identity as  husband and wife, I can only say Thank You Lord, for bringing it to pass. And I know, with this 1 daughter, a chain reaction has started .....So shall it be done for my other 2 remaining children, in the fullness of His perfectly good time and ways. 

 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6 

MAKE THE EFFORT

"Go back," the voice whispered in my ear. "But it's none of my business, Lord." I was walking back home after 'tapau-ing' lunch.  This time, the voice was stern. "Go back. Make the effort." Sighing inwardly I u-turned and walked back to the Indonesian cobbler and his son (I presume). Both were sitting by the pavement outside the stationery shop along the side road. They were regulars; everyday I would pass them by on my way to pack lunch. 

Once I was chatting with the pakcik as he  repaired my shoes, and he was telling me how horrid some people can be. He told of a case where this woman drove up alongside in a Merc, honked and handed him her shoes to repair, which he did. She didn't bother to get down from the car when she returned a while later to pick it up. So he got up and brought it to her, asking for RM10 fee. Apparently she took the bag with her repaired shoes in it, said "no money" and drove off, just like that.  He shook his head, I said "Sorry, Pak," and took out 10 bucks to give him on top of my own repair charges; though he didn't want to accept it. I remembered that time  as I walked back to the old cobbler. 

The pakcik was a bit puzzled at my approach as I asked him whether he got paid just now. I had witnessed a man handing him RM10  as I walked past. I overhead the man saying "Tak ada la, bagi diskaun saja." I knew he was haggling. Pakcik's son looked at me and answered for the father, "Dia bagi RM1 saja, kata tak ada duit kecik." Apparently the man had just come from the mamak restaurant opposite. How could he say he didn't have small change. I asked how much was the charge. Old man cobbler sighed "Dua ringgit." - RM2.  I was flabbergasted, horrified, ashamed, angry... Immediately I said sorry on behalf of ugly Malaysians. I was starting to cry. So quickly I took out some 1 dollar notes, without counting,  and gave it over to him. Both father and son protested, but I insisted. 

Back home I repented of how Malaysians are so quick to judge, criticize, condemn; some even bully and oppress foreigners in our midst. It's  not just  Indonesians, there are humans from Myanmar, Bangladesh, Nepal, Filipino, Pakistan ; I don't know from where else who are collecting our rubbish, cleaning our homes,  maintaining our public parks, washing dishes, serving in kopi-tiams and restaurants, guarding roads in our neighborhoods, climbing up high-rise buildings to wash windows, mixing cement in the hot sun - doing all the dirty, dangerous, demeaning jobs Malaysians don't want to do. The least we can and should do is pay their dues.  

I counted the money in my wallet and realized I had given the cobbler RM5. It struck me  how appropriate it was; biblically 5 is the number of grace. What an apt reminder that God is gracious when we are not. If not for God's voice in my ear, I wouldn't have turned back, and a foreigner would have been cheated of the wages of his honest labor. And as the words "make the effort" stirred my heart, I remembered my visit just the day before to the dentist. She wasn't even my regular dentist actually. 

It's been many many years since I last went to get my teeth checked.  I have "dentist-phobia"; I avoid them unless absolutely necessary, because I loathe the
whole process of poking, filling etc. The sound of the drill is enough to make me want to run away. Thank God my teeth are hardy. But after some 30+ years, I finally had to go get a hole filled. It was then my regular dentist cautioned me that my crowns (which he did for me umpteen years ago) were "fracturing" and I had to replace new crowns, which would cost quite a bit. So I decided to get a second opinion from this lady dentist a friend recommended. 

It turned out my crowns weren't breaking up; it was my gums that were  deteriorating, unseen. Because my crowns were all fused together, which she commented shouldn't have been done that way. Well, how was I to know, right. Anyway short of a major expensive operation, there was nothing that could undo what was done years ago. She preferred to just clean up my teeth, which were obviously very dirty. Well, that's not surprising considering I haven't done any scaling or flossing whatsoever all these years. Like I said, thank God my teeth are hardy.  So on my second visit, she did a very thorough job of scrubbing out 30 years of all the (icky bicky) stuff built-up in my mouth. 

As I lay on the dentist chair,  it struck me, actually it's not just about teeth. Our lives can be fine on the outside, like my teeth. But really, there's stuff buried deep inside, which we may not even know of, that needs major overhaul. Dr took a pretty long time - more than 1/2 hour to get through my whole mouth. And as she

explained to me after it was over, she had problems with the fused crowns, because she couldn't clean through them. Some things in our lives only God can clean up - and I am not talking about teeth.    

Well, dear Dr did what she could in the circumstances but she didn't just stop at cleaning. She took the time and trouble to teach this old aunty how to use a special bristle-brush and water-jet to clean thoroughly. But old (and lazy) aunty wasn't that keen really.  When I asked her if I had to do it daily, she smiled ever so kindly and said, "You really should make the effort. For your own sake. Or else it will get bad and then worse very fast." That struck me hard as the "Word" for the day. Truly if we don't make the effort to get our lives right with God, we will suffer the consequences. 

Walking out of her office that morning, I caught a new paradigm of my life. I really need to dig up all those long-buried issues which I have conveniently "forgotten," locked in some dark cabinet of my mind. I really need to pull out those poisonous roots of bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, hurts so deeply entrenched in my heart. Don't we all have them? And it's a daily cleansing, not one-off job. We think the easiest way is just let them stay buried and don't bother.  Actually that's not a good idea. Buried things rot and fester, even unseen, unfelt, unknown.  Like what's happening in my mouth. 

To her credit, this dentist had a gentle touch (quite unlike my old dentist, who was really rather rough); she even apologized as I crinched every now and then in pain. 1/2 hour on the long chair trying not to be bothered by the shrill drill and keeping the mouth open can seem like a life-time. And I got to thinking, pain is inevitable, when God cleans up our lives because that's the way it is. Let's face it, humans don't like suffering. But suffering and death is a given in this life on earth. The 1 and only place where there's no suffering, no pain, no death is ...heaven. And that's already a done deal, guaranteed for Christ followers. 

So heck, what's a little or even a lot of pain now. God promised He will not give  more than we can take... Like the dentist who paused every now and then for me to wash out  the dirt from my mouth. That was my "breather",  when I could de- stress  a bit - unclench my fingers and breathe normally. So it is, the good Shepherd of my soul  makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me to quiet waters. I shall not want. I just need to make the effort, starting with my heart. 

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love." - 2 Peter 1:5-7