When Babies Grow Up

 Has it been 34 years since I held her in my arms, tightly-swaddled in a hospital blanket? Where is the little baby who drove a new, first-time mother up the wall, with her finicky feeding and sleeping patterns? I remember how in a fit of post-partum depression, I almost wanted to throw her out the window, after yet another bout of her vomiting all over me. I remember how she cowered in a corner the first time she saw her father, my husband, get really angry over something or other. She was always the "big che-che" in the house, the one with the most responsible attitude out of my 3 children.  I say this not to compare any unfavourably, but it's a fact they all have very different personalities. 

Today my eldest daughter walked out of the family home. The baby has grown up. And like a young eaglet, she has left the nest. Not pushed out, as reputedly in the case of birds, but out of her own choice. Of course all parents will face the day when their children move out to pursue their own paths in life. And it's not as if she just up and left; like the responsible child she has always been, she had already told of her intention months ago. Still nothing quite prepares a mother for that actual moment. 

Only now do I realize I was kidding myself everyday I pray for each of my children, "surrendering" them to my God, their Abba Father in heaven. Of course I mean it when I say it. But when the crunch came, there was still a fierce tugging in my heart. And much as I didn't want to cry or expected that I should be able to control my emotions, I cried anyway. I cried on Christmas day when I blessed her with the very specific words that God had put in my mouth to pronounce over her. I cried alone after  she announced over dinner  that she would be leaving in the morning. I cried when I hugged her as we stood by the door. I cried after she drove off. I guess the tears will keep coming for awhile. I haven't cried like this in a long time actually. The last time was about 19 years ago when my husband passed on.  And I guess when the turn comes for my no 2 and no 3 to fly off on their own wings, I will cry again. The way I see it,  children will keep breaking their parents' hearts with their actions, their choices in life; not that they want to, I am sure. But it's just the way things are in this world. Or maybe I am wrong, I see some families look ever so happy - so perfect - all the time.  Not in my case, we are definitely not. 

We have had our share of family disagreements, especially over issues of faith. I understand fully how the father of the prodigal son felt. And like that father in the Bible parable, I chose a long time back to let go and let God work in my children, trusting in His word given to me personally 19 years ago , when I asked Him, how am I going to take care of these 3 children without a father? and He answered: A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation. (Psalm 68:5) .. Even when my natural eyes see nothing happening, I hang on to that divine promise, for I know God doesn't lie, ever.  Whatever it takes, He will do it, because I can't.  I remember the days when we used to sit on the sofa in the living room, just me teaching my 3 youngsters from the bible, praying for them. Until one day I knew neither I nor church could hold their attention anymore. But I know He remembers those times also, even if they all forget. 

Of course it's not as if I am never going to see her again. I am sure my children will tell me, it's no big deal, ma. Stop being the drama-queen. Well, that's how some mothers are. Truth is it's just not the way I have wished it would be. If I had my way, like every other parent, she should be leaving with her wedding party, by the side of a man who would love her and whom she loves, to set up their own family together.  But no matter. God's ways are always higher and better. Whether it's about handling prodigal children or other heart-aches. After all, she isn't just "my princess", she is God's princess. In that I can rest assured. As I take my tears to the Lord, an old hymn comes to comfort me , "You are my hiding place, You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance, whenever I am afraid (I substitute it with -broken), I will trust in You." 

With that in mind, I released my first-born today with a mother's blessing, as she steps into a new beginning this new year, that she inherit the double portion that is her birth-right from the Lord, the God of her father and mother, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. 

 

A BETTER TOMORROW??

It's count-down to another new year. Whereas it used to be all about new year resolutions, today's news about the coming 2021 is all about a little vicious virus that has wrecked havoc all over the world, across nations rich and poor, not sparing race, age, sex or social standing. Everybody knows life is never going to be the same again. We will have to learn to live with masks, SOPs, lock-downs, and whatever aftermath that covid19 brings about. As the new year rolls around, most of humanity places its hope on a magic vaccine that's being or soon to be rolled out in nations, despite the fact that science already acknowledges it's not a miracle cure, and no expert can predict its long-term effects. 

Such is the fragility of hope in man. Everybody naturally looks forward to a better tomorrow. But "better" is a matter of perspective. Is it better to allow access to my personal data through all sorts of digital apps, knowing that it can end up being misused in the wrong hands? Or being injected with a man-made vaccine, not knowing what that injection can do to my body 5 years down the line? And does it mean, if I buck the trend and decide not to follow the crowd, so to speak, is my tomorrow less "better"? Am I being "socially irresponsible" in choosing the road that's less crowded or less travelled? 

I am not being a doomsday prophet  but a lot of people are going to be disappointed if they think covid19 is ever going to go away with a shot in the arm. In fact if we believe WHO director-general Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, things will not get better. He said on the first International Day of Epidemic Preparedness on 27/12/20:  "The coronavirus crisis will not be the last pandemic, and attempts to improve human health are "doomed" without tackling climate change and animal welfare." Apparently way back in September 2019 , the first annual report on world readiness for health emergencies – published a few months before coronavirus broke out – said the planet was woefully unprepared for potentially devastating pandemics. So the warning is already on the wall, as he puts it, "History tells us that this will not be the last pandemic, and epidemics are a fact of life." How's that for realism and truth? 

We are all entitled to our own opinions of course. I, for one, just don't want to tie my life down to bemoaning and  jumping like a yo-yo, following the day's tally of covid19 cases reported. I don't need to join the ever-active keyboard warriors in castigating the government, politicians, or ordinary "disobedient" citizens who go around gallivanting across borders to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine with friends or family.  I just do what I should and can do in my own personal capacity, and move on with life.

In fact even without covid19, things were already bad for the world. As early as April 2020, David Beasley, head of UN World Food Programme through his Rome-based organization which won the 2020 Nobel Peace Prize highlighted to the UN Security Council that the world was facing a "hunger pandemic" and "multiple famines of biblical proportions."  On 28/12/20, in a news report 8 months down the line, his update: "Even before covid19 hit, 135 million people were marching towards the brink of starvation. This could double to 270 million within a few short months." Chief scientist of UN FAO Ismahane Elouafi is reported to have said that more than 50 million people in East and Central Africa already require emergency food aid and those numbers are set to rise. For the record as of today, covid19 cases in the world  stand at about 82 million , with 1.8 million deaths, and 58 million recovered. That translates into 3% death and 97% recovery rate.

Actually it's most interesting a UN agency would refer to "famines of biblical proportions." Indeed whatever is happening in the world was already foretold more than 2000 years ago in the Holy Bible, by Jesus Himself. Of course it's debatable which period He is talking about when He states "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, and in various places famines and pestilences. And there will be terrors and great signs from heaven." (Luke 21:10-11).  Never in human history has all of these calamities happened all at once all over the world. 

So whether it's from human experts or God, it looks like tomorrow will not exactly get better, if we are talking about an easier or safer life on earth. But on the other hand, if we look at it from  another perspective, there's always a better tomorrow. After all, if I know for a fact that my life is held safe in the hands of my Creator, it's He who decides when to end my days on earth, not a virus, an accident, a sickness or whatever else that can hit  . For those who choose to believe that Jesus Christ came 2020 years ago, lived, died and rose again, there is no fear of anything already. I have chosen to believe and trust in something bigger than what mere man can offer - a divine hope based on what only God can give - abundant life on earth and eternal life thereafter. For sure it's not going to be ride-in-the-park with no problems in the here and now, but at the very least, it's a life truly free of all fear.  

There is nothing to fear what God says will come to pass anyway. He knows what He is doing, even if I don't.  My late husband used to tell me not to ask so many questions. He said everything in life should be on a "need-to-know" basis. There were things in his life he refused to tell me, because he deemed it not necessary for me to know. I think it saved me a lot of heartaches and headaches that way. I guess that's how God sees it too. I know things look bad, and will get worse. I don't know how or when God will do what only He can do. But throughout my 20+ years relationship with a living God, He has always worked all (especially bad) things out for good. That's what He promised in His Word, and that's what He will do, without fail, because of who He is - a faithful and good Father in heaven. 

So yes, I can see a better tomorrow, because my God is already ahead of me, in it. 

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"..Rom 8:24-25