The End is the Beginning

Okay, it's one looong movie , the ticket price was expensive,  throw in the mandatory pop-corn (what's a movie without popcorn ...), dinner thereafter plus the parking... so Avengers Endgame was not exactly a cheap family outing for 4. But was it worth it?
We-ll, that's personal. Honestly, I preferred last season's Infinity War; notwithstanding its horrible (to me) ending when people and heroes alike simply disintegrated into ashes. I don't particularly like sad endings where the bad guy seems to win; though of course even at that time, I expected a resurrection with the next (ie now) season. And in that sense Endgame must and did play out the hope of  restoration and ultimate triumph of good over evil , even though it comes at heavy cost.

But that's not surprising, because that premise has always been ingrained into  man's pysche, whether or not we believe it to be true. As Alexander Pope stated in his Essay on Man, " Hope springs eternal in the human breast. Man never is , but always to be blest. The soul, uneasy and confined from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come." So it is  with a Hollywood movie where even super-heroes lost much - friends, family, a part of themselves. At the point where everything seems so bleak, one very disappointed, disillusioned and weary hero  says, "Don't give me hope",  but the one holding out answers, " I am sorry I couldn't give it (hope) to you sooner."

Without hope, nothing is actually worth living for. If the end of man's life is really the end, to what purpose even a life that is well-lived, if I am  just going to finish literally in ashes 6 feet underground. I remember the finale in Infinity War when bodies just melted away, my first thought was the words from the Bible  "... you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James 4:14). Sure we can say our legacy lives on in the lives of our children, our property, our ...whatever/whoever that survives on earth. But that's not my life anymore, so that's really not much comfort, and certainly no hope at all personally for me.

Thankfully, the Bible also talks about something else that's so much more encouraging. Apostle Paul thanked God for  a faith and love that spring from the hope that's stored up in heaven for believers, that is the true message of the gospel (Colossians 1:5).  And ultimately that's what makes for a good ending. There's a touching scene in Endgame, where a hero mourns the passing of one of their kind,  "We can't bring ... back". That's the awful reality of death which strikes every one of us eventually. No  matter how healthy our diet, no matter how much we exercise, no matter how fit, smart, rich we are, no matter  young or old, whatever the species ....death claims every living thing on this earth eventually. And no human or AI has ever brought the dead back to life.

Within days  after watching Endgame, in the space of 24 hours, at night I attended the funeral wake of the 89 year old mom of a brother in Christ, and the very next evening, with my own hands, I buried  Pi  the 1-month old kitten, who was with us for only 2 weeks.  An old friend of mine said we should all  be taught to be prepared to accept death, so that we can be at peace with it.

I understand where she is coming from; death is indeed a traumatic experience for those caught in its snare. Just as in Endgame, a hero said, " I keep telling everybody they should move on and grow. Some do, but not us." Survivors know we need to move on beyond the grief of losing a loved one. I have lived 17 years without a dearly beloved husband, but I still don't know how to help my friends who are widows to "move on".  One sees no meaning in her life anymore, the other says she's so lonely. All I can do is  remind them to hang onto the promises of a God who is faithful to turn every bad situation around somehow - yes, even death. So no, I don't want to accept death, although I am fully prepared to face it - because death isn't meant to be man's original destiny, eternal life is. Death steals, kills and destroys. Death isn't meant to be accepted as fait accompli; even though it can't be undone, it can be conquered and overcome. Just like evil.

For sure it's a battle, just like the climatic finale in Endgame. As the super-hero  declares, "This is a fight of our lives." They all go into it...to do whatever it takes. It does take a lot - after all,  there are always casualties in every battle, and some are fatal. And I guess that's my 'peeve' with Endgame's ending. I want a happily-ever-after scenario, where all the super team gets  resurrected,  united together once more after dealing with the bad guys  and saving the universe again. I didn't want my favourite super-heroes to die or fade away into oblivion.

It may be just a movie - at its most basic, it's simply a super-hyped-up drama over some colorful stones. But interwoven into a fantasy tale are some very real life issues of loss, sacrifice, love, which speaks to every human heart.  I think deep inside, we all want to live forever, whether or not we admit it. That's why we all grieve when death happens, whether it's a purely personal thing or in something as public as madmen killing people in churches, mosques, schools, shopping malls or wherever.  Thewisest king Solomon recognized, " He (God)  has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man’s heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11) 

Life is meant to be beautiful here and now; in truth it is meant to be beautiful forever. What man (and super-heroes) cannot do, God accomplished. He defeated death for us, through One man who willingly paid the price - His life for ours. Jesus said it all, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die... and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26) .  That's the hope reserved for those who choose to believe, by and in faith.

Yet I have to confess 17 years ago, if not for my (then) 8 years old daughter, I would not - I could not - have believed.   In my anger at having the love of my life snatched away by death, I dared God to prove Himself - to  give me a dream and show me where my husband had gone. I never did dream, and He never did show me, even to this day. Instead the very next day after my husband's funeral, my little girl who didn't know anything came to tell me she had dreamt of her very happy daddy in a very beautiful place. Now that's peace.

Unlike super-heroes which are just a figment of man's clever imagination , death is real. But so is God , and so is everlasting life - Jesus came and proved it by rising from the dead. The end is not the end, it's but the beginning of something else so much better than what we can ever imagine - what a glorious hope to know and possess. It beats any Endgame .


 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End" (Revelation 22:13) 

Pi is his name

I buried my kitten on the eve of my birthday. He died exactly 2 weeks after I accepted him from my    street-son who had plucked him up from a road divider. It took us a week to agree on a name for the kitten. We called him Pi, because it went along nicely with the name of our other cat, Maffin. (as in Muffin and Pie)

The vet said 1 month old Pi was  under-developed for his age; indeed he was all bones, so small he fitted into the palm of my hand. But he seemed to thrive - he was eating, mewing, exploring, pooping all over the place.  I had bathed him and left him to sleep.  After some 4 hours, by which time it was late evening, I thought it very strange he hadn't woken up. He looked funny when I checked on him, he had wetted himself under his towel and his limbs were cold to my touch. By the time we rushed him to the 24hr animal hospital that night, he was very weak. The doctor's diagnosis was fading kitten syndrome. He was put on emergency drip and into critical (equivalent of human ICU) care.

I had never heard of fading kitten syndrome. Apparently it's a common condition in young kittens who don't get any/enough of mother cat's milk - it affects their immune system and because they are so young, they become very susceptible to bacteria, infections and all those nasty stuff.   From the start the doctor had warned Pi's prognosis was poor and bound to fluctuate. She could only say it would be 'touch-n-go' , as all they could do was try to boost up his immunity and manage his dehydration from diarrhea. The rest was really up to Pi to fight it out.

It's only a kitten. But I found myself crying in the car as we drove back. I remembered the serious charge given to me when I took the box containing this "little thing"  from the hands of my son two weeks ago - I was to take care of him, give him a good home. And I struggled to accept the worst that could happen and why God would give me something beautiful only to take it away after such a short while.  It's not only a kitten, it's a life. It may not be worth much or anything to anyone else, - not even to its mother - but it's still a life and it was entrusted to me.  In the midst of tears, the words of Job, the long-suffering hero of the Old Testament, who lost everything - cattle, sheep, donkeys, camels, servants, 7 sons and 3 daughters - came to me, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD " (Job 1:21) 

Job, a man the Bible called "blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil"
reacted to the most catastrophic of losses - which God allowed to happen - with the most profound insight. It wasn't that he was weird or unfeeling - in fact he grieved so much he tore his robe, shaved his head, fell to the ground. But in the suffering and the pain, he recognized one thing - in the midst of WHAT can happen, there is a WHO in charge. In short, he knows - and most importantly he accepts - life isn't in our hands. Not our own, not others, not even a little kitten's. So choking back my tears, as my daughter drove, I prayed surrendering Pi into his Creator's hands, because Pi is not mine, even my children are really not mine. All I have on this earth is given unto me to hold, to love, to care for and ultimately to let go of, not as/when I want it to happen, but in accordance to a divine time-table of which I know nothing of, but must trust that the One who is Maker of heaven and earth - from whom, through whom and to whom are all things - knows what He is doing, even when I disagree. So if Pi lives, he lives. If he dies, he dies. And it struck me, if I can cry over a little kitten's life, how much more God Himself must grieve over the state of all humans - we, the crown of His creation, who instead of enjoying life as He meant it to be, just mess around trying and thinking we can manage life on our own.

I was planning to take Pi home after 2 nights in hospital, as the last time I saw him, although still weak, he had moved and mewed a little. His glucose level however was yo-yo-ing from low to normal back to low. Anyhow we were all prepared to rotate taking care of him at home. The next morning, I saw 5 missed calls from the hospital when I switched on my phone; my heart already knew Pi had died.

It being a Sunday, I went to church. In the midst of grief, like Job, I blessed the name of the Lord, my God... For those 2 weeks of having Pi waddling around the house (he's so needy he 'chases' human legs when any of us are around him) , little Pi eating from and sleeping in my hand.  I return his stiff body into the ground, from dust to dust, ashes to ashes. And I thank my God, because today I am still alive, my children are still alive, my friends are still alive, because He is gracious to let us all live another day, and another and another.  That despite some who refuse to accept His sovereignty, in spite of how we rail at Him for daring to take away ''our'' ...cat, dog, family, friend, partner, health, wealth... whatever/whoever.

I used to be like that, not understanding why/how could a good God (seemingly) do nothing about all the death, suffering, evil, bad, unfair, things going on in this world, if He is so so great? He didn't miraculously cure my husband of cancer, I was made a widow at age 40, my children grew up without an earthly father. There's nothing good about any of that. I still remember the anger I felt at losing my husband, despite all the prayers prayed, all the tears cried in private. Anger at a God who would take away the love of my life, the father of my children. And I remember how gentle He was in answering my "Why? How could You?"  The great Almighty God  could have roasted me with a lightning-bolt for daring to question Him. He could have rejected me altogether. But He didn't.  Instead He answered my questions with a question; He simply said, " My child, I have given your husband the best gift, what more do you want?" Such love - He called me His 'child.' It took me awhile to figure out what He meant, but I 'got' it, finally.  Truly He has given His best, by Jesus laying down His own life to cancel out death's claim on us all, sinners without exception.

So it is, 17 years down the line, and until I breathe my last on this earth, like Job and countless others who have believed, accepted and therefore received the best from a good God, I will bless the Lord. In the meantime, I think I will lay off accepting any more stray kittens.


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11