Doing It Differently

It's the first day of Chinese New Year 2019 ; my limited social media links are filled with pictures of family get-togethers, young and old posing in their best red outfits, food galore, and the ubiquitous (obligatory)  wishes for blessings, prosperity, happiness and all things nice. That's all fine and good. I have no problems with it.

But I can't help wondering if my family is the only odd-ball one that's not 'in sync' with other 

families. Sometimes a bit wistfully, I wonder why we aren't really "big" on celebrations,  be it birthdays, cultural, religious events or even once-in-a-lifetime events like my own wedding or my children's graduations.   I dare say every family splashes big-time on such occasions. I remember my wedding dinner hosted only 6 tables in a noisy Chinese restaurant shared with another bridal couple. We didn't have a wedding planner, my husband's best buddy lent us his Mercedes-Benz for the day and we didn't have our honeymoon till about a year later, when we had enough money to go spend a weekend in Genting Highlands. But all that had absolutely no bearing on our 17-years love-affair together on this earth.

As for my 3 children, not one of them got their "mortar-board" mug-shot.  I asked each one when their turn came, if they wanted to spend hours shut up in a fancy hotel, listening to (mostly boring) speeches,  sitting at tables together with thousands of others, waiting for their 1-minute moment of fame, to hear their name (amongst thousands) called out, to receive a scroll, which I paid a small fortune for. All three said no need, even the one who scored a Magna-cum-laude - that's the highest distinction honors.  In fact the absent-minded one only collected the piece of paper from the university one year after  repeated reminders that I paid a lot of money for it. Some people, especially mothers, are absolutely horrified that I didn't "allow" my children to graduate "properly", since it's an achievement which should, must, be celebrated to affirm their hard work.  Well, to each his own - we keep things simple with a private dinner-out together, like we do on birthdays. Personally,  I don't think a graduation gown and a mortar-board has any relation whatsoever to my pride in their accomplishment. As it is, I am sure their not having a graduation photo to post on their Fb never affected their outlook on life in any way.

I suspect my nonchalance about such things came about the day I sat on the bedroom floor, sifting through my husband's stuff after his funeral. I looked at the old, yellowed photo of him in his graduation robes, I handled his degree, paper certificates and awards in my hands. And I tore them up, because all that didn't matter  already. I guess facing the death of a beloved gives a totally different perspective as to what things in life are truly important, seen in the light of eternity. 

Like I said, we are not big on celebrations.  Still for the past 16 years, from the time of my husband's passing on,  I have insisted we make the long (sometimes 10 hours) trip "balik kampung" to Alor Star to join my sisters for the family reunion dinner on the eve-nite. I guess it's my way of making up for all the prior years I have ignored them, as I never kept in touch ever since I was adopted out of the family.  At the very least, ever since I became a Christian then, I knew I had to go back to tell them the good news of the love of God for us all.

But this year, for the first time, we broke tradition. The children were not keen to go back. I know it's hard on them, especially now that they are all grown-up adults. They have no connection with their cousins. They don't understand the dialect, like me they are 'bananas'; the most they can manage is  Keong Hee Huat Chai (Hokkien version) . Besides, it's not particularly comfortable having to share a room in strange surroundings, just as staring at the TV for 3 days can hardly be termed entertaining.

Could I have insisted? I guess; but I ask myself, what's the point, really? It's like forcing them to go to church. For awhile that's what I did ; requesting that they accompany me only 3 times a year - on the "big" occasions - Christmas, Good Friday and Easter. They followed, dutifully. But I could see their hearts were not in it.   And finally I figured God Himself would not be pleased; if He could not have their hearts, the mere presence of their bodies in a church building meant nothing and is worth nothing to Him. I stopped the farce.

So this year we didn't join the long queue of vehicles clogging up the North-South highway. We don't have any pictures of big family reunions or 10 course food presentations to show off.  The house wasn't decorated with anything. I didn't buy even 1 single jar of CNY cookies. On the 2nd day, we  visited the only 2 of my husband's relatives who were in KL. Other than that, the children happily did their own thing. I, also quite happily, sweated it out in the garden, telling the flowers and veggies to grow well.  The happiest one must be Maffin our cat; he gets to lounge around in his fave spots and we are at his service. I  called my relatives to wish them blessings. They understand.  And I am certain all the 16 past Chinese New Years of sharing God's love with and to them are not in vain.

At the table, it was just the 4 of us with 2 simple dishes, as usual.  No big deal. Sure, we may miss an earthly reunion dinner with our blood-relatives, but as I declared in my prayer , we will not miss the ultimate grand reunion feast with Father God and His family of people from every nation, tribe, and tongue on that great day when His own are gathered back together to be with Him - after all,  when everything is said and done, that's the reunion that really matters, because that is for ever.

"Let all that you do be done in love." - 1 Corinthians 16:14