It's been a long time since I talked about my birthday. In fact it's been a long time since I even blogged. I looked back and discovered the last time I wrote on the subject was way back in 2012. I had said then that to me, birthdays are really no big deal; they still aren't. But I gather it's common even to deem certain birthdays as supposedly more meaningful than others. Like sweet 16, or the symbolic 21 or the big 70.
I turned 57 this year. I was pleasantly surprised by the many people who face-booked and wats-apped me their greetings. People, whom truth be told, I have scarcely exchanged two words with in the past year, or in fact none at all for umpteen years. People from out of town, out of state, out of country. I am so, so touched that they cared to remember me. And to top it all, some of the ladies in my BM church got me a cake...with 1 candle. How sweet. My children surprised me with a totally unexpected present too - a watch with Hebrew numerics on the dial-face. How astute they are; all that shofar-blowing in the house and me talking about Holy Land trips must have put the idea into their heads. Not that I know how to read Hebrew, but well, it's certainly....different.
Like turning 57 this year. Not so much for the celebration, which was the usual dinner out with family, which we had a day earlier. I spent the actual day doing 'work'; afternoon at the weekly street-feeding in downtown KL, and evening driving up to Bentong with a couple of others for our monthly prayer-watch up in the hills. It was a long drive, by the time we got back to KL after late supper, it was past mid-nite. But I have grown to like the sessions I spend up there. After all, what's there not to like about panoramic views, ethereal clouds, fabulous sun-sets, starry skies, fresh air, green forests, birds and insects chirping? Like I have oft repeated, there's something special about mountains that draw the human spirit. Even more, there's something particularly special about praying in high places. Somehow the atmosphere is just different from praying in my room, even in a church building on the ground. Maybe it's the nearness to 'heaven' that makes it seem as though every prayer simply shoots straight up into the hallowed halls of God's throne room.
But the one whom I related most to was the only daughter Ah Hoon in this messed-up family. Typical of the middle child syndrome, she voices out her frustration of never being the 'favored' one in the family, each parent doting on either the eldest or the youngest son only. How poignant when she remarks that she has accepted some will get more love, some will get less. The scene of her crying aloud alone in a church pew speaks volumes of her hurt and brings to the fore-front what praying means to a believer in Christ. Psychologists would say prayer is just a release of the emotions of the human psyche and atheists would quote religion is simply a crutch for the weak. Indeed I would be the first to agree , and I don't feel ashamed to admit it. But I wouldn't stop there, because prayer and faith - not organized religion - to me is much more than that...The older I get, the more I find I need to pray. Even though there are many prayers I have been praying for years, without any hint or seeming likelihood of any answer from the 'One up there.' But I continue anyway, because it's the only thing left that I can do in confidence that my God hears, and will answer, in His good time, in His good way, simply because His Word promises so. It's not an easy thing to do, choosing to trust in the unseen. But 15 years of believing has shown me His faithfulness, and most of all His unfailing love. That's where Ah Hoon got only half the picture right... indeed with humans some will get more love, some will get less - that's the selfish limited nature of our love. But it's not so with the love of Christ, who loved even the worst of sinners, to the point of dying for all. That's how the dying mother could say in spite of the vile act that her eldest son Ah Boy did to her, "If I don't love Ah Boy, who else is going to love him?"
Who else can love me like Jesus, despite all my failings, weaknesses and sin? No one, not even my own nearest and dearest family. Sure they love me, they celebrate my birthdays, they tolerate my idiosyncrasies. But they have their own lives to live, their own dreams to chase. There will come a time when they will all fly the family nest to build their own. In fact even now the nest is half-empty most times. That's perfectly understandable and acceptable. I don't expect them to hang around waiting on me. If we get to sit down for a family dinner every few days a week, that's very good. If they deign to accompany me to a movie every now and then, that's a bonus. If they actually remember to do their chores without me nagging for the ten thousandth time , that's a miracle. And I thank my God everyday for the children He has blessed with. I know they love me, of course, and they know I love them, but ..
There's no love like God's love. A love that simply says "Trust Me, no matter what." I can trust Him, because He proved His love once and for all at the cross. Who else can love me enough to die for me, even when I didn't know Him or want Him, back in my 'lost' years? Why would He die for people who don't even care to believe? It boggles my mind. That's insanity, in fact some would deride it as downright dumb. Dumb or not, He loves still, and the loss falls on those who choose to reject this love that's totally way out of this world, a love that can never be more or less, but everlastingly full, complete and perfect... all the time for eternity. So I am certain this year, my Abba Father who so loves me must have something very special prepared for me, because I turn 57 in 2017 which is the Hebrew year 5777. He already knows the only desire of this mother is for the children upon her heart to receive the most wonderful, precious, greatest love of their Father in heaven. So as the apostle Paul prayed, I pray for them ...
"...that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power....to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:17-19
