Climb MY Mountain

I am very blessed. Every year I get to use a Genting apartment absolutely free for as long as I want. I have never been able to afford and indeed can never afford any of those 'time-share' club/resort memberships. This comes courtesy of an old friend, ex-colleague and very very dear sister in Christ whose generosity allows me the luxury of a physical and spiritual retreat, far from the madding crowd at least once a year.

The apartment is one of those family-type suites, comes complete with cooking facilities as well as a private jacuzzi. Of course there's the mandatory heated pool, gym, spa, golf etc that's part of the whole resort package deal.  But apart from the first time, I have never used any of them since. Nor have I even bothered to go up all the way to the top of Genting. Though I normally book the place for about 4/5 days, I myself spend at the most 2 days cooped up in the apartment, all alone by a deliberate choice. The rest of the days I give away to bless others to use with the consent of my friend. 

Birds' eye view perched on top 

One little birdy

Two little birdies 

Now 5 little birdies

I actually like the solitude. It's very very quiet when there's no human soul with you. Not that there's no sound at all, but the "alone-ness" sharpens all the senses. The night before as it rained continuously,  I could hear the sound of water drops from the roof, making music on the hard tiles as a glistening pool formed on the patio. In the morning, the sound of the wind whistled through the air, as the cold cut into my bare feet.  As I sit out on the verandah in the early morning, I eye a cloud parade rolling past the curtain of the sky. I sat for a couple of hours just observing how the mist  shrouded the hills in a blanket of white, then got lifted up, allowing patches of blue heaven to break through, but only for a little while as it came down again to envelope everything from sight.  I watch as a pair of yellow birds chase-dance each other, zooming in and out of the trees. 2 little pigeons troop right up to the balcony to preen their feathers as they exchange soft coo's. Yesterday there was an eagle soaring high up in the sky. I wonder what goes on in birds' brains? Do they know where they are flying to? What do birds see, perched on trees, watching the world go by? And I am so thankful to remember if  the birds of the air do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet my heavenly Father feeds them, how much more valuable I am to Him. (Matthew 6:26)

I look forward to this time of 'winding down' by myself. Every year I make it a point to 'get lost' and go off somewhere. I need it to clear my system and get in touch with the most important thing  in my life - not me, not my children, not my job or ministry, not church or ambitious 5 year plans to improve my life, not how I am going to change the world into a better place, or even to pray the many concerns in my heart. 

I reserve this time of the year purely to seek one face, one heart - the Lover and Beloved of my soul, my good Shepherd, my Wise Counselor, my Comfort, my Lord, my God.  To do that I have to purposely and consciously put aside all other things and people in my life and make Him my focus. I call it falling in love all over again. I make the time for Him. Actually I should do it every day, but every day can be such a hassle just to get through sometimes there's just not enough time to do it as often as I should. Yet He's very patient with me, always.

So now it's my turn to be patient. Every year my 'special appointments' with God are different. Sometimes He's very quick to connect with me. And sometimes it may take awhile of waiting and waiting and waiting. Like this time, I even thought He wasn't going to say anything. He wasn't in the wind, or the birds or the rain. Then as I looked beyond at the mist-wreathed hills, exactly like prophet Elijah, I heard that still small voice in my heart. Climb My mountain. I answered off the tip of my tongue, But You know I don't fancy climbing mountains, Lord...sure I like the view and all from the top, but really it's tough going,  I get out of breath, my body hurts, it takes a long time, I don't know where I am going, I might get lost. Again it was repeated Climb My mountain.

I have climbed a physical mountain  before (here) and as I said, I don't like it. Heck, I don't even like climbing stairs for that matter. All that huffing and puffing is a lot of pain. I am about to argue with God again, when I was reminded about those great personalities who climbed mountains in the bible. Abraham, Moses, Elijah, Jesus Himself.  Unusual things happened on mountain tops. Not necessarily good things, as understood by man. Certainly things that shook up not just the climbers but affected their existing world. On top of a mountain, Abraham received the grand promise that God would bless him to be a blessing to the entire earth. Moses came down the mountain armed with the law of God. Elijah called down fire from heaven on the mountain top. And Jesus hung on a cross at Mt Calvary to open up a way for sinful man to be reconciled with a most holy God.

Climbing mountains meant serious business with God. And I wasn't at all sure I was ready, although I had routinely prayed to be taken higher, further, wider and deeper in my faith. That was routine, a 'spiritually-correct' prayer. Now He was actually answering it, I found myself "chicken-ing" out. How typical. It's very easy to pray all kinds of well-meaning prayers about being available for God, about wanting to serve Him, about offering Him our all... blah blah blah. I am ashamed to remember it was just 2 months back , I even declared out loud as I was standing in the Jordan River with the pastor who was going to dunk me as a gesture of re-dedication of my life.., "Lord, here I am, send me"... daring to repeat the words of the prophet Isaiah. Well, I meant it then, honest. And I still mean it, honest. Just that when push comes to shove, honestly, climbing mountains isn't exactly my forte. But a deal is a deal. I made a deal with God in the Jordan. And as much as He has always kept up His part of dealings with me, I guess I better do my part, if I know what's good for me.

So as I stared at the range of mountains right before my eyes, all hidden in the mists, I asked what I thought was a pretty smart question, "Which mountain? There are so many out there".  Again it was repeated for the third time, Climb My mountain. Now I heard what I had missed. I was to climb His mountain, not every mountain is meant to be climbed, at least not by me. So I ask another question, "How?" The answer came back very simply "Follow Me". Duh. How obvious.

Sometimes we humans make life so complicated . We insist that God shows up in front of our very eyes (preferably in a grand show of fire, thunder and lightning) before we will believe He is for real. Even harder is following which requires submission and surrender, things which are not popular at all given our human inclination for independence. We would rather believe in ourselves, in ideals like freedom, human rights, in worthy causes ranging from women to refugees. We would rather do good our style, our way. We may even get good results which leads us to think we are doing fine, without God. Nothing wrong with good intentions of course.  But if it's not His mountain climbed His way, really, it's no big deal. Anyone can do what anyone is capable of; don't need to believe in a/any God to live out a self-managed life that satisfies our own desires .  It's only when we let go our control mode and learn to listen to the heart-beat of the God who is Love that we get taken to a place way beyond our own personal best.

2 days after my retreat, I found myself having to choose if I should follow the heart-beat that was calling me to spend Christmas away from home, church and family. I really didn't want to, but I have learnt when God calls, and we disobey, (He calls, He never forces), because we don't want to give up our 'good things', we end up losing the better things that He has prepared for us. I don't ever want to miss out on that, so there I was on a last minute (very expensive) flight to Sabah together with 2 others who had responded to the same call. 4 days stuck in a remote prayer-house, located on (where else) a 'bukit.' What for? Mysterious are the ways of God; He puts a burden on our hearts, and then uses all sorts of things to tickle our minds... my bible, even life animals like baying dogs echoing our shofar sounds, a praying mantis sitting on a handphone, inanimate objects like numbers on a signboard, statues at a roundabout, excavators breaking up an abandoned building...like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle we need to figure out.

Not only praying, but worshipping mantis

He will only show us 1 step at a time but when finally it all comes together, we go "Aha, that's it." And then we see what a beautiful picture He had in mind all along...more fantastic than anything we can ever cook up ourselves.  That's the wonder of believing and following my God to climb His mountain.





"I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber"... Psalm 121:1-3

A Fit and Proper Person

My children made me cry. Again. Twice within a week, tears filled my eyes as I sat watching my two daughters from the sidelines as a spectator in the journey of their lives.... 

The one I least expected to follow in my footsteps my no 2 "sweetheart" Sha-Lyn looked so prim and proper in the mandatory black white ensemble required of a lawyer. She stood at the side of the court, holding her robes, as the mover of her call read her petition to be admitted as an Advocate and Solicitor of the High Court of Malaya. He had an excellent voice telling the story of her journey into law. But all I could think of was how my husband must be looking down from heaven, smiling and clapping his hands. That was when the tears came unbidden, they flowed even more as her mover read off the last line of her petition dedicating her call to her father. She and I were obviously on the same wave-length, though I didn't know the contents of the petition she had prepared.

Sitting in the public gallery brought back a flood of memories of my own call some 30 years ago,and the subsequent time spent in legal practice, moving in the hallowed halls of justice. At that time, the 'hallowed halls' of the Jalan Duta Courts were just a row of wooden buildings. I remember... how careful the ladies had to be in their high heels, climbing up planks which passed off as stairs... the Bar Room where I used to hang out to drink coffee with 'august members of the profession' after finishing off my cases for the day. My daughter's chamber Master laughed as I mentioned it, and told me those were the days because it's no longer the same now. Indeed the court complex is now so modern and huge; I got lost trying to find my way to the right court. When I asked a lawyer hurrying past me where it was, he said he didn't know either, and that he got lost all the time too.... I hope he was just joking; if I had a case, I wouldn't like my lawyer to get lost in court. 

There were 9 others getting called together with my daughter. At the end of the presentation of each petition, the judge would issue order in terms to the effect that So-and-So is deemed a fit and proper person to be admitted as an Advocate and Solicitor of the High Court of Malaya, after which the Master would robe his/her pupil. signifying the person as henceforth a 'professional' lawyer. Hearing the solemn pronouncement and watching the repeated robing, I found myself wondering what's really a 'fit and proper person'? Of course, as far as a call is concerned, it simply means one has fulfilled all the legal requirements for admission and there are no attendant objections from interested parties like the Bar Council or the AG's Chambers. So it's really quite an automatic thing. 

But what struck me was the presiding judge's exhortation after all were duly admitted. She addressed them pointedly that although they are duty-bound to advance client's interests, but as members of the legal profession, they are first and foremost officers of the court to stand for justice. With that she lifted what would have passed of as just another ritualistic proceeding into something more meaningful . Justice - that's inspiring. And sadly lacking in today's world. 

The thought was still with me when I witnessed my eldest princess Su-Lyn take her turn 

receiving the Suhakam award for human rights in the Media category. Her opinion pieces in the online news portal she is attached to has always been ... well, opinionated. And true to form, her acceptance speech contained no gracious thank-you's nor referenced the impact of any other human being in her life. Instead it was a lambasting of a government which she termed tyrannical insecure and suppressive of human rights. I can understand her anger, which surely is shared by many who also decry the state of affairs in our nation. That doesn't mean I agree with all her views or her methods. Certainly I salute her boldness in fighting for what she believes to be right. But as I watched her up on stage, I was actually thinking something quite irrelevant...I remembered how I had always wanted to be a journalist because I love to write. Indeed I had started out as one until 'forced' to quit at the insistence of my father when I got accepted into law school, which as it turned out wasn't a bad thing at all.

That was some 30 odd years ago. Now not 1, but both daughters are walking down the same paths that I took. I look at them, fully grown-up women, both positioned to make an impact in this world for their generation, to stand for justice, truth and righteousness. I should be rejoicing at their achievements, and I do. 

Still I wonder what makes up a 'fit and proper person'? Is it just someone who practices the rule of law or goes all out to fight for human rights? One daughter has qualified as a lawyer sworn to the cause of justice, another was voted as an upholder of human freedom. I guess that's a pretty good start to being 'fit and proper' persons of society. 

But deep inside, I'd rather my children be considered fit and proper persons in the eyes of God than be heaped with all the fancy awards and rewards of this world.  The mother in me cries, because the greatest thing in my children's lives shouldn't be about how many awards they get, how much money they earn, how clever they are, or even how much "good" they can do, giving back to society as 'fit and proper'. I applaud their achievements, but I would give up my own life in exchange for them to understand that being a fit and proper person begins with knowing their Creator who is the ultimate source of all justice, truth and righteousness, who put the desire for such ideals into  human hearts in the first place, and who has chosen and qualified them to bring to pass what has always been upon God's heart for humanity. If they catch this, they don't need any awards or rewards from man. They will still be fit and proper persons when the accolades fade away.

“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” - Jeremiah 9:23-24