Goodbye shouldn't be forever

My favourite cat was put down 2 days ago. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye or give her a last pat.  Uggy 'belongs' to my no. 2 princess; she had been sick for the past week, just lying around listlessly. It's quite unlike her, normally she would follow me downstairs to the kitchen first thing in the morning or sit by my feet at dinner time. Like the queen of the house she is, she mews her 'feed me' command on cue. She would look up with expectant eyes or even stretch to stand on her paws for tidbits from the table. But lately she wasn't eating/drinking, had lost a lot of weight, and had turned all born-thin and scraggly.

The vet's diagnosis was old age - she's 112  in human years - and kidney failure. Incurable. So my girl made the call there and then. All I got was a short watsapp message that she had buried Uggy in the back garden. Uggy was the gentlest of our 3 cats; ever ready and responsive to being petted. We never had any trouble with Uggy. Quite the opposite of the other 2 felines, Zaza and Maffin, who are prone to wandering off on their own jaunts outside, Uggy was always at home, snoozing in her fave spots in the laundry baskets, my rocking chair or our beds. She was the last of the litter that our first cat birthed more than 15 years ago, when my husband was still alive. I named her Uggy, a twist of 'ugly' because she really isn't a very pretty cat. But what she lacked in looks, she more than made up for in her sweet disposition.

Only pet-lovers will understand the feeling of losing a much-loved pet.  Our family has reared pets ever since I can remember. Our back-yard is a pet cemetery in itself. Underneath the green green grass of home lie the remains of several cats, birds and fishes. Excessively adventurous rabbits and tortoises have disappeared down our drains.

Uggy's passing wasn't really a surprise; she is after all very old. But I always thought Zaza would be the first to go. She's always been the 'wild' one in the family, not to mention the grouchiest; she even bites the hand that feeds her. At one time she was (mis) diagnosed with feline HIV, and we were expecting her to die. But Zaza's a fighter. For all her frequent bouts of sicknesses, even with having problems eating due to recurring gingivitis in her mouth, she is still very much alive. She must be the one with the proverbial 9 lives.


Well, Uggy has used up all hers. The finality of her death stares at me when I look out my kitchen window at the 2 pots placed over her grave. Just like 15 years ago, when I dropped the urn containing my husband's ashes into the sea off Penang beach, and every nite since then, the space beside me on the bed remains cold and empty - on earth, we are constantly reminded that death reigns over animals and humans. When it happens, we go through the 'necessary' process of grieving, closure, moving on, surviving. Some people shrug it off in bravado, as no 'big deal'. But death is a big deal. Whether we admit it or not, instinctively our hearts recoil at its repugnancy.

We do all we can to avoid dying. In fact, babies are born with closed fists, literally clutching at life.We eat wholesome food, swallow supplements, exercise diligently in efforts to stay healthy and live 'well'. We pay for our bodies to be poked and probed regularly so we can 'catch' (and hopefully cure) whatever disease that reduces our chances of living a 'good' long life.  We get worked up and anxious over anything that threatens our existence, like being possible targets of robbers, rapists, thieves and terrorists. As far as possible, we try to postpone that dreaded appointment with the Grim Reaper of our soul.

All the efforts underscore what the Bible states as a fact... God "has set eternity in the human heart" (Ecc 3:11); mankind was indeed created to live forever and not die. That's why we will always feel the loss of a loved one. The goodbye of death is a parting that should never have been because it was never in God's beautiful plan for mankind's destiny. Even in death on top of condolences we add the RIP postscript, which obviously postulates the deceased has gone 'somewhere' where the living cannot go.

And that's why the Christian faith can be such a comfort. There can be no greater security in facing death  than being able to rest on the promise of Jesus Himself, that "The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;and whoever lives by believing in me will never die " (John 11:25-26). The God I choose to believe in doesn't keep me guessing where I go the second I breathe my last on earth. I will not be in a vague heaven "somewhere over the rainbow" floating in outer-space or worse in that furnace called hell where ‘the worms that eat them do not die, and the fire is not quenched" (Mark 9:48) .  I will simply be where I have always been meant to be - living forevermore in the presence of my Maker, who loves me. And what's more, I get to say hello again to those beloved believers who have gone ahead before me; my husband, father, brother-in-law, that drug-addict, the prostitute I used to meet at every Saturday street-feeding, friends from long ago..... oh, comfort of all comforts, I am more than happy to die, when my time on earth is up, having this blessed hope of a grand reunion to look forward to, knowing death can't hold me down. Knowing it's not dependent on how good  I am or what I can do on earth,  but how good my Jesus is, in having done all that is needed - dying for me, so that I am free to live an abundant life physically, emotionally and spiritually, now and forever, by and in the power of His resurrection.

But the atheists and sceptics mock...what if all that hype is nothing but a fanciful tale, a false ideal cooked up by 'religionists' ? What if it turns out my faith is but a blind leap in the dark, and there is no God to catch me when I die, after all I have believed? Well, nothing venture nothing gain.  I'd rather take the risk to leap into the greatest adventure of all time, putting my confidence in the promises of a God who has proved Himself ever faithful through every season of my life on earth so far. It's way better than staying stuck on the ledge of a life with nothing to look forward to except a death that ends everything in goodbye.

"My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." -  John 14:2-3

The Safest Place to Hide

It's annoying.. I purchase a power-bank online and all of a sudden the top advertisements on my Internet news page features ...guess what... yep, power-banks along with a host of other 'irresistable' discounted electrical gadgets on sale.  In fact I don't even have to make a purchase. The other time out of boredom and curiosity I clicked onto an advert featuring dresses  on Facebook and almost immediately, I kept getting feeds on dresses and 'girly' stuff. Needless to say, every time I check out a town, a state or a country, I get an eyeful of places which promise me vacations to die for, complete with the never-ceasing  so-called cheap tickets on sale from a certain air-line. I am sure also I am not the only one who gets unsolicited email or SMS offers for loans and properties.

I know, I know, 'they' collect my data, and some smart computer somewhere analyses all the links I click online, and come up with my whole life's profile. That, without me even having to disclose any details apart from my name, sex and birthday, which incidentally is all I choose to disclose to the world anyway. Call me paranoid, but I don't really fancy every Tom, Dick and Harry knowing all the personal details of where I work, what movies I like, where is my current location, etc etc. It's none of anyone's business really.  Neither am I interested in chatting up with whoever is within 5 km of my vicinity. I deliberately hide posts when I get tired of seeing too many cute babies, food or holiday fotos. I purposely don't want to add even people I know as friends, much less friends of friends of friends. No apologies that I am not exactly socially-inclined.

And yet despite all my attempts to remain anonymous, it's amazing how accurate I am being 'read' by some super-smart data collector somewhere in the world. Apparently there are satellites which can zoom in on you, even whilst you are doing your business on the toilet-seat in your house (or anywhere else for that matter). Honestly I find that creepy, even though I know that's how man's future is being defined to a "T" by IT,  or whatever T-echnology that smart humans think up.

End of the day, we will end up with nowhere to hide ourselves, for nowhere will be 'safe' anymore, whether it's from prying electronic eyes up in the sky which aims to seduce us to spend our money or terrorists with intention to kill. Of course I received that infamous list of places to avoid in KL, purportedly to be their next 'hit'. So am I supposed to give up driving every time some evil fellas shoot people in broad daylight when they are getting into their cars or stopped at traffic lights? I wonder does it really make any difference if I shop for groceries in my (less public) local neighborhood store, when that innocent looking guy who just walked in could very well be hiding a gun under his jacket?

Honestly why should people be surprised that seemingly perfectly 'normal', even 'good' men can turn out to be paedophiles, or throw bombs everywhere, or smile for the camera when chopping off people's heads? After all, the Bible already pronounces and indicts the  human "heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) God isn't surprised at man's wickedness, no matter how nice, good or (even) religious people appear to be.

So now with all the fear-mongering multiplied many times over by the efficiency of the world wide web, where can we run to, what can we do, besides (uselessly) passing around dubious lists of places to avoid? We talk a lot about moderation, discussion, engagement, and (the latest buzz-word) de-radicalisation. All of which is fine, good and to be encouraged, assuming you can get people to listen and be rational in the first place. If only life can be reduced to such simplistics, we wouldn't have wars, injustice, discrimination, persecution, or crime to tackle. Certainly in the physical world, we do all we can to be alert, to cooperate with authorities and security forces. But realistically speaking, there's absolutely nothing that can guarantee that I don't end up being the next fatality in the national death statistics tomorrow, whether it's at the hands of a brutal terrorist, or due to a random accident, sudden heart attack or long-drawn disease. That's not exactly reassuring, but as they say, that's the way the cookie rumbles.

When I commented that we really shouldn't be rumor-mongers creating panic by passing around lists of places to avoid, one retort was it's done with 'good intention just in case'..... I don't doubt the good intention but I wanted to ask, just in case what? How can a list 'save' us when obviously death doesn't strike according to prescribed predictions of where, when or how? The fact is we just never know.

I do know one thing though - my life is held in God's good hands, the years I have on this earth is determined by Him, not by any other. The safest place I can be is to be found in Him. Like King David who knew his God, I can say, "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings " (Psalm 63:7)  Besides, why should I fear death, when my Bible assures me by God's grace, the moment I called on the name of Jesus, I have already been saved into eternal life. So I don't need to stop and wonder, "Should I go to the mall today?" Or get all up-tight about terrorists, snatch-thieves, robbers, kidnappers or angry drivers on the road.

I can live a life free from any and all fear in the face of horribly fearful circumstances, because I choose to trust that my God is still in charge of the universe He created, no matter that the world appears to be spinning out of control at the hands of mankind gone raving mad. After all if I do not trust in Some One more powerful than me, bigger than the monsters of fear, I would be scaring myself silly every time I get yet another list of places to avoid, wasting my life away, forever searching (in vain) for places to hide from death.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.... "   Psalm 23:4-5

Double Portion

It was a long time coming, this missions trip to Sarawak. After all the years praying for the state, finally I step foot on the land itself. It's like a home-coming of sorts. Indeed Kuching itself is so modern, it's a mini PJ; complete with traffic jams at certain hours in certain locations. Outside the city, the villages retain their old world charm of open air markets and small shophouses kedai runchit style. I find the ambience, the laid-back pace way more attractive than the rat race in Semenanjung's  concrete jungle. We get to savor home-grown brown rice and freshly-plucked vegetables. And nothing beats the communal living of the long house, which was totally beyond what I had expected.                                                                                                                  
 Even though it was a long 4 hour drive and not exactly a comfortable journey over bumpy roads , thankfully the local church van we got to use was a fairly new one and in good condition. The next stage of the journey - 1 hour by boat - was hard on the back, especially for old aunties and uncles who had difficulty positioning our bodies to fit into the very narrow and small space on the boat bottom.

Contrary to what is often portrayed as run-down dilapidated wooden structures, the long house we visited was a most modern structure, having been renovated with timber money apparently. The entire interior, both the common hall-way and the individual units, called 'pintu's' (each pintu housing 1 family) were all tiled. Each is like a double-storey house inside, complete with kitchen, living and dining rooms, and decent baths and toilets with running water - direct from the river. There were flat-screen TVs, K-ok sets and yes, fans and lights, even though electricity was 'rationed' during certain hours of the day/nite, as power came alternately from individual generators running on petrol or the mini-hydro pump installed with church assistance.  I venture to guess though there still exists the typical original wooden long houses deep in the interior; those yet unreached areas which still lag behind in terms of modern facilities.

What touched me most was  the way the Orang Asals would be the first to walk up to us to shake hands, strangers that we are in their midst, and how hospitable and generous they are to guests. From cooking meals right down to lending sarongs to us ladies game enough to swim in the river. Incidentally walking around in sarongs is the norm for ladies in the long house. So is 'menganyam' - they spend the hot afternoons sitting outside their pintu, weaving colorful bags, well-known as a traditional handicraft of Sarawak. They start by threading together individual lengths of rattan/bamboo, intermixing them into colored patterns. The end result after hours of labor is a very pretty and functional bag. 2 of our ladies bought them. I myself wanted to get one too, but I was too late; as there were no more of the color I liked....

A fact which turned out as inspiration for the message I was scheduled to deliver at the local church back in Kuching. It was so on point; just as the weaver had to take time and care to string together single strands of raw materials, likewise God is the Master Artist, who pieces together all the seeemingly random threads of our lives to create a tapestry that's absolutely beautiful and functions according to how it's supposed to function. If we submit to His hand, we get to live out the destiny we are each uniquely designed for. If we don't, we forfeit the 'what could have been perfect' in our life. And sad to say, many of us don't even realize our loss. Just like I missed out on getting the particular bag because I was late (I was dawdling in the kitchen whilst the other ladies ventured out to explore) , we can all too easily miss out on our destiny in life, when we get careless with or couldn't care less about God.

I was speaking in Malay, but when it got to "destiny", I didn't like to use the dictionary term 'takdir' or fate, for fate implies every individual life is enslaved in unbreakable chains predetermined by some nebulous force. Whereas God  gives us a choice to accept or reject the destiny He has worked out for us. That's the highest most precious freedom of all, when we willingly choose to submit to His plans for our lives. The Orang Asal sister with us hit the jackpot when she translated destiny as 'hala tujuan'. There is a  direction (hala) and a purpose (tujuan) to that direction which is not rooted within man's pitiful limitations of selfish desires but having its inception in the very heart of a loving God who wills the best for all His creation.

Actually, compared to other missions trips,  this one turned out to be a holiday for me. My job was to deliver just 3 messages to the Orang Asal gatherings in the various places we visited.  I went with prepared messages in my head but it was God who put life and heart into them, calling forth illustrations from their daily environment, relevant things they could relate to ...like bags that are created from scratch, fans that are powered by invisible current, gloves that need to be filled with a living hand to work well, down to getting drunk with tuak. Indeed it's not by my own might, or my own power, but by His spirit that His word goes forth to stir up people to see the reality of God.

Again and again, He proves Himself great - I went, intending to bless, but I am the one who is much blessed...after my message about the bag, my team member gave me hers - the very one I liked but didn't get to buy. But that wasn't the end of it - the next morning in church I got another bag, an even bigger one, from someone who chose to remain anonymous. Talk about a double portion of blessings...

I know this won't be my last trip to Sarawak. Throughout the 5 days our team was there, moving out from the city into the country-side right into the long house, my heart has been stirred with the thought that I could so easily make this my home. It's not a very comfortable thought, considering the inevitable sacrifices that would involve. Still wherever God is calling me to in the next season of my life, whatever the price that needs to be paid,  I don't want to miss out on my destiny in Him, for I know it will be well worth it. After all, He's already given me an abundant double portion, even on this trip.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11

More photos  here