Free to be Freed

She had always been a 'complainer'; well-known for her dissatisfaction with everything and everyone. And she would always try to 'sorok' away the food meant to be eaten there and then. The 'regulars' who come for the free meals know our rules. You want to eat, please sit down and eat. No choosing this or that piece of chicken; you eat what is given, too bad if you don't like chicken wings. No second helpings until everyone gets their first plate. You want to smoke, please do it beyond the food and medical areas. No fighting or quarreling allowed. You can be drunk but don't be unruly, if you are,  you will be asked to leave. You don't like our rules, don't come. As a matter of precaution, we have a few 'toughies' around to 'escort' out people who cause trouble. Rarely will that happen.

That Saturday was one of those rare occasions. The 'complainer' asked for a cover for the plastic container of chicken rice handed out to her. It was clear she wanted to 'ta pau'. She was reminded the food was meant to be eaten, not packed.  She threw a tantrum and started cursing, 'What kind of Christians...' and other unmentionables. She was causing a ruckus. When told to desist, she threw the food down, scattering it all over the ground. That was the last straw - our guy physically removed her from the place.  Just where do we draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior?? When does freedom to do whatever we like stop? As far as we are concerned, she broke our rules, so out she goes. But isn't she entitled to stay put and castigate Christians for being so ungracious to a poor homeless creature like her? We serve food to everyone who comes. But the freedom to do what they want with the food is dependent on their being responsible enough to know and abide by the limits applicable to everyone who chooses to come and eat. That's how law works.

Besides let's not kid ourselves; despite all the humanistic ideals and ideas of  freedom, there really is no such thing as unlimited freedom in this world. It's only a matter of where the boundaries are drawn, in our personal lives, in the society we are part of and in the laws of the land we are citizens of. We may not like the 'fetters' imposed upon us. But the fact remains boundaries are necessary. There is a law which demands that You shall not kill for obvious reason, no matter how 'free' you are to hate someone. Pope John Paul II says it well..."Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought".

Lest we forget, freedom was actually God's idea, not man's. He could so easily have stopped Adam and Eve from eating the forbidden fruit. He didn't, despite knowing the horrendous consequences of allowing them to go ahead to rebel against His orders. Jesus had every right and capability to overthrow the tyrannical government of His day; He didn't; heck, He didn't even set up an alternative political party of His own and go around canvassing for votes. Instead He calmly advised, "Give back to Caesar's what is Caesar's and to God what is God's" (Mark 12:17).  God could have 'programmed' everyone to believe in Him. He didn't. The only thing He did was to spell out the consequences of choice, so no one can ever say "I didn't know God is like that."  He has drawn the boundaries, as much as we draw up the rules for our street-work. We may not like His terms but we can never excuse ourselves with "I didn't know", or fault God that "You didn't tell me."

For it's never about not knowing, but always about choice - whether we will or will not do what we ought. That's the difference between true and false freedom. We can shout all we want about being free to do what we like, but that's not freedom; that's just a petulant child wanting his sweets. But the child who chooses not to eat those sweets (even though he is allowed to) because he knows it's not good for his teeth is truly free. Wisdom, not self-satisfaction, is the basis of real freedom

We can so so easily delude ourselves into thinking we are free when actually we are so bound up in, of and by our own desires. Jesus was never more free than when He chose to keep quiet before the humans who accused and judged Him. He didn't fight back, He didn't assert His rights, He didn't pulverize the whole lot of humankind who rejected Him (then and now). Instead He laid down His life so that every human being might be saved to experience the perfect freedom. God would not have it done any other way. We obsess so much about this or that freedom but fail to recognize that the highest most precious freedom of all is not the practice of religion, or the exercise of self-expression, or the defense of so-called inalienable rights, but the certain knowledge of the soul's salvation - made possible by the One who willingly gave up His freedom.

The woman came back after a couple of weeks' absence. She is still complaining. We are still serving her. Our rules still stand. I like to think she knows anytime every time she decides to, she is free to return and be fed again without any fear of recrimination or discrimination, as long as she is willing to come on our terms. That's how God does it too, all He requires is a heart willing to love and be loved by Him. We have only chicken curry rice to feed the folks who choose to come to us. But when we choose to come to God, He lays out such a fantastic banquet for us to feast on, one which is literally out of this world.

It's so sad, that many would settle for so much less, content with just getting one's own way, and passing up the chance of a lifetime to be truly free following God's way. Howbeit we fail to appreciate we are most free when we choose to be bound by and in the love of God which saves us to the uttermost for all eternity. 


"Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it" - Luke 17:33
 


 


 

My Malaysia in 2014

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku, Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju,
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan, Raja kita selamat bertakhta....

The words sprang easily from my lips. I had been taught that song in a Convent school with 'real' nuns in the early days of my childhood. I grew up hearing that song played on TV1 after the last programme of the night. I still sing that song now, every Monday, during morning assembly, with all 8 classes of 4,5 and 6 years old Malay, Chinese and Indian kids in the kindergarten where I work. I am sure they don't understand much of it. They only know they must stand straight and face the 2 flags flying from the poles. They dutifully follow their teachers' prayer to bless Malaysia. I think they know a little bit of what that means, because they have been taught blessing is good.

Surely that's precisely what the song is all about, translated my way...My nation, land of my birth, A united and progressive people, May God bestow upon her grace and joy, May our Ruler reign secure. And as I stood at attention to sing it with thousands of other M'sians gathered in the convention center on 16th September 2014, it took on new meaning in the light of so many recent events in this land I call my Malaysia. Ordinary people from different churches had gathered together to pray for Malaysia, and what better way to celebrate 51 years of nationhood than to seek God's blessings once again on this land.

Surely there's much to celebrate, despite and in spite of all the negative voices that shake their heads at the way things are going and complain about this, that or the other. It's gotten so bad I heard of someone who has packed his bags all ready to ditch the land of his birth for another place in the sun out there somewhere. Isn't there anything left worth celebrating in Malaysia? Of course there is. We don't need any social studies or research polls to tell us although there is much wrong,  we all know there is much that is right too. We should be grateful, not to any political party or man, but for the simple fact that we are Malaysians, uniquely one of a kind in this world. We should be grateful this land is blessed with many natural resources, meant for all to enjoy, so that all - not just some - may  truly prosper well.

Unfortunately celebration without more is simply making lots of noise, rehashing old slogans and parades of colorful costumes. That's why every Christian is called not just to celebrate but to pray. So we prayed the highest blessing upon Malaysia - that God's good and perfect will be done upon this land that He created so beautiful. We prayed in 1 voice, with 1 heart as 1 church of Malaysia that God would be gracious and merciful to heal this nation, because it is  He made Malaysians (not Malay, Chinese, Indian or Orang Asli. In His book, there is no category termed 'race'; He goes by nations.)

And we do need healing; there is no shame in admitting we have done wrong things, harbored wrong attitudes one against another fellow human being; and whilst we are at it, let's not just point fingers at leaders. If we don't admit the wrongs, we can't move on to do the right thing. That's why Nelson Mandela started first with forgiveness and reconciliation before rebuilding South Africa. For the reality is not in making politically-correct speeches about unity, happiness or prosperity. These ring all the more hollow when we get back into business as usual mode the morning after Malaysia Day, as we see (and complain some more about) the fissures that continue to split this nation into 'us' vs 'them' divisions. How it must grieve the heart of God that what He united as 1 nation under His sun, man pulls asunder.
But there is always hope. Our national anthem recognizes it is the hand of God that bestows blessings. The first precept of our Rukun Negara calls for a belief in God. Man can and must work, but there is something beyond the best of human endeavours that no human strategy can ever achieve. That something is our lost love for one another.

You can't regulate love, nor can it be whipped out of a pot of idealism. Love is tough. It's like marriage; when the honeymoon is long over, and you are stuck with the other half's wrinkly skin, pimples, warts and BO. When the other half doesn't do his/her share of the work and instead expects to be fed all the time and to add insult to injury, demands for whatever reason you sleep on the couch instead of your 'rightful' place on the warm bed, can you, would you say I still love you? Why should you? Because of this thing called love. After saying that, then you would go get some nice cushions for the couch so both can cuddle up together, and oh, hand over that deodorant. Both will need it.  At one time or another, we all stink.

That kind of love says I still 'do' love you.... can never come from man. It's divine - our fore-fathers got it right the first time.

May God bless Malaysians and Malaysia.

May God bestow us grace to love one another as He first loved us.
May God bless Malaysians and Malaysia.
- See more at: http://www.themalaymailonline.com/what-you-think/article/my-thoughts-of-malaysia-day-christine-sk-lai#sthash.NjLBS7PR.dpuf

"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land".......... 2 Chronicles 7:14


(Published MMO 16/9/2014)

The Forgotten Disease

When I got back from India missions, I forgot to re-set my alarm. The result was predictable. With a body still adjusting to the different time-zone back home in M'sia, I woke up late and had to forego my early morning walk besides cutting short my daily 'appointment' with God. 2 days later, I forgot to bring a cap that was needed for a school lesson though I had already put it out on the sofa the night before. It's no use tying a string round my finger to remind me, because I forget what the string signifies. So I find myself having to write down things to do because otherwise I forget. Actually even after I write them down, I still forget to do them sometimes.

And it's getting more frequent these days. I could be typing something on the PC, turn around to attend to something else, and find my mind a blank when I return to the first task. Hmmm, I wonder is it 'old age' setting in? I read somewhere apparently brain cells die and don't get replaced as humans grow older. Is that the reason I am (seemingly) getting more and more forgetful? But then how does that explain why the young adults in the family also 'forget' simple recurring stuff like bringing dirty laundry down from their rooms on wash-days? Or taking out the rubbish after dinner? Or shutting off the water-filter valve after filling up their bottles? I am sure I am not the only mom who has to nag about household chores 'forgotten' and not done.

Yet I can remember very clearly things stretching back into time past, things from my childhood. I recall the nite I saw my mother try to hang herself from the window ledge when I was 5 years old. I can see the small rented room we stayed in; cramped with paper bags of our meager belongings hung on nails in the walls. We slept on mats laid out on the wooden floor, I in the middle between my dad and mom. I even remember the landlord and his entire family of 7 occupying the rest of the house; I would hang around his kids as much as I could, hoping to get invited for a free sumptuous meal at their table, because my mom didn't cook at all. By the grace of God, I have come to terms with such memories and laid them to rest, but I still remember.

And of course I remember also the fun times in school....hanging out with my Convent mates, practicing  the very first play I wrote - some silly ghost story. Giggling, ogling and sighing over boys. So many things I remember about university  life - being 'ragged' by seniors who later became frens, climbing  the gates after a nite out at the local disco...and more to remember  like the pair of chopsticks my boyfren returned after we had a tiff, which led to a marriage proposal.....my pink wedding gown. I remember 17 years down the line how (then) strangers from the church thoughtfully on their own initiative at their own expense bought me groceries as my husband's body lay in a coffin in the house.  I never forget my brother-in-law rushing in from Penang just in time to sing Amazing Grace as my husband breathed his last.

What makes certain things stick in our heads? And why are we all prone to forget some other things? People have likened memory to a "sepulcher of broken bones" or "a nursery in which children who have grown old play with their broken toys". A psychiatrist defines memory as "not just the imprint of the past upon us; it is the keeper of what is meaningful for our deepest hopes and fears".  I am sure there are plenty of scientific and psychological studies to explain the phenomenon of why we remember some things and forget others. But what strikes me is that it doesn't matter whether it's good or bad. Our memories are a mixture of both, tho I am sure everyone would prefer not to remember 'bad' stuff. On the other hand, it's strange that we can actually 'forget' what is good.

Renown preacher and author Charles Spurgeon said, "We write our blessings in the sand and engrave our complaints in the marble". That's how selective human memory is. We are so apt to mutter about this or that thing, person or event that disappoints, irritates or angers us. But we can so easily take for granted the stuff that we assume are ours by right. Like waking up to another morning. Like eating 3 decent (or more) meals daily. Like having family and friends. Like living in a land with no earthquakes or volcanic eruptions. Like being uniquely one-of-a-kind nation with so many different races. Like enjoying some 50 odd years of prosperity and peace in this country, relatively speaking that is.

We think we are the ones who made it all possible. So we look to ourselves, political parties, corporations, human ingenuity and worldly wisdom to carve out our niche in our plot of earth.  For people of my generation, we are so proud to karaoke along to Frank Sinatra's old tune "I Did It MY Way" or for the feminists, their all-time fave must be Helen Reddy's "I Am WOMAN, Hear Me Roar." I don't know what today's youngsters are singing, but I know they are always hooked onto their I-pads, I-fones, and whatever "I" gadget there is. Heck, even the 'older' generation is involved in the same pursuits; the idea being if we can't beat them, we might as well join them; otherwise we end up like extinct dinosaurs. How apt that everything in this generation is tagged "I" - the epitome of self on the hero's pedestal.

To be sure, there's absolutely nothing wrong with individuality, hard work and honest labor. And certainly science and technology is a wonderful tool. The only problem is when we make them idols and think we are all  we need to live a successful life. That's when we so easily forget there is a Maker of heaven and earth, a Creator, Sustainer and Preserver of all life. As the Bible puts it so pointedly, God "knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust" (Psalm 103:14). What will it take for man to acknowledge and remember a God "who forgives all  your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems  your life from the pit (of hell), and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies  your desires with good things so that  your youth is renewed like the eagle’s" (Psalm 103: 3-5). 

We forget there is such a thing called grace, being given benefits which we don't deserve; and that can only come from the hands of a God who blesses. Jesus said, "He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous" (Matthew 5:45). That's irrespective of whether we believe in Him or not. In fact even more, despite all our rebellion and faithlessness, "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities" (Psalm 103:10).  We forget there is such a thing called mercy, not being given what we do deserve, and that also can only come from the heart of a loving God.

I guess it's very easy to forget because God is not reducible to our physical senses. With so many (more important) things to occupy our days, issues like sin, redemption, faith, death, heaven and hell are best left on the shelf of 'non-essential' abstract stuff.. Let what comes come. So we conveniently, intentionally or unintentionally forget God. But fortunately God doesn't forget us. So it is that Jesus came to earth to show us God. Still it's much easier to think of Jesus as just a nice fella who taught good things, than have to decide if He is who He says He really is - the God who condescended to become man, who chose to die and resurrect to let us know there is - more importantly - an eternity to come. We would rather forget inconvenient truths which are hard to accept by writing them off as 'impossible'. We never stop to consider that the things God does have to be impossible; that's why they are called miracles.

We can let go, disregard, forget, even deny God, but God is still God, and He remembers. So, how can we not remember....?


“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." - Isaiah 49:15-16

What Next?

"Even the Chinese like it; they buy a lot". I looked more closely at the piece of lingerie in my hand. Yes, that's right, lingerie or in plain English - underwear of the female kind. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. What, now even underwear has gone racist, is it?

I wanted to ask the enthusiastic salesgirl, "So how about the Indians, they don't like?" But I kept my peace. Who knows, if I open my big mouth and get overheard by some zealous patriot who feels insulted about their 'rights' to inner fashion, I might get a slew of police reports lodged against me. Which pity our men-in-blue, they may then have to waste their precious time hauling puny little me in for investigation under the Sedition or whatever Act for promoting ill-will and inciting hatred in society. Look, they already have their hands full with honorable MPs, ADUNs, oh, and don't forget university lecturers. I should just keep my mouth shut and pray like a good M'sian.

Which I do. Pray, I mean; though I am not too sure about the "good" M'sian bit. Nowadays if I listen or read too much, sometimes I wonder. After all, sometime back my 'kind' has been called 'pendatang' and recently anti-Malay, anti-Islam, anti-bumiputra and arrogant. And if I voted opposition, for sure I am classified anti-government. That's a lot of A's but all not 'good'. Despite that, I am still Malaysian, right - at least I think so. Last I checked my Kad Pengenalan, it's still blue and the words imprinted on it Warganegara Malaysia are still readable.

If I were made of lesser stuff (not that I am great stuff, but just a matter of speech), I would really be very doubtful of my status as a Malaysian. I am supposed to feel good about being Malaysian, especially with all that  ra ra ra parade, videos and speeches made just about a week ago, on August 31st. I anticipate being treated to a second round in about 2 weeks time come Sept 16th. More of that "How far we have come as a nation united in diversity" line, blah blah blah. Which apparently for some means that I can only be Malaysian if I do, say or think certain things a certain way, like ‘them.’

They say the older the wine, the better the flavor. Unfortunately it doesn't apply to nations. Ok so I shouldn't be such a negative cynic. I should lighten up,  look on the bright side, we are not that bad surely. Consider America, she's 200 over years old and racial issues are still bubbling up in her society to this day. What do you expect of 'baby' Malaysia; we who are not just 2-hued - either black or white - but literally a melting-pot of different colored skins. Even our God/gods are different.

Still when push comes to shove, honestly I am tired of all the posturing and postulating. Maybe it’s the depressing politics that's getting to me. But why do I sense that everything in M'sia  is being reduced to one of two 'hot-buttons', or both at the same time? I call them the 2 R’s - no brownie points for guessing what the acronym stands for. I wonder, is there nothing else we can obsess about except race and/or religion? Is that all Malaysians are about? Everyone jumps every time the buttons are pressed. We moan or shout (depending on which side you are on), "Not again!"

I walked out of the hypermart with 2 sets of the lingerie which apparently is a big hit with the Malays. Surely  that doesn't make me more a Malay, less a Chinese or a Malaysian Malaysian. But I couldn't help thinking at the rate things are going,  it's going to be a long long time (another 50 years perhaps?) before we can claim to be truly 1Malaysia. Nice catchy acronyms, patriotic slogans, splashy bill-boards and repeated promises aren't enough anymore to camouflage the ingrained prejudices lying underneath us all.

Whether or not we realize or admit it, we have them. We still stereotype different people not just by skin color or faith; but by gender, age, social status, political affiliation, even sexual inclination. It may not be outwardly manifested, but it's there all the same underneath the smiles and declarations of equality, freedom and tolerance for all. I'll be the first to admit I have prejudices. There's the prejudice of fear.  Fear that we will lose our 'rights' if we give in to others. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of being misunderstood as weak. Fear of reprisal from our own kind. Fear of offense. Fear of rejection.

And on the other side of the coin,  there's the prejudice born of pride. Pride of ancestral roots. Pride of  historical privilege. Pride of cultural or moral superiority. Pride of  assumptions and presumptions. Pride of 'face'. Pride of power.

Fear keeps us from growing up. Pride puts us on a false pedestal above 'those others.' The cure isn't in a legal constitution, a social contract, street demos, NGOs or a change of government. Those may help things along the road to unity, but really at issue is the condition of our own hearts. Actually the cure is simple and complicated at the same time. It's in a 4-letter word; and it doesn't begin with F, but with L.... spelt L-O-V-E. It's not that we don't love Malaysia, the nation; I have absolutely no doubt we all do.  It's only "those other" Malaysians - her people -  we have problems loving. And without LOVE, all other things we try  won't work, because ultimately it's the heart that guides everything else.

A quote comes to my mind: “The destiny of Man is to unite, not to divide. If you keep on dividing you end up as a collection of monkeys throwing nuts at each other out of separate trees.” Hmmm, me thinks there are a lot of monkeys in Malaysia now. 

"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity" - 
Colossians 3:14.

Published MMO 6/9/14