Bottomless Wells

I remember my father, but it isn't with the usual gush of affection reserved for the man who is supposedly THE most important person in every family. Last week during our cell meeting, we talked about how fathers had impacted our lives. I had to be honest, the one good thing I remember of my father was getting the best pig's brain porridge on those late nites when he won (rarely) at his mahjong games. But of coz I know my father loved me, so did my mum...back in my days, such things are 'known', no need to talk about it. As much as they knew how to, in all their human limitations, they loved me. For that alone, I should and am grateful. As for the 'bad stuff' in my childhood, I have let them go long ago when I was 'adopted' by the best father anyone can ever have - Abba Father in heaven. God has dealt with me mercifully on those issues, bringing me to a place of acceptance, forgiveness and release. So I am not ashamed of them, nor do I need to hide them.

Anyway, I am sure I am not the only one who is 'out of jive' with those 'normal' folks who have fantastic fathers, who labored, protected, disciplined, in short loved, their kids into productive matured adults, leaving them a legacy to be proud of. Hey, great for them. No, I am not a 'sour-grape' out to spoil people's legitimate expressions of appreciation for a very important person in every human's life. After all, without fathers and mothers, we won't even be around in the first place.

It's just that I get a bit pensive every Father's Day hearing spill-over enthusiasm about Dads. For that matter it happens on Mother's Day too. Like someone said, she dreads going to church come Father's/Mother's Days, because she feels so 'out of sync' with all the glowing 'feel-good' stuff being preached then. Coming from a less than perfect family myself, I understand where she's at. I also get a bid maudlin thinking about my kids without a father for the past 14 years. I dunno if they miss their father. Maybe not, since the other day one of them mentioned nonchalantly 'Why are we dining out on Father's Day again? It's not like we have a father also'.

That hurt quite a bit, tho I am sure it wasn't said with the intention to hurt; it was just stated as a fact. But it twisted my heart because I know I could never be a father to my kids. I dunno how to be. I am just a mother. And sometimes a rather poor one I feel. The Bible tells fathers not to provoke their children. I am not a father, but I know I am guilty of that. I know also I should be more patient, more gracious, kinder. Someone commented I am 'gruff' with my kids. Hmmm. Sometimes I just throw up my hands and tell God, I dunno how to do this. 

I look back over the years ever since they were without a father, and I remember the 1 desire of my heart for them. It was never about wishing they would grow up smart, clever, rich, beautiful, go to the best (overseas) uni's, get established with successful careers, much money, happy families...all the prosperity and good fortune stuff.  Certainly nothing wrong praying and hoping for such blessings for our own flesh-and-blood. And I do rejoice seeing how they have grown up, coz that means somehow we have all survived through the ups-n-downs of life together. But what I really wanted for them, then and now, has never changed, which is that they may know God, the 1 and only true living God in Christ Jesus, to love Him as He so loves them. With that, I know they will already have the highest, the best blessing.  Not because I am so 'holy- moley' but because of the 1 verse that had stood out in my darkest hour of losing their father so many years ago, which was this "a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in His holy dwelling" (Psalm 68:5). No preacher taught me that, no human being pointed me to that word in the Bible. God Himself spoke it into my spirit, that's how personal and real my God is. And that's the promise I cling onto all the time.

Many Father's days have since come and gone. The kids are no longer kids, and I am left to wonder what happened? Parents often joke (despairingly)  that when our children are babies, we wish they would grow up; when they grow up, we wish they could have remained babies. Babies just need to be fed milk and cuddled to sleep. You can't do that to a human being beyond the age of  5 years, at most. And as that being grows heavier, bigger, taller and older, so do your headaches. Oh, and don't forget the heart-aches - that's the 'killer'. But like I say, I am nothing special, every parent goes through them.

When I read the story of Mary kneeling at the cross, watching the Son she gave birth to hang bleeding and dying, I wonder how many tears did she shed? How many times did she cry out 'Why, God?' and received no answer. Did she remember the time a 30 year old Jesus walked out of the family house, never to return, embarking on a course that would take Him to death on a cross ? Did she feel abandoned as a mother? How about when He got left behind, so engrossed in preaching His first sermon at age 12, that He missed their caravan going back to their village - did she panic not finding Him?

I watch my kids grow. I have cried out 'Why,  God....did this or that happen/not happen to them?' I have received no satisfactory answers sometimes. No doubt I will see them walking out my door soon enough, never to return since they will have other doors to step through. I dunno where these will lead them.  I see them getting lost but I can't stop them, because they want to do their own thing, when all I want is for them to do God's thing, not even my thing. My mind flits back to Eden, when Adam and Eve, the first 'children' disobeyed Father God. We are apt to think God got angry at them for eating the forbidden fruit and therefore punished them. But I wonder mayhap God was more sad than angry, that the children He created should use the freedom He so generously gave them to choose to disobey Him for the sake of their own pleasure. There's a saying that the people who hurt you most are not your enemies, they are the ones you love most; the reason obviously is precisely because of love. How many human parents have watched silently from the sidelines, with aching hearts, as their children turn off in so-called independence into ways that we know are not the best for them. Yet as the saying goes, if they aren't allowed to fall themselves, they will never know what pain and folly is and how to get up again, much as we want to put out our hands to stop them from falling.

So we hurt, for them and with them. I dunno what fathers do but as a mother, I cry and I pray. A wise old father/grandfather I know said women cry their sorrows out, men bury them inside and suffer silently. It reminds me of this little piece I read somewhere about why God made women to cry so easily. God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her man through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good man never hurts his woman, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her tears to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed. You see: The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

 I am not sure about the beauty bit, but I do know one thing, just when I think I have no more tears to cry or can't be bothered anymore, a fresh flood comes. I find the older I get, the easier the tears flow, whether it's over myself, my kids, or my country. I guess it's because I realize ultimately there really isn't much I can do to change people or situations, having done all that I humanly can do. Hmmm, I think God must have created bottomless wells of tears inside me, knowing I will need to shed them.  King David who wasn't ashamed to admit his weakness and cry had this to say about God , "You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" (Psalm 56:8) I dunno how many bottles bearing my name are lined up in God's closet now. But it's such a comforting thought for me, knowing that when there's nothing left but tears and prayers, God actually gathers them all into His own hands. And He knows what to do with them.

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy" - Psalm 126:5

The Reluctant Soldier

The blurp says Live Die Repeat. And that's exactly what happens again, again and again for the best part of 1 hour plus. Man, how many times can one die? Well, according to the heroine, she's done it about 300 times. How many times do you wanna relive pain, agony, despair, frustration and desperation? I dunno about you, but I don't want a replay of my life and death even once. Come on, isn't one lifetime to die enough? When my Princess 'ajak' me to catch Edge of Tomorrow,  I was a bit hesitant, reading the story-line about a guy who keeps 're-running' a certain day of his life in a futuristic end-of-the-world war. After the recent X-Men outing, I wasn't really in the mood for another 2 hours of time-travel sci-fi battles. But Tom Cruise has always been on my list of favourite handsome hot hunks and the reviews of the movie were excellent. Besides my Princess said it was her treat... so there was no reason to say No. Indeed it was a great run for the money and pop-corn... if I had to review it in 1 word, I'd say, it was...fun. You can't go wrong with a coward/comedian who gets ordered against his will into repeated life and death combat with seemingly indestructible monster-squid aliens and a super-duper tough heroine who looks good getting dirt all over her. And yes, Tom Cruise looks super-great at 51.

It was an enjoyable joy-ride following Cruise as he transforms from a "I'm not a soldier" army-deserter to the ultimate hero ready to sacrifice his all for the world. Here was a reluctant soldier dragged into a war which would determine the course not only of his own future but the future of the world , for better or for worse, depending on the choices he made. If we think about it, life really isn't a walk in the park, much as we wish it were so. In fact, if we realized there is a very subtle 'war' going on for our very souls, we wouldn't be so laid-back about the choices we make every day. Because we don't get to 'come back', unlike the hero who,  at each stage of another death, gets to re-live that day and decide on a different course of action to change the sequence so that he advances further. The objective was to somehow get to destroy Omega - the  "brains" behind the aliens - to save the world from annihilation. It happens so often as Emily Blunt, the hot-shot female lead puts it, "..just re-set"...like a computer game that gets instant replay with a click of the mouse.

I wonder indeed if life has a re-set button, what would we do different? Deep down, I guess if it was possible, we all don't mind getting a 2nd/3rd/4th/ad infinitum chance to do or not do certain things, to choose how to decide certain issues all over again. But the reality is we only have 1 life on this earth, at least for Christians. We will have a next life, but it's not going to be a repeated re-living on this planet as it is - thank God for that. We won't have to wonder how many life-times we need to 'make good' enough to qualify for eternal sainthood. Heck, those who believe are already called living saints, though I know many of us don't quite live up to that honor and honestly don't deserve the accolade. But that's our fault, not God's.

Our heavenly Father doesn't wait for us to get our lives all perfect before He blesses, though He does call and empower us to do it along this road called life. I don't have to drag around baggages of my past wrongs and try to balance out my scales with another 10, 100, or 10000 good deeds. That would be a most miserable game because I know I could never win it; all the brownie points I 'earn' feeding the homeless for 1 Saturday would be nullified by my outbursts of temper with the kids, or harboring resentment and hiding prejudices in my heart against people I don't particularly like, or telling 'little' white-lies for my own convenience, or making excuses for this, that or the other thing which I should/shouldn't have done. Imagine, if everyday I just did 3 'little' wrongs or didn't do right, in 1 year I would have collected about 1000 'demerits'. 

Besides how can one 'cancel' out what already has been done wrong by doing another right? I am sure getting 99 answers right in an exam can't erase or change the 1 wrong on record. So theoretically it doesn't matter how many lifetimes I come back - all that I can do in this current life-time can't possibly change what I have already done in my past. What's worse, all the wrong I do (and there is no doubt I will do them, fallible human that I am) in this current life-time is just going to be accumulated to the last page of my previous lives....man, that's a horrible thought....how many minus-es would I end up with eventually?? - I could never break free, going round and round in an endless circle of life-times.....

Like Tom Cruise keeps getting stuck every time he gets another shot at life. Until he realizes if you wanna change the ending, you gotta go back to the very beginning, the source of it all.  If you wanna kill a tree, you don't waste time and energy chopping off branches or tearing up leaves - you pull out the roots. Come to think of it, that in a nutshell is what redemption is all about. God didn't waste time giving us a million lives to 'improve' ourselves; He knew we can never do it, because we are all infected with the 'sin' gene in our hearts, no thanks to Adam and Eve playing around in the garden and doing what they were told expressly not to do. No, it's not about sex (if that's what you have jumped to), not all sex is sin. And it's not about eating, though gluttony is a sin. It was about choosing to go their own way. In short it was about disobedience and rebellion, which not just they but all mankind is guilty of, right through the generations. Today, everyday we still choose to go our own way. And God, being the perfect gentleman, lets us....even though He knows it will lead to our ruin, eventually. We will reap what we sow. That's an unchangeable law. But in His great love and mercy for us, He provided an escape clause. Not by repealing the law but by fulfilling it, through another way.

Just like Tom Cruise finally wised up to a different way. God went straight for the heart of man; that's the root of our problem with God. He chose the way of love. A pure heart for diseased ones. A sinless life in exchange for sinful ones. And since there was no human that could ever meet those standards, He gave His very own Jesus Christ to bear the consequence of man's sin - death. As the hero in the movie lost his life to kill the (root)enemy, Jesus did what had to be done to deal with our problem once and for all. He hung on the cross to die for us, so we need not have to stay dead, physically and spiritually, condemned as we now already are by our sin. And just as the hero miraculously lived again in a totally new day, having averted the catastrophe of the future, Jesus resurrected from the grave to give mankind a certain hope for a safe tomorrow.

The only difference between the 2 being: one account is a Hollywood movie scripted by humans, the other is the most incredible and amazing master-plan inspired and executed by a divine Author intent on saving His precious creation at all costs, even unto death. The Hollywood version entertained my mind for 2 hours. The biblical version grabs my heart; turns my life upside down, inside out, forever.

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for Me will find it" - Matthew 16:25



 

On Again Off Again

I needed a breath of fresh air. So I walked out of the canopied section and headed out to what I call the smoker's den. That's where all who can't or won't give up their nicotine fix gather, so they don't blow their poison into other people's faces. I spy a street-fren in 1 corner. So I grab the empty seat next to him, and ask how he's been. His answer is original and most illustrative. Without batting an eyelid, he describes the current state of his life, "It's like this... I am 3 days with  Jesus, and 4 days I am in the sh..t-hole, so how, Aunty?" Ouch, how indeed. I have learnt not to flinch at the swearing; this is how they talk on the streets; besides this is really mild - he is showing me a lot of respect already. So I make sympathetic noises. Must be tough, I say for lack of something to say. His fren beside him pipes up, "It's not we don't want but we just can't get out, aunty"... Same spin of almost every drug addict who goes into rehab, comes out, and falls straight back into the pit; they claw their way out somehow, and then slip again, and again and again, until they stop trying and simply accept it's impossible and useless to attempt anymore. They give up on themselves, and needless to add, they give up on God.

I look at my fallen brother. And I tell him a story; I've discovered that's what I do best; after all that's how Jesus did it in His days too. This ex-junkie doesn't have to be reminded Jesus loves him and died for his sins. He knows all that and more from the Bible he was fed on during his rehab. It's not the desire he lacks to change over a new leaf. I don't think anyone deliberately wants to continue living a lousy life. His problem was the seeming inability to get up and more importantly to stay up.

I could quote him Bible verses about how God promises to never leave nor forsake us, how we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus, how He has plans to prosper and never harm us. I could encourage him to hold strong, stand firm, surrender everything to God and trust in Him. Or I could lecture him about resisting his flesh and not succumbing to temptation because it's from the devil. I could even do some pow-wow prayer over him, binding the power of addiction and setting him free in the authority and name of Jesus Christ. I could, but first I tell him the story of the storm in Mark 4:38-40....

When Jesus was all tired out and snoring fast asleep in a boat in danger of capsizing and all the disciples were panicking, fearing and facing a watery death. So they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”  

Before I could add anything more, my dejected fren nods his head, "I know the story, I know I have no faith".  Like I said, this guy's smart. But against my  natural inclination to start a sermon on faith, I heard my own voice telling him very quietly, "That's a lie. You just said you have Jesus for 3 days out of 7. That's enough faith for Jesus, even if it doesn't seem enough to you. For Jesus said ' If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain - move from here to there, and it will obey you. Nothing will be impossible for you.' If you can have Jesus for 3 days, you can surely have Him for 7/7days. "

Both of us were quiet for a moment. I dunno what was going on in the young man's mind; all I knew was we were on holy ground, for I am very sure the words - especially the last line - didn't come from me. And my spirit knew there was a Third Party in our midst.  Logical human reasoning puts spiritual experiences down to emotionalism, mind-suggestion, or sensationalism. There was nothing of that sort whatsoever  in the brief fleeting moment of time shared between the 2 of us seated in the bright light and sweaty heat of a Sat afternoon, opposite a smelly dirty garbage dump, surrounded by people talking, eating and smoking away.  If God is the soo pure, holy aloof and untouchable Being somewhere 'up there' that most religions claim He is, I doubt anyone would believe me if I say God visited me and my street-fren that day in an unpaved back-lane alley, filled with potholes and puddles of dirty water leaking from a burst pipe.

But then again, I shouldn't be surprised. After all, Jesus was apparently found more in the company of prostitutes, wine-drinkers, fishermen, widows, lepers and social misfits than in the grand homes of kings and VIPs of His day. Indeed the 'oh-so-pious' hot-shot religious leaders then accused Him of "eating and drinking", of being "a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors (that's equivalent to being a traitor) and sinners" (Luke 7:34) . Hmmm, to think how many millions we spend to erect architectural wonders with the most award-winning designs, decorated with the most beautiful tiles, painted glass, plush carpets, and equipped with the most hi-tech sound systems and fanciest giant-screen displays. We spare no effort to have the most perfectly-synchronized choirs in performance, the most correct doctrine and theological treatises served up, the most 'relevant' programmes  to bring in the most number to attend. We hope this will 'attract' God to come down and grace us with His holy presence in a fine pristine building of walls made by man. Yet it was King Solomon, the builder of the grandest magnificent Holy Temple dedicated to God, who looked at his handiwork, completed after 7 years construction, and declared,  "But will God really dwell on earth with humans? The heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built!" (2 Chron 6:18)

I am so glad God can't be 'contained'  - in a church, in my house, in the boxes of our (seriously pathetically-limited) human minds. If not, there will be no hope for those sleeping on 5-foot ways, under the bridges and the night stars. No hope for those who want so much a change, to change and yet keep tripping over hurdles in the way. No hope for those who have no faith or little faith and lots of questions about God.  I am so glad God shows up...anywhere, everywhere, anytime every time, to anyone, everyone.. humble enough to call Him.

Jesus could have slept on in dreamland in the boat; He isn't bothered by wind, waves and rain. (Heck, He created them). He awoke because the disciples took the first step to call Him. And they did that because they recognized they needed a Savior. Do we? Perhaps we have all missed the point. We presume it's all about faith, but actually before there can even be faith, there must be humility - a willingness to come before God and acknowledge our questions, doubts, fears, whatever.  I looked at my fren and told him, "You know the moment  they called Jesus, immediately He responded. Did you call Jesus for only 3 days? Maybe He's waiting for you to call Him everyday."

The fact of the matter is it's not about Jesus sleeping through, not knowing or not caring about our problems, weaknesses, failures etc...it's about us humbling ourselves and wanting His help. We could never stop any storm, or plug the holes in a sinking ship. But if we have Jesus in there with us, we can rest assured He can take care of 'it', whatever the 'it' is. He may not remove the 'it', but at least He won't let us drown. He promised in His Word, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze" (Isaiah 43:2) Here is the Creator of the entire universe, the One who hung every star in place, who paints the sunrise and sunset differently every day, the One who stoops to coax flowers to bloom, and crafts all animals big and small in such amazing beautiful detail...if this One Almighty God loves me enough to stay in my boat, heck, I should be so confident I can actually join Him in a slumber-party. That's the beauty of belief giving birth to a freedom that's not dependent on me, but on the Lover and Beloved of my soul, a most magnificent awesome God.

I guess my brother lost heart somewhere along the line because he let his eyes roam away, looking too much at himself, the world, or the drugs instead of at Jesus alone. So he struggles by himself on behalf of himself, one hand trying to bail out water flooding his boat, the other sheltering his head from pouring rain; his eyes seeing only the high waves and lightning flashes. No wonder he can't stay up, because his eyes aren't looking up. For 4 days out of 7, he didn't 'plug' into the only power source that can sustain him. How often we too wander around in darkness because we fail to switch on the light... But I didn't have to tell him all that or do all the other 'could do' things on my list.

The brief moment of our encounter with God passed. He looked at me, nodded his head, smiled a little and walked off into another day. I saw a glint in his eyes; I think he got the point - that  Jesus isn't an on/off love affair; He's not a 1-nite stand, He's for keeps, if we will 'keep' Him.

" For thus says the High and Lofty One, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: 'I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones" -Isaiah 57:15

What Does It Take to Break A Heart?

I have told the story countless times throughout a decade of serving them. These are the worst of the worst, most hardest of hard-core, the 'sampah masyarakat' that nobody loves except God, whom nobody can save except God. Many times I have wondered why I bother. Just give them the rice, the drinks, the bread and consider it a good deed done to add to my credit balance with the divine "Big Boss" upstairs. Which is what most charitable organizations involved in feeding the poor, homeless and 'street' people do and do very well too, whether it's out of altruism, volunteerism or whatever-ism. But I am not a charitable organization. I am just a Christian who has been taught that food and drinks can only fill empty stomachs and quench bodily thirst but no more. As Jesus puts it, " Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?" (Mat. 6:25)
So besides dishing out all the physical stuff,  I throw in the extra item. I dish out stories, mostly the same old story, to anyone and everyone who will listen, not once but time and again. Because I know how easily people forget, how easily human hearts are prone to wander. I was that way once, and indeed am still that way at times.  If we can forget a meal which we saw with our own eyes just yesterday, what more a God we have never seen? So when their stomachs are filled at least for the next 4 hours, when they have got nowhere else better to go, or they just want some temporary shelter from the rain or the sun, I park myself next to whoever has an ear to listen to an old aunty tell stories.

That's how it went that Saturday as I sat talking to a foreigner. We had been talking over several Saturdays in fact. If I have learnt anything throughout my years of serving on the streets, it is that behind every face, is a story that I need to hear first. Society is so quick to write off the 'street-folks' as dirty, filthy, diseased, lazy, good-for-nothing bums, simply assuming they are either beggars, drug addicts, gangsters, prostitutes, drunks, homo/transsexuals, ex-convicts or all of the above. Well, so what if they are? Does that make them less human than you and I, who claim to be ever so 'good and decent', blessed as we are with comfortable houses, secured jobs and happy families? Are they any less deserving of love? Actually there are those who are perfectly 'normal' too - lonely old folks, people who hold regular jobs, opportunists who just drop by for a free meal. We require no qualifications and impose no conditions except that everyone be orderly and considerate of others in the place. We don't force them to come for the pre-food distribution programme, nor do we demand they listen to what we say. But when they do, we connect as friends.

That's how it was with this foreigner. He apparently ended up on the streets because of a fall-out with his employers who now held his passport. He needed $3k to 'buy' it back...no, I am not that dumb to fall for the (sob) story. Besides it really doesn't matter.  Like I tell him, whatever his past, it's past. He told me he was  packed off 8 years to a monastery and grew up there. By the time he got out, both his parents were dead. And now he's stuck in a foreign land, no job, no passport, no hope. So I tell him the greatest hope story of all time; the story of Jesus who lived, died and rose again to give mankind an eternal hope that doesn't depend on feelings or circumstances. I tell him of an Abba Father in heaven who actually really and deeply loves us so much He sent Jesus to pay the price for our sinful souls, so that man can be made right with God and with one another. He is respectful but doubtful. He declares he's always tried to be as good as he can and that should be enough. In short he didn't need anyone to die for him.

So I give him the most basic lesson in Christianity 101 - that all the good anyone can ever do (which of course we should do) can never wipe out, cancel or nullify the bad all of us have done, thought or kept hidden in our hearts. No matter how little, small or seemingly inconsequential that bad may look to us, since we are all judged by a most righteous, perfect and holy God, irrespective of whether or not we believe He exists.

I was talking to this one man seated in front of me. But it seems God was talking to another seated by the side. An old man stooped with tiredness. Eyes yellowed from too much drinking. In fact I had thought he was drunk, so I didn't even pay any attention to him. But half-way through the 2000 year-old story of Calvary's cross, I suddenly knew I was talking to the wrong guy. I turned to the old man. His eyes were wet, and certainly not caused by the alcohol in his bloodstream. By the time I finished the story of Jesus coming back alive after 3 days buried dead in a sealed tomb, he was sniffling and openly crying.

I never fail to be amazed at how God can touch hearts (especially the ones I 'write-off' - God forgive me) just by the power of His Word alone. What does it take to break through a heart of stone? Apparently just the simple story of a God  who reached down to us in love, grace and mercy because no man could reach up to Him, blocked as we are by our sin.....the story of One who died hung on a cross to give life to all , enduring punishment for mankind's sin and bearing our shame so we could enjoy true freedom, abundant and eternal life....

"... a tale as old as time, true as it can be, ever just the same, ever a surprise, ever as before, ever just as sure, as the sun will rise, tune as old as song, song as old as rhyme,  finding you can change, learning you were wrong...." (to quote Beauty and The Beast)

I didn't have to add anything to God's love story. An old man heard, his heart melted and he responded. All that was left for me to do was to pray with and for him. But that wasn't quite the end. As I was praying, a young man suddenly came up to us. After I finished, he said somewhat sneeringly, "You know, auntie, he's crying because he's just 'mabuk'. You pray very good, but he'll be back at the shop afterwards". I didn't want point out the obvious that means he also frequented the (toddy) shop down the road, so it's really pot calling kettle black. I have learnt from experience there will always be mockers around, ever ready to put down God. So I simply shrugged and said, "It's ok. Whatever uncle is, God already knows. And Jesus still loves him enough to die for him. God will deal with him." Someone put it another way - God doesn't 'trash' us because we are cracked, chipped or broken. On the contrary, He takes the fragments of what is left over in our life and makes us as good as new. Christ doesn't look at what we are; instead He sees what we can become.

Sometimes Christians spend so much time arguing, explaining or defending our faith in a risen Savior. I am guilty of that too. I want so much  to pass on the blessing I have received because I experience daily the sweet grace of God in my own life as a reality. I am apt to think it's my 'job' to convince people, but really I can't, and really I don't need to. Only God's love can penetrate and break down hardened hearts. I should learn to be like Paul, who declared,  "...my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God" (1 Cor 2:4-5). I should just stick to preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, telling His-tory so He speaks for Himself.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh" - Ezekiel 36:26

Life, Death and Something More

It all started with the pandas; all that hoo-ha about Feng Yi and FuWa led me to teach my day-care kids  about endangered and extinct animals. Half-way through watching a clip about the top 15 animals (pandas are apparently a very high no 2) on the list, a 6-year old girl started crying.  I was so surprised and touched by her tender heart. She asked me why these animals are getting less and less on earth. I had to tell her the truth - they die younger and faster, mostly because of the cruelty of man who invade their territory, wipe out their habitat or hunt them for profit. Another smart-aleck asks innocently, Can't God save the animals from dying or stop the bad people? I am stumped. And they say kids dunno anything....

There are people who feel we shouldn't talk about death, much less teach it to young impressionable kids. (But it's ok to let our children play 'kill your enemies' on an I-pad playscreen? - Sorry, I don't get that). The fact of the matter is whether we teach them or not, children know living things, plants, animals, people die. My 3 kids had to deal with their father's death at a very very young age. I wasn't and will never be able to ease their pain or compensate their loss; I was having a hard enough time dealing with my own heart breaking. As a family, we all moved on; we manage without a husband, without a father. We are nothing exceptional anyway.  Every human being needs to come to terms with death; others and our own, kings and beggars alike.

Death is actually all around us, if we care to look deeper beyond the mundaneness of ordinary life. The pessimist is quite right to say the minute we are born into life, we start to die. As it is, each one of us has a different way of handling death. Some blithely ignore it, singing the proverbial let's eat, drink and be merry tune, living for the moment, willing ourselves to think life is all there is; let death come when it will, so what. Some fear it. Many misunderstand it. Most don't fancy it; as Woody Allen said, "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

I  don't think my precocious 6 year old knew how profound her question - Can't God save..? - was. Can't God simply stop death and let everyone just live happily ever after? If He is a loving all powerful God, surely He can and surely He should. Reminds me of the story of the religious leader who approached Jesus in desperate faith to ask, “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live" (Mark 5:23). Jesus went, but was delayed by the crowd, specifically by an unnamed woman with a 12-year old bleeding problem. By the time He healed the woman, the girl was dead. So they told the father, "Your daughter is dead...Why bother the teacher (Jesus) anymore?” (Mark 5:35).

All this talk about God and faith. What good is it when everything ends in death anyway? Indeed why bother. The grave swallows up everything; and not just people. As one writer puts it, we all have secret grave-yards in our lives that hold dead stuff... ambitions, dreams, wishes, hopes, needs, ideals. For a little while, we want to believe that there is a God who will answer the desires of our hearts; He must if He loves us. But He delays one day...one month...one year...10 years...20 years...Nothing's happening. So we stoically bury them and keep them buried because it hurts too much to dig them up again, what's the point. We give them up to death; let's just move on to 'other' things.  Let it go, in fact let God go. Leave it, don't bother Him. When we come face-to-face with death, staring at a yawning grave, faith itself dies and its easy to conclude there is no God, nor is there any need for one. 

But Jesus told the grief-stricken father, "...Just believe" (Mark 5:36) Those must be the toughest 2 words in the entire Bible. Believe when humanly all is dead and gone; when there seems to be nothing? It's just like Mary protesting to Jesus at Lazarus' grave...but but but..“Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he has been dead four days.” We have all sorts of "but's" not to believe God. We give up at death because we think that's all there is to life. But Jesus proved the whole truth - that there is not only life, there is not only death; there is resurrection life.

Yet no one - then and even now - had faith in Christ as the Resurrection Life. They had faith that He was a great teacher, a good man. That was it. No one ever considered He could bring life out of death, for no one understood the faith that goes beyond even death. Even after He showed them there really is more than life and death, when He lived, died on a cross and then came back with a bang - gloriously alive after 3 days in the tomb. Even now, people mock, doubt and spin endless theories about the greatest event recorded in the Bible - the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Christianity would have been so much easier to believe in and follow if Jesus had just confined Himself to being a  'good fella' who taught good things, like all other 'good' human teachers who have lived and died throughout the history of time. Why complicate things with God in the picture? Why cook up a(n impossible) story about a dead Savior who came back alive if it was only about following another religion of rules and regulations?


The deeper I dig, the more I find Christianity is really the hardest 'religion' around, perhaps or rather precisely because it's not meant to be a religion in the first place. It's about a Person who stretches me beyond my own capabilities, my own ideas of what and how I want God to be like. How do you explain a God who saves, not by stopping death, but by bringing new life out of the dead, for it was only after dying that Jesus got resurrected forever more; breaking the cycle that bound humans to earthly life-times and straight away opening for believers the gateway to immortality into a realm where there is indeed no more suffering, no more pain, and truly no more death. You can't. It blows the mind. No wonder Jesus said, "Just believe". He didn't bother explaining theories. He didn't call for a committee meeting to discuss action plans. He didn't even preach a sermon. He just brought a dead girl back to life for her heart-broken, faithless father. Something no human being, no matter how good or clever, can do. That should tell us who Jesus is, really.

I don't have any proof about His claims of deity. But I guess if my heart (not just my head) is open to listening, if I want to experience (not to dissect and theorize about) life, death and something more, all I am required to do is just believe.

"In Him was life; and the life was the light of men" - John 1:4

When Tomorrow Comes

What can I say about super-hero movies? Easy... I never get enough of them. The guys are hot, the girls are hotter, the action is fast, there are funny lines, and the themes are universal. True to type, that's what the latest X Men, Days of Future Past delivers, so it definitely gets 2 thumbs-up from me. One review termed it excellent, entertaining and relevant. I agree. Though trying to change the future through time travel into the past isn't exactly novel (think Terminator), the story of X Men undertaking it was superbly told and brilliantly executed.

Actually, if we knew what the future holds, would we, could we change it? As Prof X puts it in the movie, "So many battles waged over the years... and yet, none like this. Are we destined to destroy each other, or can we change each other and unite? Is the future truly set?" Guess where these other words about the future come from ? - "wars and uprisings where nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom...great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places... fearful events and great signs from heaven.... many will be offended, betray one another, and hate one another....lawlessness will abound..... People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken...a time of desolation when heaven and earth shall pass away".

Nope, these words are not from the next sequel of X Men Apocalypse. They are from the Bible. Even as Prof X proclaims the future as a 'bleak desolate place', it is the Bible that already tells us to "Mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God"(2 Tim 3:1-4).  These words were written some 2000 years ago in the past. Is it not reflective of the current times as we know it?

How depressing. Why is it that almost every movie about the future all portend disaster, destruction, desolation and despair? I wonder if Hollywood realizes its portrayal on the subject mirror so much the biblical accounts of it. Or maybe the simple reason is that disaster sells more tickets at the box-office. Actually we don't need the Bible to tell us about the future. We don't even need to wait that long for it to come crashing in on us. Just google "current state of planet earth". It's not the church but learned clever scientists, enviromentalists, activists, all the expert '-ists'  that rate the future of earth variously as precarious to doomed. But how can that be when technological, medical and scientific progress continue to advance through the generations? Unfortunately that's only a small part of the picture.

We who can't live without our so-smart phones and gadgets, who are so connected  that the whole world will soon be able to know when we do our business in the toilet, who have access to so many of this, that or the other fantastic app  find it so easy to forget or ignore the  rampant warnings about environmental and ecological disasters around the world, resource depletion and unprecedented atmospheric changes. We go about our own lives, either oblivious to or unable to do much about social, political and economic issues - over-population, corruption, oppression, exploitation, conspiracy, injustice, violence and persecution of man against man. We are looking at a world here and now riddled with division, conflict, terrorism and mutual distrust.
 
So it is that a young Charles looking into people's minds and experiencing all the trauma of their lives screams out "I don't want your suffering, I don't want your future...so much pain". But Logan the hero puts the finger on the pie telling Charles, "It’s not their pain you’re afraid of; it’s yours.  And strange as it may seem, the pain will make you stronger…to bear their pain without breaking"  And then he added something so profound - But this is only possible with hope. Hope...the flimsy 'tingy' that whispers consolation to despairing hearts cloaked in the darkness of dead-ends, the uncatchable, unfathomable wisp of seeming nothingness that enables one to carry on in spite of not seeing, not hearing, not feeling, not knowing for sure, but trusting that there is indeed a better tomorrow.

Hollywood used super-heroes willing to risk their lives to change the course of history, to put the past on a different track so that a different future would result. An older and wiser Prof X looking at a younger rebellious version of himself says, "Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they can't be saved." How true, we can and do make wrong choices, but as long as there is life, there is still hope to return to the right path, hope to be saved. 

Indeed it all starts and ends with choices - our own. But it doesn't stop there. Our choices affect not just ourselves in the here and now but for generations to come. It's one thing to watch a 2 hour Hollywood spin but it's another to read God's warning that the whole earth and mankind itself is actually, as Prof X puts it bluntly "on the edge of extinction". Why would God show us such a horrible future? I guess it's only for 1 reason - to make us realise the enormity of the consequences of our choices now.

Hollywood and man will always prefer to do things their way, extolling 'good' (men's) efforts to make the universe a 'better' place to survive and thrive once again. But God isn't interested in survival, He's interested in salvation. He goes beyond tomorrow into forever. X Men went back into the past to re-direct the future. God had already done it 2000 years ago, when He sent Jesus to die on the cross and 3 days later resurrected Him.  He secured the future for those who choose to believe, even if and when the future implodes upon itself, which at the rate and way it's going, is a foregone conclusion.

Mankind's hope is anchored in ourselves; because that panders to our insatiable human ego as we figure  we don't need God to help us. But Jesus calls us to a different path -  to anchor our hope in Him, "the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe" (1 Tim. 4:10). How can one individual's death 2000 years ago in the past affect the future of all other individuals, of generations and of the world?  Well, if Christ really rose from the dead, then the impossible has become possible; that's how can. The only big issue is the 'if'. God gave us 2 gifts; one is choice, the second is chance...the choice of a good life and the chance it make it the best. We are not X Men; we can't go back in time to the past to change our choices, unlike Raven the heroine who was given a second chance. Nor can we wait till the future rolls around, because no man knows when his days on earth end, when tomorrow immediately becomes today, by which time it will be too late.

At the end of the movie, Prof X gives the answer to his own question, "We are the sum of our choices, as what we do now defines what we will do. Infinite decisions mean infinite consequences, for the future is never truly set." I am sure Hollywood didn't realize how accurate they were scripting those words into the mouth of a make-believe super-hero. For the choice to follow or reject Jesus now will affect not just our future, but 'infinitely' ie eternally, without end. That's a sobering thought.

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.... This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." (Deuteronomy 30:15,19)

Taking Chances

So after all the analysis, post-mortems and opinions, where does it leave us? Everyone has their fave theory on why Dyana Sofya lost in Teluk Intan.  But that's not really the issue,  or is it? In fact I am pretty sure there are many who will ask 'Dyana who?' despite the fact that she has catapulted to celebrity status and is everyone's fave target for group selfies. Outside of Teluk Intan, I hazard a guess that there are probably many who don't even know there was an election there. There is such a thing called ignorance, apathy, indifference, complacency - all same category.  But I am not pointing fingers, I hasten to confess I am guilty of all that at some time or another. 

When I first saw that pretty young face splattered all over on-line news ( there is no denying she is pretty and she is young), mentally I saluted the old man behind her - it takes foresight and guts to do what Mr Lim Kit Siang did, pushing this novice up the way he did, and kudos to the party who dared take a chance to lose. I have to admit though I was a bit tired of all the politicking that seems to be going into over-drive not only in the small town of TI but seemingly every where, and not just during a by-election but almost every other day. One time it's why only certain people can call God a certain name. The next  it's hudud. Then it's chocolates. Wonder what it will be tomorrow. And oh by the way, it's not confined to the peculiar species called politicians. NGOs, bloggers, big shots, small shots...everyone can say anything and everything is fair game. Guess that's the price of democracy. So I kind-of 'tune off' these days. It's very easy to grow tired of it all. Like I said, apathy...

Still I had harbored a little hope for Teluk Intan and for Dyana.  I had hoped that people (not just voters) would see beyond the prettiness of the face (sex), the inexperience of youth (age), the color of her skin (race), the matter of her faith (religion), even the careful and obvious 'management ' of her stage personality (drama) by her mentors. I had hoped Malaysians would be mature enough to see it isn't about Teluk Intan or Dyana per see. It's really about how much we are willing to walk the talk of being a Malaysian in spirit and in truth.

If we cannot see that Dyana is but the personification of what 1Malaysia should be, then we are still very much chained to the invisible shackles of our own race, color, religion and self-interests,  no matter how loudly we deny it. An astute reporter terms it aptly as the elephant  in the room (I would say there's definitely more than 1 elephant) that everyone pretends not to see, much less talk about. If we are still thinking wait till GE14, then we have missed the point - that making a difference starts today. If we are minded to be 'pragmatic' about cashing in on the obvious advantages of experience and 'right' connections to meet our own needs (which are real and undeniable), then we can forget about giving the next generation a chance... to make mistakes, to be groomed and to take over the future. If that be the case,  can we at least be honest enough to admit we are the ones who fail ourselves and 'our' Malaysia? In which case, to put it quite bluntly, we deserve all (the trouble) we get. 

Personally, it's not the loss of votes for a political party's candidate that saddens me. It's the fact that Teluk Intan shows we are not ready or maybe we just don't want to grow up because we prefer not to take chances that could jeopardize our own precious lives.  There's a saying that goes 'no pain, no gain'. It's simple enough; if we don't take chances, we will never know what we are capable of. It's a little bit like believing God; we will never know He is for real and He is good until we choose to trust - and continue to trust - that He is, no matter that it appears dumb, risky or even troublesome  to do so.


Some people say Teluk Intan is just a 'social experiment' gone wrong and Dyana is just a 'flash in the pan'. Over and done with. If that's our attitude, then we are guilty of being plain selfish and extremely short-sighted since it means we only live for ourselves for today.  But I like to think all is not lost; there is always room for hope. There was only a difference of 238 votes. As one party politician puts it, this one battle may be lost for now, but there's still a war that can be won. I agree there will be many more battles to fight. But unlike him,  I am not talking about votes in the next by-election ...I am praying starting today, all over this nation, there will arise people who can and will dare to take chances beyond ourselves, to live lives that actually demonstrate the slogans we all like to shout out, to bury  the 'elephants' stalking Malaysians once and for all.


Published MM 2/6/14