The Face of Change

When the call for Bersih 3.0 was made, I already knew I would be going. I had gone for Bersih 2.0 as a 'mere novice, a reluctant demonstrator'. Now, I am no longer novice, but still reluctant, as I really didn't relish the thought of most probably having to endure smarting tear-gas and run for my life again. But some things just can't be avoided, when it comes to staying true to one's own conscience. My conscience demands that I make a stand (literally)  for what is right, fair and just.  And if that means having to 'waste time' being roasted under the sun for umpteen hours, sitting on a hot tar- road and (again) running the risk of being pelted with tear-gas or worse getting arrested, so be it. 

I am merely one of those millions whom one politician termed the ‘silent majority’, quietly minding my own life as a Christian Malaysian Chinese. As one of the silent majority, over the years, I have watched, I have observed, I have read and I have concluded certain things are not right in this beloved land of my birth. And I am concerned about that, because I care for my country, I care that my children and their children will inherit a land where justice isn’t just a political slogan to bandy about, but is really manifested in good governance held accountable through policies, action plans and follow-up implementation.

 I am sure there are many reasons why people went for Bersih 3.0.  Some  just want to make use of it as an opportunity to get some political mileage for their fave party and in the process disparage others. Some went out of curiosity, some tag along with frens, some simply because they missed Bersih 2.0. But I went because of a personal conviction that besides praying for my country,  I must also do what I know for myself is the right thing to do. Its as simple as that. If other Christians don't have the same conviction, it's their right. 
I have no stomach for political ‘shows’, whether it’s put on by government or opposition quarters. So I don’t need to descend to chanting names or join in bad-mouthing others I may disagree with. Because it's not about politics, it's about justice. Surely we don't need politicians or pastors to tell us what is right is right, what is wrong is wrong, what is clean and what is dirty.

By now there are thousands of shots of Bersih 3.0 available for viewing, from photos to videos. By now also everyone would have something to say, whether you are one of those actual on-the-scene witnesses or merely watched from the distance of your TV sets. By now the dust and the tear-gas has long settled, but the ramifications of what someone called the moment of destiny for Malaysia have just begun.  

No doubt there are many versions, explanation and interpretation of the violence that happened. I can only say, where I was, in the thick of the crowd at HSBC/Bar Council sit-down, we knew what the instructions were – sit down and on no account, provoke the authorities. That’s what I, and every right-thinking participant, did. We were prepared to stick it out till 4 pm, as the message that the rally had been called off as early as 2.45 pm didn’t filter down. If it had, we would all have more than gladly got up and gone home! (not that we could have anyway, since as expected, the LRT had shut its doors)  It really isn’t much ‘fun’ being BBQ-ed under the heat of the sun. My friend was on her phone commenting how boring it was, when I saw the tear gas coming at us without any warning. Obviously it was no longer boring, as people started running. 4 of us followed others who fled down a side-path towards the back of Central Market , only to be confronted with hordes of police running towards us from Dayabumi side. We couldn’t run back because of the gas. The only way out was to climb up and over the railings, but there was no foot-hold and the wall was too high. But thank God, there were Malaysians with the Malaysian spirit… the sole man at the bottom  pushed whilst the men at the top simply pulled us up, one by one, till we all cleared the wall.
 There are many Bersih 3.0 stories, because there were so many many of us experiencing a piece of history in the making in our own individual corner . I think no one has the correct figure of how many thousands upon thousands of Malaysians from all races, ages, backgrounds and religions were out there, ‘roasting’ since the morning of 428. I had occasion to stop at a restaurant which dared to remain open (and therefore must have increased its earnings for the day manifold!) to wait for my friends who needed a toilet-break. And it was at that moment, as I stood by the side of the road, watching row after row of people walking forward, that I was never more proud to be a Chinese in Malaysia. I say this not because of any racist sentiment, but because for the first time, I am seeing so many Chinese come out, to do something so ‘un-Chinese’ as to ‘waste time’ sweating under the sun, sitting on hot tar, with a bunch of noisy strangers, when they could be somewhere else comfortably doing their own thingy. What's even more heartening, I saw and I know there were many more Christians on the roads, silently praying and marching together with and as fellow M'sians. And all of us stood up every time someone started singing Negara-Ku. 

Whatever the reason for participating and in spite of the violence, (which no right-thinking person would condone anyway), no one can deny the numbers alone speak a very clear message…..some of the silent majority has a voice, and a face…so I am very hopeful, for I need only  look at the images captured on Bersih 3.0 and I see -  the Face of Change in Malaysia.  

  

A Leap in the Dark?

What is this elusive thing called faith? Why is it some people seem to have it in abundance, yet others can't summon up even the littlest quantity of a mustard seed? How is it that some stand solid as an unshakeable rock whilst others blow over like a reed tossed about by every wind of philosophy, doctrine or new ideas that comes and 'lose it' somewhere along life's convoluted journey?? How does one "get it back" ?? If only faith was just one of those ingredients in our kitchen that anytime we run out of, we can pop into the nearby 7-11 convenience store and pick up a new bottle and shake-shake it out again to flavor our life. My mind ponders all these as my heart breaks over a dearly loved one's recent announcement that she has turned from "once somewhat faithful" to "now totally faithless".

Not that i am all that invincible myself anyway; i would be a liar if i said i have never been shaken by doubt (or fear or a thousand other things) that make me for a moment wonder "Is God really with me??". One of my fave authors John Ortberg surmised once that without doubt, there can be no faith worth having. It reminds me of an old "Indiana Jones" show - the one about the search for the Holy Grail, where at the climax Harrison Ford has got to cross a huge chasm from one cave to another right at the opposite side, where purportedly the treasure is.... there is nothing to connect the two at all, he looks down at the chasm and it's a looooong drop into what seems certain death. The handsome hero looks longingly over the other side, he looks down again, then he puts 1 foot out into seeming nothingness. Presto, it engages something invisible but solid, so he puts down another foot and another, and throws a handful of sand in front of him, and behold a bridge opens up (now made visible by the sand) that connects to the cave he wants to reach.

That scene remains etched in my mind (not least becoz he's my hero, and that happens to be one of my fave Indiana Jones movies) as an apt embodiment of this nebulous invisible thing called faith. It certainly seems to be what some people snidely dismiss as a proverbial 'leap in the dark' ie equivalent to simply 'close 1 eye and jump la'; a mentality which of coz boggles and quite insults the 'intellectual' within every one of us who got brain cells to think. That's why we can't quite believe the fantastical 'stories' in the Bible (even some Christians). Becoz we are so smart we can actually figure out hey man, its illogical for God to create everything on this earth in 7 days, when scientists come out with such irrefutable proof that it's actually billion or zillion years old. And of coz every sane logical thinking human can't quite accept that God simply took a handful of dust, shaped a clay model of a man and 'breathed' into him and voila, the man became a human being.... it's easier to believe we evolved from some swampy creature which was somehow originally 'there' already, "progressed" to grow legs, turn into monkeys and after having a great time swinging on trees, decided one day to climb down and mutate into 'proper' upright-walking man and women with full faculties of reason, thought and emotion; each and all somehow endowed differently in unique diversity ....And peleese, whilst we are at it, don't insult a woman's intelligence that she was created out of man's rib.
No offence meant to pro- evolutionists here ; its just that after cutting thru all the scientific jargon, at the end of the day, that's the basic picture i get that seeks to persuade/prove that man wasn't created by some Intelligent Designer "out there". Interestingly Darwin's theory was just that - a theory ie (according to dictionary definition) a plausible or scientifically acceptable general principle/s offered to explain certain phenomena. But surely just becoz something is plausible or acceptable by certain segments of people doesn't elevate it to truth? Right, so do i have proof that my "God created" version is the truth then?? Well, if truth means does it satisfy certain 'scientifically acceptable general principles', then nope, i don't have 'proof'. But who is to say that's the only way truth can be 'proved'?? Which leads me to ask further the obvious question - why should the version of a human atheist, writer, scientist or philosopher be considered true but not the Bible, which is written after all by the same species of "mere mortals", just becoz of its different claim to being divinely-inspired?? What makes one version more or less believable than the other?? So really it all simply boils down to whom you would prefer to believe - both versions require 'faith' to believe, why is it we can believe one is 'more right' than the other??

Honestly and personally, presented with the alternatives, i don't fancy the idea that the ape is my ancestor. I would rather choose to believe i am 'fearfully and wonderfully made' by a God who loves me, and has already prepared a fantastic plan for my life on earth as a unique human being. Becoz believing that gives my life eternal significance and meaning beyond myself. If I don't believe in God, i might as well just die tomorrow becoz I don't matter - really. I can leave behind a big bungalow, cash to hand out to the kids, good deeds recorded for all to read about, but i will just be a memory, very fast forgotten after generations come and go. I recall studying "Ozymandias" a sonnet by the poet Shelley in my English lit class from long ago; apparently in reference to the great Pharaoh Ramases of Egypt.... he paints a picture of a broken sculpture of a man in the desert, 2 trunkless legs of stone standing and a shattered visage of a face half-sunk in the sand - "lifeless things"- And amongst the ruins was a pedestal where these words appear: "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" The irony is so well brought out in the concluding verse "Nothing beside remains... Round the decay Of that colossal wreck... boundless and bare... The lone and level sands stretch far away"

So much for great and mighty Man. Is all that i am, the life i have lived, the wonderful things i have done, worth "nothing" at the end of the day - just a "decay of a colossal wreck" ?? I shudder at the tragedy of being just another Ozymandias (esp since I know very well, no one is gonna sculpt any statue of me in the first place!!) No thanks, I prefer the beautiful picture of a life first made and held safe in the hands of a loving Creator who has crafted out a wonderful destiny for me on earth and in heaven. And incidentally, i am not choosing based on a 'feel good' emo thingy in my heart. No way, becoz I have walked enuf years in the little faith that i started out with 10 years ago to know there is reason more than enuf to make an intelligent choice to believe....

And the reason is not becoz I 'saw' or 'heard' God in visible awe-inspiring visions as in a burning bush or in thunder and lightning flashing from a mountain top. It's not becoz I 'experience' a tingle up my spine when i worship. It's not becoz I was struck by a blinding light and knocked out of my senses like apostle Paul. I never was 'taken out of my body' into heaven like John the beloved disciple. Though i definitely have heard testimonies of some people who actually have the privilege of such fantastic encounters with God. I venture to guess everyone wishes for that kind of 'proof' as it would make it so much more exciting, easier and 'real' then to believe. Indeed i have often wondered why is it that God doesn't just "show up" in all His power with 1 zap and lay to rest forever human doubt of His existence...surely it's peanuts for the Almighty Creator of the universe to come down??

Ahh, but He did. 2000 years ago God came down, but everyone didn't 'get it' then, and many still don't 'get it' now, and we are still sitting around waiting for "show time". Bible records that as Jesus entered Jerusalem, He wept..."because you did not know the time of your visitation." (Luke 19:41-44). There are only 2 responses to choose concerning the biblical record of the supernatural birth, life, death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ. Man can either choose to believe its just a symbolical 'glamorisation'/generous embellishment of a good moral human being, who lived and taught supremely good values like so many great saints of the past,present and definitely future. Or you can choose to believe He is who He says He is, the great I AM; in whom all the fullness of Deity (ie God) dwells and lives in bodily form, and is revealed for all mankind to behold.

Someone once said after having read the Bible, you can conclude 3 ways about Jesus- He's either a lunatic nut-case, a big-time liar or THE Truth. No human being on earth has ever claimed what Jesus claimed; and that's why the issue isn't about religion per se, its not about the existence of God, its about what we choose to believe regarding this Jesus. To a woman grieving over the death of a loved one, He declares, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die" and then He asks her, "Do you believe this?" To doubtful and sometimes obtuse disciples, He probes,
"Who do people say I am?" and after they answer, this, that and the other, He pointedly asks again, "But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"

I do not live in the time of Jesus...how I wish I did. But there is no doubt Jesus was a real man in history. There is also evidence that He died, but His body has never been found. Sure there are many theories out there about Jesus . We can argue about theories till the cows come home. But God isn't a theory to dispute over, to prove or disprove. The evidence was in 2000 years ago ; it now remains for a choice to be made. I like how Charles Swindoll defined faith. He says, "Faith doesn't run contrary to evidence; faith goes beyond evidence. Faith doesn't ignore reason, but faith doesn't wait upon it either. Faith is merely a choice to trust". He further says to exercise faith requires just 2 things - correct knowledge (head) and right attitude (heart). So faith isn't a mere 'close eye, hope for the best and leap in the dark'. We can know so many things in our head, we can read 1001 well-written books, we can use irrefutable logic to augment our stand, but ultimately it's still a heart thing with God, based on what has already been disclosed by Him, about Him - in Jesus Christ who came as a man onto planet earth and yet claims to be God. The central issue is what are you going to do with Jesus??


I notice in almost every encounter with people, Jesus emphasized faith to believe ; even before He did any miracle to heal, deliver or bless them. Wouldn't doing the miracle first be the obvious and easier way to get people to believe? I can only surmise that God requires our heart to commit first. Sometimes He is gracious to "show" us first , but most times, we just have to trust first without seeing the miracle, without experiencing the special encounter. He makes it a point to pass our way many times, but its us who must "come" to Him. He knocks on the door of every heart, but it's we who decide whether we want to open the door or keep it locked against Him. Bible already says "without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him" - ie believe first and the rewards will come. As if to press the point home, Jesus told a man whose daughter had died to "just believe and she will be healed".

That must be very hard, to believe in the face of contrary experience... perhaps that's why its so easy to 'lose faith'; when the initial emo 'fire' of enthusiasm or emotionalism dies down or is doused by a flood of hard knocks in life, when 'nothing' seems to be happening, when it appears as though it makes absolutely no difference whether we pray or don't pray, since life still goes on anyhow, when other seemingly more reasonable logical and acceptable views challenge our minds...

But then since its such a personal thing, does it really matter how we exercise the choice to believe whatever, whoever ?? Live and let live is touted as the best way, since it tolerates everything and everybody. As i told the one i dearly love, we all have the freedom, but before we exercise it one way or the other, we should surely consider the consequences of our choices. I am perfectly free to eat whatever i want/like, but if i deliberately keep indulging my appetite for sweets, there are definite consequences to my body. Making a choice about God works the same way.


The most that can happen to me if I believe Jesus and He turns out to be either a nut or a liar is that I have believed in error and in vain. If Jesus is just a human being who lived in history, then I am just a deeply deluded fool. At least believing would make this fool a better person on this earth, becoz what He taught is all good anyway.

But if He is indeed THE Truth, and I don't believe, then I am in deep trouble. Becoz then that means everything He says about God, sin, heaven and hell is right, and me being the sinner that I am, I will face judgment day without any hope of salvation. Even more, it would be the greatest tragedy (way worse than being called a fool) becoz I would have walked away from my destiny and potential to live an abundant life full of wonder, beauty and power, right here, right now on this earth itself. Why would I want to take a risk like that ?? In terms of consequences, surely it doesn't call for much earth-shaking faith to choose which side of the divide I should "logically" stand on??

That's how i figure out faith anyway. But maybe it's too simplistic for some people, like the one i dearly love, who professes to be on a 'spiritual journey' of discovery for herself. My heart aches that she can't accept ...simply. Life would be so much less complicated if we "just believe" first, instead of challenging God to " show up/touch me/heal me/bless me first". But i guess doubt is everyone's right. I only pray the one i love dearly won't have to travel too long too far to find God, trusting as I do in His promise, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). It took me 40 years and a great deal of heartache before i believed, my 1 regret in life is I didn't do it sooner; if I did, then i would have had so many more extra years to enjoy! So now each day I am so grateful I can...just believe.

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."... John 20:29