What is God good for?

Easter is approaching again, once more Christians all over the world remember Jesus' death and resurrection. It's a much-loved and familiar story to me, for it epitomizes who and why I believe. It means so much to me, as i am sure it does to all Christians. After all, Easter lines up with Christmas and Pentecost as THE most important days in the Christian calendar.

But I wonder what really does it mean, especially to non-Christians? This question was prompted in part by a book written by Philip Yancey that I am digesting now. He's one of my fave authors coz the things he talks about are very sensible; he's what i would call a realist-theologian, as he tackles deep issues like how can God be good when there's so much suffering and evil in the world? Either He's a God that doesn't care or so powerless He can't do anything about it. Why do we need to pray if He's all knowing, and why aren't all prayers answered? If Christians also can get cancer and run down by cars, what's the difference between their Jesus and other gods? If the Christian God is supposed to bless, how come there are poor, even destitute, Christians?

And the utter incomprehensibility of it all - the clincher question, so to speak - What good is a God who dies on a cross?? I can just imagine people shaking their heads in disbelief at this scandalous picture... why do Christians get all hung up on celebrating a death?? And such an ugly death too. I am sure given a choice, all of us would want to die peacefully in our sleep, no suffering, no pain, just stop breathing.....Yet Jesus was tortured with a crown of thorns on His head, whipped 39x with a lash that tore the flesh off His back, suffered the indignity of being strung up absolutely naked for the world to mock, nails stabbed into His wrists and legs; it took Him 3 hours to suffocate to death. Crucifixion was reserved for the worst criminals in Roman days; yet the highest officer in the land had pronounced Jesus not guilty of any sin. Isn't this unfair? Why should Christians want to remember this atrocity?? How can a God that dies be the great Almighty God??

2000 years ago, the same questions, the same incredulity and unbelief existed in the very people who were actual witnesses of Jesus' death on the cross. Various comments were passed.."He saved others...but he can't save himself!... Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him.... He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.'.. 2000 years later,the most pertinent question still is, why believe in a God who dies? That's not the picture of how humans want God to be. God is supposed to be invincible. How can a God who dies save the world?? Saviors are supposed to come as conquering heroes seated on white horses, waving swords in their hands.

What an irony, to put it quite crudely, Jesus is good for dying. Who needs/wants a God like that?! And as it was 2000 years ago, so it is now, people miss the point, becoz we 'expect' God to conform to what we think He should be and do , and of coz Jesus doesn't measure up! God is supposed to be 'nice', to give us everything we want, as long as we are 'good' boys and girls. We 'reward' Him with flowers, money (paper of coz) offerings, incense, whatever we think he 'needs', and He's supposed to 'reward' us back with money (real), health, success and prosperity. God is supposed to end all wars and make life's 'mah fun' problems go away... That's what a good God would and should do. But this Christian God is so strange....

And besides, what's the fuss about all this dying business la, choy choy choy?? We all know we will die one day, no need to remind every year surely! Die die loh. I am sure a good God who knows how 'good' i am (or at least trying to be) won't be so cruel as to send people to hell. By the way I am not trying to be sarcastic; those are all exactly my thoughts - 10 years ago.

Today i look back on those years of my life pondering such issues. Today, i find at times i still struggle with them, becoz honestly some of these questions have no answers, or rather no answers satisfactory to me. I think there comes a stage in our lives when we need to face squarely with the issue of God; simply becoz He is our Creator, He put that desire deep in our hearts to know Him, whether we admit it or not, believe it or not. Even atheists believe in something - no God. Others believe in many, still others believe in One, and of coz there are many versions of which One. At the risk of being called a fanatic religious nut-case or worse names (which i have been called, anyway), personally I can't accept that there can be many 'truths' all of which can be true. I attribute this to my legal training; in a court of law, there can only be 1 Truth, ultimately when different versions are presented (becoz truth can mean different things to different people at different times), the judge (you and I) must decide which is the 'real thing', based on what has been revealed. God has given us the freedom and left the choice to us, frail human beings, becoz He respects and loves us that much. Each one of us makes up our mind about who, why and what we believe.

And the cross reveals enough for me to believe. The cross stands as the ultimate paradox of Christianity. It condemns and it saves at the same time. It is proof that God is all-loving and wishes none to perish, it is also proof that God is all-just and must punish sin. I never really understood how much a sinner I was and must confess still am, until I understood Easter. I came to believe initially out of a desperate need for peace to handle a dying husband, 3 young kids and no job. But its gone beyond that; I have found so much more than peace; I have found the Prince of Peace. Its much like I get lost in a desert, stumble upon a stream and walking along it finally leads me to its very source. The stream can dry up but the source doesnt. Guess that's what Jesus meant when He said to a woman drawing water from a well, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:13-14).

When I was in need, I did everything I knew to try to solve my problem at 'the well' of human intelligence and strength. I found out that all my cleverness, independence and self-reliance couldn't help one iota. Instead Jesus met me and showed me a better solution - Himself. As He walked with me along the road of life thru these many years, I figured out who I am and who God is. And it dawned on me how blind I was really, despite all my intelligence. How true it is that we have eyes that do not see, ears that do not hear, and hearts that don't comprehend. I have come to realize that unless we see ourselves as God sees us (not the way we want to see or others see us) , we really can't understand the cross, becoz we don't think we need a Savior, especially a Savior who apparently died.

The fact is we all need a Savior since we all sin, in one way or another, big and small-time. My husband realized this fundamental in the moments of his dying; I guess he knew he was going to have to face his Maker. He wasn't bothered about the pain of the cancer in his body, he was bothered enuf about his sin to tell me he wanted to confess. At that point in time, I couldn't understand what he was jabbering about, becoz I was more concerned about his pain, and honestly, mine. What would it take for us to look beyond our concerns to God's concern about us? Our concern is really all self-ishness; we simply want (us and others) to be successful, rich, happy, healthy, blessed with a 'good' life; man's no. 1 concern is to avoid suffering. Nothing wrong with that, only problem is God's concern is different; His no. 1 concern is our sin, which separates us from Him. That's mankind's universal problem which only God on the cross can solve. If coming to the realization that I am indeed a sinner and that only Jesus is qualified to save me makes me a fanatic, then let me a fanatic of Jesus be. After all, aren't we guilty of being fanatics (comes from the root word 'fan') of celebrities, people, causes, or watever that man idolizes??

Its only when I knew my sin that I understood the cross and am ever so grateful for it.... hey, Someone chose to die on it, so that I needn't. Becoz of the cross, I have escaped the punishment of death which is what I deserve. That's the wonder of Jesus who loves me, when I didn't even know Him. That's why every Easter, I get all hung-up about His death. Who would, who can love me this much? Whoever heard of a God who would leave the glory of heaven to come down to earth incarnated as a helpless infant, live and suffer the ways of man even to the point of death?? This God doesn't just stay aloof 'somewhere out there' in outer space, this God 'walked the talk' - He knew hunger, pain, rejection, shame. He wept, He suffered injustice. I can never accuse God of not understanding what I (and all humans) go thru in this life. And so when I see all the horrible things that go wrong in this fallen world, I know He knows exactly what's happening.

But that's only half the story. Becoz if Jesus stayed dead, that just makes Him a noble man. History is replete with the stories of noble men and women - great leaders, wonderful saints, wise teachers, good people. They all lived and died, end of story. But Jesus Christ went beyond merely living and dying. An Indian Pastor I know put it this way; all of us, even the greatest of us have only 2 days - our birthday and our death day. There is only 1 man who lived on this earth who had an extra 3rd day - Jesus lived, died and rose again from the dead. That marks Him as more than a noble man, a great leader, wonderful saint, wise teacher or good guy. He was hung dead becoz He dared proclaim Himself God. He rose alive becoz He is God. That's the simple truth, incredulous as it may seem. Yet people will still question anyway. As someone put it, if you don't want to believe, you can find 1001 reasons not to believe. Jesus Himself said, "they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead"

Dying is a big deal. Coming back alive is an even bigger deal. Jesus did both, so I make a big deal out of this event called Easter. Becoz there is Easter, I know my God is good - for all things, big and small, and I don't have to worry about my past, present or future, becoz He is God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. I know He cares, and I know He's in charge, even if it seems as if He's doing nothing. By doing nothing on the cross, Jesus did everything needed to save me, nay, to save any and everyone - who would believe. His Word bears repeating again and again... For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. That's the greatest thing that God did, becoz ultimately, when all is said and done, that's all that matters really.

So I don't have to worry my little head over things too complicated or impossible for me to comprehend or handle. I care, but I don't worry and most importantly I don't fear, not even death, becoz I know where I am headed after that! A great King sang, "My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me" (Psalm 131:1) Meanwhile I do what I can, the little that I can in the time that's given me in this life, and let God take care of what I can't. All He requires of me is "only believe".


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us - Romans 5:8

Thank You for the cross, the mighty cross
That God Himself should die for such as us....
We are so amazed and we give You praise
That You would save us at such a cost.....

New Delhi 2012

I come back from India with no pretty snapshots of famous spots to 'tayang', no touristy souvenirs to hand out . Only pictures of real life captured of a world so far removed from my/our own and memories of a world that's so lacking, a people who have so little... where home is anywhere and everywhere, where dirt and filth are accepted as normal, where children run around naked in villages, begging on roads, playing on railway tracks. This is a world where we, with our sophisticated Ipads, Ifones and I-whatever can't imagine living in, becoz honestly we would not survive long in it, since we are so used to our clean (and hot) water showers, our nice warm beds with quilted blankets, and such stuff that we deem basic necessities, which are totally inaccessible luxuries in their world. Every missions trip breaks my heart. And that's why I go. No, I am not a masochist for pain. But pain is a good thing sometimes, becoz it awakens me to the reality of life for billions of people (and that's only in India alone) that can be so different. It opens my eyes to look beyond the niceties of my little comfy corner of the world and appreciate how Jesus' heart was filled with compassion when He looked at the crowds of hungry, sick and needy around Him. Looking at photos of suffering people surrounded by ugly piles of rubbish may make us slightly uncomfortable for awhile, but humans have a way of 'tuning out' things that we don't really want to know or care about. Of coz we are sad, we make sympathetic noises, maybe we throw in a few hundred dollars more into charity this year. But life, our lives, their lives go on... after all, we reason we can't save the world, in fact God tells us plainly, the poor we will always have with us. The tragedy is we can forget very easily that there are poor, sick, lost and dying people in our midst, whilst we go about eating, drinking and making merry like there's no tomorrow . The tragedy is we give up on them, when God doesn't.


And that's why I go into their world, to be reminded that whilst I can't change their lives by just a brief human encounter, God can do it in a divine encounter thru my mouth, thru my prayers. Of coz He can do it without me, but the fact that He wants to do it thru me humbles my heart as i consider what a high privilege it is to be used by and of Him. And so it was with anticipation that I signed up for the first India missions trip for 2012. I looked forward to revisiting New Delhi after 2 years, and I knew God would answer our prayers to move mightily as we ventured out in faith to do His work. I remembered the Bihar trip last year where there was such a powerful display of His manifestation , and my heart hungered for more. Honestly i was hoping for a spectacular repeat of visible signs, wonders and miracles, and honestly by the end of the New Delhi leg, I was just a wee bit disappointed there was no 'big fireworks' from God. But God is ever so gracious to bless me of little faith.... there was a particular nite rally where the local town headsman - a non-believer- was present, and surprisingly he stood up to speak to the crowd that they should listen to us, as he felt a very strong power of God present. Indeed he seemed so overwhelmed he was the first to put his hand up when I issued a call to come forward. Yet, I myself didn't 'feel' anything, the earth didn't shake under my feet, no fire or lightning that fell from the sky. Just goes to remind me once again God is not a feeling, and that I really should learn by now He truly is our Emmaneul, God with us! Indeed He did answer all my prayers, altho not in the way I wanted or expected. This time round, He chose to do things a new way, at least with me...There was no 'showtime' for me, for He quietly kept the best for last, after we had finished off our 5 day stint in New Delhi . In any event, He did let go the 'fireworks' in Mumbai where we had reports from the other team of mighty deliverance works in their meetings!   
Indeed, it had been a most fulfilling and personally satisfying trip for me, even tho for the best part of a week, i went around New Delhi with stuffed/sniffling nose as I hadn't expected it to be so cold in the north, since it was easing into summer. The local pastor's wife graciously gave me a thick shawl to cover up as we went about mornings and nites to share God's Word and to pray in churches and in open air rallies which drew crowds of people who had never heard the name of Jesus. We were taken to 2 slum communities where they had begun an Adult's Literacy Programme, teaching for free small groups of women who turned up to learn. Everywhere we went, I spied "mini slums" - shanty communities erected here and there along road sides, even upon road dividers. It is impossible to describe the living conditions of these most afflicted and poorest of the poor. These are the things that should break our hearts, as it does God's heart who created everything good and beautiful, which is supposed to be every man's inheritance on earth. Woe indeed was the day when man fell into sin, and suffered the consequences to this day. Yet despite man's transgressions, God has not abandoned us; He has sent Jesus to save... I am so blessed to be able to know this Truth, and to preach it to those who don't know. There must be something right about our simple message - that God sent His Son from heaven , to bear and be punished for our sins, so that we could be free to enjoy a life of abundance of love, joy, peace and comfort (blessings which no money or self-effort can ever buy/attain) on earth and thereafter to go on enjoying eternal life in heaven with Him - becoz every time we proclaim the truth of Jesus, people would respond. And that's always my greatest reward, to see people come forward in faith believing in the real, one and only true living God, knowing that's the first step that can and will break the cycle that's bound and deceived them in darkness of spirit and soul. And in gratitude, I can only thank God He set me free 10 years ago, so that I could pass on the blessing in these days.

We were supposed to go to Agra to the famous Taj Mahal, but Pastor changed the schedule to a prayer drive around the govt. complex buildings instead. Which was fine by me, since i have never fancied visiting dead people's tombs, no matter how beautiful. The only tomb i wanna visit is Jesus' tomb, and that's just to see for myself that it's empty - proof that my God is alive! As it turned out, the change was God-timed, for I felt led to do another one of those crazy things that can only come from Him....to pray repentance over the assassination of Indira Gandhi, as we drove past her house. I knew enuf by now spiritual things have to be combated the spiritual way. I had prayed for greater sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, and He was indeed speaking very clearly of the need to repent symbolically for the sin of revolt and rebellion against God, as much as in the physical realm, murder had been committed upon the highest reigning authority of the nation. That was the first inkling I had that God was setting me up for a new experience on this trip...

If North India moved my heart to compassion, South India moved my heart to shame. The last leg of our trip after we left New Delhi was spent traveling about the interior villages outside of Chennai. Whilst I shivered in New Delhi, Chennai was a 'hot sauna bath' every day. Coupled with power cuts every now and then, we were literally 'steaming' sweat. And it was in the middle of one such day that we were taken to pray over a bare piece of land that was supposed to be the site of a new church to be built. It was mid-day, the sun was at its brightest and hottest, we were all being 'b-b-q'ed. That was when I saw a group of women walking in from town (it must have been 1 km thereabouts), some even barefoot. I was put to utmost shame that I should even be thinking (and complaining inwardly) about the heat. These folks willingly came out walking on their own 2 feet (we came by aircon car), and so together we stood, under the scorching mid-day 12 o'clock sun, conducting a prayer meeting!My heart wondered, how many of us would readily suffer such inconvenience to come and pray? We have nice air con churches with fancy bands to play nice sounding music and we can't even summon enuf will to come and pray once a week-nite! And here are simple village folks with simple obedient faith... that doesn't count the cost or the sacrifice of personal comfort.

And over the next few days, as we trudged our way out into open fields to pray in the hot sun over various pieces of land slotted for building churches, I finally got 'it'. God was answering my long-standing request for revelation, for prophetic insight to catch His vision of things, for the ability to pray as the Spirit leads. We were traipsing on mostly empty pieces of dry land, some had only the shell of an empty building erected for a start. At almost every particular spot, I was praying very specific blessings for the church that would be built in His name. This was truly Spirit-led prayer, nothing of my own; speaking prophetically what was not yet, but calling it forth as it would be in accordance to His will. And once i 'tuned in' I kept asking and He kept answering, even throwing in a 'bonus' on the very last day. After the service, I had occasion to speak with an Anglo-Saxon old couple from the church. Husband is 79 years old, plays the guitar in worship and has such a great testimony of conversion, having been an atheist for 18 years, searching for God in every religion from Hinduism-Buddhism-Islam, and finally was confronted by Jesus Christ like Paul, thru a light that shone in front of him for 2 solid days, till he acknowledged Jesus as Lord. But it was the wife who blessed me so much. Known to operate in the gift of healing, she laid her hands and prayed over me; I knew straight away this was the passing on of the particular anointing. I have prayed so often for God to give me more. And here He chooses a little unknown white-haired old lady in a place where I have never been before to be the answer to my prayer. I was crying by the time she finished with me.... my heart overflowing with gratefulness for my Abba Father who blesses in such wonderful ways.
And as i settle down into the orderly routine of my world once again, I expect more fantastic things to come....

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"... Luke 11:9-13

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