Alone but never lonely

Its Christmas eve 2010. The Christmas tree stands quietly in the corner of the living room with me as its only admirer. The house is still. I was keeping my no. 1 princess company watching a re-run of Hannibal Lecter's disgusting killing techniqs as she waited for her 'date' to pick her up. My son was in his own world headphones stuck in his ears, eyes glued to the computer upstairs. My no.2 had already taken off much earlier with my car. Well, at least we had a family dinner together; for that i guess i should be thankful.

Altho these days such occassions are getting rarer and rarer. My freezer is still full of last weeks' stuff which i dont bother to cook since almost inevitably, one or the other will call last minute to say not eating in. All of my 3 kids seem to be living in different time zones from me; their nite becomes day and their days become nite. I see them for fleeting moments, if at all nowadays. Our family altar times studying God's word together are also being cut down and more often than not, gets postponed for one reason or another. And to think i expected them to stay at home more when both princesses broke up with their respective boyfrens some months back. Its turned out quite the opposite. I end up bemused; was it better then when they were 'hooked' up with at least a 'steady' or worse now that they are free and swinging single, as touted on their Facebook status??? They dutifully 'report' where and who they are going out with, but that doesnt help much really. Coz i still get up every now and then to check if they are all back in their beds. Sometimes i would wake every other hour, and when i see the lite still on in the living room, i would know one or the other is still out there somewhere. Sometimes i would hear the gate outside clang, and i would breathe a thank you God for bringing Your child home safely.
It doesn't help when i open the newspapers and every other day there is a report of some youngster/s getting killed in auto accidents at 3 am after a nite out. All the more reason i find my solace and comfort in constant prayer that our Father God would watch over these kids of His becoz i know very well i can't ever, or adequately enuf.
So what's a mom home alone to do on Christmas eve when all the 'baby' birds (who aren't so baby after all) fly the nest? I have done all my 'spiritual exercise' for the day; Bible, prayer, family session. So here i am, updating my blog which has been left unattended for quite some time. I have been so busy over the past weeks, even tho its supposed to be school hols, but i hv had to go back almost everyday to handle staff appraisals, thinking, planning for the new school term etc.
I look back on 2010 and I stand in awe of what God has done and continues to do in my life. Against my own initial reluctance, He promoted me to head Mighty Kids as principal. His Holy Spirit was my inspiration all the way as I finished writing my very first book in Bahasa which is now in the hands of the Editor and lay out designer. Prayerfully, it can be launched by Jan/Feb 2011. He expanded the street ministry i have been involved in ; by bringing in my own church to participate in the followup work of opening up a nite shelter, which has been in my heart for years. Indeed God is faithful and good .
Tonite for once i am at a loose end. I recognize i am entering another season of life. The world would say i am suffering from 'empty nest syndrome' but its actually more than a sense of missing them. I recall 9 years ago after the funeral, the aloneness of an empty bed without my husband beside me, knowing i would never see him again this side of earth. But as it was then, so it is now. In my aloneness, I know I am not lonely. For His promise is true...The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you ... Deutronomy 31:8 For God is with me; He is the ever faithful One, everlasting One, blessed God, eternal Savior, Light of my life.

God took me on holiday... off the beaten track

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

When someone asked me if I was going to China alone, I didnt realise how prophetic it was when i uttered out, Yep, its just me - all alone with God. For the 7 days I was in Guilin/Kunming was as if God took me on holiday. Well, I guess if God blessed me with this free air tix, He has every right to direct the trip!Perhaps it sounds like I am just 'spiritualizing' everything, but as much as this was a very physical journey (I have never walked or climbed so much in my entire 50 years!), more than that it was a very spiritual journey with God as He unfolded along the way so many learning points, first of which was to...
obey God's prompting - As I passed by the $$ exchange counter at LCCT into departure lounge, I was wondering if I should change more $; but I shrugged the niggling thot thinking I shld be ok. Within 2 hrs of arrival in Guilin, I realised I was short of cash, having spent 1/2 of what I had brot on train tix to Kunming - certainly not a good start-- immediately I sms home for prayer... There was sufficient tho to get me to my 1st stop which was a very looong 4 hrs ride in 2 buses up to Longsheng, famous for their mountain rice terraces. On arrival at the foot, I was told it would be a 10 mins walk and offered a sedan chair ride up for a price. The cheapskate in me declined, as I figured, what's 10 mins walk... sap sap suey lah... here's the 2nd lesson..
Dont believe all that you hear - becoz the 10 min turned out to be a tortorous climb uphill over steep narrow steps and pathways, with heavy luggage to boot! Reminded me, in life, we really shouldnt just swallow everything that people say; only God's Word is Truth.
That aside, Longsheng is indeed very beautiful country, which made it well worth all the sweat. Somehow something about mountains always stirs my heart. I climbed to the highest viewing points early the next morning, marvelling at the fantastic view of row upon row of sculptured fields on the mountain sides. A sense of God's awesomeness hit me as I imagined how Moses would have felt alone on the mountain top with God. And it was on the highest point, literally out of the blue, that God met me up with a local guide who was leading 2 German tourists. He initiated a conversation and told me plainly to forget Guilin and head straight for Yangshuo, and that started me thinking; hmmm, could this be God's leading again?? Still I had a train to catch to Kunming first, and by providence this guide had 1 available space in his tour van to take me in, saving me 2 precious hours of travelling time back to Guilin train station... that's what I call a 'God-send'! Time enuf for me to locate a local bank to replenish my fast-emptying wallet. And from the 2 Germans i learnt a most valuable tip: the train station had a luggage dept where I could just dump my bags for a fee, so I could walk around unencumbered.
So it was onto the 2nd leg of my journey into Kunming, some 18 hrs train ride away. The 2 days I spent there again surfaced up many more learning points, first of which was that...
Proper communication is a must - We all know that's obvious, but in practise, how many of us really 'communicate' well? Kunming is a huge city; on arrival I called up the hostel I had booked and was given the name of a building to locate. But I neglected to ask its name and address, assuming that it was near that landmark. Result of incomplete and inadequate direction = 1 lost sheep in a very big city! But thank God He is ever the Good Shepherd - despite the initial blundering, I located the place, and still had 1/2 day to explore the city, which I thot should be a breeze. But it wasnt, which taught me a major lesson..
All things are indeed possible with God - What I had assumed it would be a quick walk in the park turned out to be a very long ardous climb up Kunming's Western Hill. The 6 km path led thru a trek of steps uphill much of the way. After the 1st 5 mins, I doubted very much I had it in me to finish it. As I huffed and puffed my way up, i found myself asking God, so what are You telling me this time?! He answered, When I am with you, you can do all things. I was reminded of the prophecy spoken over me there and then, of which I had 'complained' to Him several times that it was all too much for me to handle. Heaving my way up, I found my eyes stinging, not just with sweat, but with tears. Becoz He had chosen this way to show me indeed with Him, all things are possible, when it's His things. Indeed the higher i climbed, the harder the effort i put in, i saw stage by stage the reward - the view just grew bigger and better the higher I went. By the time I hit the summit, i could see 360 degrees of the entire city below me. 2 things kept me going the 2 hrs, trekking some 10 km over at least 1000 steps -
the promise of the view at the top - just like God's promises, the effort we put into this life of ours will be worth it
fellow travellers along the way - there were old, young, children, even dogs going up and down the same path; my heart rebuked me if old folks can move along with walking sticks and all, i should be ashamed even thinking of giving up!
So it was that I just focused my eyes on the next step in front of me, not bothering to look up at the many more facing me. Isn't it how that is with our lives? When God speaks His plans for us, we accept in faith, even if it appears impossible, inconceivable, even downright inconvenient; and we just go along with Him, 1 step at a time; and He will reward with the most fantastic results at the end of the journey.
The lessons didn't stop there. As i rested my aching feet in bed that nite, I prayed healing and more strength for the days ahead. By the morrow, my feet were well and ready to go on to the Stone Forest, a 3 hrs bus ride away. Again lessons were waiting in store for me; first of which was basic...
Don't be too quick to run ahead I had been told to catch bus 22. Happily i hopped onto the first one that came along, only to discover it was going the wrong (opposite) direction; which cost me an extra hour travelling time wasted. Same with life, ya.. when we don't bother to check where we are going in life, we will end up wasting it... By the time I arrived at the Stone Forest, it was mid-day, filling up with the usual noisy bunches of tourists. I took off on my own and found:
It's ok to go against the flow - whereas the tourist crowd took the easier less strenous way of hitching a ride on the tram to round the huge (and yes, it is huuuge) forest, I chose to walk and got to poke into places that the tram skipped. Isn't life is more fun that way too, instead of just following the crowd, if we allow God to take us aside individually, we will experience things that are out of the ordinary.
It's ok to get lost - thats the flip side of wandering off on your own. Becoz i avoided following the crowd, i ended up lost. After a while it just seemed like never ending steps going up,down, down, up in between stones and more stones. I was getting a little panicky as I prayed for God's angel to get me out..and behold, right in the middle of a deserted track, there sits a little old (58 years old to be exact) lady, who turned out to be a guide, esp stationed on standby in that remote spot, i guess, for lost sheep in distress like me! How reassuring it is to know no matter how lost i get in life, i have a great Shepherd over my soul to lead me home! and that's another related lesson in there...
It's ok to trust the expert - the hostel had given me directions , yet different people at the ticket counter, bus station and even on the street, told me it was wrong. Still I stuck by the word of the hostel people, trusting they were the experts who shld know - and they were right. So it is with our lives, when we know the One who is right, we can trust His Word to lead us in the correction direction, even if others say contrariwise.
Its ok to change plans - at the Stone Forest, God confirmed this for me in a most dramatic way. On one of the plaques was a cryptic inscription - you are sent here as an angel of God, not a traveller alone. Immediately i knew the word was for me. That more than a physical holiday, God had other plans in store. And there and then, i decided to change plans; instead of staying in Guilin, i wld head straight for Yangshuo, even if it meant losing the deposit for the room i had booked there. So it came to pass by the end of this trip, God opened up opportunities for me to share Jesus with 3 persons; all in broken Mandarin, 2 on the train ride and 1 on my final day, in the taxi to the airport. This to me was truly the highlight of my holiday. My only regret is not being sensitive enuf to 'close' the encounter with the taxi driver, who was so open and ready to listen. On hindsight, I kicked myself; I should know better, she had already informed i was the 4th person to tell her about Jesus..but i failed to pick up the cue; like a fisherman who got 'lost' in the 'fishing' and forgot to 'pull in' the net. So it is when we fall back on our own ways of the flesh, and fail to follow God's leading... I can only pray God right my wrongs in His grace and mercy for me and this precious soul...
Indeed every step of the hundreds of kms i trekked and bussed my way through, I have felt the nearness of God's presence with me. I had lots of time - to pray and to read His Word; much more time than I would have had at home. He taught me big lessons, small ones in events appearing so simple, yet bearing meanings so profound. Even as i travelled, l realised:
Our life is a journey of 'markers' we will pass through time and again. This sunk in on my 2nd day in Kunming as I was travelling along the same road, boarding the same buses, I learnt it pays to be alert to watch out for the familiar landmarks, so I could get off the nearest spot to get back to the hostel. So it is everytime we read His Word, we pray... these are every Christian's 'boundary stones', landmarks that keep us going in the correct direction.
God truly provides - I was so hungry at 1 time, switching 3 buses on a 4 hour ride to get to the famous Jiu Xiang caves outside of Kunming, I had skipped b'fast and lunch. I told God, if only He could bring some food on board... a woman stepped onto the bus selling fresh hot corn on the cob.. talk about immediate answer to prayer!
But God saved the best for last; He knew there was no way I could get round Yangshuo by myself,tho i naively thot otherwise, so He had already sent me the guide on the first day up on Longsheng Mt. When i contacted this man, he charged me a very cheap $200 for the day, which included all admittance tix for a private river cruise, a novel experience of Yangshuo water cave and a scooter ride round the country side to the unlisted off the normal touristy spots. As i floated down the Li river in the morning on an open raft, marvelling at the karst mountain landscape stretched out before my eyes, (it seems there are 20,000 mts in the region alone) I heard His voice in my ear... you have seen the works of man, you have seen the works of My hand, you have climbed mountains, gone into valleys and caves, now you are coming back to the living waters - the Source of all things.... How fitting it was that this trip should end with water; and I was moved to pray the river of God to flow all over the land of China.
The climax was the adventure into the water cave, an underground cavern filled with the most fantastic stalagmite/stalactite formations culminating in a dip into 3 different natural 'swimming pools' -1 ice-cold, 1 mud pool and 1 hot sauna - a totally out of this world experience. As i lay there, i was thinking - that's what the Christian life should be all about... a fantastic experience that's full, varied and exciting!
There is yet a final lesson to be learnt on the very last nite of my stay. I had booked a ticket to see the famous Liu Sanjie show, reputed to be an extravaganza of Chinese tribal dances, weaved into a love story, and performed by thousands of dancers, on an open air stage built on the waters of the Li River itself. The viewing stands could seat thousands as well. I was very much looking forward to it, but unfortunately the rain which had started in the evening continued unabated. They gave us plastic sheet raincoats to wait out the rain, but eventually the show was cancelled because of safety concerns over flashing lightning across the skies. I guess that's how sometimes we regret certain things that did or didn't happen in our lives.
But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I would be content if i am able to say like the Apostle Paul, 'I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.' (2 Timothy 4:7)

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever... Psalm 118

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Turning half a century

Wow, this is it; finally i hit the big 5-0, i have crossed the half century mark! 50 years of life, and i know i will never see another 50. The 1st b-day sms came from my eldest princess; she had taken the trouble to send it off in the early morning hours to make sure hers would be the first to greet me when i 'on' my phone. When i came downstairs,i noticed a huge Strong's Bible Concordance on the dining table. I thot it must be that girl again, leaving her things all over the place, tho i was telling myself, hmmm, this girl is really serious into Bible study,using fierce Concordance all...then i walked into the kitchen to be greeted with a sinkful of ants and a melting fridge, becoz someone had not bothered to wash up properly and neglected to close the fridge door... I had a good mind to wake up everyone there and then to give them a lecture about household chores. That is till i noted a small piece of paper on the Concordance, and opened the 1st page and read all the 3 kids b-day wishes for me.... all the irritation, anger, etc melted then. Esp when i read what my no.2 wrote on the present -dearest mama, I dont know what this is, but i am sure you'll like it... ha ha. How timely to be reminded that life is really more than dirty sinks and left-open fridges... I knew the Concordance was expensive. I had eyed it many times before but decided too expensive, and had got myself a cheaper one. I had only mentioned this to my no.1 when we were attending Bible class together last week. And here it was, some more in large print!
So i was in pretty good mood when i left for work on my bday morning. And at school, i had another nice surprise - the teachers had all shared to buy me a bouquet of pretty pink roses... soooo sweeet... i hvn't received roses in some 9 years already, since my hubby left.
The treats continued... my no.2 got tix for a live stand-up comedy show featuring Jit Murad and Joanne Kam for the family at nite. The only trouble was she didn't know the reputation of Joanne Kam, well- known for her risque jokes.The tix weren't cheap either, so against my own inclination we went anyway; after a good dinner treat by my brother. The theartre was packed, small as it was; tho none of us really enjoyed the jokes. Personally i felt poking fun at man's reproductive organs and treating sex as casual lust wasn't particularly funny.
Anyway, to wrap up the celeb,since it was also mother's day, i opened house for a pot-bless dinner on the following nite with my close church 'kaki'. We laughed, ate, prayed, yakked... It didn't matter that my dinner plates didn't match,or that i forgot to put in the key ingredient for my signature dish, so we had jiu hoo char without the jiu har; didn't matter that the cake was a bit smashed up, becoz it couldn't fit into my small fridge; didn't matter i dint have matches in the house, so we just had the cake w/out the candles.... ha ha, i just felt so so blessed...
at age 50, I have the best of everything... the love of God, the love of family, the love of my dearest brothers and sisters in the faith. And i realise that's God's plan for everyone actually; that's what human life is all about; whether we are 5,15 or 50. Thank God, thank God I am experiencing this wonderful, wonderful life of blessing beyond all the things that this world can offer me; this is IT!

For Jesus said, " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"... John 10:10

New Delhi 2010

 
 
 
 

My heart is still in India. Arriving back home early in the morning, i was half disoriented , weary in body, but still on a spiritual high over the 10 days ministering in the land that has come to mean so much to me. This trip was special to me, for it meant the fullfilment of a prophecy received 8 years ago when i first stepped foot into India. When my feet landed in New Delhi, it was like a dream come true; a vision come to pass.
Our team was small, only 3 of us M'sians and our Indian Pastor connection. We were practically living out of suitcases in cheapo budget hotels , travelling up some 100 km out of New Delhi to cover 3 towns in some 5 days; we were running around so much i could hardly keep track where we were day after day. And it was so cccccold... i could literally blow fog out of my mouth in the mornings! But despite all the inconveniences, i felt so so blessed, seeing how mightily the hand of God moved in all our meetings everywhere we went. Every 1 of the prophecies I had received for this trip before we embarked on it literally came to pass.... what a faithful God. For once I could stand up and preach in perfect confidence, not relying on/fretting about notes, even when messages were changed on the spot. Everything flowed so so well, even in spite of hiccups here and there.
All the monetary loss i suffered as a result of the house break-in before i went isn't worth an iota compared to the spiritual blessings that God showered me with in India. So all i can say is praise God, praise God, praise God...
My kids told me they managed to survive without my money, coz they had forgotten the new place where i had stashed the cash on hand for them...thanks to a human angel who replenished over and above the angpows they had lost in the burglary... ha ha, that's how faithful our Abba Father is....

For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised... Psalm 145:3

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BreakIn

Never thot it would happen to me (heck, isn't that what everyone thinks!), but it did. Some petty thief broke into this old house which has been my home for donkey years without any mishap, ransacked all the rooms and made off with all our cash and 2 cameras. And that with guards stationed 3 houses away by the side of my house. Go figure that one out... so much for gated, guarded and closed communities, makes me seriously re-consider whether to keep on paying good money when the very thing that they are supposed to guard against happens right under their noses! Tho, as my no. 2 princess says, its hard to blame them when the thief broke in thru the back gate. But then what good are those high fences built across our back lanes with part of my money for?! Hmmm, i knew right from the beginning, no guards, no barricades, no human scheme can really stop evil from attacking.
And attack it was, I am certain ... happening as it did, 3 days away from my India missions trip. I just thank God He protected us from worse harm. No one was in the house when it happened, all the family passports and important official documents were not taken. It's only money and things of the world that was lost- and that can be earned back and replaced anytime.

Still it hurt; any loss does, i guess. And in dealing with the hurt, i learnt something else; which just goes to prove God's word is true: that in everything He works for good for those who love Him according to His purpose. The break in wasn't a random bad-luck thing; i don't believe in luck, good or bad; i believe God has a reason for allowing things to happen in our lives, good or bad. But it was only a couple of days later, when i took that hurt in prayer to Him, that the lesson hit me. And it came only when a dear fren showed up at my gate directly after work the day she heard about the incident in the morning and handed me an angpow, insisting i use it for the missions trip that I was going for. It wasn't a big amount of cash. But what struck me was her heart. She of all people, she who needed money more than i, she who had bigger problems in her life to handle... here was someone who sacrificed her much needed little to bless me. I was truly humbled; I didn't expect this at all.

I had only informed close family and cell mates about the incident. I am thankful for all the prayers that have gone up to heaven on our behalf. Yet it is this little packet that brot tears to my eyes, when i recognized the bigness of the heart behind the smallness of the gift. Truly it speaks volumes more than the most saintly or powerful prayers offered. This was a prayer lived out in action. And i remembered how Jesus reserved the highest praise for a poor widow who gave all out of her poverty compared to the rich guy who gave out of his richness.

This gift coming as it did when i was struggling with the hurt, eased the pain of the loss, not becoz of its quantity, but becoz of its quality. And I learnt something else as well. Many times we are very quick and sincere to offer sympathy to others who suffer. But it stops there; most of the time. Its not that such gestures aren't appreciated; of coz they are, and of coz no one is obligated to go beyond that. We all have our own lives to carry on, and its perfectly understandable. I went thru this with my husband; after the condolences and the funeral everyone goes back home. That's to be expected. So it is with me as well; every Sat I minister to people on the street with problems much too big for me to solve; sometimes i feel so helpless; all i can do is pray for them and go back to my own comfy home.

...A few hours after my fren dropped by, someone else called me up and asked me point blank if i was really ok and how much was stolen; in not so many words financial help was being offered. And my heart thanked God that He would remind me there are people who go beyond the norm; not many, but 2 within 1 day restores my faith that there are human angels walking around with hearts of gold.

And having gone thru the experience, i would want to behave a little more like that. Instead of just offering tea and sympathy to someone in pain, i will also be asking, God, what else do You want me to do to help this person a little bit more?

"....Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?... James 2:16

Reunion

 
 
 
 

I learnt another of God's truth this CNY 2010 - when you are faithful in the little things, He will bless you in all things. When my dear bro mentioned he wasn't making the long trip balik kampung to Alor Star this year , I groaned. That would mean so much inconvenience to us, having to drive back ourselves in the old Proton, with none of us knowing the way around AS. The kids grumbled; i was in half-a-mind not to go back, but remembering how I had committed 9 years ago to make up for my past 30 years mistake in forgetting my family there , I decided we would all go anyway. And so it was on the eve, early (well, we thot it was early anyway) at 530 am, we started the drive back... only to find hundreds of other smart-alecks who had gotten up as early as us, all jamming up the h'way out of KL heading up north. Thank God the money invested in the kids' driving lessons proved its profitability; the 2 princesses took turns at the wheel, and finally hit AS 6 hrs later,(which was still much earlier than we expected)by mid-day. We even had time to shop around in the local mall, before somehow bumbling our way to my sis' place. Finding our way around AS for the next couple of days we were there wasn't as hard as i feared actually; thanks to God's angels (human and otherwise), we only got lost like 3 x, and no, we didn't end up in Perlis, so that's good!
There was the usual obligatory dinners, lunches, greeting faces i couldn't attach names to and giving away angpows to this, that and the other's kid/s - nothing new really. I didn't even get much chance to speak to my sisters, becoz the eldest was busy with her own schedule, the 2nd with fussing over cooking and her own daughter's family down from JB. And apart from my younger niece, who was a 'new' Christian, without my big pastor bro around, none of them wanted to go to Sunday church with us. So we pretty much did our own thing for the 2 days we were there. But but but... God works beautifully when we least expect it....
I found short but most precious snippets of time to connect with my niece's family from down south , for the very first time, I sensed a warming up of the relationship. Most times in the past, it was just hi/bye. This year, her youngest kid was the catalyst that brot the adults together... the normally reserved husband was so cordial; we joined in playing his fireworks, he even sportingly went out purposely to get ice cream and beer for my boy to try. (well, better he try under the safety of mama's eye, rather than elsewhere right!)It's a shame the non-Christians in my family haven't had pleasant experiences of Christians within the family circle. As I tell the kids, nothing shows up the sincerity or hypocrisy of Christianity as much as our daily conduct; and that is why we go back every year, to be a living testimony of God's love and goodness to others within the family. Not that we are perfect; but we try to walk the talk of being loving, respectful, filial and yet not compromising our faith to be different becoz we believe in a God who is the only Way, Life and Truth. Besides as i always say, there are bad Christians, there are bad Muslims, there are bad Buddhists, but that doesn't at all make God bad. It's people who are bad; that's the universal truth, unfortunately we get it all confused when we dare judge God by the people who profess Him.
Anyway, there is nothing i can do to change other people's behavior or perception , for none of us can control other people's lives, but I can pray and I can choose how I behave, to portray a good witness of my faith, as Christians are all called to.
Which I guess is really the message I have been tasked every time i head back for CNY ... both for the Christian and non-Christian members in the family. God gave me the opportunity , for once, to meet up with my 2nd bro alone to talk about heart-stuff. I guess its the rare family that has got everybody loving everybody else; mine is no different; its hard to reconcile years of hurt done against each other, to forget about who is right or wrong. We all struggle with issues of anger, unforgiveness and refusal to let go. Every year i go back, its with 1 dominant prayer in my heart; that God would work a miracle in the lives of my family to bring them together in the love of Christ and the love of each other.So I do what i can,the little that i can, as my bro puts it biblically, to be a peace-maker - since that's what true reunion is all about really.
And talking of reunions of another kind, even on a last-minute detour off into Penang, God keeps building relationships... instead of heading home to KL, the kids wanted to stop over Pg, if possible for 1 nite, to go to the beach. I was about to give up after searching out 4 hotels - all full house. At the 5th stop, lo and behold, right in a fantastic location (just off Gurney Drive) , in a place aptly called Good Hope Inn, there was... 1 last room available for just 1 nite, at an-impossible-to-get price considering the festive period. Ha, talk about God's blessings and favor! And it gets better - it always does when God's in the picture... we managed to meet up with my husband's aunt (whom we haven't seen in like donkey years), and her son, (also down from KL for CNY) who treated us to a most sumptous hotel buffet lunch.
And that's not the end... down at Miami beach, our fave spot, we bumped into a very very old fren - David the illiterate beach boy who's like a practical brother to my husband in those long ago days when they went fishing together as little kids, going out to sea. He was the one who took me out in the boat my husband bought for him , to scatter his ashes into the Pg sea after the funeral. That's some 9 years ago; much has happened since then. The boat named after me is gone now. Miami beach was hit by the tsunami; but is since re-built. And David... he's older, sadly he's no longer with the wife and kids, he shows me his IC now with a Muslim name. But he's still as black, his teeth are still as white, and his smile still as welcoming to us as those days. And i tell him, no matter what name other people call him, God knows his name is David, i remind him who he has been named after in the Bible - a king no less, the ancestor of our Lord Jesus Christ; he grins and nods... he understands what i m trying to tell him without so many words ... that God still loves him, that no matter how much he has messed up his life, God's just waiting for him to return. He keeps telling us we must come back for a longer stay, and he will take us out once again to Monkey Beach to enjoy some fishing, snorkelling, camping and BBQ . And yes, i am sure we will...the kids are looking forward to that ...
Back in KL, as we visit the rest of our relatives , again I am struck by that word - relationship. It doesn't matter that every year, we go to the same places, see the same people, do the same thing all over again... we exclaim over how this, that or the other person has grown, we exchange notes on what we've been up to, we wonder at how fast time flies, and its another year past, we wish each other well till the next CNY... behind all these mundane activities of the festival, I see God's hand glue-ing, repairing, restoring, expanding relationships, cementing them in the blood of His own Son, Jesus who came to be that bridge that reconciles everyone back to Him. That's His business, which He makes our business, as Jesus puts it...

...."You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven...." Matthew 5:14-16


For pix of CNY 2010, check out this link

Makeover

 

Can't believe that's me, all dolled up... it's such a novelty, being 'made over', i am like a giggly teenager trying on her first blusher and mascara, heh heh. It's been years since I last 'painted' my face. Nowadays its only a quick touch of eyebrow pencil and lipstick before I step out the door; having thrown out my makeup set long ago, i actually need to borrow from my kids if got formal occassion that needs something more elaborate than that.
But this was the full works, complete down to false eyelashes and hair stylist thrown in. Nope, it's not a heavy date, it's not someone's wedding, it's not a special occassion... just a photo-shoot for an article on women who have survived to be published in Her World, which my eldest princess talked me into doing.

She was tasked to find women who have survived traumatic life experiences, like death, disease, bankruptcy, accidents , abuse ... all the untold tragedies of life which happen to human beings everywhere everyday. I had recommended her one of our kindy teachers who just went thru a mastectomy for removal of a cancerous breast to be one of the interviewees. And then the kiddo asked me if I could tell my story of dealing with my husband's death too. So, since she had like 2 days to get the assignment done, this mama couldn't not help, right. Anyway i figured if what i say can help bring some cheer, some hope to someone who could be facing difficult situations, why not...

And that's what got me this make-over tingy over 2 hrs at a studio one evening. Seated by my side was a famous M'sian artiste - Ning Baizura - no less, and around me walked skinny beautified waifs who were there for their own foto shoot. I felt most certainly out of place...i was sure they were wondering what this old aunty with white hair is doing dolling up, ha ha. By the time they were thru with my face and my hair, i couldn't recognize myself. It was... dramatic, to say the least, tho I must confess my hair felt like wires held together with so much gel, and my eyelids felt like they had wings (the poor girl working on me couldn't find eyelashes to mascara, so she stuck on a pair of really curly obviously false ones heh heh!)

But the worst was yet to come. Posing for the shoot was a torture. I can't understand how models do it, putting up with facing the ever-flashing camera and blinding lights this, that and 1001 other ways. Plus i suspect they must use cement to plaster the smiles on. I was so awkward; the lady kept telling me to relax, look confident.... duh, how do you do that when every 2 mins, you are bombarded with instructions to put hand here, don't bend your knees, step back, step front,stick head out, pull stomach in, aiyoh yoh.... thank God they were satisfied after about 1/2 hour strutting and some 30 shots later. My poor colleague had to endure 2 changes of clothes and 70 shots! By the time they let me walk out, my eyes were smarting, my body ached from all the physical acrobatics... i was pooped..(it figures... old aunty mah)

I got home, and just for the fun of it, kept the make-up on till dinner to show the kids... they freaked out. My son hated it, my 2 girls at least were slightly more complimentary. And I had such a tough time cleaning all the muck off. I tell myself, I like being old aunty me better, and I thank God I don't have to put on any faces for Him, other than the one He gave me in the first place, because

...." I am fearfully and wonderfully made; His works are wonderful (that's me, in the original), I know that full well." .... Psalm 139:14

A M'sian returns...

 
 

When I saw Helen's mail in my in-box, i knew something was up. Helen is not the type to email... she always says she doesn't know how to fiddle faddle with her PC - its a complete mystery to her apparently... so for her to email is most unusual to say the least... and indeed, it was to be a rare ocassion - she was headed back to sunny M'sia and stopping over a couple of days in KL, for once. That had me scrambling to somehow pull together a gathering of whoever are in KL to welcome our dear grande dame home. So it was, that on a Sunday nite, 2 guys and 4 gals from the BM/HS gang met up with her, and with each other. Ha ha, as i said, it takes a homecoming M'sian to get local-ites to gather!
Helen is... well, Helen. She hasn't forgotten her Hokkien, despite all her years in Aussieland, notwithstanding her definite 'ang mo kau' accent. The couple of hours we sat gathered around a table of KL's famous (ie famous to all except me, the 'katak dibawah tempurung' who doesn't venture out much, and definitely not to such 'hi-fi' places) Sky Bar on the 33rd floor of a hotel whizzed past much too quickly. So we ladies just had to plop ourselves down on the lobby cushions for some 'extra time'. If not for the fact that some of us had to work the next day, i venture we would still have been sitting around till the counter staff chased us out!
For me, it was also a really once-in-a-blue-moon chance to see the 2 guys; and meet their wives and Hock Seng's 3 pretty princesses. As we recalled the names of the others, it was with a tinge of nostalgia in my heart, remembering our school years, when all we had on our agenda was exams and pimples.
Now, i can only guess at how full some of our lists are - probably can churn out spread-sheets galore! And so we say we have no time; got so many 100001 things to do. Actually surely time has always been there for all of us. God has always given 24 hrs a day to each of us; no less no more than when were 15, as now when we are 50. So really its merely a matter of choice what we do with those 24 hrs. I could spend it getting bogged down with worries about my kids, my job, my watever... or I could spend it getting focused on the things of God . I could either work an extra hour (doing stuff, more of which will still be there tomorrow, and never is finished anyway), or pray an extra hour instead (which however will not add anything to my earthly bank account). The first may earn me a promotion up the corporate ladder, (and with it, more stuff to do ); the latter blesses my heart with the peace of God that transcends all human understanding.
I made my choice 8 years ago when Jesus knocked on my door...someone once quizzed me, how is it that when everyone aims to climb up the ladder, i appear to be climbing down. Ahh, i tell this fren of mine, you see, we are climbing different ladders....

..."So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal"...2 Cor 4:18

Countdown to 2010

 
 
 
 

 

This time round, the year end hols seems to be such a 'rush-y' one for me. Or maybe i must be getting older and slower so much so i am still trying to catch my breath after greeting 2010 in church on 31 dec, the last day of 2009??? What with school training, Taiwan trip, street ministry work, thanksgiving dinners, Christmas celebration with the orang asli and Indonesian brethren, it seems like the days just flew by... here i am already in January 2010, and tomorrow, i will be back to work again...

As i roll over the past 2 months 'countdown' in my mind, i hv got mixed feelings...
I am so grateful for God's many blessings thru out this year; the highlight of which must be my boy's baptism on the last nite of 2009 - the perfect icing on the cake on top of the 6As and 1 B results of his PMR( which its only by the grace of God that he managed, for the minimum studying he put in of his own effort!!)Long have i prayed that he would take this public step of obedience to God's command. And as i watched him 'dunked' into the baptism pool,this mother's heart is finally at peace, that it is done... all my immediate family has now publicly unequivocably acknowledged Jesus Christ our Savior, Lord and Master. What greater joy, what greater blessing can there be than being secured in His love, knowing for sure we are God's precious children, part of His great worldwide family of Christ-ians, and part of the multitudes that will appear together in heaven on that final day of reckoning, when every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is indeed King and Lord of all...
Yet, despite all the festivities of the season, there is a tinge of sadness in my heart; for those who haven't experienced or dont want to experience such great blessing... I see the faces of the street people I minister to every Sat, i remember the long list of frens and other family members i pray over daily, i know there are billions more all over the world who have never known the One who came to save them. And my heart grieves; as God Himself surely grieves, for those who have not chosen to come back to Him....
Over the month of December, i saw many Christmas trees... different shapes, sizes, all beautifully decorated of coz. But as I admire them, there is 1 other tree that comes to my mind. A huge, ugly tree, shape of a cross. That tree was raised on a hill top more than 2000 years ago; on it was hung not whimsy pretty decorations, but the bruised and broken body of the Savior of the world in public demonstration of God's great love for mankind. That tree stands tall in my mind's eye; and i take consolation that becoz Jesus bore it, died hung on it but rose alive 3 days later , there is hope for man to be saved.
So as 2010 begins another chapter in the history of the world, i thank God not just for the blessings that He can (and does) give , not just for what He can do, but above all, for who He is - our loving compassionate merciful Father, who wishes none to perish but all to come to repentance and everlasting life - and what He has already done - provided Jesus as Redeemer and Savior of our souls.

"...Christ has rescued us from the curse pronounced by the law. When he was hung on the cross, he took upon himself the curse for our wrongdoing. For it is written in the Scriptures, "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree..." Gal 3:13

Check out http://www.picasaweb.google.com.laisaikhoon for pix of countdown to 2010