As baby birds grow...

 

My eldest princess turned 23 today. Over the w/end we had a family dinner to celebrate together with fave uncle (he's fave, becoz he always foots the bill, ha ha) and boyfren. I hv trouble keeping tabs on how old the kids get every b-day that rolls along(that shows how old i am!!). Slightly ashamed to say i still haven't gotten her a present - i left it to no. 2 princess, since she's the shopaholic in the family. But the prob with shopaholics is they never make up their minds!! Anyway, no. 1 is gracious; she knows she is much loved, with or without a present, and not just on her b-day.
She threw me a bomber the other day; she's not really 'into' her current job; and that's less than a year's work put in only. Her passion is writing and she wants to do it full-time. I can't help but think how my genes have rubbed off on her; i m still dreaming that dream after donkey years... here she is, at 23, actually tinking of living it. I shake my head at youth's restlessness and gung-ho.I dunno if she's tinking she's gonna be the next JK Rowling or watshisname who wrote Da Vinci Code...but I guess at 23, anything and everything seems good to try out; the world is your oyster, as the saying goes.
But i, looking from the vantage point of 50, see all sorts of road-blocks. Still i dont have the heart to be a wet blanket to remind her of the practical difficulties of such a choice , esp when i myself am not sure at this stage wat to make out of it. Besides if it's really God's will for her life to launch out into a different road, i don't wanna stand in the way. I've seen this 'kid' grow into a confident young woman thru 23 years. In my mind's eye, i recall those scenes on TV how a mother bird by instinct knows when to push the baby birds out of their nest after a while. I used to shudder at the images of little balls of feathers falling out, wobbling on their feet, flexing teeny wings trying to get lift-off; and there is the apparently unconcerned mother bird, just watching from the sidelines. And i fall to musing, I should be more like a mother-bird; otherwise my babies will never learn to fly.

Yet i harbour a human mother's natural concern for her child's well-being; how will she survive if she doesn't hold a full-time job, wat about her plans to get married, esp since the boy also aint interested in a 'regular' job but is tinking of going into full-time church ministry... gee, how will they set up family like this lah ?! All the how's, and no answers.
But at least i am consoled by her declaration that she wants to use the talent God has blessed her with according to His way. So i shld be happy she won't be writing her stuff, but His stuff - that's already a prayer answered to thank God for. And i guess 23 is as good a time to start living out a dream as any age, so long as it's of God, His time is always the perfect time.
So against all natural fleshly inclinations to whack some good old cow (i mean mother)-sense into her head and to keep her 'safe' in a cozy secure job (nest) , i shut up; and go down on my knees once again... to pray God's will be revealed and done in her life; that He will show her the how's and the where's...
Hrrmph, guess this mother will just go back to doing what she knows best to do... pray, trusting in God's Word....

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.... Jer 29:11

When the storms come..

The past month has been heart-rending. 4 cancer cases. It started with one of my church sisters, very active lady, always reaching out to share her faith; we were all shocked when told it had spread into her spine, lungs, and most of her organs at stage 3. After that in quick succession, 3 cases from within my own kindy; 2 of our staff's family members - a husband was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer,and the other a relapse of daughter's leukemia, even after a successful bone marrow transplant and last week, 1 of our very own staff had a breast removed. We pray constantly for them, for healing and that their faith not only remains steady, but will be strengthened even in such difficult to understand circumstances.

Its times like these that make people question the existence of God. If there is a God, He must be good, if He is good, why does He let such lousy tings happen to 'good' people?? And wats so great about this God they call Jesus?? ... see, Christians also suffer the same things other people suffer, Christians also get cancer, they also die wat. Yeah, sure they hold these great healing encounters now and then, and yeah, sure, there miracles of people who get cured, but wat about those who don't?? Wats the big deal about Jesus??

I guess it all depends on what you tink God is there for. If like most, you only want a God who caters to your every whim, fancy and wish, i m afraid Jesus is bound to disappoint. Problem is we tink God 'owes' us - that if we worship Him, He is supposed to give us health, wealth, prosperity and happiness in our lives. So when He doesn't, we shrug and say, heck, i dont wanna God who can't gimme a forever happy life without any problems. But the truth is God doesn't owe us a single thing, we owe Him everything...from each breath that we are breathing now, right down to the tiniest cell in our body. It's all by His grace that we are alive this moment in time. So, big deal? No, being alive is no big deal really, unless you recognize how big a deal it is being dead instead.

That's why we are a big deal to God, becoz He sees how dead in sin many of us really are tho our bodies are alive breathing. That's why His priority is not our physical self; unlike us, He doesn't bother how many white hairs or wrinkles we get, He's doesn't care how much money we have in our bank a/cs, how many degrees we have to our name. Doesn't He care about about our problems? Coz He does, He sees them all; the tears, grief, suffering, anger, despair...in fact He's known it all; when Jesus walked on earth as a man, He went thru all that Himself. Of coz He cares that we hurt, we are struggling, but He's more interested in getting our spirit right with and alive in Him. Becoz even if our body is being wrecked with cancer, even when our world is in a mess, so long as our spirit believes Jesus is the Way, the Life and the Truth, tho we may be crying our hearts out as our boat gets caught up in the storms of this earthly existence, He commands the winds and the waves to be still; He calls fearful hearts to rest in Him who is the Prince of Peace. He who created the heavens and the earth comes with a grand promise; that those who believe in Him shall never perish but have eternal life.

That's the big deal about Jesus. He's bigger than cancer, bigger than tsunamis, bigger than any and all the giants in our lives that we call 'problems'. No, Christians are not exempt from suffering; the only special thing is we have a very real, very beeg God who walks with us thru every trial and leads us all the way to heaven, such that even thru the valley of the shadow of death, we shall not fear. Becoz after all we go thru on earth, we know we shall stand in the presence of God Himself, secure in our heavenly home that is guaranteed to those who would just believe. When we live everyday with the reality of that kind of hope, nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can take us down.

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want..." Psalm 23

Unexpected Blessings

 
 

It started off as just another company trip; a short 1 day overnite stay at Port Dickson with some 70+ people, all staff from the various church dept and ministries on our annual get-away to 'ber-bonding-bonding'. Mighty Kids (MK) had a record attendance of 23 out of 24 staff attending (and the odd one out was only becoz she had committed to earlier booked travel plans). As usual, when MK ladies get together, they are the noisiest, busiest, sporting-iest, brashiest group around.
It was a pretty fun time, filled with eating, putting up hilarious performances,competing in telematches, a spell of nite swimming, rounded up by a bit of shopping for Seremban siew pau...

As per the normal practise, the rooming arrangements were picked at random, and some of us ended up being paired with staff from other depts/centers. Of coz the natural reaction was to try to exchange places by mutual consent to room with someone familiar. I was paired with one of our church pastors (who has been known to just put in an appearance during the day) . Up to the last moment, i was wondering whether i would even have a room mate and waiting to just rope in some MK staff to fill the gap in case she wasn't overniting... But she did call and graciously asked if i would be more comfy sleeping alone, since she knew i was a light sleeper and was afraid of disturbing me. I told her it wasn't a problem, as i happen to be one of those who find it difficult to sleep away from home anyway. So we ended up together.

And it turned out to be a real blessing, unexpected as it was . Becoz as like all mums, i told her my concerns abt what was happening in my children's lives, and the good pastor that she is, she ended up praying with me for them... nothing like a pastor's prayer to add extra wings to mine own.... and on the very last day, i was doubly blessed when she released God's vision and anointing for me personally. I didn't even know i needed to be ministered to, but as her words and prayers flowed, my tears flowed, as i recognized God's goodness in giving me something i never even asked for or thot about at all.... such is His faithfulness; He knows what i need even tho i may not. And i came back with a wonderfully refreshed heart, confident of the way ahead for my own ministry and assured that my children will turn out ok, becoz He holds their lives in His mighty hands and will not let them slip...

So I was testifying to the rest of the teachers...the lesson is obvious - don't try to change God's plans...we are put into people's lives and people are put into our lives for good reason, tho our eyes can't see it, and our naturally selfish inclination is to manipulate our circumstances to be more comfortable. God doesn't just want us to have a good time in life , He's more interested in making His presence real to us every time everywhere - that is the highest blessing.

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